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[Beloved]

Do you guys pull the chair out at restaurants? Or open car door for a date?

Both of those seem ridiculous to me.

I'll gladly do most of the things in the OP except the curb thing as that is way outdated.

My dad always opens the car door for his wife, and usually for me as well. But he's from the generation when that was expected. Also my step mom has a bad knee, so she actually does need help getting in/out of vehicles.

Him doing it for me is unnecessary but it's not like I mind it either, it's a harmless gesture.

 

[tokkun]

Well. What about this. If you're in a train or bus, everyone is roughly the same age, but all the men are sitting and women are standing.

Would you offer your seat?

No, I think we are past an inflection point where this type of behavior is viewed as more sexist than polite. I have already gotten some negative comments from female friends if I offer to carry a heavy object for them. People can get insulted if you treat them as if they are less capable than you are.

 

[Grisby]

Yeah, most of it is just common courtesy.

 

[DoktorEvil]

Well I think that's were the custom differ. It's old school, but offering your seat to a woman, even an able bodied one is a common. I see it all the time in NYC subway. 50 year old men or given up their seats for 20-30 women.

That should be something decent people do, not as a call for gentlemanly customs.

I don't give my seat up for anyone, except the elderly, disabled, or those with grocery/shopping bags or kids and wishes to have their kid sit with them.

Otherwise, I have no real incentive to. I may be young but have knee and joints issues that sitting is a necessity.

 

[Zona]

I open doors for everyone and give up my seat for those who need it more then me. In nonprofessional settings I curse like a sailor. I've been told I use fuck like it's a comma.

 

[GifGafIsTheBestGaf]

yeah i have common courtesy too op

i hold the door sometimes (both men and women), i only open the door of my car if its my grandma/elderly people, i dont give my sit if it aint elderly people or pregnant women (or with a newborn), i do use a lot of bad language when im with friends though

i dont do the walk on the curb or the coat thingy(this one unless im asked like she cant put it on or something like that)

 

[CarpeDeezNutz]

I do most of those. Isn't the coat thing some tv bullshit? I have never seen anyone do that. I would go Dutch when I was single.

Funny thing about the curb one, I always heard that guys do that in Mexico to keep their women from being hollered at. Sure enough me and some friends are walking the streets of Laredo and this dude is trying to talk to one of my friends gf out a car window. I know it's anecdotal but I thought it was funny.

I open doors but I'm in Texas and here everyone pretty much does that for each other, Men and Women.

 

[Always-honest]

Yes. But i do this for everyone. There is no reason not to be friendly. Same goes for women.
Stop being a princess and get with the program. We're all people.

In terms of seats: just old people and pregnant women or disabled people.

 

[draetenth]

Opening Doors - I do this for anyone provided they are close (like 10 feet or something like that).

Walking close to the curb - well, I guess it depends on which side the curb is and whether people want me to hear them. I'm deaf in my left ear so people need to be on my right no matter what if they want me to hear them...

Giving up seat in public places - I've never been in a situation where I needed to do this. The closest is probably the bus I use to commute to work. However, I have a lot of trouble staying upright on a moving bus (I have balance problems) so I don't think it would be feasible even I wanted to.

Limit Profanity - This is true as I generally don't swear much unless I'm playing video games, but I play those solo anyway so people won't hear me.

Pay for dates - I don't date. However if it counts, I do pay frequently when I go out to eat with family.

Put on her coat - I'm not sure what you are asking here... Are you saying put your coat on someone else (a followup to the date thing above?)? No, but I'm never in this situation.

 

[Nealand Liquor]

I am courteous to everybody. You know, get what you give.

Now as far as the bus/train thing goes I haven't used public transit in years, but when I did I only gave up my seat to the elderly or parents with small children. After a long days work I'm not about to give up my seat to a perfectly healthy person just because they have a vagina. Fuck that bullshit.

I never had an issue with paying the bill and I'll never understand the resentment people have over it. I used to date a lot before meeting my wife and I found the vast majority of girls I dated wanted to pay their half, if not pay for everything.

 

[entremet]

Opening Doors - I do this for anyone provided they are close (like 10 feet or something like that).

