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Boyfriend's dad tried to have sex with me :(

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A

Aiustis

Member
I live with my boyfriend's family (long distance relationship) because I started spending a lot of time there; his mother is ill and often left alone so I keep her company and help her out with errands and stuff.

His dad is this often absent, narcissistic, misogynistic asshole who spends most of his time treating her like crap and ignoring her to go out, party and get drunk. He's rarely around (usually a few nights a week).

The mom has been in the hospital for a few days and this morning he tried to have sex with me. I started begging him to please leave me alone. He kept insisting that I wanted it. He stopped after I started crying but dammit if I'm not completely terrified and thinking of ways to avoid him forever (at work atm). I know I could have just screamed for his son who is very big in anti rape culture movement. Then he apologized and he begged me not to leave because I do take care of his wife and she would be heartbroken if I stopped coming around.


My boyfriend's mom is pretty fabulous and I love her to death. She's done more for and treated me better than my mother ever did. Her son is leaving so I know if I left she'd be pretty much on her own.

I'm probably never going to tell her because she isn't healthy and she doesn't need any more stress. And I'm not sure if I'll leave or not because I would rather not have her left alone and ignored.

But I think I should tell my boyfriend, not sure what I should do. Also even though I know I didn't do anything to warrant his attention (I dress pretty much like a guy, I'm not really attractive and I am pretty slovenly in general), part of me feels kind of like I did something wrong and another part of me wants to imagine/pretend it didn't happen. Anyway...I'm going to go back to hiding at work so I can cry.
 
G

grumble

Member
You didn't do anything wrong. This isn't because of anything you did. Some people are just not good people.

Tell your boyfriend. This will probably be hard on their family but it's wrong to cover it up. It could happen again otherwise too.
 
cyberheater

cyberheater

PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 Xbone PS4 PS4
Minimum. Tell your BF. Dad sounds like a complete arse hole.

Sounds like he almost raped you?
 
M

Madness

Member
OP, tell your boyfriend. That is absolutely ridiculous that his dad tried to do that. Not only was it disgusting the way he tried to pressure you into it like you wanted it, but he knows you not only look after his wife, but are his son's girlfriend.

This guy is a genuine asshole, let the BF know so that he can take some steps to move forward. The last thing you want is to have his behavior go unchecked.
 
J

jaxword

Member
Tell bf.

However, make sure the timing's right. You don't want him storming off to the hospital and causing further distress. Make sure he's ready to handle it.

It's not your fault.
 
Z

zeemumu

Member
That's fucked up. You might want to tell your boyfriend so that you two can think up a way to make sure that you aren't in danger.
 
G

GraveHorizon

poop meter feature creep
Tell him. Doesn't matter what you look like or how you dress, anyone trying to approach you for sex that you don't want is a potential rapist. Neither you nor the mother deserve that kind of behavior. At the very very least, your boyfriend needs to have a serious talk with his father, and maybe put a foot up his ass.
 
A

AyaisMUsikWhore

Member
Tell you boyfriend op! That some trifling shit right there. And when you do tell your BF, make sure to let him know how inconsiderate, disgusting, inhuman his dad is especially for the way he has treated, you, his own mother and possibly the people around him. Hopefully your boyfriend well do something about this. Ugh, I'm so disgusted you have to go through this.
 
P

peanutbutterlatte

Member
BloodMoney said:
complex situation.
if it happens again, tell everyone
as for now... i dunno... complex.
Click to expand...

There's no doubt it's complex. There's also no doubt she needs to tell somebody. It won't be pleasant, but it's absolutely necessary if she's going to continue to live under the same roof as him.
 
jts

jts

...hate me...
Awful situation.

As tough as it seems, you have to be open about it so you can stay as safe as possible, which takes top priority over family or father/son stress. Don't forget, that asshole brought that upon them by acting (or being) like that, not you by being honest about it.
 
N

Nostremitus

Member
If you choose to stay, make it very clear that you will castrate him if he touches you. If he has any semblance of human emotions, he'll be ashamed of his actions. This gives you power over him. Start recording conversations when he's around. That way, you can have proof to tell his son if he doesn't stop. Also, you may want to invest in a Derringer(if you live in a country that gives you the right to defend yourself.)

That's a shitty situation all around... Stay Strong.
 
G

GraveHorizon

poop meter feature creep
BloodMoney said:
complex situation.
if it happens again, tell everyone
as for now... i dunno... complex.
Click to expand...

When it happens. It will happen again. People like that don't suddenly see the errors of their ways and completely change. If he sees an opportunity to advance, he will attempt it again. She has to tell her boyfriend.
 
M

Motion Picture Soundtrack

Member
Nothing you wear or do can excuse behaviour like that, you did nothing wrong. You are not under any responsibility to take any specific course of action, but if you do tell someone, do not let them convince you that you are overreacting. If something like this does happen again, understand you are not to blame in any way.
 
R

rachste

Member
tell your boyfriend ASAP. someone else needs to know. you're in a very dangerous situation right now.

also, I suggest getting something for protection, like a stun gun. there's no shame in being cautious.
 
D

Devolution

Member
You did absolutely nothing wrong.

Tell your boyfriend. Remove yourself from this situation. Do not stay in that house if you can help it.
 
L

LuchaShaq

Banned
IF you don't tell your boyfriend DO NOT be alone with the father in the house unless you are willing/able to carry a knife and be ready to use it.
 
