BassForever
Member
Tell the bf and avoid being home alone with the dad even if it means driving to a local mcdonalds and just killing time there till you know someone will be home
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Boyfriend's dad tried to have sex with me :(
- Thread starter Aiustis
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Motion Picture Soundtrack
Member
Unless she is trained in how to use a knife this could easily end up with the knife turned on her.
lucebuce12
Member
You didn't
Don't. Whatever may have happened you need to confront him, either on your own, or tell your boyfriend. No one can just assault or threaten someone and just expect to have no repercussions from it. From what you've said, his mother needs to have the truth shielded from her but judging from what you're saying , she has to have some idea about what kind of man her husband is/has become.
Remember, the truth shall set you free.
Devolution
Member
OPs bf deserves to know what his dad is capable of when left alone with his gfs. He might not believe it but he should know.
John Kowalski
Banned
I'm sorry, i don't think i can give more advice than what has been said already, but i sincerely hope you can get yourself out of this situation. I know it's hard to escape the self blaming but you have to try, you have done nothing wrong and you are not, and would never be, to blame for anything that your boyfriend's father might have tried to force you to do.
I would also suggest telling your boyfriend, this isn't something you should ever bear on your own.
Good luck, OP.
I would also suggest telling your boyfriend, this isn't something you should ever bear on your own.
Good luck, OP.
highoffcoffee496
Member
Good advice.
You did nothing wrong OP, there is nothing you could have done to deserve that.
Hang tight, I would let your BF know as soon as possible and possibly also confide in someone else you know, maybe a good friend. There will prolly be consequences to this, but it is best (I would think) to get some distance between you and that asshole of a father, even if it means moving out.
Hang tight, I would let your BF know as soon as possible and possibly also confide in someone else you know, maybe a good friend. There will prolly be consequences to this, but it is best (I would think) to get some distance between you and that asshole of a father, even if it means moving out.
Kabuki Quantum Lover
Member
This is one thing you shouldn't keep quiet about.
Devolution
Member
OP there is always the option of a shelter if you're low on money and have no where else to go.
Dorimukyasuto
Member
If I was the BF in this situation, I would want to know about something like this.
Prophet Steve
Member
She should still tell her bf though, no matter whether she confronts the bf's dad or not. She probably cannot just decide to leave her house without her boyfriend and the mother asking why. She needs the support of her boyfriend no matter what she does.
EDIT: Never mind, you are advising against something else.
BloodMoney
Banned
I agree.
In my quote I was advising against staying in the house.
kerotan_eater
Banned
Tell boyfriend
DO NOT STAY ALONE WITH BF'S DAD under any circumstances.
You need to move away from the house, in case he gets more aggressive
Tell the father to either move out of the house, or leave yourself (with the mother if possible)
Under any circumstance, never live with the man.
DO NOT STAY ALONE WITH BF'S DAD under any circumstances.
You need to move away from the house, in case he gets more aggressive
Tell the father to either move out of the house, or leave yourself (with the mother if possible)
Under any circumstance, never live with the man.
Motion Picture Soundtrack
Member
OP, here is a website which you can navigate to help find a sexual assault hotline near you: http://www.hotpeachpages.net/index.html
Click on the country and state you live in to find the numbers you need.
I strongly recommend you seek help from these professionals rather than relying on people from a gaming forum for advice.
Click on the country and state you live in to find the numbers you need.
I strongly recommend you seek help from these professionals rather than relying on people from a gaming forum for advice.
Devolution
Member
She should absolutely tell her boyfriend after she's gotten herself to a safe place. Most importantly though OP you should seek some counseling.
I don't see any wrongdoing on your part. The father sounds like a disgusting coward who is hoping his behavior stays in the silence. By staying silent, you're giving the father control over you - Which can escalate in the future. Your bf needs to be aware of your current living situation and protect you from further harm (physical and emotional).
We can reverse this, if the dont tell and act out by not staying at the house, acting scared, insecure etc it will come out to the boyfriend.
Better do it straight then delay it.
kerotan_eater
Banned
Woops sorry, no I was meant to write tell the bf, I changed my mind, but forgot to delete it =(
Devolution
Member
Also hate to bring this up, in this manner, but chances are you aren't his first victim. He's what past middle aged at this point? No one just wakes up one day and decides to coerce their boyfriends girl into having sex with them. What a piece of shit human being.
MaschinenZimmer
Banned
Yeah, anyone that is approaching a girl in the club is a potential rapist. Nice world you are living in.
@OP
Tell BF. Guy is an asshole but I understand that this is fucked up situation for you.
Prophet Steve
Member
It is the boyfriends mother. If he thinks it is a good idea to not tell her I doubt he will suddenly tell her when he is pissed since he cares for her happiness. I don't see it as much more likely that he tells her than that he OP tells her (which I consider very unlikely to happen on "accident").
She needs to tell him, if only to have someone to talk to. She can discuss with him whether to confront his dad.
