BassForever
Member
Tell the bf and avoid being home alone with the dad even if it means driving to a local mcdonalds and just killing time there till you know someone will be home
No, you're reading more than what is there.
The guy sounds like someone who would feel justified forcing himself on someone. Obviously telling the bf/avoiding this guy as much as possible is the smartest/best choice, but it's not always this easy.
People like that are not to be fucked with, reason won't work. If they try it your only real option to stop it is to put a few inches of steel into them.
Part of me feels kind of like I did something wrong
And another part of me wants to imagine/pretend it didn't happen.
After giving it some more thought, I'd advice against this. The OP needs to get out of the house. Exposing the dad will likely have consequences (with him).
Tell the bf and avoid being home alone with the dad even if it means driving to a local mcdonalds and just killing time there till you know someone will be home
After giving it some more thought, I'd advice against this. The OP needs to get out of the house. Exposing the dad will likely have consequences (with him).
I agree.OPs bf deserves to know what his dad is capable of when left alone with his gfs. He might not believe it but he should know.
DON'T tell the boyfriend.
There is no way it won't get out to the mum anyway.
Even if he were to hide it, it will come out when he's pissed.
DO NOT STAY ALONE WITH BF'S DAD under any circumstances.
You need to move away from the house, in case he gets more aggressive, but I would give him a chance by not telling the son, but still move away for safety reasons.
Tell the father to either move out of the house, or leave yourself (with the mother if possible)
DON'T tell the boyfriend.
There is no way it won't get out to the mum anyway.
Even if he were to hide it, it will come out when he's pissed.
DO NOT STAY ALONE WITH BF'S DAD under any circumstances.
You need to move away from the house, in case he gets more aggressive, but I would give him a chance by not telling the son, but still move away for safety reasons.
Tell the father to either move out of the house, or leave yourself (with the mother if possible)
Under any circumstance, never live with the man.
Doesn't matter what you look like or how you dress, anyone trying to approach you for sex that you don't want is a potential rapist.
DON'T tell the boyfriend.
There is no way it won't get out to the mum anyway.
Even if he were to hide it, it will come out when he's pissed.
DO NOT STAY ALONE WITH BF'S DAD under any circumstances.
You need to move away from the house, in case he gets more aggressive, but I would give him a chance by not telling the son, but still move away for safety reasons.
Tell the father to either move out of the house, or leave yourself (with the mother if possible)
Under any circumstance, never live with the man.
DON'T tell the boyfriend..
I live with my boyfriend's family (long distance relationship) because I started spending a lot of time there; his mother is ill and often left alone so I keep her company and help her out with errands and stuff.
His dad is this often absent, narcissistic, misogynistic asshole who spends most of his time treating her like crap and ignoring her to go out, party and get drunk. He's rarely around (usually a few nights a week).
The mom has been in the hospital for a few days and this morning he tried to have sex with me. I started begging him to please leave me alone. He kept insisting that I wanted it. He stopped after I started crying but dammit if I'm not completely terrified and thinking of ways to avoid him forever (at work atm). I know I could have just screamed for his son who is very big in anti rape culture movement. Then he apologized and he begged me not to leave because I do take care of his wife and she would be heartbroken if I stopped coming around.
My boyfriend's mom is pretty fabulous and I love her to death. She's done more for and treated me better than my mother ever did. Her son is leaving so I know if I left she'd be pretty much on her own.
I'm probably never going to tell her because she isn't healthy and she doesn't need any more stress. And I'm not sure if I'll leave or not because I would rather not have her left alone and ignored.
But I think I should tell my boyfriend, not sure what I should do. Also even though I know I didn't do anything to warrant his attention (I dress pretty much like a guy, I'm not really attractive and I am pretty slovenly in general), part of me feels kind of like I did something wrong and another part of me wants to imagine/pretend it didn't happen. Anyway...I'm going to go back to hiding at work so I can cry.
Get the FUCK out. He didn't try to "have sex" with you, he tried to rape you.
Sorry that happened. Sounds more like near rape then near sex. You clearly said no and he persisted only until you cried. All this sounds like it's playing a number on you, the dad and the whole family. But you still need to be out of his presence for the near future and long term future. The father needs a strong response to get any type of message. What you don't want to do is give him the idea that any of what he did was anywhere close to being okay.
From personal experience, you can be totally oblivious how you are acting has an impact on the people closest to you. This isn't a one time thing. He's pushed the line in the past, probably, and will push the line in the future. Regular guys may even do skeevy things like this but not push it to the point of rape or coercion (which is still rape). I'm not trying to paint him as some back alley rapist with a tattoo but we have to move away from thinking about extremes. He tried you, you said no and he kept on. Who knows what that will mean down the line but the situation makes you vulnerable (mention bad parental relationships, living with them, attached to the mom who is sick, feel she needs you more than protecting yourself). Admit you are in a vulnerable position and get the fuck out of there, no matter if you don't have the resources. The only other tolerable option, from just reading the OP, is the father leaves. Best bet, you leave or others kick him out so he can get some help. He doesn't sound like a good guy and it only takes a few beers and feeling bad about the whole situation for him to make a terrible mistake that will hurt you.