M

Mistouze

user-friendly man-cashews
Aiustis said:
But I think I should tell my boyfriend, not sure what I should do. Also even though I know I didn't do anything to warrant his attention (I dress pretty much like a guy, I'm not really attractive and I am pretty slovenly in general), part of me feels kind of like I did something wrong and another part of me wants to imagine/pretend it didn't happen. Anyway...I'm going to go back to hiding at work so I can cry.
Click to expand...
Wow wow wow, calm the hell down. You sure as shit didn't do anything to deserve to be sexually harassed by this dude. No one ever does. He's totally responsible for his acts, stay strong.

I think you should tell his son and probably the police but I understand it's not an easy thing to do. Please try to talk about this to someone, even outside of the whole story.
 
S

sonicmj1

Member
Tell your boyfriend. Silence makes it easier for him to hurt you or others again.

You did nothing wrong. It wasn't your fault.

Also, if you want to talk to another outside person, see if you can find some sort of hotline or center for sexual assault. This is the homepage for the RAINN's hotline in the US, if that's where you are. They'll probably be able to support you better than we can.
 
M

MattDoza

Member
Telling anyone is surely going to get around to your BF's mother. I imagine that would complicate, err bring up conflict amongst the family. Maybe talk to someone else. Maybe the other brother you mentioned? Or someone in your family. I don't know. It's definitely something that should be addressed. He could very well do it again, otherwise.

Was he under the influence at the time?
 
S

Savitar

Member
You did nothing wrong.

I repeat YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. Know that. Believe that.

If I was your boyfriend I would want to know to make sure nothing like this ever happened again. It's disturbing what the father tried to pull. Tell your BF what happened.

Again, you did nothing wrong. You are a sweet caring person who has only done her best.
 
B

Brazil

Living in the shadow of Amaz
Please do not think this is your fault in any way, because it isn't. Don't blame yourself.

Also, tell your boyfriend. You need some support.
 
L

LuchaShaq

Banned
Motion Picture Soundtrack said:
Carrying a knife does not sound like a good idea at all, and your phrasing makes it sound like if something else happens she would be partly resposible.
Click to expand...

No, you're reading more than what is there.

The guy sounds like someone who would feel justified forcing himself on someone. Obviously telling the bf/avoiding this guy as much as possible is the smartest/best choice, but it's not always this easy.

People like that are not to be fucked with, reason won't work. If they try it your only real option to stop it is to put a few inches of steel into them.
 
Krelian91

Krelian91

Member
I usually consider divorce the last option but in this case I think your bf's mom should seriously consider it. Get that filthy swine out of your life.
 
B

BloodMoney

Banned
MasterBalls said:
There's no doubt it's complex. There's also no doubt she needs to tell somebody. It won't be pleasant, but it's absolutely necessary if she's going to continue to live under the same roof as him.
Click to expand...
After giving it some more thought, I'd advice against this. The OP needs to get out of the house. Exposing the dad will likely have consequences (with him).
 
R

rSpooky

Member
That is so shitty , sorry you had to go through that. I must say I agree with the general consensus here on this. I agree to spare his mom as she is sick and who knows if she can take this right now. But your boyfriend probably should know, but I also don't know if your boyfriend would be able to keep himself in a manner that his mom does not hear the issue. As I could imagine he could go full on rage if he hears. So make sure you sit him down away from the house, explain that what you are going to tell him is awful but that you need him to stay (partially) rational so you two can take care of his mom.

It is just important he knows I think, so you do not have to be in that situation again ( hopefully).

Be strong,again real sorry you had/haveto go through this.
 
G

GraveHorizon

poop meter feature creep
I just want to say that I think you're pretty strong for asking GAF for support. You can't hide from it forever, though. Sooner or later he'll try it again, and it might end much worse. Even if you keep it from the mother, your boyfriend needs to know. What would you want if the situation was reversed?

"He kept insisting that I wanted it." That's what a rapist does. It is not safe around him.
 
D

Deaf Spacker

Memb
OP you did nothing wrong, at the very least you should tell your boyfriend and get the hell out of there. I know that you look after the mother but you were almost raped.
 
P

polyh3dron

Banned
Yep, tell the BF.

Judging from what you've said in the OP, I'd reckon anything less than doing that would lead to him making another attempt. Yeah it could potentially complicate your living situation and make things unpleasant, but then again hasn't that happened already? Keeping things quiet to maintain some kind of status quo is the worst possible option.
 
Z

Zoc

Member
Do you still have your own place?

Don't go back to this guy's house. Maybe someday you can go back, but don't even think about that now. Your BF's mother will survive without you. If she cares about you at all, she wouldn't want you back there anyway, if she knew what had happened.
 
F

fader

Member
i dont think you should tell your boyfriend.

You NEED to tell your boyfriend. That is unacceptable behavior from his father and

you need to nip this at the bud before it escalates into something drastic
 
K

kmax

Member
First and foremost, you did nothing wrong. In fact, you've done everything right up to this point. You were clear with your intentions from the get go once the dad started making moves on you, and you distanced yourself from the situation. You need to sit down with your bf and tell him what happened, as he deserves to know. Whatever happens, you did not create this situation, so don't ever blame yourself.

Keep your head high and stay strong. You've done a hell of a good job so far.
 
P

Prophet Steve

Member
So do you live with your boyfriend? You say long distance relationship but are living with his family, so I am not sure whether he also lives there or not.

Anyhow, definitely tell him. He is more able to comfort you and maybe can help with a solution. Not telling the mother is understandable, but also puts you in a very difficult position if you decide you cannot see her as often anymore.

And it does not matter at all how you look, dress, or behave. He is the one that is doing something wrong, not you.

Also I am sorry for what happened to you, best of luck.
 
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