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[truestatic]

Fucked up. Sorry this happened to you. Absolutely nobody and certainly not you deserves to be sexually harassed and assaulted like this. I hope you're okay.

 

[23qwerty]

Assault would involve some form of touching

Not a lawyer.

Clearly.

 

[Watch Da Birdie]

Well I'm a guy.

I guess this is just weird to me because it was two guys in this situation, and I was honestly interested in experimenting but he took it to the next level by violation what I consider to be the "public" vs. "private" place. Like, in all honesty, I was interested in trying it out but made it clear I wasn't comfortable with certain actions and he just didn't seem to listen and whipped it out, which is where things went south.

Like, it's weird because I feel almost homophobic with being disgusted with him even though I know, regardless of gender, what he did was not OK. But part of me feels guilty for almost like leading him on, though I feel I made it clear what I was and was not OK with doing.

 

[noquarter]

Clearly.

I also added the coercion, just exposing yourself isn't assault. You can intimidate someone without force, but just whipping a dick out is not usually considered threatening.

Doesn't matter what anyone here thinks anyways. Still illegal whatever it is and should be reported if the OP wants to.

Harassment or assualt

RAINN, sexual harassment "others exposing themselves" and you cam check assualt where that isnt mentioned and includes physicality of some sort.

 

[Bornstellar]

I don't think it's that complicated. The OP felt threatened and endangered. One way women are taught to deal with male aggression is to bargain, so she used the strategies she was taught to use. She went halfway between what she wanted (nothing) and what he wanted (sex) in the hopes that it would prevent the worse outcome from happening.

The reasons this strategy seems weird to you is because women are generally taught extremely ineffective strategies to deal with male aggression because the patriarchy wouldn't work if women could actually defend themselves from male aggression.

(he)

 

[Draper]

Sorry, I'm just trying to get genders down. So you're a male who was sexually assaulted by another male?

I'm sorry this happened. Seriously, consider pressing charges.

^ ah, clarified

 

[Steeped in a Sea of Games]

Jesus, I'm glad his friend had some sense at least. Sorry this happened to you.

 

[truestatic]

Well I'm a guy.

I guess this is just weird to me because it was two guys in this situation, and I was honestly interested in experimenting but he took it to the next level by violation what I consider to be the "public" vs. "private" place. Like, in all honesty, I was interested in trying it out but made it clear I wasn't comfortable with certain actions and he just didn't seem to listen and whipped it out, which is where things went south.

Like, it's weird because I feel almost homophobic with being disgusted with him even though I know, regardless of gender, what he did was not OK. But part of me feels guilty for almost like leading him on, though I feel I made it clear what I was and was not OK with doing.

Again, this was in no way shape or form your fault. You have nothing to feel guilty about. What he did was not okay and nothing you did excuses it. This does not make you a homophobe.

 

[JCHandsom]

OP you did nothing wrong. That guy was being a manipulative piece of shit and trying to force you to do something you didn't want to do.

 

[Steeped in a Sea of Games]

Well I'm a guy.

I guess this is just weird to me because it was two guys in this situation, and I was honestly interested in experimenting but he took it to the next level by violation what I consider to be the "public" vs. "private" place. Like, in all honesty, I was interested in trying it out but made it clear I wasn't comfortable with certain actions and he just didn't seem to listen and whipped it out, which is where things went south.

Like, it's weird because I feel almost homophobic with being disgusted with him even though I know, regardless of gender, what he did was not OK. But part of me feels guilty for almost like leading him on, though I feel I made it clear what I was and was not OK with doing.

Everything you wrote here are pretty common thoughts of a victim of sexual assault. Anything sexual should be on a complete consensual basis, it doesn't matter if you were interested initially or not. You laid out your position and he ignored you and tried to force things. That's definition sexual assault. It's not ok and you are in no way responsible for the actions of another person. Please don't blame yourself.

 

[Bubbavelli]

Not a lawyer

Then probably just stop right there then?

 

[Ambition]

You want to meet new people, and one of the things you do is offer a blowjob..?
lmao

 

[Keri]

But part of me feels guilty for almost like leading him on, though I feel I made it clear what I was and was not OK with doing.

This is, unfortunately, a pretty common feeling. Offering a blow job doesn't mean you consented to everything else. You didn't lead him on or suggest you were consenting to what he was doing.

 

[Draper]

You want to meet new people, and one of the things you do is offer a blowjob..?
lmao

Fuck off dude. It was a moment of nervous reacting.

 

[truestatic]

You want to meet new people, and one of the things you do is offer a blowjob..?
lmao

Not your place to judge, and certainly not the time to be doing it.

 

[Wandering Robot]

He made the decision to disrespect your boundaries and make it aggressive, OP, not you. This isn't your fault.
I echo the statements saying to report the asshole, if you're comfortable. To the bar, to the police…to someone you feel safe telling.

 

[Geno Breaker]

Sorry to hear dude. :/ Definitely report him.

 

[Ms.Galaxy]

Well I'm a guy.

