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[geomon]

If I were you, I would tell the boyfriend and I would get the fuck out of there. That's sexual assault.

 

[McLovin]

what a terrible situation

 

[DJ_Lae]

Tell your boyfriend. His dad sounds like an enormous prick and from your description it sounds like things could very well escalate at a later time. His is not normal behavior, and it is definitely not your fault.

My boyfriend's mom is pretty fabulous and I love her to death. She's done more for and treated me better than my mother ever did. Her son is leaving so I know if I left she'd be pretty much on her own.

Your boyfriend is leaving but you're staying?

 

[Bodacious]

big question ... who's paying for everything? if big daddy perv is bankrolling all of you living there, you'll have to decide whether getting away from him is worth giving up the free ride.

.

No no no no no! If the father is bankrolling this situation that puts him in a position of power.

The man is obviously a sexual predator in a position of power if the OP does not speak up. We know he also drinks and honestly has no compassion. Think of the thought process an individual would go through to assume its ok to sexually assault your sons girlfriend?

A free place to stay is not worth your mental or physical health. Events such as this can cause longterm mental issues you will have to deal with your entire life. A free place to stay is not worth it in any situation.

Some people have so much self-respect they'll eat dogshit in private rather than suffer any compromise in public. Other people have no problem openly whoring themselves out for the sake of financial security. It's up to OP to decide where she falls on that spectrum.

I would GTFO if I were her. But not being there, knowing what circumstances led to this incident, how truly predatory the guy is (or isn't), how personally strong the OP is and what her options for other living arrangements are, etc, it's not for me (or you) to judge. I think the word rape has been thrown about prematurely here though ... he's an ass for sure, but he did back off when she started crying. That makes him a lot of bad things, but not (yet) a rapist.

I would also add that she definitely should tell the BF, and if he's not onboard with getting her out of there, then he belongs in her past.


.

 

[Volimar]

I have to agree. Tell your boyfriend. Staying and not telling anyone is the worst outcome, and I don't think you want to make up an excuse to tell your boyfriend for leaving.

You got a lot of growin' up to do, junior...

Probably won't be doing it here.

 

[ishibear]

It is not your fault. You did nothing wrong nor did you deserve to have that scumbag attempt to force himself on you.

Stay strong OP. You have been tough so far and you're clearly a sweet, caring person (considering you put the mother's health above yourself). You have to understand that the best you can do for your bf and yourself in this situation is tell him what that disgusting piece of trash tried to do to you.

Let the bf decide from there whether to tell the mother or not. He'd probably be better suited for it because the husband could very well try to turn things on you once confronted. People like him will blame the victim (oh she tried to have sex with me, I didn't want to) and the last thing you need is for him to somehow convince her he's being truthful.

Good luck. I'm sorry you have to go thru this.

 

[Aiustis]

Thanks for the support. I've been able to tell a few people and my bf (he's supportive, but he lives in a different state). I've been able to line up a few places to stay. I do have relatives here but I'm worried that they'd just make me feel like it's my fault (talking to them about anything has never been easy)

 

[Gattsu25]

OP, tell your BF and don't spend any time alone in that house alone with the bf's parents.

Edit: awesome! Hopefully, your relatives will not be assholes. If they accuse you of anything then that's exactly what they are: assholes.

Get out of that house ASAP!

 

[Unbounded]

So first, get out of the house, then you should probably tell your boyfriend.

It may also be a good idea to work with the family to try to get the father some psychological help.

 

[CrunchyFrog]

Thanks for the support. I've been able to tell a few people and my bf (he's supportive, but he lives in a different state). I've been able to line up a few places to stay. I do have relatives here but I'm worried that they'd just make me feel like it's my fault (talking to them about anything has never been easy)

You're doing great. From this point on things may get ugly, but rest assured as many here have already said, you've done everything right. Keep your chin up, you're going to get through this.

 

[bengraven]

Jesus that made my heart sink :\ I'm really glad she's okay now man.

Take all this unanimous advice to heart OP, and please keep us up to date with your situation

I don't think a post has ever made me feel physically sick before, that's horrific

She's better now, that was 10 years ago, but to this day she has some issues with being touched. Especially after she's been asleep as you can imagine - of course. When I shake her to wake her up in the morning or in the middle of the night, she jumps and looks horrified. She once woke up with my hand on her chest, sleeping soundly and slapped me awake. She couldn't sleep the rest of the night, though she insisted it wasn't my fault.

And I was hesitating to say this before because it almost seems unreal and didn't add to the topic, but the boyfriend's reaction to it was even worse - the guy tried to kill his own stepfather, both men ended up in jail, stepfather did some time for the assault, then the boyfriend thought she was going to leave him after this...so he raped her himself. She was fucking 16.

It sickens me to think of men, especially two of them, who almost literally represent animals in heat and the way they treated my little cupcake making, playing Playdough with my son wife makes me very fucking violent.

Thanks for the support. I've been able to tell a few people and my bf (he's supportive, but he lives in a different state). I've been able to line up a few places to stay. I do have relatives here but I'm worried that they'd just make me feel like it's my fault (talking to them about anything has never been easy)

Can you possibly leave and get to some closer family?

I may have missed it, but why is the boyfriend out of state? It sounds like you need to be with some supportive people right now.

 

[bengraven]

dp

 

[echoshifting]

You need to talk to a professional crisis counselor, right away. This is what they do. Call a national crisis hotline or explore local resources. Don't wait for an appointment with a therapist...talk to someone today. I think this is a dangerous situation you need to extricate yourself from immediately, but I don't think anyone here is going to be able to convince you of that and inform you of your options going forward with the level of skill and care you now require.

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

Thanks for the support. I've been able to tell a few people and my bf (he's supportive, but he lives in a different state). I've been able to line up a few places to stay. I do have relatives here but I'm worried that they'd just make me feel like it's my fault (talking to them about anything has never been easy)

Missed this. Glad you're being proactive.

 

[EdibleKnife]

Thanks for the support. I've been able to tell a few people and my bf (he's supportive, but he lives in a different state). I've been able to line up a few places to stay. I do have relatives here but I'm worried that they'd just make me feel like it's my fault (talking to them about anything has never been easy)

Great job, Aiustis. As for your relatives, if they say that you can pretty much instantly mark them in your mind as a person whose opinions you should cut down several rungs. None of this was your fault. You didn't make your BF's dad drink. You didn't seduce him. He's the only one responsible for what ever happens in that family next.

 

[Igo]

Thanks for the support. I've been able to tell a few people and my bf (he's supportive, but he lives in a different state). I've been able to line up a few places to stay. I do have relatives here but I'm worried that they'd just make me feel like it's my fault (talking to them about anything has never been easy)

Have you told the other son? It sounds the he's best placed to look out for your well being and ensure that the father knows how fucked up and unacceptable his behaviour was. You could ask him to accompany you if you're afraid of being in the house alone and need to pick up some shit, or when visiting your boyfriend's mother.

How long until he leaves?

Spoiler

Or maybe i'm an idiot with shit reading comprehension and there is no second son.

 

[Coffee Dog]

Thanks for the support. I've been able to tell a few people and my bf (he's supportive, but he lives in a different state). I've been able to line up a few places to stay. I do have relatives here but I'm worried that they'd just make me feel like it's my fault (talking to them about anything has never been easy)

That's great. Really, really great. You're handling this very well so far, and it makes me unbelievably happy that it looks like you have some options.

Keep it up We're all pulling for you.

 

[diaspora]

I feel like staying in a house with someone who came pretty close to raping you is extremely ill-advised. Get the hell out of there, and tell your boyfriend.

edit: just read the update, good on you mang.

 

[ffdgh]

Thanks for the support. I've been able to tell a few people and my bf (he's supportive, but he lives in a different state). I've been able to line up a few places to stay. I do have relatives here but I'm worried that they'd just make me feel like it's my fault (talking to them about anything has never been easy)

That's good to hear.

 

[Shiggie]

Would her going to the police do anything? if so, I'd probably suggest filing a report or something.

and I'm happy to hear you're moving out.

 

[charsace]

Have to tell your bf or else the dad will take that as a sign that you are interested in his "advances." It really sounds like it is too dangerous for you to be around there.

 

[polyh3dron]

Thanks for the support. I've been able to tell a few people and my bf (he's supportive, but he lives in a different state). I've been able to line up a few places to stay. I do have relatives here but I'm worried that they'd just make me feel like it's my fault (talking to them about anything has never been easy)

I seriously can not understand the thought process that would lead someone to believe this with everything that you have told us.

 

[YoungHav]

Dude has no respect for boundaries and will probably try again drunk. Does his wife have economic power over him? Maybe she can kick him out of the house?

 

[EdibleKnife]

I seriously can not understand the thought process that would lead someone to believe this with everything that you have told us.

"That family took her into their home. Why would such a nice father screw up like that? She obviously must have seduced him etc."

It's completely warped BS.

 

[Ashes]

Sounds like sexual assault. Speak to your boyfriend. And talk to the police.

 

[Transhuman]

Thanks for the support. I've been able to tell a few people and my bf (he's supportive, but he lives in a different state). I've been able to line up a few places to stay. I do have relatives here but I'm worried that they'd just make me feel like it's my fault (talking to them about anything has never been easy)

You don't want to trade a situation where you can't trust who you're living with for a situation where the people you're living with don't trust you. I don't know your relatives, so maybe they are pieces of crap who would think it's your fault. Maybe not though, so you may as well check. Worst case scenario you give them something to gossip about.

You seem like a pretty level-headed person and for what it's worth I think you'll get through this.

 

[royalan]

I want to make something clear, one does not need to utilize violence to scare or coerce someone into sex they really don't want to partake in. If crying basically got him to stop more so than her words telling him "no" that's a sign that he would have kept going otherwise despite her verbal admissions. My guess is the crying actually put him off. This is the sign of someone who coerces women in vulnerable situations and doesn't take no for an answer. I'm not exactly sure what else you'd call this kind of sexual behavior other than predatory.

Exactly.

The man may not have raped her, but he forced himself on her, insisted she "wanted it" despite her giving him verbal confirmation that she damn well didn't, and only backed off after she "sounded the alarm" as it were. It wasn't rape, but it was close enough.

OP, that was borderline sexual assault. As has been said, it's not your fault, and you did nothing wrong. But now that you're aware of what the man in that house is capable of, if I were you, I wouldn't go back.

 

[striferser]

+1 on tell your BF.
Might as well as your BF mother to come stay with you when she get out of hospital. The man seem dangerous

 

[davepoobond]

If you don't think it's going to happen again you are mistaken. You are not going to be safe in that house. Tell your boyfriend before he leaves.

If he doesn't do anything, you had better leave. Staying with his family because of whatever justification you think you can come up with will be meaningless if he rapes you

And what then? More justifications to stay because you like the mother etc etc so you don't tell anyone about the rape. And the he possibly takes advantage again?


Not saying its a slippery slope here, but protecting this guy doesn't help you or your boyfriend or your boyfriends mother in any way.


Edit: read further now, looks like it executed correctly.

 

[cyberheater]

Thanks for the support. I've been able to tell a few people and my bf (he's supportive, but he lives in a different state). I've been able to line up a few places to stay. I do have relatives here but I'm worried that they'd just make me feel like it's my fault (talking to them about anything has never been easy)

Something about this statement doesn't stack up. You told your boyfriend who lives in another state that while his very ill mother was in hospital, his horrible farther tried to have sex with you and wouldn't stop until you cried and he was 'supportive'. What the hell is that meant to mean?

No no no. Something is very amiss here.

 

[Mononoke]

Something about this statement doesn't stack up. You told your boyfriend who lives in another state that while his very ill mother was in hospital, his horrible farther tried to have sex with you and wouldn't stop until you cried and he was 'supportive'. What the hell is that meant to mean?

No no no. Something is very amiss here.

I don't follow. Being "supportive" could mean, he didn't accuse her of lying. He believed her, and supports her decision to move out of the house ASAP. This kind of situation is complex, because family can often end be in denial over situations like this, and think the victim is lying. (Family over an outsider etc.) As far as the living arrangements, I won't pretend to know. But from what I gather, she lives with the boyfriend's family (because he's not always out of state), and she helps take care of his ailing mother (who she's become close with).

 

[ishibear]

Thanks for the support. I've been able to tell a few people and my bf (he's supportive, but he lives in a different state). I've been able to line up a few places to stay. I do have relatives here but I'm worried that they'd just make me feel like it's my fault (talking to them about anything has never been easy)

Not a problem, hon. We're all hoping the best for you. You're strong and I know you'll pull through.

Just a question but do you have to tell your relatives what happened? I mean since you're worried they will misplace the blame, is it possible to just say that things are turning ugly and you need to stay with them for a while? That way you don't have to deal with them judging you.

It fucking sucks that people can be so damn judgemental. Especially if it's your own relatives.

 

[cyberheater]

I don't follow.

As an example. If I was the boyfriend. I'd have jumped straight in my car and driven to my folks house to have a word or two with my dad.
Just being 'supportive' sounds like a massive under reaction to me given the circumstances.