Walking close to the curb - well, I guess it depends on which side the curb is and whether people want me to hear them. I'm deaf in my left ear so people need to be on my right no matter what if they want me to hear them...

Giving up seat in public places - I've never been in a situation where I needed to do this. The closest is probably the bus I use to commute to work. However, I have a lot of trouble staying upright on a moving bus (I have balance problems) so I don't think it would be feasible even I wanted to.

Limit Profanity - This is true as I generally don't swear much unless I'm playing video games, but I play those solo anyway so people won't hear me.

Pay for dates - I don't date. However if it counts, I do pay frequently when I go out to eat with family.

Put on her coat - I'm not sure what you are asking here... Are you saying put your coat on someone else (a followup to the date thing above?)? No, but I'm never in this situation.

Here's the coat example.

http://aplus.com/a/23-behaviors-of-a-gentleman-for-2015?so=ej88XfcbKSpjmzxYsRqdh8&ref=ns

Some interesting things here I missed. Some that I think are pretty outdated honestly.

--Rising when a woman enters a room?!

Others are should just be common for everyone. Listening? Hello.

 

[Kitsunebaby]

-Opening doors-

Do this for people all the time. I just consider it common courtesy.

-Walking close to curb-

I don't think this ever really enters my thoughts.

-Give up seat in public places-

Nope. I've had a lifetime of chronic back pain. I ain't giving up this seat for nobody.

-Limit profanity-

Fuck no. I never feel the need to censor myself for others.

-Pay for dates-

Generally my date and I will pay our own way. In a longer term relationship we'd probably switch back and forth for who picks up the check.

-Put on her coat-

No. That's fucking weird.

 

[SPCTRE]

• always get up from the table to greet a person (no shaking hands sitting down)
• always pull out the chair for the fiancé
• always open the car door for the fiancé (getting in) and close it for her
• (almost) always help her with the coat if we're not in a hurry

It took a while for the fiancé to get used to it, because she's generally a very strong, independent character. These days, she enjoys it.

The part I enjoy is every once in a while (I can think of at least three instances like that), you can see a sort of jealous look on some female bystander's face, followed by a reproachful "you see that?" sort of look towards their male companion.

Edit: I just realized I might be doing this for the wrong reasons. Following these customs to basically troll other men in relationships, that is.

 

[Timbuktu]

With the door opening thing, it just feels normal. It probably stands out more when a woman walk straight through and think it's perfectly fine to let the door slam into people's faces because of her gender.

 

[entremet]

Pulling out chairs is something I never do. Seems outdated. I would think the woman would feel very awkward. At least those in my age range.

Maybe older ladies find it more apropos.

 

[jesu]

I always put my coat over a puddle when me and m'lady come across one whilst out walking.

 

[entremet]

I always put my coat over a puddle when me and m'lady come across one whilst out walking.

lol.

 

[JNT]

I only go out of my way to open doors and give up seats for elderly, children, and non-able. I expect the rest to be capable enough to open doors and stand for themselves.

 

[Beloved]

• always get up from the table to greet a person (no shaking hands sitting down)
• always pull out the chair for the fiancé
• always open the car door for the fiancé (getting in) and close it for her
• (almost) always help her with the coat if we're not in a hurry

It took a while for the fiancé to get used to it, because she's generally a very strong, independent character. These days, she enjoys it.

The part I enjoy is every once in a while (I can think of at least three instances like that), you can see a sort of jealous look on some female bystander's face, followed by a reproachful "you see that?" sort of look towards their male companion.

Having someone always do those things would end up annoying the shit out of me tbh. Especially the coat thing.

 

[TheJLC]

Yes except for the opening car door and pulling out chair. It is something I learned as I grew up so I do it for almost everyone I'm with. The ladies are flattered when I do it. The guys are like "thanks man."

 

[Zoned]

Holding doors yes, and paying for dates only if the girl is good by my standards, otherwise no to everything.

 

[freenudemacusers]

yes. my wife seems to enjoy stealing my jackets after dinner.

 

[DoktorEvil]

Pulling out chairs is something I never do. Seems outdated. I would think the woman would feel very awkward. At least those in my age range.

Maybe older ladies find it more apropos.