I guess this is just weird to me because it was two guys in this situation, and I was honestly interested in experimenting but he took it to the next level by violation what I consider to be the "public" vs. "private" place. Like, in all honesty, I was interested in trying it out but made it clear I wasn't comfortable with certain actions and he just didn't seem to listen and whipped it out, which is where things went south.

Like, it's weird because I feel almost homophobic with being disgusted with him even though I know, regardless of gender, what he did was not OK. But part of me feels guilty for almost like leading him on, though I feel I made it clear what I was and was not OK with doing.

You weren't leading him on, what you did is a common reaction that many have in this kind of situation. I've been in this situation multiple times too, I've reacted to it the same way as you did. Do not blame yourself and do not feel guilty. You were intimidated and uncomfortable, and he was a disgusting piece of shit.

 

[Reeks]

Fuck off dude. It was a moment of nervous reacting.

Yah. Fuck off with that shit. "Lmao" the fuck out of here.

 

[Ryzaki009]

Report if you feel comfortable but mostly I'd avoid him but I'm pretty much avoid sexual confrontation type so *shrugs*

 

[Complex Shadow]

Well I'm a guy.

I guess this is just weird to me because it was two guys in this situation, and I was honestly interested in experimenting but he took it to the next level by violation what I consider to be the "public" vs. "private" place. Like, in all honesty, I was interested in trying it out but made it clear I wasn't comfortable with certain actions and he just didn't seem to listen and whipped it out, which is where things went south.

Like, it's weird because I feel almost homophobic with being disgusted with him even though I know, regardless of gender, what he did was not OK. But part of me feels guilty for almost like leading him on, though I feel I made it clear what I was and was not OK with doing.

yo regardless of gender, I doubt whipping your dick out is ok in any circumstances. you were 100% assaulted.

 

[VeeP]

You want to meet new people, and one of the things you do is offer a blowjob..?
lmao

We don't know the situation, or how the conversation went. For all we know the other person was just being super weird and aggressive and OP just got nervous and said that.

I really don't think OP was like "Hey I'm trying to socialize you want a blowjob?"

 

[WarLox]

Whipping your dick out is textbook sexual assault.

I guess the only part that confused me was OP was trying to protect the guy and keep people from realizing what was happening.

I've never been in a situation like that so its hard to imagine how intense the moment was.

Stay safe.

 

[Drain You]

Didn't read anything besides the OP.

Go to the police, report it.

You did nothing wrong, not even in the slightest.

 

[Reeks]

I guess the only part that confused me was OP was trying to protect the guy and keep people from realizing what was happening.

I've never been in a situation like that so its hard to imagine how intense the moment was.

Stay safe.

So you can imagine the confusion of a victim... happy you've never been in a situation like that. Don't presume to know how you'd respond...

 

[massoluk]

Contact the police, for this asshole may try to do it again

 

[lightskintwin]

I think I've been sexually assaulted before, but I think as a heterosexual male; I don't think anybody would take it seriously even myself.

 

[Liljagare]

Holy... Yes, you were sexually assaulted, and no, not your fault.

Even if people "leads people on", that is hardly a excuse for assault. You should be able to wear whatever you want, do whatever you want, and be whomever you want, without having to fear for assault. :\

 

[Ms.Galaxy]

I guess the only part that confused me was OP was trying to protect the guy and keep people from realizing what was happening.

I've never been in a situation like that so its hard to imagine how intense the moment was.

Stay safe.

From my own experience, when someone like that is aggressively sexual to the point it feels like they're gonna sexually assault you at any second, you feel like you're losing control quickly and feel ashamed that this is happening, you start to feel like its your fault that this is happening and about what people would think about you. You also feel the need to gain some control in some way, and sometimes that were the bargaining part comes in.

All of this happens in literal seconds sometimes, so victims get more nervous and confused.

 

[WarLox]

So you can imagine the confusion of a victim... happy you've never been in a situation like that. Don't presume to know how you'd respond...

There's no argument to be had here... peace and love.

 

[Keri]

OP, you should do whatever you are most comfortable doing. If you feel up to reporting it, you should. If you don't, that's OK, too. You are not responsible for that man, just because he victimized you.

 

[lightskintwin]

OP, you should do whatever you are most comfortable doing. If you feel up to reporting it, you should. If you don't, that's OK, too. You are not responsible for that man, just because he victimized you.

This.

 

[WarLox]

From my own experience, when someone like that is aggressively sexual to the point it feels like they're gonna sexually assault you at any second, you feel like you're losing control quickly and feel ashamed that this is happening, you start to feel like its your fault that this is happening and about what people would think about you. You also feel the need to gain some control in some way, and sometimes that were the bargaining part comes in.

All of this happens in literal seconds sometimes, so victims get more nervous and confused.

That makes sense. I guess its like how some assaults aren't reported because of a false sense of shame or guilt.

 

[tearsintherain]

OP, you should do whatever you are most comfortable doing. If you feel up to reporting it, you should. If you don't, that's OK, too. You are not responsible for that man, just because he victimized you.

