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Boyfriend's dad tried to have sex with me :(
- Thread starter Aiustis
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peanutbutterlatte
Member
Do you have any family, however distant, you can stay with alternatively?
WhereAreMahDragonz
Banned
I'm going to echo everyone else's sentiments by saying that you need to tell your boyfriend as soon as possible. I would also consider moving out, so that you are away from that creep but can still visit the mom.
Stay strong, and remember that you did nothing wrong. I wish the best for you, please let me know if I can do anything for you.
Stay strong, and remember that you did nothing wrong. I wish the best for you, please let me know if I can do anything for you.
WhereAreMahDragonz
Banned
This thread was made two hours ago, I'm assuming she is still at work.
Prophet Steve
Member
She did say being at work, so I am not really expecting a fast response.
I would leave the house ASAP. Tell the bf of course. The fathers behavior goes beyond just being an asshole, he's clearly dangerous (sounds like an angry/violent drunk who has sexual aggression issues). I get the situation is complex in terms of, you love your bf and his mom. But ultimately this isn't your fault, and you need to protect yourself OP. I would not keep this hidden, nor would I assume it's a one time thing. Please consider leaving. At the very least tell someone.
Intheflorsh
Banned
I don't really know what to say. That's rough, OP.
Misterinenja
Member
I don't wanna sound gloomy but prepare to get heavy accusations of being a liar, and worse, if the person you're describing is truly a narcissistic, misogynistic asshole.
Hopefully your BF isn't easily manipulated and trusts you.
Hopefully your BF isn't easily manipulated and trusts you.
I agree it's a complex situation. None of us out here in internet land are there to deal with it, so take advice gotten here with a grain of salt.
it may be necessary to tell your bf.
it may be necessary to find a way to move, either with or without bf depending on how he takes it.
big question ... who's paying for everything? if big daddy perv is bankrolling all of you living there, you'll have to decide whether getting away from him is worth giving up the free ride.
.
Impeccable
Member
You have to protect yourself, it wouldn't surprise me if next time it escalated even further potentially ending in your rape.
Don't be ashamed and get out of there as fast as you fucking can.
Don't be ashamed and get out of there as fast as you fucking can.
GungHo
Single-handedly caused Exxon-Mobil to sue FOX, start World War 3
And, if he refuses to believe it, then move on without the guy. It's not the kind of thing that gets better over time. There are plenty of other people in the world that don't have fathers that don't realize that it's not okay to force themselves on their son's girlfriend. Regardless of whether or not the dad followed through, it's unacceptable.
And if he does believe it, good on him. We're not suggesting that he go beat the shit out of his dad, but the BF needs to know that he really needs to not put her in a situation where she's alone with the creep and why they need to consider motels when she's in town.
Agreed.
You need to get out of the house OP. When he begged you to stay for the benefit of your boyfriend's mom, he may have seemed contrite, but consider that maybe he was attempting to shift the guilty feelings from himself to you. That way, instead of HIM seeing some consequences for his actions (if you leave the house and tell the truth about why, everyone knows he's a piece of shit), he could try and make it seem that YOU are the one causing trouble by leaving poor sick mom with no caretaker. It sucks, but do not let him do this. Leave the house, it's not healthy for you to be there. Tell your boyfriend.
This whole situation is not your fault.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
Tell your boyfriend ASAP. Otherwise, leave. If you can, maybe take the BF's mom with you. But... you gotta tell your boyfriend.
smh.... this is at least abuse, and chances are it won't stop with this. The chances of this escalating are high.
OP please tell your boyfriend & find a friend to stay with for a little bit.
Sho_Nuff82
Member
If the bf trusts his drunk father over his gf that would be something else.
May I suggest we return the emphasis of our replies towards helping out a forum member who has asked for advice rather than descend in to a conversation of semantics.
Whilst such a topic may well be a legitimate point for a coherent and level-headed discussion, this specific thread is not the ideal place for it.
Whilst such a topic may well be a legitimate point for a coherent and level-headed discussion, this specific thread is not the ideal place for it.
Let's pretend that you have rapist tendencies, The_Wraith. So you try to rape someone that's obviously trying to fight you off via kicking and screaming. You think hey, look, boner, can't be that serious.
Following your logic, of course, it's ok to assume that the victim secretly wants to raped by you, due to boner, so you rape the vic anyway (while vic is kicking and crying) and later explain it was consensual.
How do you think it'd look if you were watching a surveillance video of it? Does kicking and crying look like consent due to boner?
Son of Cervantes
Member
Agreed with everyone else. Leave the house and tell your bf what happened ASAP. If you are living with the family, there is no telling what the father might do one night and then try to blame it on alcohol or drugs. The guy is a complete creep and you may very we'll be in danger if you stay there.
