Naw man. Why put it off? If a kiss is what ruins it the shit was never going to last anyway. Keep being forward (but not pushy) with what you want man. You're doing it right.
Thanks GDM. idk what her deal is. But whatever, I tried. My best bro thought she was a bad fit for me anyways. I'm still cool with her but I'm not reaching out anymore.
This thread really is a lifesaver and has taught me more than I've ever known.
Jason, ever since you posted about pool girl at the top of the page, you've posted here 9 times in the past 18 or so hours. Which means you've thought about her at least 9 times since. Include 8 hours of sleep and that's 9 times in 10 hours. And you haven't done anything beyond introducing yourself and getting her number!
Just chill. Go about your life as usual (with a bit of a confidence boost since you talked to a stranger and got a number) and don't get hung up if she responds slowly or not at all.
Thanks GDM. idk what her deal is. But whatever, I tried. My best bro thought she was a bad fit for me anyways. I'm still cool with her but I'm not reaching out anymore.
This thread really is a lifesaver and has taught me more than I've ever known.
Sometimes it just doesnt work out. Best to not have any ill will to the person. Just move on ya know? This thread totally provides good advice, jokes amd def entertainment when the drama kicks in.
So I've managed to setup a Saturday night dinner date with this girl who is in my dance class. I've known her for about a month though we haven't chatted much. Last night we were chatting after we finished class and I asked her out. To my surprise she said yes and wanted to go out on Saturday night and we confirmed a restaurant.
It's Wednesday and I'm wondering if I should message her on Facebook to keep a light conversation going or just see her in three days and take things from there.
Sometimes it just doesnt work out. Best to not have any ill will to the person. Just move on ya know? This thread totally provides good advice, jokes amd def entertainment when the drama kicks in.
So I come back from dinner and she had texted me another apology and went on about some issues she'd been having, I replied that it was nice to hear from her and left it at that.
Door reopened?
Just crazy how many apologies she's giving me but I'd still like to hang out again.
On another front, the OkCupid experiment worked out as I got some replies and work on my communication skills, so that was some nice positive reinforcement.
So I come back from dinner and she had texted me another apology and went on about some issues she'd been having, I replied that it was nice to hear from her and left it at that.
Door reopened?
Just crazy how many apologies she's giving me but I'd still like to hang out again.
Yeah. So we went to a Trivia night at a bar about month ago. We were laughing and doing well at Trivia, we had a bond over Arrested Development and it was a good time. I walked her home and kissed her goodnight. That was the last time I saw her.
Since then, it's been hoop jumping and missteps. I'll just do some light recaps of all the missed opportunities since that night.
- Tried to go out on a Friday the week we met since she was down but forgot she had to babysit.
- Invited her to a bonfire but she spent all day with her guy friend and got too drunk. Drunk texted me while I was at the bonfire.
- I forgot one, the week I was on vacation I tried to hang out with her and she was down till Friday afternoon she texted me she had a shitty week and was gonna take a nap after work. We never hang out the entire time I'm on vacation.
- She reaches out to me after I go quiet for a few days and offers up hanging out on a Sunday after her family leaves (this was 4th of July weekend). We never hang out and we make plans for Tuesday (another Trivia night).
We're still going here.
- Tuesday (last week) she tells me she's dealing with an unruly client and she was on call and had to cancel. She feels bad again even telling me "she's not a dick". I tell her we're getting fucked by things out of our control.
-Last Friday, sent out a feeler about getting drinks and bowling (spontaneously). No response.
-Saturday she complains on Snapchat about being a 3rd wheel on a date with her friend and his gf. Ask her if she needs a drinking buddy, no response. (tried not to look clingy here, just took my window).
- Which leaded to tonight, a text out of nowhere apologizing again, admitting she had been off her meds and that she hasn't felt herself. I replied it was nice to hear from her and said nothing more.
And that is the saga of the social worker. I gave her space (imo). The Saturday snapchat message may have been slightly risky but I took my shot.
I just don't know what to do Salamando. I really liked her first impression but now, I don't know how to proceed.
By my count, that's 5 times that either dates were cancelled or plans failed to coalesce. Over the course of a month. It's not a good idea to continue letting her lead you on like that.