Yeah, I'd maybe find a man on here or reddit who has reported male-on-male sexual assault and see what their experiences were. Its easy to post on the internet "you should report it to the cops" but I imagine the reality of dealing with it is going to be a lot more traumatic than any of us can imagine, especially if you haven't really figured out if you are gay or not - what if you have to go to court, what if shows up in the paper, etc.

It'll depend a lot on where you live too, I think the consequences of reporting it in Texas will be wildly different than in San Francisco or NYC.

Maybe find a therapist and talk to them as well, not just about this incident but about how you feel as a person.

 

[killatopak]

just asking but why would you suggest blowing him?

 

[FUME5]

Well I'm a guy.

I guess this is just weird to me because it was two guys in this situation, and I was honestly interested in experimenting but he took it to the next level by violation what I consider to be the "public" vs. "private" place. Like, in all honesty, I was interested in trying it out but made it clear I wasn't comfortable with certain actions and he just didn't seem to listen and whipped it out, which is where things went south.

Like, it's weird because I feel almost homophobic with being disgusted with him even though I know, regardless of gender, what he did was not OK. But part of me feels guilty for almost like leading him on, though I feel I made it clear what I was and was not OK with doing.

Your guilt is misplaced, you are not at fault for his actions.

Sounds to me like the guy was probably on drugs, if you feel comfortable doing so then report him to the necessary authorities.

 

[Watch Da Birdie]

just asking but why would you suggest blowing him?

He was nice enough at first that I wanted to pleasure him when he started moving on me, but told him straight-up I wasn't comfortable going further than that.

I guess as someone who has never really been "sexualized" except once in the past it kind of felt good being wanted, but I had my boundaries and he didn't respect them.

 

[dEvAnGeL]

just asking but why would you suggest blowing him?

i am sorry this happened to the OP but i was about to ask the same question, why would you offer a BJ to a guy you just met? you could have start yelling, make a scene, who cares if the guy gets in trouble, he sounds like a fucking perverted with serious issues, if i were in your place i would report this to the authorities ASAP to make sure he does not succeed with someone else next time he tries this.

 

[wolfhowwl]

just asking but why would you suggest blowing him?

He's drunk and bicurious?

 

[Gordon Shumway]

Shiiiit..worry about yourself before "getting people in trouble." Come on, now..

 

[Kyzer]

Well I'm a guy.

I guess this is just weird to me because it was two guys in this situation, and I was honestly interested in experimenting but he took it to the next level by violation what I consider to be the "public" vs. "private" place. Like, in all honesty, I was interested in trying it out but made it clear I wasn't comfortable with certain actions and he just didn't seem to listen and whipped it out, which is where things went south.

Like, it's weird because I feel almost homophobic with being disgusted with him even though I know, regardless of gender, what he did was not OK. But part of me feels guilty for almost like leading him on, though I feel I made it clear what I was and was not OK with doing.

Youre too nice, everything youre saying is perfectly normal to think and feel after your experience but fuck that, unless you asked him to whip it out there is no logical or sane reason for him to have done it, hes a fucking creep. Sexuality is ok, sexual assault is not

 

[Alienfan]

Only if you're comfortable, I'd suggest telling the owner or manager of the bar, they'll probably be a lot more understanding than the police because this stuff unfortunately happens all the time and bars are used to dealing with it. Chances are the guy is a regular, so they'll be able to identify him next time and kick him out.

 

[Apharmd]

OP, you are not obligated to explain yourself to anyone here or anywhere. That guy was an asshole to you and this is in no way your fault.

 

[Holmes]

Sorry that happened, OP. Yes, it was sexual assault. He propositioned you for sex, and when you declined, he exposed himself to you. Because you bargained with him out of fear that he/you would get caught doesn't make you a bad person.

I would report him to the authorities. It was beyond inappropriate.

 

[Reeks]

OP, you are not obligated to explain yourself to anyone here or anywhere. That guy was an asshole to you and this is in no way your fault.

.

 

[DriftedPlanet]

He got really agressive right then and started feeling me up and saying we do it there, I thought he was joking but then he pulled it out. That's when I freaked out, because I could tell he wasn't joking. Thankfully his friend pulled him away and got him to leave and apologize, but it was very weird.

I was definitely on the "report" side before this update but you've added additional detail on shit he did to you. Report the incident for sure. Let the bar know too.

 

[Johnny Cage In The Shower]

After a friendly small talk: I had a drunk guy lean in and kiss me right in the smacker on the street once! Yikes! Call the police and stay safe OP.

 

[Meowster]

Sorry this happened to you. I've been in a situation like that before and it really sucks. Men can be really great until they.. well.. aren't. Don't blame yourself and just try to cool down and relax as best you can.

 

[Aphexian]

just asking but why would you suggest blowing him?

Consent was given when the guy seemed okay, consent was taken away when he started getting aggressive.

 

[17 Seconds]

You want to meet new people, and one of the things you do is offer a blowjob..?
lmao

you're trash