 

[Herne]

What an awful situation to be in. Like everyone else said, you are not responsible for any of this, and neither are you for any potential fallout.

 

[davepoobond]

As an example. If I was the boyfriend. I'd have jumped straight in my car and driven to my folks house to have a word or two with my dad.
Just being 'supportive' sounds like a massive under reaction to me given the circumstances.

I don't want to make any assumptions here but would you even be using your girlfriend for live in care for your mother in the first place?

 

[Mister_Bubbles]

As an example. If I was the boyfriend. I'd have jumped straight in my car and driven to my folks house to have a word or two with my dad.
Just being 'supportive' sounds like a massive under reaction to me given the circumstances.

Seriously. What the fuck...

 

[Transhuman]

As an example. If I was the boyfriend. I'd have jumped straight in my car and driven to my folks house to have a word or two with my dad.
Just being 'supportive' sounds like a massive under reaction to me given the circumstances.

You can have "a word or two" over the phone. It seems like you're implying that anyrhing less than driving cross country and starting a violent confrontation is under reacting. Not everyone is that rash. Besides, she already said that the bf dad is a drunken mysogynist, he probably hates his dad already. Drunkenly coming onto his son's girfriend is probably par for the course.

International Women's Day 2014.

 

[SneakyStephan]

You have to tell the police or at least your bf
if you don't report it what if he tries to force himself on another woman next?

also you shouldn't feel the slightest shred of guilt or responsibility over what happened, it's not your fault

edit; you already told him, good

 

[Cloudy]

You gotta tell your BF or else he will be emboldened to try again....

 

[cyberheater]

I don't want to make any assumptions here but would you even be using your girlfriend for live in care for your mother in the first place?

I don't see that being a problem. It seems that the arrangement is helping several people out.

 

[cyberheater]

You can have "a word or two" over the phone.

Really. Your girlfriend is alone in a house where your horrible dad virtually tried to rape her and you'd be okay with a word or two over the phone. Some people.

 

[Coffee Dog]

As an example. If I was the boyfriend. I'd have jumped straight in my car and driven to my folks house to have a word or two with my dad.
Just being 'supportive' sounds like a massive under reaction to me given the circumstances.

I think it depends on how far away the boyfriend is. What if he doesn't have the money to spare to travel down?

She said he's supportive. That news is good enough. I don't think we have to pick apart every word she says.

 

[CriterionDog]

Tell your boyfriend immediately. This is an awful, awful situation. : (

 

[Tuck]

I'm sort of inclined to agree with cyberheater. At east from the OP's update, the boyfriend's reaction sounds inappropriate and not nearly responsive enough. He doesn't need to drive across the country but I imagine something more than "supportive phone call" would be more appopriate. That said, more detail on this would be good.

 

[YoungHav]

BF and dad probably have issues, wouldn't be surprised if BF fears dad. But they could be at a point in their lives where BF can take him on in a physical confrontation.

I know someone who's dad used to grope his gf in front of him. Dude did nothing, feared his dad etc...

 

[cyberheater]

BF and dad probably have issues, wouldn't be surprised if BF fears dad.

Then why would you put your girlfriend in harms way. It makes no sense to me and it's fucked up.

 

[asvpxjad]

Yeah I would definitely tell your bf.

 

[NintendoRev]

You should seriously tell your boyfriend. He definitely needs to know about this, and not saying anything could cause problems between you two. Just know that you've done nothing wrong, his dad sounds like a scumbag.

Edit: Good that you told him, but just remember don't listen to anyone if they try to say it's your fault. It really isn't.

 

[enzo_gt]

You need to tell your BF for your own safety, I'm assuming that this is a close relationship and that you share each other's problems, and if that is the case, this is too big to just let it eat at you on the side.

 

[Mononoke]

I'm sort of inclined to agree with cyberheater. At east from the OP's update, the boyfriend's reaction sounds inappropriate and not nearly responsive enough. He doesn't need to drive across the country but I imagine something more than "supportive phone call" would be more appopriate. That said, more detail on this would be good.

Eh. But isn't this ultimately about OP? If we start getting into a discussion about the boyfriend, and the actions he took or didn't take (or what we think he should have done). I dunno. I personally don't have enough info to start speculating.

But I guess that's just how these kind of posts go on a forum. You are taking everything someone says at face value etc, and assuming they are being forward with all the info. *shrugs*

 

[-Deimos]

Kick him in the nads.