You have no idea what to do? Here's two options...(1) Block her number, her snapchat, every method possible. She may have opened a door, but you should close it...(2) One more shot. Let her pick the day, you pick the activity. If the date falls through for any reason, circle back to (1). If this open door doesn't turn into a date that takes place within 2 weeks, again, circle back to (1).
That's a lot of drama for a girl you went on a date once a month ago. How much more are you going to let her push you around and waste your time before you decide to move on? Do you want to be the guy that girls treat badly because they know he'll go running back to them as soon as they give him a bit of attention?
By my count, that's 5 times that either dates were cancelled or plans failed to coalesce. Over the course of a month. It's not a good idea to continue letting her lead you on like that.
You have no idea what to do? Here's two options...(1) Block her number, her snapchat, every method possible. She may have opened a door, but you should close it...(2) One more shot. Let her pick the day, you pick the activity. If the date falls through for any reason, circle back to (1). If this open door doesn't turn into a date that takes place within 2 weeks, again, circle back to (1).
I get what you're saying. Like an ultimatum basically. I guess I could give that a shot. I mean she is a social worker and I know that the workload can be draining but I mean she could have found time for me if she was interested as I was. The fact she keeps apologizing and then has excuses has to hold a purpose?
That's a lot of drama for a girl you went on a date once a month ago. How much more are you going to let her push you around and waste your time before you decide to move on? Do you want to be the guy that girls treat badly because they know he'll go running back to them as soon as they give him a bit of attention?
For the record, Llyranor. I have moved on but kept the window open, like I said earlier today, I'm attempting to hang out with a different girl this Friday. I'm just trying to date, I've messaged multiple women, I'm trying to expand my options. Honestly I thought this one was DOA after she ignored me Saturday.
I'm trying not to be that guy anymore. The guy who deals with girls bullshit and lets them walk all over him. That's kinda why I've adapted this "wait and see" methodology recently when I used to be the "pls respond" guy. Not literally pls respond but I figured I'd throw some humor in here.
Anyways I'm just gonna text her "Hope you're feeling better today" tomorrow afternoon and see if we get a convo going. I'm going camping with family this weekend but I guess I'll take salamander's plan in action and just ask for a day and pick the activity and give her a two week window or else, it's done.
And then if she like randomly texts me like weeks later, well whatever, hopefully I've moved on to other dates, etc.
I get what you're saying. Like an ultimatum basically. I guess I could give that a shot. I mean she is a social worker and I know that the workload can be draining but I mean she could have found time for me if she was interested as I was. The fact she keeps apologizing and then has excuses has to hold a purpose?
Apologizing means nothing.
Excuses? How would that hold meaning? If anything they make it worse
Let me look back:
1) Forgot she had to babysit. Either she's forgetful or lying. Both are unattractive.
2) so you invited her to a bonfire but she'd rather hang out with someone else I'm seeing? Not good.
3) "she texted me she had a shitty week and was gonna take a nap after work"
....Yeah she just didn't want to hang out. If I don't want to hang with someone I'll say "homework something something sleep" Or whatever nonsense.
4) "She reaches out to me after I go quiet for a few days and offers up hanging out on a Sunday after her family leaves (this was 4th of July weekend). We never hang out and we make plans for Tuesday (another Trivia night)."
Does she seem mature to you? Cause I'm getting the impression that she maybe likes the attention? She only seems to respond once you go silent and once she gets that satisfaction nothing materializes because....well she's hanging out with other people that she likes more than you currently.
5)"Tuesday (last week) she tells me she's dealing with an unruly client and she was on call and had to cancel."
Honestly, given the history, I think this a lie.
Or a half lie. As in, she had an unruly client that day, but could've hung out if she actually wanted to. Both are unnattractive.
6)"Last Friday, sent out a feeler about getting drinks and bowling (spontaneously). No response.
-Saturday she complains on Snapchat about being a 3rd wheel on a date with her friend and his gf. Ask her if she needs a drinking buddy, no response. (tried not to look clingy here, just took my window)."
well, you look clingy.
And I dunno how snapchat works, but was the complaint sent directly to you...or what? I'm clueless about it. Or is it like a fbook wall post?
For the record, Llyranor. I have moved on but kept the window open, like I said earlier today, I'm attempting to hang out with a different girl this Friday. I'm just trying to date, I've messaged multiple women, I'm trying to expand my options. Honestly I thought this one was DOA after she ignored me Saturday.