Randolph Freelander
Member
Wow, praying for a good resolution. Personally, I'd tell the SO and get out of that house. The part that makes this even more agonizing is the mother, who apparently needs the care and attention.
Sweetie, you did nothing to warrant this ok you are not at fault.
Tell your bf, this is something that cant be kept quiet, I understand you reluctance to leave due to his mom but you need to find a safe place to stay. Him being drunk or what have you is no excuse for his actions.
Tell your bf, this is something that cant be kept quiet, I understand you reluctance to leave due to his mom but you need to find a safe place to stay. Him being drunk or what have you is no excuse for his actions.
CrunchyFrog
Member
Tell the BF and get out of the house, at least temporarily. The dude AT MINIMUM needs to get some serious psychological help, if not a prison sentence. He's clearly not contributing anything of worth to that family and could cause serious damage if left to fester.
Also DON'T do any of this, it only escalates the situation further and does nothing to resolve the actual issues at play here.
Also DON'T do any of this, it only escalates the situation further and does nothing to resolve the actual issues at play here.
No no no no no! If the father is bankrolling this situation that puts him in a position of power.
The man is obviously a sexual predator in a position of power if the OP does not speak up. We know he also drinks and honestly has no compassion. Think of the thought process an individual would go through to assume its ok to sexually assault your sons girlfriend?
A free place to stay is not worth your mental or physical health. Events such as this can cause longterm mental issues you will have to deal with your entire life. A free place to stay is not worth it in any situation.
I was going to say how surprised I was but the dad sounds like scum in general.
I admire you for not wanting to tell the wife but I really believe you should tell your bf, otherwise it's going to eat you up inside. Hopefully he understands that you don't want to hurt his mom.
And don't ever feel like something like this is your fault, that's just a tactic he's using to make you feel guilty.
I admire you for not wanting to tell the wife but I really believe you should tell your bf, otherwise it's going to eat you up inside. Hopefully he understands that you don't want to hurt his mom.
And don't ever feel like something like this is your fault, that's just a tactic he's using to make you feel guilty.
cyberheater
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You should also tell the mum. She deserves to know what kind of scum bag she's married to.
I'm really worried about OP. I know the situation is complex in that she loves her BF and his mom. And what some posters said is true, these situations can lead to the family saying she's a liar. This could lead to relationships being damaged. But what is key here is that OP is not to blame. She is a victim, and needs to consider her own safety above all this.
I really fear that people in these situations keep things like this hidden, because they don't want to ruin their relationships. But what the father said sent chills down my spine: "you want this". I'm not a psychological expert and would not claim to be. But the guy is a drunk, misogynistic, and has signs of physical aggression. Assuming this is a one time thing is very dangerous. This is a very tough situation, because OP has been victimized and now her victimization puts a possible threat on her relationships. It's really messed up.
But again, it's NOT OPs fault, and she should think about her safety first. I really really hope she at least tells the bf, and considers leaving the house.
Napoleonthechimp
Member
What the hell is that?
Like most have said. Let your BF know. You don't want to go through life hiding something like that from him.
I hope he's calm when you tell him though. Completely normal people can easily shift gears hearing something like that and the outcome isn't usually pretty for all involved. Just make sure he promises you he won't do anything crazy like using violence
I hope he's calm when you tell him though. Completely normal people can easily shift gears hearing something like that and the outcome isn't usually pretty for all involved. Just make sure he promises you he won't do anything crazy like using violence
Dr D Wayne Love
Banned
These threads usually have a twist.
What's the odds the op gives into his advances?
Or he's a furry?
What's the odds the op gives into his advances?
Or he's a furry?
I'm not trying to play devil's advocate or anything, but I think the BF's dad needs psychological help ASAP more than a lynching for what he did.
What he did wasn't right, but it's quite possible it's his coping mechanism. As OP said, BF's dad is often out drinking and partying --- he's trying to avoid the reality of the situation at home as much as possible. This latest action may have also been part of it.
Take what I say with a grain of salt though, I am not a professional, but if I were in your shoes, I'd tell the boyfriend -- but make it clear that his dad needs help. Don't keep quiet about this though, someone definitely needs to be told of this.
What he did wasn't right, but it's quite possible it's his coping mechanism. As OP said, BF's dad is often out drinking and partying --- he's trying to avoid the reality of the situation at home as much as possible. This latest action may have also been part of it.
Take what I say with a grain of salt though, I am not a professional, but if I were in your shoes, I'd tell the boyfriend -- but make it clear that his dad needs help. Don't keep quiet about this though, someone definitely needs to be told of this.
Exactly what it sounds like?
CrunchyFrog
Member
This is why it's extremely important to confide in the boyfriend first and have someone at her side when the father and/or mother are confronted. It's a toxic environment, and something needs to be done immediately before the situation gets worse. Value your own safety first and foremost, OP.
You're gonna go far, kid. Yes indeed. :/
Yeah, agreed. But if the BF doesn't react the way she wants, or for whatever reason she can't tell the BF, I still think she needs to consider leaving the house.
OP, you did nothing wrong, as dozens of others have said already. And no one's blowing smoke up your ass about it either -- you are honestly completely blameless in this situation.
But you should absolutely tell your boyfriend. It will undoubtedly create a weird, tense, and potentially volatile situation in his family. But sexual assault is not a one-off occurrence and it's more likely than not your boyfriend's dad will try something like this again in the near future -- and if not with you, then someone else. The sooner you make it known, the sooner something positive can be done about it.
But you should absolutely tell your boyfriend. It will undoubtedly create a weird, tense, and potentially volatile situation in his family. But sexual assault is not a one-off occurrence and it's more likely than not your boyfriend's dad will try something like this again in the near future -- and if not with you, then someone else. The sooner you make it known, the sooner something positive can be done about it.
CrunchyFrog
Member
She needs to leave the house immediately regardless. Very little to keep the offending father at bay once the first act has been broached, especially when alcohol is a factor. That house is dangerous as long as he is still in it in his present state.
Coffee Dog
Banned
I know it almost seems hard to believe, but you did absolutely nothing wrong. You handled the situation wonderfully.
Tell your boyfriend. He loves you. And more than anything, that love means he wants to help you when you're hurting. Even though itll probably make him hate his dad, i think he'd agree that you need to talk with him about it.
This is totally not the thread to even jokingly imply that, man.
Tell your boyfriend. He loves you. And more than anything, that love means he wants to help you when you're hurting. Even though itll probably make him hate his dad, i think he'd agree that you need to talk with him about it.
This is totally not the thread to even jokingly imply that, man.
Yeah, we are on the same page. The father's behavior is really disturbing.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
He may have stopped this time, but if you stay in the house he might very well try again, especially if he drinks all the time.
Caring for other people is great, it is an admirable trait, but it should never be at the expense of your own well-being, and you're clearly afraid of returning to that house in fear of him showing up. As such, you have to tell your boyfriend, so he can resolve the matter (whether that be by kicking the father out, beating him, turning him to the police, or ensuring you are protected), or leave the place.
Stay strong, know that you did nothing wrong.
Caring for other people is great, it is an admirable trait, but it should never be at the expense of your own well-being, and you're clearly afraid of returning to that house in fear of him showing up. As such, you have to tell your boyfriend, so he can resolve the matter (whether that be by kicking the father out, beating him, turning him to the police, or ensuring you are protected), or leave the place.
Stay strong, know that you did nothing wrong.
Are you seriously going with a joke here? SMFH
EdibleKnife
Member
Pretty much this. Everybody else's feelings isn't on you. It's your job to make yourself feel comfortable. Tell the BF and let the score be settled with this dad fellow. He crossed a line that should never fucking be crossed and, even if he decides to change on a dime by the time you get back, the rest of his family should know. Despite his begging after he was seemingly pumped to take advantage of you, you owe him nothing, especially not silence on this matter.
rocketskates
Member
Considering the fact that he's barely home at all during the week I'm given the impression he's getting his own while he's not home. And who knows how's he getting it, either by raping some random girl or simply picking someone up from a bar. Combined with the fact that the wife is I'll, I definitely agree with you that she's not his first victim.
OP, what happened to you is absolutely, without a doubt, not your fault. You did nothing wrong to bring this upon yourself. I really hope you understand that because its true, nothing was your fault.
You definitely need to tell the boyfriend. I would suggest not at home so he doesn't rage out, if you're somewhere else you can talk and discuss what happened. The important thing is you tell him. He is your boyfriend. He needs to know. I don't know if you have any place to go but its unsafe at his house in this situation.
As other people have suggested, I also believe you should definitely talk to someone. There are people who help out victims for a living. They are there to help you. What you experienced isn't uncommon and its a very traumatizing situation. I don't mean to sound rude but you most likely can't handle this on your own. That's why you need to talk to someone who specializes in these type of situations. You're not alone. You may feel alone and a mix of other messed up feelings and the worst thing you can do is keep them bottle inside without talking to someone about it.
I know you have a very strong relationship with the mom. By the sound of it I'm sure she considers you family, if not her daughter. I know you're her main support with everything she's going through. But do not, I repeat do not, let his get in the way of you telling your boyfriend. If you truly have a great relationship with the mom I would maybe try confiding in her. In the worst case scenario she would get mad and turn on you. That would make it easier for you to not feel guilty about "abandoning" her.
And for others who don't understand, this is clearly attempted rape. There's no way around it, it is simply that.
You got a lot of growin' up to do, junior...
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