Look, people fuck up all the time and the whole family is vulnerable. A few beers to turn off his inhibitions, which don't seem so solid right now (son's girlfriend, you live in his house, know his wife extremely well and take care of her...this is damn near Arnold Schwarzenegger territory with the boundaries) and you'll be traumatized, he will be in jail, his family will be a wreck. It may not be your responsibility to do all of this but for your safety, I would move out.
Tell your boyfriend now. If the relationship is worth anything, you need to share this with him, if only to share a part of you with him. If he is worth anything, he will valiantly defend you. This is an opportunity for you to see who he is. Anti-rape is a great tag. Actually responding to it so close and personal will really let you see who he is. Sucky situation but one of the best opportunities for you to guage the type of person he is. Many claim you can't know a person before marriage: well, this is your chance to find out more.
Leave the decision to tell the mother until after you tell the boyfriend. He has better insights into his family that you don't. And that allows him to take charge of the situation. Again, more information on who he really is.
Don't let the mother's condition dictate whether you tell her. She is married to this man and I'm guessing, not a lot will 'surprise' her. People are resilient and perceptive. We can try to hide our perception or ignore it but it doesn't sound like this guy is a boy scout.
If you tell know, to your boyfriend, the emotions are fresh that no one could accuse you of making it up. If you are not completely supported, another sign to GTFO now. Like today, you pack your bags and walk out the door. This is FULL STOP territory. Train don't leave the station until a reasonable solution is obtained. Run from any signs of denial, accusations against you, intimidation, threats, etc. Like, leave your shit and run and ask the police to help you gather things later, run.
Sorry that happened. Sounds more like near rape then near sex. You clearly said no and he persisted only until you cried. All this sounds like it's playing a number on you, the dad and the whole family. But you still need to be out of his presence for the near future and long term future. The father needs a strong response to get any type of message. What you don't want to do is give him the idea that any of what he did was anywhere close to being okay.
From personal experience, you can be totally oblivious how you are acting has an impact on the people closest to you. This isn't a one time thing. He's pushed the line in the past, probably, and will push the line in the future. Regular guys may even do skeevy things like this but not push it to the point of rape or coercion (which is still rape). I'm not trying to paint him as some back alley rapist with a tattoo but we have to move away from thinking about extremes. He tried you, you said no and he kept on. Who knows what that will mean down the line but the situation makes you vulnerable (mention bad parental relationships, living with them, attached to the mom who is sick, feel she needs you more than protecting yourself). Admit you are in a vulnerable position and get the fuck out of there, no matter if you don't have the resources. The only other tolerable option, from just reading the OP, is the father leaves. Best bet, you leave or others kick him out so he can get some help. He doesn't sound like a good guy and it only takes a few beers and feeling bad about the whole situation for him to make a terrible mistake that will hurt you.
Look, people fuck up all the time and the whole family is vulnerable. A few beers to turn off his inhibitions, which don't seem so solid right now (son's girlfriend, you live in his house, know his wife extremely well and take care of her...this is damn near Arnold Schwarzenegger territory with the boundaries) and you'll be traumatized, he will be in jail, his family will be a wreck. It may not be your responsibility to do all of this but for your safety, I would move out.
Tell your boyfriend now. If the relationship is worth anything, you need to share this with him, if only to share a part of you with him. If he is worth anything, he will valiantly defend you. This is an opportunity for you to see who he is. Anti-rape is a great tag. Actually responding to it so close and personal will really let you see who he is. Sucky situation but one of the best opportunities for you to guage the type of person he is. Many claim you can't know a person before marriage: well, this is your chance to find out more.
Leave the decision to tell the mother until after you tell the boyfriend. He has better insights into his family that you don't. And that allows him to take charge of the situation. Again, more information on who he really is.
Don't let the mother's condition dictate whether you tell her. She is married to this man and I'm guessing, not a lot will 'surprise' her. People are resilient and perceptive. We can try to hide our perception or ignore it but it doesn't sound like this guy is a boy scout.
If you tell know, to your boyfriend, the emotions are fresh that no one could accuse you of making it up. If you are not completely supported, another sign to GTFO now. Like today, you pack your bags and walk out the door. This is FULL STOP territory. Train don't leave the station until a reasonable solution is obtained. Run from any signs of denial, accusations against you, intimidation, threats, etc. Like, leave your shit and run and ask the police to help you gather things later, run.
2/10 for empathy man.
You don't read my PMs, so you don't know if I'm empathetic or not.
You also can't sugar coat these kinds of situations. Avoiding words like "rape" are what enable and neuter the perpetrator and make it seem like it's "not that serious."
But I think I should tell my boyfriend, not sure what I should do. Also even though I know I didn't do anything to warrant his attention (I dress pretty much like a guy, I'm not really attractive and I am pretty slovenly in general), part of me feels kind of like I did something wrong and another part of me wants to imagine/pretend it didn't happen. Anyway...I'm going to go back to hiding at work so I can cry.
Yeah, anyone that is approaching a girl in the club is a potential rapist. Nice world you are living in.
Wow, the rape word is getting thrown around a lot - her description just sounds like he was begging for sex, why the eagerness to move it up a notch?
He kept insisting that I wanted it. He stopped after I started crying