I'm trying not to be that guy anymore. The guy who deals with girls bullshit and lets them walk all over him. That's kinda why I've adapted this "wait and see" methodology recently when I used to be the "pls respond" guy. Not literally pls respond but I figured I'd throw some humor in here.
Anyways I'm just gonna text her "Hope you're feeling better today" tomorrow afternoon and see if we get a convo going. I'm going camping with family this weekend but I guess I'll take salamander's plan in action and just ask for a day and pick the activity and give her a two week window or else, it's done.
And then if she like randomly texts me like weeks later, well whatever, hopefully I've moved on to other dates, etc.
Please Please don't text her tomorrow. You already texted her today.
I haven't even met her and I'm not a fan lol. I honestly believe half of those were lies or half-truths, and if they weren't, she ignored you several times regardless.
Drop all contact. And when she tries to contact you again for attention, you can simply say "yea...nah. I've moved on" if you want to be petty.
lol jk.
Here's my situation, hope to get some additional perspective:
LDR, broke up a few months ago. Kinda talking still. She says she's coming to visit soon. I don't want a relationship, but damn if I don't miss sex with her. Last time we spoke we left things at "yeah we're both unsure, let's meet again and see where our feelings stand."
I like the girl, the good times were really amazing. But LDR was just not for her. Being second fiddle to her job/family/friends, etc. Nah, not for me. I felt like the very last thing she thought about. I did learn a lot about her, learned her uglier side. Things I couldn't live with I believe.
Deep down I feel I only miss the physical aspect (it was awesome), but not sure if she's coming to look for more. I did speak my mind about the serious doubts I have with the relationship and she acknowledged them.
My question: Is it wise to have sex again? Would it complicate things? Is it worth it to have one last hurrah before saying au revoir?
I get what you're saying. Like an ultimatum basically. I guess I could give that a shot. I mean she is a social worker and I know that the workload can be draining but I mean she could have found time for me if she was interested as I was. The fact she keeps apologizing and then has excuses has to hold a purpose?
An ultimatum implies you'll tell her there's a time limit, and she'll feel more inclined to acquiesce because of it. Don't do that. Keep it internal. If after two weeks and you still haven't gotten a date, shut it down. Just be firm with yourself.
Most people will tell you to cut off contact now, and they're not wrong.
Her apologies could just be something to make herself feel better. She told you she's "not a dick". She recognizes her behavior is dickish and is trying to sooth her own conscience.
As soon as she sends you a text you start thinking about open windows again. That's not moving on.
I agree with everything Mory Dunz posted. All her actions say she's only in it for the attention. She's not worth your time. Drop all communication, for your own self worth.
Blitzrules240, like others have said, just stop communicating with that girl. At "best" she's flaky/immature (who beyond the age of 18 gets too drunk to go out on a date?) at worst she's an attention whore and keeping you around as a self-esteem boost/nice guy backup when he other plans fall through.
One of the most valuable assets is time and this woman obviously doesn't value yours. It's time to move on. One nice date doesn't give her a free pass to treat you like crap.
So I come back from dinner and she had texted me another apology and went on about some issues she'd been having, I replied that it was nice to hear from her and left it at that.
Door reopened?
Just crazy how many apologies she's giving me but I'd still like to hang out again.
On another front, the OkCupid experiment worked out as I got some replies and work on my communication skills, so that was some nice positive reinforcement.
Door still closed. Ignore. If she makes the initiative to actually set something up (with a dat, time and location) go along with it. But unless she texts you about plans do not talk to her.
While I do agree with you, Gwailo, isn't that kind of impossible? Everybody's got their ugly side, no?
2nd Date with introverted, gorgeous girl coming up tomorrow. I saw her over the weekend and we kissed. She's coming over to watch a movie and eat some pizza pie. Down side, my roommate is at home and is planning to stay there. He's got a "date" at our place as well. Seems like a terrible idea, right? I'm thinking of alternatives, but can't seem to come up with anything but hanging out at bars. I wanted it to be more intimate than the last date. There's a TV up in my room, but I don't want to give her the wrong idea by asking her up to my bedroom.
I feel like so many of the weird issues that this thread presents stem from a belief that it's impossible to get another date. Don't think like that! There are SO MANY potential dates out there, you really don't have to put up with being treated like crap, have your time not valued, and have your self-worth damaged constantly by people who don't respect you.