She also cannot just move out of the house, make the father leave the house, and especially not take the mother with her out of the house. Because without a good reason the boyfriend and mother would be very upset and confused in all of those situations.
EDIT: Oh, I see you did not mean to write that.
Rebel Leader
THE POWER OF BUTTERSCOTCH BOTTOMS
I never been/heard of this situation personally but I think telling your boyfriend is a good start.
cyberheater
PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 Xbone PS4 PS4
Some folks on this board give fabulously bad advise.
What if the dad tries to rape here and it goes to court and they ask here why she didn't mention the previous attempt.
To the OP.
Tell the boyfriend, tell a friend. Tell multiple people. Tell someone who would be willing to testify in court.
Get the FUCK out. He didn't try to "have sex" with you, he tried to rape you.
andthebeatgoeson
Junior Member
Sorry that happened. Sounds more like near rape then near sex. You clearly said no and he persisted only until you cried. All this sounds like it's playing a number on you, the dad and the whole family. But you still need to be out of his presence for the near future and long term future. The father needs a strong response to get any type of message. What you don't want to do is give him the idea that any of what he did was anywhere close to being okay.
From personal experience, you can be totally oblivious how you are acting has an impact on the people closest to you. This isn't a one time thing. He's pushed the line in the past, probably, and will push the line in the future. Regular guys may even do skeevy things like this but not push it to the point of rape or coercion (which is still rape). I'm not trying to paint him as some back alley rapist with a tattoo but we have to move away from thinking about extremes. He tried you, you said no and he kept on. Who knows what that will mean down the line but the situation makes you vulnerable (mention bad parental relationships, living with them, attached to the mom who is sick, feel she needs you more than protecting yourself). Admit you are in a vulnerable position and get the fuck out of there, no matter if you don't have the resources. The only other tolerable option, from just reading the OP, is the father leaves. Best bet, you leave or others kick him out so he can get some help. He doesn't sound like a good guy and it only takes a few beers and feeling bad about the whole situation for him to make a terrible mistake that will hurt you.
Look, people fuck up all the time and the whole family is vulnerable. A few beers to turn off his inhibitions, which don't seem so solid right now (son's girlfriend, you live in his house, know his wife extremely well and take care of her...this is damn near Arnold Schwarzenegger territory with the boundaries) and you'll be traumatized, he will be in jail, his family will be a wreck. It may not be your responsibility to do all of this but for your safety, I would move out.
Tell your boyfriend now. If the relationship is worth anything, you need to share this with him, if only to share a part of you with him. If he is worth anything, he will valiantly defend you. This is an opportunity for you to see who he is. Anti-rape is a great tag. Actually responding to it so close and personal will really let you see who he is. Sucky situation but one of the best opportunities for you to guage the type of person he is. Many claim you can't know a person before marriage: well, this is your chance to find out more.
Leave the decision to tell the mother until after you tell the boyfriend. He has better insights into his family that you don't. And that allows him to take charge of the situation. Again, more information on who he really is.
Don't let the mother's condition dictate whether you tell her. She is married to this man and I'm guessing, not a lot will 'surprise' her. People are resilient and perceptive. We can try to hide our perception or ignore it but it doesn't sound like this guy is a boy scout.
If you tell know, to your boyfriend, the emotions are fresh that no one could accuse you of making it up. If you are not completely supported, another sign to GTFO now. Like today, you pack your bags and walk out the door. This is FULL STOP territory. Train don't leave the station until a reasonable solution is obtained. Run from any signs of denial, accusations against you, intimidation, threats, etc. Like, leave your shit and run and ask the police to help you gather things later, run.
Edit: And to be completely clear: Any solution that involves you and the father in the same house without supervision is completely wrong. Not even supervision, dad can visit but not live there or you don't live there. There's a 5 alarm fire of red flags going off and you can see everyone's response because they see them. Also accept since you are personally involved, these things may not be clear to you at this point.
From personal experience, you can be totally oblivious how you are acting has an impact on the people closest to you. This isn't a one time thing. He's pushed the line in the past, probably, and will push the line in the future. Regular guys may even do skeevy things like this but not push it to the point of rape or coercion (which is still rape). I'm not trying to paint him as some back alley rapist with a tattoo but we have to move away from thinking about extremes. He tried you, you said no and he kept on. Who knows what that will mean down the line but the situation makes you vulnerable (mention bad parental relationships, living with them, attached to the mom who is sick, feel she needs you more than protecting yourself). Admit you are in a vulnerable position and get the fuck out of there, no matter if you don't have the resources. The only other tolerable option, from just reading the OP, is the father leaves. Best bet, you leave or others kick him out so he can get some help. He doesn't sound like a good guy and it only takes a few beers and feeling bad about the whole situation for him to make a terrible mistake that will hurt you.
Look, people fuck up all the time and the whole family is vulnerable. A few beers to turn off his inhibitions, which don't seem so solid right now (son's girlfriend, you live in his house, know his wife extremely well and take care of her...this is damn near Arnold Schwarzenegger territory with the boundaries) and you'll be traumatized, he will be in jail, his family will be a wreck. It may not be your responsibility to do all of this but for your safety, I would move out.