To be frank, all of the gentlemanly things men are expected to do in order to be courteous seem woefully antiquated.

Although, I do find myself motivated to give a date every now and then my jacket because she's wearing clothes that don't reflect the weather change, but then I don't because I don't want to appear condescending.

 

[royalan]

I give up my seat to elderly people (or someone with a small child) on public transit. I also hold open doors if someone is coming through at the same time I am. That's it.

The rest of that stuff I would never do. They're mostly outdated customs and aren't even considered "common courtesy" by the average person anymore. I'm not sheathing a sword when nobility walks into the room, so why the hell would I take my hat off when a lady walks in?

Hell...who's still wearing hats these days?

 

[entremet]

Having someone always do those things would end up annoying the shit out of me tbh. Especially the coat thing.

I feel like a lot of these things may be first date stuff. Couples usually tend to more respective of their space and manner cues in time, as they get to know each other.

Holding the door, for example. I remember dating a girl that would open the door for me at times. But that was after a few dates.

 

[EMT0]

I don't give up my seat unless someone is a wreck, I don't really pay attention to which part of the street I walk on, and I don't think I've ever been in a position for the coat thing. And I probably skew more towards paying for meals, but I've had a few payed by others for me. But it's not really cuz of my gender making me feel obliged to do so.

Meh, some of these are just courteous things to do in general that all people should follow. But then some of these are straight up bizarre.

 

[Disgraced]

I'll gladly do most of the things in the OP except the curb thing as that is way outdated.

Wait, I don't get why the curb one's way outdated. To me it seems like the most subtle 'gentlemanly' thing you can do. It's not like most people in my company are going to notice I'm the one who tends to walk closest to the curb. And isn't the whole thing rooted in safety? I mean, if I'm walking down the sidewalk with my child, SO, a sick person, et cetera, I'd be the one walking nearest to the road just in case someone on the road does lose control, that way I'd be hit first and there's a super small chance I'd be able to knock whomever I'm walking with out of the way. It's a life-preservation thing, even if me being a shield against an out of control car would be super-super futile.

But still, doing this with a child seems like common sense to me, as you're also doing it to prevent them from being a stupid child and blocking them from wandering out in the middle of the road. I dunno, man.

 

[hobblygobbly]

My common courtesy extends to everyone:

a) If I walk through a door and someone is behind me or whatever I hold it open.
b) I avoid swearing around people, I only swear around close friends.
c) I do indeed offer seats up to people but it's only ever the elderly or someone having a hard time standing. Never had to do this for a pregnant lady but I guess if I found myself with that situation I'd do it.
d) I have helped elderly or someone that generally may need help with loading groceries into a car or carrying them. I don't go out of my way to look for this but if I see it I tend to offer my help.

I guess in the older days these would be gentlemanly things performed for women but I'm in my 20s and in society today this is mostly all gender-neutral courtesies really.

One thing I find myself doing in some public spaces that is not very crowded and I'm walking and someone is walking in the opposite direction I either give a smile or a "good day" or "hello" as a passing greeting. Nothing more and keep on walking, 99% of the time people respond equally. I'm a really introverted person and rather shy but I've never had a problem doing this, maybe it's because they're such strangers that there's a high chance I'll never see them again so there's no anxiety or anything.

I try to live life as to how I'd like to be treated.

 

[DiipuSurotu]

• always get up from the table to greet a person (no shaking hands sitting down)
• always pull out the chair for the fiancé
• always open the car door for the fiancé (getting in) and close it for her
• (almost) always help her with the coat if we're not in a hurry

It took a while for the fiancé to get used to it, because she's generally a very strong, independent character. These days, she enjoys it.

The part I enjoy is every once in a while (I can think of at least three instances like that), you can see a sort of jealous look on some female bystander's face, followed by a reproachful "you see that?" sort of look towards their male companion.

You might as well cut her steak into tiny pieces during dinners.

 

[Horse Detective]

I open doors for everyone, I don't use much profanity, I try to pay for most things.

That is about all I can remember for now.

 

[SigSig]

Nah, just standard stuff like opening doors and giving my seat to the elderly, disabled or to parents when it's the only space to nearby park their baby strollers.