Keep working the systems - the apps, the sites, real life. You will find more people. If you're not finding other potential dates, then you need to go back to basics and see what's wrong. Bad photos? Sending weird messages? Not casting a wide enough net? There could be any number of reasons.
Certainly everyone has their problems and no one is perfect, but dealing with normal people shouldn't be like encountering Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. If the ugly side is as artofwar said "Things I couldn't live with" there are plenty of people out there that don't have those sorts of issues.
Oh I def I am. I was just wondering if she received it or not due to the contact info I entered, because I didn't want to send another while trying to explain to her I wasn't sure she received it. It'd just be awkward to see her again at the pool if she ends up ghosting me. But I'd try to make a friendly convo to break that awkwardness I think.
I texted her last night saying good evening, and how was her night, and it was great meeting her. Also sent a pic of my face saying if she needed one for a profile pic under my name. Probably shouldn't have done that. But whatever, it isn't too bad. I'm just so used to online dating with the exchanging more pics when messaging.
Although I met another girl on tinder, too, and she seems to be really into me, and we're meeting this Sunday, it's more rewarding and challenging I think to get a number face to face than online. And yes, it's fun.
I feel like so many of the weird issues that this thread presents stem from a belief that it's impossible to get another date. Don't think like that! There are SO MANY potential dates out there, you really don't have to put up with being treated like crap, have your time not valued, and have your self-worth damaged constantly by people who don't respect you.
Keep working the systems - the apps, the sites, real life. You will find more people. If you're not finding other potential dates, then you need to go back to basics and see what's wrong. Bad photos? Sending weird messages? Not casting a wide enough net? There could be any number of reasons.
But I love girls that treat me like shit and flake on me. I know she was just really busy with exams and work and family and her dog and naps. I honestly think if I hang in there she'll understand how much she likes me.
Yeah. So we went to a Trivia night at a bar about month ago. We were laughing and doing well at Trivia, we had a bond over Arrested Development and it was a good time. I walked her home and kissed her goodnight. That was the last time I saw her.
Since then, it's been hoop jumping and missteps. I'll just do some light recaps of all the missed opportunities since that night.
- Tried to go out on a Friday the week we met since she was down but forgot she had to babysit.
- Invited her to a bonfire but she spent all day with her guy friend and got too drunk. Drunk texted me while I was at the bonfire.
- I forgot one, the week I was on vacation I tried to hang out with her and she was down till Friday afternoon she texted me she had a shitty week and was gonna take a nap after work. We never hang out the entire time I'm on vacation.
- She reaches out to me after I go quiet for a few days and offers up hanging out on a Sunday after her family leaves (this was 4th of July weekend). We never hang out and we make plans for Tuesday (another Trivia night).
We're still going here.
- Tuesday (last week) she tells me she's dealing with an unruly client and she was on call and had to cancel. She feels bad again even telling me "she's not a dick". I tell her we're getting fucked by things out of our control.
-Last Friday, sent out a feeler about getting drinks and bowling (spontaneously). No response.
-Saturday she complains on Snapchat about being a 3rd wheel on a date with her friend and his gf. Ask her if she needs a drinking buddy, no response. (tried not to look clingy here, just took my window).
- Which leaded to tonight, a text out of nowhere apologizing again, admitting she had been off her meds and that she hasn't felt herself. I replied it was nice to hear from her and said nothing more.
And that is the saga of the social worker. I gave her space (imo). The Saturday snapchat message may have been slightly risky but I took my shot.
I just don't know what to do Salamando. I really liked her first impression but now, I don't know how to proceed.
I would have deleted her number at that point, it isn't worth it. The longest "chance" I gave a girl who didn't want to commit to meeting up was two weeks. In an alternate universe you would continue your post as followed:
The girl whose number I deleted reached out to me after a few days and offers up hanging out on a Sunday after her family leaves (this was 4th of July weekend). I told her I was busy and would get back to her (I didn't).
As for myself, I actually went to see The Conjuring 2 with this girl (I really wanted to see it so whatever lol). She classified it as our first real date, grabbing me during the jump scares and we made out a few times in the theater. After the movie, we made out for about an hour and a half and I was turning her the fuck on lol. She said we could have alone time just yet since her cousins were visiting her atm. She did mention having the house to herself in the weekend after next (most likely when we're going to have sex) and we plan on going for ice cream in a few days.
But I love girls that treat me like shit and flake on me. I know she was just really busy with exams and work and family and her dog and naps. I honestly think if I hang in there she'll understand how much she likes me.
Well, I always leave the door open in case they want a booty call But I'm not gonna let them play around with me like Blitz. That's just utter nonsense.
Blitz! Cease all future contact. This one is past saving. Don't look for closure. Don't look for anything. Just move on.
I would have deleted her number at that point, it isn't worth it. The longest "chance" I gave a girl who didn't want to commit to meeting up was two weeks. In an alternate universe you would continue your post as followed:
As for myself, I actually went to see The Conjuring 2 with this girl (I really wanted to see it so whatever lol). She classified it as our first real date, grabbing me during the jump scares and we made out a few times in the theater. After the movie, we made out for about an hour and a half and I was turning her the fuck on lol. She said we could have alone time just yet since her cousins were visiting her atm. She did mention having the house to herself in the weekend after next (most likely when we're going to have sex) and we plan on going for ice cream in a few days.
One of the most valuable assets is time and this woman obviously doesn't value yours. It's time to move on. One nice date doesn't give her a free pass to treat you like crap.
Door still closed. Ignore. If she makes the initiative to actually set something up (with a dat, time and location) go along with it. But unless she texts you about plans do not talk to her.
But I love girls that treat me like shit and flake on me. I know she was just really busy with exams and work and family and her dog and naps. I honestly think if I hang in there she'll understand how much she likes me.
omggg I was just soooo busy this weekend. And my friend unexpectly drove up here so I had to show her aroundddd all day. Ughhh you must hate me.
But we should totallllyy do something soon.
I feel like so many of the weird issues that this thread presents stem from a belief that it's impossible to get another date. Don't think like that! There are SO MANY potential dates out there, you really don't have to put up with being treated like crap, have your time not valued, and have your self-worth damaged constantly by people who don't respect you.
Keep working the systems - the apps, the sites, real life. You will find more people. If you're not finding other potential dates, then you need to go back to basics and see what's wrong. Bad photos? Sending weird messages? Not casting a wide enough net? There could be any number of reasons.
Recognize your self-worth and be willing to walk away. Don't give the girl (or guy) all the power, you should be the one calling the shots in your life!
I once broke up with a girl who identified as a 'bad texter'. We had been dating for almost 2 months but nothing serious. On the monday or sunday, I let her know about an upcoming concert the sunday after. No response until the thursday (THURSDAY) where she responds with something like "looks like all the good seats are taken [because i took 3 freaking days to respond even though there were plenty of good seats when this was first sent]. Hey, why don't we go eat at this restaurant tomorrow??!" She didn't even bother with an apology or excuse like her dog died or her house burned down or anything. Nothing. That's when I learned to not have to put with this and walked away.
omggg I was just soooo busy this weekend. And my friend unexpectly drove up here so I had to show her aroundddd all day. Ughhh you must hate me.
But we should totallllyy do something soon.
Oh its totally no big deal at all. I didn't plan my whole weekend around you or anything. Btw did you get the 13.67 texts I sent you? I wasn't sure if your phone was acting up ao I sent the extra .67 just to be sure. I was thinking maybe we could possibly hangout at movies perhaps sometime. If you're too busy though no problem!!!
So I've managed to setup a Saturday night dinner date with this girl who is in my dance class. I've known her for about a month though we haven't chatted much. Last night we were chatting after we finished class and I asked her out. To my surprise she said yes and wanted to go out on Saturday night and we confirmed a restaurant.
It's Wednesday and I'm wondering if I should message her on Facebook to keep a light conversation going or just see her in three days and take things from there.
I just wanted to get share something personal... I went to family event over my best friend's place on Eid ul Fitr. It was nice and all. I was introduced to someone new at the event for a rishta/proposal. The girl was nice and we had bunch of things in common due to being in the same field of work from talking to her for about 10 - 20 minutes or so. I know just a bit here and there about her personality and nothing more.
Aside from that and the problem is that her parents are interested in continuing the discussion via our parents. The problem is that I am still thinking about it. I used to be a bit over weight and since last year I have lost a good 10 pounds prior to Ramadan. I hoping to lose about 10 to 15 pounds more through the year and have something like to a more fit person. