• Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.

So, uh, I think I was just sexually assaulted.

W

Watch Da Birdie

I buy cakes for myself on my birthday it's not weird lots of people do it I bet
Really weird. I met some people who seemed pretty cool and went to a nearby bar for a drink.

Next thing I know, a dude has whipped his penis out and is telling me to bend over on the bar. I didn't want him to get in trouble so begged him to put it away and tried to obscure it from the waitress so she didn't see what he was doing.

People are weird. Guy was trying to get me to have sex with him, and I told him I'd do a blowjob and that was it provided it wasn't in public but I wasn't comfortable going for penetration. He bought me a drink so I wanted to be nice, but he kept pushing things and it quickly went from "lol he's joking right?" to me being pretty freaked out and fearing for my well being.

I just wanted to meet new people now that I've moved into an apartment, but things seem to backfire---I'm too shy to talk to people and the first people I meet try to sexually assault me. It's really difficult being a 27-year old out on your own and just looking for friends. :/ The guy told me where he works, it's a restaurant I've been to before, and it freaks me out how aggressive he was. Like it started as playful drunk banter but quickly got me freaked out about my safety to the point I was watching my back on the way home.
 
S

Syder

Member
Jesus fucking Christ...

You were sexually assaulted. Sorry, this happened to you.

I'd report them, if I were you.
 
O

Obliterator

Member
Uh, yeah from your description that is 100% sexual assault. Sounds like the dude has major fucking issues, and I'd stay far away from him
 
B

btrboyev

Member
What? You were going to blow him? Why did you say you'd do that?

Edit- no im not victim blaming, but just curious if you told him this before or after he whipped it out.
 
M

Maridia

Member
That's fucked up. I'm sorry that happened to you. Finding friends in a new place (or, hell, any place) at 27 is really hard.
 
CampbellzSoup

CampbellzSoup

Member
I'm missing something to call it assault did he physically touch you or obstruct you from leaving the bar? It just sounds like he was an intense weirdo, and you're better off removing him from your life for good.
 
F

Fracas

#fuckonami
That's awful. If you feel comfortable coming forward, maybe reach out to the police or someone you trust? It's 100% your decision.
 
R

Ratrat

Member
Im sorry that happened. Ive had similar experiences.

btrboyev said:
What? You were going to blow him? Why did you say you'd do that?

Edit- no im not victim blaming, but just curious if you told him this before or after he whipped it out.
Click to expand...

You can change your mind about hookups when the terms are broken. It could be the other person refusing to use a condom or wanting to do something you aren't comfortable. It can be hard to refuse people when you are young and inexperienced.
 
R

Reeks

Member
btrboyev said:
What? You were going to blow him? Why did you say you'd do that?

Edit- no im not victim blaming, but just curious if you told him this before or after he whipped it out.
Click to expand...
Sometimes you're down for a blowie. Doesn't mean you whip it out at the bar, homes.


Edit: definitely tell the bar about him so he gets banned. No one wants that psycho shit in their establishment.

And I'm really sorry you had to deal with that fucked up bullshit.
 
kamineko

kamineko

Does his best thinking in the flying car
Sorry that happened to you, TC. It wasn't right, and it would freak me out, too.
 
D

danm999

Member
CampbellzSoup said:
I'm missing something to call it assault did he physically touch you or obstruct you from leaving the bar? It just sounds like he was an intense weirdo, and you're better off removing him from your life for good.
Click to expand...

Whipping your dick out is textbook sexual assault.
 
T

The Auxiliary

Member
Goodness gracious... If that kind of thing happened to me I'd be inclined to never leave the house again. But maybe filing a police report would be a good idea.
 
T

Tender Joe

Member
CampbellzSoup said:
I'm missing something to call it assault did he physically touch you or obstruct you from leaving the bar? It just sounds like he was an intense weirdo, and you're better off removing him from your life for good.
Click to expand...

I'm going to go ahead and assume that we're both straight men. If you did this to a woman at a bar, would you consider it sexual assault?

If not, try harder.
 
L

Laiza

Member
CampbellzSoup said:
I'm missing something to call it assault did he physically touch you or obstruct you from leaving the bar? It just sounds like he was an intense weirdo, and you're better off removing him from your life for good.
Click to expand...
It's interesting how so many people think "assault" absolutely requires physical contact or it was something else.

Interesting, indeed...
 
