cyberheater
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OP was reduced to tears which eventually made him stop. How much coercion do you think is okay?
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Boyfriend's dad tried to have sex with me :(
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OP was reduced to tears which eventually made him stop. How much coercion do you think is okay?
The Technomancer
card-carrying scientician
It was sexual harassment. Its the kind of situation that very much could have become rape.
If you ask for sex or imply it, the response is negative and you keep going and pushing until tears are involved...wait really?
This needs to be explained to you...really?
Interesting.
she said no.
he insisted
he stopped when she started /crying/
that's fucking sexual assault, don't pussyfoot around the subject.
Because it bothered her, so she wants everyone else to know that that type of thing is bothersome so nobody ever tries it. It definitely is not rape and is incredibly far from it as it doesn't sound like he threatened or used any blackmail or any physical force whatsoever, but it still sounds like a terrible experience nevertheless. Dad sounds like a real ass. This might sound kinda morbid, but if the mom passes away, try and get your bf outta there.
Jimmyfenix
Member
Tell your Boyfriend.
First of all OP, ignore several of the less sensitive replies above.
You did absolutely nothing wrong and you should not blame yourself, tell your boyfriend honestly what happened.
He tried to rape you, you are a victim. Try not to be alone with the father at all.
Edit: btw OP, are you a boy or a girl? Noticing in here people are calling you both a he and a she.
You did absolutely nothing wrong and you should not blame yourself, tell your boyfriend honestly what happened.
He tried to rape you, you are a victim. Try not to be alone with the father at all.
Edit: btw OP, are you a boy or a girl? Noticing in here people are calling you both a he and a she.
andthebeatgoeson
Junior Member
Well, I guess he would be okay with enough to get penetration. Then she asked for it.
It's not even the tears. Son's GF, living at the house, caring for the mother.
Either way, I haven't seen one person call it rape. I've seen a ton call it near rape. If anyone can find a person in this thread call it rape, I would love to see it.
I wonder why is it that we fall so easily into extremes. Fox News is making a killing off of extremes. Why are we prone to them? Can't even tolerate the word rape when sex by coercion is rape. Can't legally coerce people into it. Happens all the time. My wife does it to me all the time. Wakes me up at 3 am and just jumps my damn bones before I can say yes or now. Hell, I can't half remember the whole thing.
cyberheater
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I'm not really sure of the point you are trying to make?
Devolution
Member
Your wife humping you at 3am is a pretty different situation than what is described in the OP.
Did you miss this delightful little tidbit from the OP?:
If that's not attempted rape then I am insane.
It's difficult to decypher but that's what he's saying.
Fairly sure he was responding to fool, though hard to tell
John Kowalski
Banned
That point in which the thread becomes the worst thing the OP could read.
andthebeatgoeson
Junior Member
I said I haven't seen one person call it rape but everyone is calling it near rape or attempted rape. The initial quote:
downplays the rape part of it. I was just correcting him. Most in this thread have described near rape or attempted rape. I think royalfool is feeling some type of way that rape is even being mentioned. I just like precision that doesn't happen a lot on these boards.
yes. Damn internet and me doesn't convey what I was thinking well.
I kinda don't see how that's attempted rape. Seeing as how he didn't act probably because he didn't get OP's consent, it sounds like attempted sex, and I don't think that's a crime. Definitely sounds like a reason to stay away from him, though.
Devolution
Member
Oh my bad then.
He didn't leave her alone after her initial negative responses. Pestering someone like that when you have power over the situation and only backing off once they cry is a red flag.
andthebeatgoeson
Junior Member
Again, I think most people are reacting to how close it could have been and recognizing the grey area. He wouldn't be locked up but he's a douche she needs to be away from.
It's almost as if people here the word rape or attempted rape and can only imagine a few scenarios. He won't get locked up but that's because the coercion will be hard to prove in court and we have been 'taught' that attempts at rape and rape usually happen in a certain way. No bruises, ripped clothes, etc leave him in the clear. But he did more than just ask for sex. Again, I've told my wife no to sex a few times in my life but that is completely different. I usually am not crying.
Whatever, I just think we need to be more careful not to jump to conclusions - from her description it sounds like begging and possible coercion, it doesn't sound like any force or violence was used (if it was, she needs to phone the police ASAP). I'm just worried if she follows the advice here she might end up telling her boyfriend his dad attempted to rape her, which is a big difference from just trying it on and could lead to a completely different set of consequences.
Personally I don't think we should be trying to tell her what happened, and just stick to offering advice from a boyfriends perspective based on what she has actually told us, if that makes me a fool then please hand me the dunce hat.
I am sorry you had to go through such a traumatic event OP. If you have any feelings towards your boyfriend you have to tell him now! You are never gonna act the same in the house and your significant other will pickup on this eventually. Once the truth comes out way after the fact your relationships trust will be destroyed.
You did nothing wrong and I understand what an uncomfortable situation this has put you in. However, keeping your silence is playing into the fathers game and he will most likely attempt this again due to no repercussions. I understand how uncomfortable it will be to talk to your BF about this but it has to be done for your own safety.
You did nothing wrong and I understand what an uncomfortable situation this has put you in. However, keeping your silence is playing into the fathers game and he will most likely attempt this again due to no repercussions. I understand how uncomfortable it will be to talk to your BF about this but it has to be done for your own safety.