Tell your boyfriend now. If the relationship is worth anything, you need to share this with him, if only to share a part of you with him. If he is worth anything, he will valiantly defend you. This is an opportunity for you to see who he is. Anti-rape is a great tag. Actually responding to it so close and personal will really let you see who he is. Sucky situation but one of the best opportunities for you to guage the type of person he is. Many claim you can't know a person before marriage: well, this is your chance to find out more.
Leave the decision to tell the mother until after you tell the boyfriend. He has better insights into his family that you don't. And that allows him to take charge of the situation. Again, more information on who he really is.
Don't let the mother's condition dictate whether you tell her. She is married to this man and I'm guessing, not a lot will 'surprise' her. People are resilient and perceptive. We can try to hide our perception or ignore it but it doesn't sound like this guy is a boy scout.
If you tell know, to your boyfriend, the emotions are fresh that no one could accuse you of making it up. If you are not completely supported, another sign to GTFO now. Like today, you pack your bags and walk out the door. This is FULL STOP territory. Train don't leave the station until a reasonable solution is obtained. Run from any signs of denial, accusations against you, intimidation, threats, etc. Like, leave your shit and run and ask the police to help you gather things later, run.
Edit: And to be completely clear: Any solution that involves you and the father in the same house without supervision is completely wrong. Not even supervision, dad can visit but not live there or you don't live there. There's a 5 alarm fire of red flags going off and you can see everyone's response because they see them. Also accept since you are personally involved, these things may not be clear to you at this point.
lucebuce12
Member
2/10 for empathy man.
Devolution
Member
Great post man.
I know you want to protect the mother, but you really need to confide in someone close to you. What your bf's father did is wrong, and the fact that he tried to force himself on you indicates that he very well might try doing so again. And who knows whether you're the only one he tried something like this with. From what you write, it seems like he's creating a generally dysfunctional family environment. I think you should involve the authorities, but if that seems like overkill to you, at the very least talk to your bf.
Also, whatever you may think or feel, you had nothing to do with this. Nothing you did or might possibly have done could justify trying to sleep with you against your will in the slightest. There are few acts more appaling and despicable than trying to take advantage of a person when they're vulnerable.
Also, whatever you may think or feel, you had nothing to do with this. Nothing you did or might possibly have done could justify trying to sleep with you against your will in the slightest. There are few acts more appaling and despicable than trying to take advantage of a person when they're vulnerable.
Pretty much everything that needed to be said.
You don't read my PMs, so you don't know if I'm empathetic or not.
You also can't sugar coat these kinds of situations. Avoiding words like "rape" are what enable and neuter the perpetrator and make it seem like it's "not that serious."
I'm also not going to necessarily worry about what some junior is saying.
Devolution
Member
No one is sugar coating, you're just being incredibly abrasive to someone who was almost raped. Worry less about what words they use and more about what they're telling you.
Broken Joystick
At least you can talk. Who are you?
Don't you dare blame yourself for anything, you didn't do anything wrong. Tell your boyfriend who can then evaluate the situation with you to whether the mother needs to be informed right away.
Skinnyrattler nails it. Stay strong OP.
Delusibeta
Banned
Tell the boyfriend, tell the mother, tell the police and seek alternative accommodation. Not sure that's the right order to do things in, but make sure you do all four of them ASAP.
Maninthemirror
Banned
Isn't that attempted rape ? No means no
GraveHorizon
poop meter feature creep
Do you live in a world where a person explicitly demanding sex from someone explicitly refusing said demands of sex is not considered a potential rapist?
You didn't do anything wrong.
He tried to rape you, he didn't try to have sex.
Don't beg, tell. He's an absent, narcissistic, misogynistic asshole. He's beneath you.
Tell the boyfriend immediately. Move out as soon as possible. Visit the mother with company.
Telling the mother's a more touchy subject. I don't know what she's diagnosed with but being positive really helps with recovery. Talk to your boyfriend about it, but I'd tell her when she gets better. She needs to know.
He tried to rape you, he didn't try to have sex.
Don't beg, tell. He's an absent, narcissistic, misogynistic asshole. He's beneath you.
Tell the boyfriend immediately. Move out as soon as possible. Visit the mother with company.
Telling the mother's a more touchy subject. I don't know what she's diagnosed with but being positive really helps with recovery. Talk to your boyfriend about it, but I'd tell her when she gets better. She needs to know.
Devolution
Member
This is the key here but I don't think we need to get caught up on semantics. The father tried to coerce her into the deed. She needs to find a safe place to be because at this house is not it.
This pisses me off so much, and this sort of stuff usually doesn't. Jesus, you didn't do anything wrong. This sounds like it would be so awful to have to go through. Whether or not you tell your boyfriend is up to you, but if his father makes another pass at you then I would definitely do something about it.
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