S

shandy706

Member
CampbellzSoup said:
I'm missing something to call it assault did he physically touch you or obstruct you from leaving the bar? It just sounds like he was an intense weirdo, and you're better off removing him from your life for good.
Click to expand...

Since when is whipping your dick out on random people NOT sexual assault??

This is why I carry a knife...and a gun...but not a gun if drinking. I'd tell that SOB I'll cut is dick off if it gets near me.

You need to report them, or stay far away.
 
G

Gin-Shiio

Member
I'm very sorry that happened to you, OP. It must have been a frightening situation. Once you calmed yourself and feel safe, please take the step so many here have suggested and report him, so that he cannot do harm like this to someone again.

CampbellzSoup said:
I'm missing something to call it assault did he physically touch you or obstruct you from leaving the bar? It just sounds like he was an intense weirdo, and you're better off removing him from your life for good.
Click to expand...

Plenty of responses already, but I'll explain it in my terms anyway:
He forced her to do the physical deed of taking an unwanted look at his penis. That's why that still counts.
 
C

Cow Mengde

Banned
I'm very sorry this happened to you. I don't know how to comfort you I guess all I can do is give some advice on how to meet people through the internet so that you might hopefully be able to meet better people in the future.

I'm in an almost similar situation as you in that I'm living in a new country with no friends. However, I used my local sub reddit to meet people. I know this sounds weird, but the people on these subs are a little more genuine since the sub itself is more about learning to live here than to meet up. So the people that do want to meet up are interested in making friends.

Of course, I do spend a little more time talking to them on text before meeting. It helps to get a better understanding of the person. We also don't go to bars for our first meeting. I've met in museums, shopping malls, and other public places during the day. One of my best meetings was an female international student. We met at a museum, and became friends. She ended up connecting me with even more people who all turned out wonderful. We had plenty of shenanigans and adventures together during their year stay.
 
W

Watch Da Birdie

I buy cakes for myself on my birthday it's not weird lots of people do it I bet
First time I met the guy and his friend, they were at one bar and when I was leaving they said hi to me and I suggested we go for a drink---you know, I wanted to socialize and meet new people. I knew they were into guys but that didn't bother me, I consider myself straight but am so inexperienced sexually I'm not exactly secure with that.

One dude bought me a drink and I was happy, but he was very aggressive but in a joking manner at first---I thought it was endearing so put up with it. He changed the subject a bit later to having sex and, well, to be honest I've never really done it with either gender so I said it's something I'd consider trying and I was up for it, but I didn't want to do anything too serious and was considering it. I mean, really, I was going to try it but then he just got weird and told me to do it here and I nicely told him if we were going to do anything I wanted it to be a private place, even offered to go back to my place. He got really agressive right then and started feeling me up and saying we do it there, I thought he was joking but then he pulled it out. That's when I freaked out, because I could tell he wasn't joking. Thankfully his friend pulled him away and got him to leave and apologize, but it was very weird.

On a positive note now I feel like I understand what a lot of women go through with men and made a promise to myself to never go that far---it's just weird.
 
E

EdmondD

Member
I'm sorry this happened. Contact the police. People don't get to just whip their dick out and demand sex. Stay away from him. Do not hang out with these people again.
 
M

MegaManTrigger

Banned
OP report him and charge his ass. Make sure to stay away from him by any means necessary.

CampbellzSoup said:
I'm missing something to call it assault did he physically touch you or obstruct you from leaving the bar? It just sounds like he was an intense weirdo, and you're better off removing him from your life for good.
Click to expand...

This is just in Canada, but I imagine the law is similar in other countries:

265 (1) A person commits an assault when

(a) without the consent of another person, he applies force intentionally to that other person, directly or indirectly;

(b) he attempts or threatens, by an act or a gesture, to apply force to another person, if he has, or causes that other person to believe on reasonable grounds that he has, present ability to effect his purpose; or

(c) while openly wearing or carrying a weapon or an imitation thereof, he accosts or impedes another person or begs.

Marginal note:Application

(2) This section applies to all forms of assault, including sexual assault, sexual assault with a weapon, threats to a third party or causing bodily harm and aggravated sexual assault.
 
R

RMI

Banned
Watch Da Birdie said:
Really weird. I met some people who seemed pretty cool and went to a nearby bar for a drink.

Next thing I know, a dude has whipped his penis out and is telling me to bend over on the bar. I didn't want him to get in trouble so begged him to put it away and tried to obscure it from the waitress so she didn't see what he was doing.
Click to expand...

You sound like a nice person OP. Is this dude one of the people you met? Or just some random dude that was there?

People are weird.

Sorry this happened to you. It sounds awful.
 
J

jdstorm

Banned
Wow. Thats awful OP. I'm a bit lost for words to be honest.

If you need to talk to someone there may be a hotline or a counciling support group in your area.
 
I

Ivan 3414

Member
btrboyev said:
What? You were going to blow him? Why did you say you'd do that?

Edit- no im not victim blaming, but just curious if you told him this before or after he whipped it out.
Click to expand...

I'm not sure if OP was joking or not. OP said the situation started out with playful banter, so I guess offering a blowjob was just "banter"? Or was it "bargaining" as some have mentioned in this thread? And it was also unclear to me whether OP said this before or after they saw the guy's penis. I'm not blaming the victim either but the way the story was presented is strange to me
 
P

PaulloDEC

Member
What a bizarre thing to happen. I'd definitely consider reporting the guy, that kind of behaviour is a long way from "just shrug it off" territory IMO.

Laiza said:
It's interesting how so many people think "assault" absolutely requires physical contact or it was something else.

Interesting, indeed...
Click to expand...

I mean, I don't think it's shocking that people are unaware; the dictionary definition of assault specifies physicality.
 
R

Reeks

Member
MegaManTrigger said:
OP report him and charge his ass. Make sure to stay away from him by any means necessary.



This is just in Canada, but I imagine the law is similar in other countries:

265 (1) A person commits an assault when

(a) without the consent of another person, he applies force intentionally to that other person, directly or indirectly;

(b) he attempts or threatens, by an act or a gesture, to apply force to another person, if he has, or causes that other person to believe on reasonable grounds that he has, present ability to effect his purpose; or

(c) while openly wearing or carrying a weapon or an imitation thereof, he accosts or impedes another person or begs.

Marginal note:Application

(2) This section applies to all forms of assault, including sexual assault, sexual assault with a weapon, threats to a third party or causing bodily harm and aggravated sexual assault.
Click to expand...

Yah well dude felt them up. So physical contact was made even though it still stands. People in this thread are confused about a few things so thanks for this...
 
P

pigeon

Banned
Slate Soda said:
I'm not sure if he was joking or not. OP said the situation started out with playful banter, so I guess offering a blowjob was just "banter"? And it was also unclear to me whether OP said this before or after they saw the guy's penis. I'm not blaming the victim either but the way the story was presented is strange to me
Click to expand...

I don't think it's that complicated. The OP felt threatened and endangered. One way women are taught to deal with male aggression is to bargain, so she used the strategies she was taught to use. She went halfway between what she wanted (nothing) and what he wanted (sex) in the hopes that it would prevent the worse outcome from happening.

The reasons this strategy seems weird to you is because women are generally taught extremely ineffective strategies to deal with male aggression because the patriarchy wouldn't work if women could actually defend themselves from male aggression.
 
N

noquarter

Member
shandy706 said:
Since when is whipping your dick out on random people NOT sexual assault??

This is why I carry a knife...and a gun...but not a gun if drinking. I'd tell that SOB I'll cut is dick off if it gets near me.

You need to report them, or stay far away.
Click to expand...
Not a lawyer, but pretty sure this is sexual harassment, not assault. Assault would involve some form of touching or coercion, just exposing yourself without any touching is usually just harassment, at least at all the briefs I've attended with people trying to explain what these are and what actions people should take if they encounter it.

Still fucked up, and OP, you really should do what you think is best, reporting it, not reporting, whatever. Make sure you get to a place where you feel comfortable, you didn't do anything wrong and actually seemed to have kept very level head.

Wish you the best and sorry people are fucked up.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

What's the weirdest thing a friend has done to you?
2
68
4K
Alex Anderson replied
I got a puppy 🥰
49
1K
Saiyan-Rox replied
  • Locked
GAF, I need some advice about a cop harassing my wife.
39
2K
phaedrus replied
Vin Diesel Sued for Alleged Sexual Battery of Assistant in 2010
Social News
45
3K
nush replied
We just euthanized our cat yesterday...and man i feel destroyed right now
48
2K
Dr. Suchong replied
Top Bottom