Nameless
Member
Sorry that happened, OP. I'm not sure how grabby he got but it sounds pretty bad. If you're scared in anyway to be around him you owe to yourself to get a hotel, or do whatever you have to do until you tell your BF or decide how to proceed otherwise. We've established his father is a drunken scumbag, who knows his thought process under or off the influence. If nothing happens he could take it as your actually being receptive to his advances. Leaving, if only temporarily, would give you space to clear your head without the father's presence looming, and send a message to him that what he did wasn't ok and now there are consequences. Plus from my [limited] perspective it seems like the safest course of action in the short term.
.
If he did it once, and you have any intention of being with your boyfriend for the long term, know that this will happen again if you don't bring it to light, and he may not so next time.
I understand the implications of speaking up, but at the same time, the implications if you don't could be far more devastating.
Devolution
Member
I want to make something clear, one does not need to utilize violence to scare or coerce someone into sex they really don't want to partake in. If crying basically got him to stop more so than her words telling him "no" that's a sign that he would have kept going otherwise despite her verbal admissions. My guess is the crying actually put him off. This is the sign of someone who coerces women in vulnerable situations and doesn't take no for an answer. I'm not exactly sure what else you'd call this kind of sexual behavior other than predatory.
Sho_Nuff82
Member
Get out of that fucking house. Now.
andthebeatgoeson
Junior Member
I don't think you have to worry about that. She seems level headed. She even refused to make a big scene about it when it happened. She is so overly concerned about the mother (and even the father by not making a scene) that we want to ensure she fully recognizes what happened. By coercing her into having sex, it still would have been rape. Relenting to his request, especially when she is dependent on him for a place to stay, since he is considered the head of the household, she could have easily misinterpreted his 'requests' as demands. It's similar to a boss 'requesting' a blowjob from an employee. Inherent power discrepency and he's a douche for playing off of it.
Luckily, she did not have to fight back with force nor give in to his pressures. It is only by her actions did rape not happen, not the father's. Fuck him. No one gives a damn about how people will perceive an known douche.
Except from telling the BF and maybe calling the cops you should also get out of this house. They don't seem like people you'd want to be around. Just because they're your BF family don't commit you to them. I'm saying because it seems you have low self esteem issues. I just hope you're BF is not the one who wanted you to care for his mother.
This pretty much, you need to get out of that situation because if he did it once who to say that he won't try again.
I also think that you should tell your boyfriend as well.
The Wraith
Member
You have to tell your boyfriend ASAP. Plus none of this is your fault. The father is a piece of shit. Any man who would cheat on their sick wife is a scumbag.
The Wraith
Member
Well if you get a boner I do not think its rape because that is pretty much consent. She would have to sodomize you for it to be rape. That being said this situation. Is far worse but I wouldn't call it rape because there was no penetration.
Moff
Member
of course thats not your fault, the father is a huge pice of shit
first I wanted to advise against telling anyone, if he doesnt try again. because you obviously care about the mother, and anything you do would fuck that up for sure.
but thinking about it, there is no way around it, you need to leave there. there is no way you will ever feel safe or comfortable there again, and especially since the father seems to drink a lot, this is a dangerous enviroment for you.
so get out there and tell your BF why
first I wanted to advise against telling anyone, if he doesnt try again. because you obviously care about the mother, and anything you do would fuck that up for sure.
but thinking about it, there is no way around it, you need to leave there. there is no way you will ever feel safe or comfortable there again, and especially since the father seems to drink a lot, this is a dangerous enviroment for you.
so get out there and tell your BF why
Fuck off with that shit.
Prophet Steve
Member
Uh oh.
Rebel Leader
THE POWER OF BUTTERSCOTCH BOTTOMS
What the fuck
Nameless
Member
Belize is lovely this time of year.
OP, leave that house ASAP. Your safety is the most important thing right now. Then definitely tell your boyfriend.
Staying and not telling anyone could be disastrous.
If you're going to post idiotic stuff like this, you might as well GTFO.
Staying and not telling anyone could be disastrous.
If you're going to post idiotic stuff like this, you might as well GTFO.
Halcyon
Member
I laughed at this reference
In all my years of reading Neogaf I am hard pressed to find a more ignorant or stupid comment. I can not believe someone would write, read, and post this comment. You realize you can have sexual stimulation without really wanting sex right?
What the fuck am I reading.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Jesus that made my heart sink :\ I'm really glad she's okay now man.
Take all this unanimous advice to heart OP, and please keep us up to date with your situation
But what if he gets boner while she's sodomizing him? Is it no longer rape then?
AnathemicOne
Banned
That's some fucked up situation.
First off nothing in that situation was your fault. Even being dressed as attractive does not warrant attempted rape despite what ignorant plebs might believe.
Second, tell your boyfriend. I'd think he'd want to know for a multitude of reasons.
Lastly, stay away from the house for now and engage in conversation with your boyfriend. As douche-like it may sound; do not warrant your safety for the well-being of another. As much as you may enjoy caring for your boyfriend's mother that type of behavior from the father has a high chance of being repeated in the future. Again converse with your boyfriend and maybe perhaps be armed with a defensive tool such as a stungun or tazer (people say knife but that would put you at a chance of fault if anything were to happen).
First off nothing in that situation was your fault. Even being dressed as attractive does not warrant attempted rape despite what ignorant plebs might believe.
Second, tell your boyfriend. I'd think he'd want to know for a multitude of reasons.
Lastly, stay away from the house for now and engage in conversation with your boyfriend. As douche-like it may sound; do not warrant your safety for the well-being of another. As much as you may enjoy caring for your boyfriend's mother that type of behavior from the father has a high chance of being repeated in the future. Again converse with your boyfriend and maybe perhaps be armed with a defensive tool such as a stungun or tazer (people say knife but that would put you at a chance of fault if anything were to happen).
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