 

[aku:jiki]

Did I time travel in my sleep? Of course I don't do any of that antiquated shit. Opening car doors and putting on coats even seems pretty condescending to me.

 

[Beloved]

You might as well cut her steak into tiny pieces during dinners.

LOL

 

[entremet]

I give up my seat to elderly people (or someone with a small child) on public transit. I also hold open doors if someone is coming through at the same time I am. That's it.

The rest of that stuff I would never do. They're mostly outdated customs and aren't even considered "common courtesy" by the average person anymore. I'm not sheathing a sword when nobility walks into the room, so why the hell would I take my hat off when a lady walks in?

Hell...who's still wearing hats these days?

Fedoras are making a comeback ;P

 

[cj_iwakura]

I see the OP stuff as common decency, so yeah.

 

[royalan]

I see the OP stuff as common decency, so yeah.

None of that stuff is "common" or a sign of decency.

 

[ZdkDzk]

I follow most of those except the profanity and coat thing because they're just nice things to do for people., regardless of gender. I too poor to go on dates, though when I do, I pay more for cultural reasons than to be a gentleman.

"Protection" from horses and carriages passing on mud roads. Not exactly something to be afraid of nowadays.

According to my old man (baby boomer), it was also to shield or help move a woman/child out of the way in the case of a car accident.

 

[Siegcram]

None of that stuff is "common" or a sign of decency.

How is holding a door not common?

 

[entremet]

How is holding a door not common?

It's actually not common. He's right lol. It's nice and courteous, but I don't it happening a lot when I'm out.

I can only speak for my location, though. Not sure if it's different where you live.

 

[SliceSabre]

I don't do any of this.

Open doors doesn't really count cause I do that regardless of gender and give up seat never happens because I never take public transportation.

 

[Siegcram]

According to my old man (baby boomer), it was also to shield or help move a woman out of the way in the case of a car accident.

Not sure how that's supposed to help.

It's actually not common. He's right lol. It's nice and courteous, but I don't it happening a lot when I'm out.

I can only speak for my location, though. Not sure if it's different where you live.

It's an everyday occurrence in my college.

 

[royalan]

It's actually not common. He's right lol. It's nice and courteous, but I don't it happening a lot when I'm out.

I can only speak for my location, though. Not sure if it's different where you live.

It's something I rarely see in huge, urban cities. The most people will do these days is sort of push the door a little as they're walking through so that the person coming behind them can catch it.

 

[CarpeDeezNutz]

It's actually not common. He's right lol. It's nice and courteous, but I don't it happening a lot when I'm out.

I can only speak for my location, though. Not sure if it's different where you live.

It's common where I am from (Texas) and both males and females have held the door for me and I do the same.

 

[Rayis]

My whole existence is a subversion of gender roles so no

 

[Makai]

That stuff is weird. I bet it gives most women the creeps.

 

[Disgraced]

It's actually not common. He's right lol. It's nice and courteous, but I don't it happening a lot when I'm out.

I can only speak for my location, though. Not sure if it's different where you live.

I see it a lot in smaller suburban So-Cal, especially at resturaunts, smaller storefronts, what-have-you, but not when I'm in a densely populated place like a mall or when I'm in LA.

 

[fuzzyreactor]

Obviously this question is for men.

Just curious do you still follow was are considered traditional western gentlemanly customs?

Quick audit of gentlemanly behaviors with my comments

-Opening doors--YES

-Walking close to curb--YES

-Give up seat in public places - option rarely comes up but would only for elderly and pregnant

-Limit profanity--NO

-Pay for dates-- YES

-Put on her coat--NO

Those are the ones I can think of.

If you know more, add those.

.

 

[Dr. Buni]

That stuff is weird. I bet it gives most women the creeps.

It does, except opening doors which is common courtesy.

 

[Unbounded]

Only opening doors.

The rest can fuck off.

 

[entremet]

It does, except opening doors which is common courtesy.

I've never heard of a woman being creeped out by a man offering to pay a check on a dinner date.

On the contrary, I've had female friends complain when dudes offer dutch on first dates.

Pulling out chairs and putting/taking off coats are bit outdated. I would agree.