• Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.

Would You Date Someone Who Is HIV Positive?

Status
Not open for further replies.
H

Hoo-doo

Banned
Pepto said:
Here's some real world data: ZERO: no linked HIV transmissions in PARTNER study after couples had sex 58,000 times without condoms.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the source, but this is still a study done on people that have a viral load that's below the detection threshold. Which means they are adhering to their antiretroviral therapy.

Even a brief break from the ART meds can cause another increase in viral load. Another infection like say, the flu, can also cause increases in viral load.
 
N

nitewulf

Member
Lights and Waves said:
Can you imagine being an HIV+ GAF member, opening this thread up and feeling your stomach sink as you read through all these ignorant comments?
Click to expand...

I remember vaguely a thread started by one a while back, and as curious as I was about the OP's experiences, the thread quickly devolved into a total shitshow, as expected.
 
P

Pepto

Banned
Hoo-doo said:
Thanks for the source, but this is still a study done on people that have a viral load that's below the detection threshold. Which means they are adhering to their antiretroviral therapy.

Even a brief break from the ART meds can cause another increase in viral load. Another infection like say, the flu, can also cause increases in viral load.
Click to expand...

These are "real-world people that have to consciously take their medication every day as well as take all the other precautions".
 
H

Hoo-doo

Banned
Pepto said:
These are "real-world people that have to consciously take their medication every day as well as take all the other precautions".
Click to expand...

Yeah, but yhe study only includes HIV+ participants if they have a undetectable viral load. Which pretty much means they are properly afhering to their medication 100%.

I'm not discrediting the study at all here. But it's not directly representative of every person with HIV out there.
 
D

Deleted member 80556

Unconfirmed Member
All HIV patients I have met adhere to their AR therapy. I don't understand your point. The way you feel nervous about HIV also makes them nervous and scared as hell, I don't see why they would miss therapy.
 
A

Aske

Member
XenodudeX said:
Trichomoniasis is a common and curable condition. You're seriously saying that if someone was being upfront about that embarrassing thing, you wouldn't date that person? I guess thats your choice..

You may not have any ill will towards those people, but you most certainly have an irrational fear towards those people. Thats a fact.

And heeey guess what? That's exactly where HIV stigma comes from: Fear

You have hard fucking science saying that people who are on medication CANNOT give away HIV. You have hard fucking science saying that people with HIV can go on to have children who are free from the virus. We prech science up and down on these boards and yet we seem to have a hard time understanding this. Why?
Click to expand...

Poor wording on my part; I completely misspoke. I meant "I wouldn't have sex with." I have no problem dating anyone with a curable infection. Edited my original post to include the above correction as a footnote.

Regarding the HIV thing, it's hardly an irrational fear. I'm looking for a long term partner when I date. Being able to eventually have sex without condoms when we're in an exclusive, monogamous relationship is a deal breaker for me. I don't want to rely on my partner correctly taking medication to ensure I don't run any risk of contracting HIV. If we'd been together for years and she contracted it, I certainly wouldn't leave; that would be a completely different situation. But "dating" implies "get to know while exploring romantic interest". That's not something I'd choose to do with someone who is HIV+.

It's pretty simple. There are billions of people in the world, and I can afford to be picky about things like politics, public hair philosophy, and whether or not a potential partner could infect me with HIV. Those are a fistful of my dealbreakers. For others it'll be about ass phatness, freckles, or a shared religious affiliation; none of which I care about.

I don't fear people with HIV. The question was not "would you be friends with someone who was HIV+?" (I would, without hesitation). I just don't want to have sex with people with HIV. That's an incredibly important distinction.
 
p_xavier

p_xavier

Authorized Fister
http://m.neogaf.com/showthread.php?t=696298 Which turned into an idiotic thread.

I'm now with an HIV+ partner for the last two years. It doesn't affect any of our lives, just a pill a day and it's done. To be honest about it, it's such a non-issue now that I can't believe how stressed I was about it. Thank you science.
 
D

Deleted member 80556

Unconfirmed Member
Aske said:
I don't want to rely on my partner correctly taking medication to ensure I don't run any risk of contracting HIV.
Click to expand...

As opposed to the people relying on their partners taking medication so they don't get pregnant?

Heck, I think a pregnancy would change a life more than an HIV diagnosis.
 
D

Dirca

Member
Back in 2008 when this question was first posted? No, I wouldn't. 9 years later, I think I've become a more understanding and accepting person, so my answer now would be "fuck no, absolutely not".
 
p_xavier

p_xavier

Authorized Fister
Lights and Waves said:
Can you imagine being an HIV+ GAF member, opening this thread up and feeling your stomach sink as you read through all these ignorant comments?
Click to expand...
About a 1/3 of MSM have HIV where I live. Looking back, I'd rather date someone who's postive and takes his medication than to trust a guy who says he's negative and use a condom. I probably wouldn't have contracted the virus with the HIV+ guy. Condoms do no protect fully against infection, medication mostly does.
 
A

Aske

Member
Juan29.zapata said:
As opposed to the people relying on their partners taking medication so they don't get pregnant?

Heck, I think a pregnancy would change a life more than an HIV diagnosis.
Click to expand...

You're not wrong. But I have faith in IUDs, and I don't get into relationships with women who wouldn't choose to terminate an unwanted pregnancy.
 
V

valeu

Member
i already have twice. i'm negative. if they're on anti-retrol virus meds and the virus is undetectable in their blood and they take their meds correctly and are tested regularly and i get to be a part of that process with them, and we use condoms on top of that, then i have nothing to fear in terms of catching the virus, and it is a non-issue to me
 
V

valeu

Member
i found dating someone with a personality disorder (bi-polar, emotionally unstable personality disorder) to be more challenging
 
MilkyJoe

MilkyJoe

Member
Nope, I couldn't imagine falling for someone only to have them die way before their time. I don't have that in me.
 
B

Brianimaniac

Banned
I would be more concerned about the potential financial implications. Health care is shit in America, and it's so easy for it to take a steep dive and get way worse. Look at the shit Trump has been trying. A chronic health condition can destroy your life financially even if it doesn't kill you.
 
G

Gunslinger

Member
Not just anyone. I would really have to love that person. So my answer is most probably no but you never know maybe you will fall in love with someone that are HIV positive.
 
M

Mesousa

Banned
Brianimaniac said:
I would be more concerned about the potential financial implications. Health care is shit in America, and it's so easy for it to take a steep dive and get way worse. Look at the shit Trump has been trying. A chronic health condition can destroy your life financially even if it doesn't kill you.
Click to expand...

Atripla gonna run you 1500+ a month in the USA.

People in America willing to take that risk must be rich, or upper middle class enough to where they can take that hit with no problems.
 
D

Deleted member 80556

Unconfirmed Member
Aske said:
You're not wrong. But I have faith in IUDs, and I don't get into relationships with women who wouldn't choose to terminate an unwanted pregnancy.
Click to expand...

You make it seem like you don't have faith in ART, despite studies saying otherwise, where patients can live a normal life.

Hoo-doo said:
Pregnancies can be terminated. That's a choice you can make. This is a weird comparison.
Click to expand...

True, even if you're not the one who's making the final decision.
 
S

Shabutaro

Member
Whoa, a lot of people in this thread are caught up on stigma and misconceptions.
Dating someone with HIV is such a non-problem. Your partner adheres to their antiretrovirals, you get on PREP. Done.
There's valid reasons to say no. You can't/don't want to take PREP or use a condom, for example.
But not being able to have a baby, your partner dying on you abruptly, and all these replies that essentially boil down to "ew no" are really ignorant.
I'm surprised at how uniformed people are about HIV.
 
A

Aske

Member
Juan29.zapata said:
You make it seem like you don't have faith in ART, despite studies saying otherwise, where patients can live a normal life.
Click to expand...

The issue is having my health dependant on someone else taking medication. Unlike pregnancy - which I think is an excellent comparison - there's no way to fix a mistake if it occurs with HIV.

I'm very glad living with HIV isn't a big deal these days, and that it's extremely difficult to pass the infection on to others once a course of treatment is established. I completely understand why some people are happy to rely on wonderfully efficacious medications to inhibit the virus in their partner, and protect them from infection. I still don't want to have unprotected sex with a partner who has HIV. I don't think that's an unreasonable, ignorant, phobic, or mean-spirited statement to make.
 
D

Deleted member 80556

Unconfirmed Member
Not at all, it's a respectable position. Was just engaging in an amicable discussion!
 
G

GameAddict411

Member
This thread shows exactly how bad the sex education in the US and some other countries. HIV when treated can't be transmitted anymore, not even a mother to her child. That's because the medication are very effective against the virus to the point where it no longer detectable in the blood stream. The reason why it's not cured after taking the medication for a while is because it turned out that HIV has "hiding" spots, or spots in the body where the medication can't reach it. the virus stay dormant and never replicates until the infected person stops taking their daily dosage for a few days. Now research on HIV focus on how to tackle these hiding spots so that the treatment becomes permanent.

Now, the current treatment is not perfect, and it has it's own set of problems. The medication are pretty harmful to the liver and kidneys long term. And they are also can cause significant digestion issues for some people especially with previous stomach problems. The medication are also extremely expensive in the United States. While there are programs to mitigated the cost for people who can't afford it, the moment you make enough money expect massive co pays. But I hope we will see a cure in the next 10 years or so.
 
A

Aske

Member
Juan29.zapata said:
Not at all, it's a respectable position. Was just engaging in an amicable discussion!
Click to expand...

No worries! I quoted you, but that sentence was a response to posters who suggested this position is rooted in animosity towards people with HIV.

A relevant question might be "would you date someone with whom you could never have sex without condoms?" My answer would be no, but I'd speculate that perhaps a majority of people would be okay dating potential partners despite this stipulation.
 
W

WeirdoStalkerJr

Member
I would not have a relationship with someone who has HIV. However, I would be friends and support them.

Honest question, is the HIV medication to keep the virus at bay expensive? I would imagine that a few people have no health insurance or possibly cannot pay after the deductible to keep their viral load down.

Was wondering about that.
 
W

WedgeX

Banned
soundscream said:
That 8% is still to high for me personally. I wouldn't drive my car if I had a 8% chance of getting in a accident.
Click to expand...

Your odds of dying by car accident during your lifetime are 1 in 118.

The average person has a car accident every 18 years or so.

The odds of HIV infection:

The risk of contracting HIV during vaginal penetration, for a woman in the United States, is 1 per 1,250 exposures (or 0.08 percent); for the man in that scenario, it's 1 per 2,500 exposures (0.04 percent, which is the same as performing fellatio).
Click to expand...

For an interactive chart on types of risks associated with sexual activity, see the CDC:

https://wwwn.cdc.gov/hivrisk/estimator.html#-mb|ivi.con.prep.art
 
S

SapientWolf

Trucker Sexologist
Shabutaro said:
Whoa, a lot of people in this thread are caught up on stigma and misconceptions.
Dating someone with HIV is such a non-problem. Your partner adheres to their antiretrovirals, you get on PREP. Done.
There's valid reasons to say no. You can't/don't want to take PREP or use a condom, for example.
But not being able to have a baby, your partner dying on you abruptly, and all these replies that essentially boil down to "ew no" are really ignorant.
I'm surprised at how uniformed people are about HIV.
Click to expand...
It's not a matter of disgust or ignorance. Sex carries a non-zero risk for HIV for the negative partner. Human error makes that potential risk even higher. It is a decision that cannot be taken lightly.
 
C

charlequin

Banned
What a thread this old getting bumped tells me is that the science of HIV prevention and treatment has gone a hell of a lot further in the past eight years than people's perceptions of the disease have. :/

Shabutaro said:
There's valid reasons to say no.
Click to expand...

Yep. It's very possible to have a thoughtful, considered "no" response: ultimately medical factors are incredibly personal and sensitive, and the idea that even the minor chances that exist would be a dealbreaker for someone is entirely understandable. But a lot of these responses are based on ideas that have no relationship whatsoever to reality.
 
P

Persona7

Banned
To reduce the risk it requires both the positive and negative person to stay on track with daily medication, right?
 
G

Goon

Member
valeu said:
i found dating someone with a personality disorder (bi-polar, emotionally unstable personality disorder) to be more challenging
Click to expand...

bipolar is not a personality disorder and medication is very effective for alot of people.
 
C

charlequin

Banned
Persona7 said:
To reduce the risk it requires both the positive and negative person to stay on track with daily medication, right?
Click to expand...

Nope. If the pos person correctly keeps up their treatment the chance of transmission is effectively zero. If the negative person follows prep properly it reduces the chance to just barely above that (though statistically, HIV+ partners are far more likely to keep up on their meds than those without the virus.) The measures on this are mostly done with same-sex male couples; the chance is already lower for hetero couples anyway. Basically if either partner keeps up on their meds transmission is extraordinarily unlikely.
 
P

perfectchaos007

Member
Shabutaro said:
Whoa, a lot of people in this thread are caught up on stigma and misconceptions.
Dating someone with HIV is such a non-problem. Your partner adheres to their antiretrovirals, you get on PREP. Done.
There's valid reasons to say no. You can't/don't want to take PREP or use a condom, for example.
But not being able to have a baby, your partner dying on you abruptly, and all these replies that essentially boil down to "ew no" are really ignorant.
I'm surprised at how uniformed people are about HIV.
Click to expand...

Can't speak for everyone here but for me HIV education was given in 6th grade. That was like back in 1999 or 2000 and back then the videos they showed about HIV were several years old when getting HIV was still a death sentence. After 6th grade, we received no updated education on HIV so we're left with the knowledge of how HIV was in the 90's. Perhaps the younger generation coming up is getting more updated info on the disease and treatments
 
C

Cyanity

Banned
I feel like the answers to this question, especially on a left leaning board like GAF, *should* be mostly yes, but....

PREP is a thing. Antiretrovirals are a thing. HIV is an incredibly manageable disease nowadays. I would date a pos guy in a heartbeat.
 
K

KingK

Member
charlequin said:
What a thread this old getting bumped tells me is that the science of HIV prevention and treatment has gone a hell of a lot further in the past eight years than people's perceptions of the disease have. :/



Yep. It's very possible to have a thoughtful, considered "no" response: ultimately medical factors are incredibly personal and sensitive, and the idea that even the minor chances that exist would be a dealbreaker for someone is entirely understandable. But a lot of these responses are based on ideas that have no relationship whatsoever to reality.
Click to expand...
I must say, I was incredibly ignorant coming into this thread. I had no idea treatment had come so far. When I was in school, they still taught us that it was pretty much a death sentence and easily transferable through sex. This was even in high school health class in like 2006.

I can't believe I hadn't heard anything else or looked into it before. I read the thread title and thought I couldn't, but I think I probably would now. If she could live a full life, have children, and we could have sex without it transferring, I don't see why not.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

Is Mode One an effective dating strategy for men?
2
65
4K
German Hops replied
When is the right time to put yourself out there after a divorce?
19
1K
AJUMP23 replied
I've had a rough Christmas and I just want to vent
45
4K
Dev1lXYZ replied
Time to invest in the AI girlfriend world
25
2K
hybrid_birth replied
Any Lucid dreamers out there?
2
70
2K
22:22:22 replied
Top Bottom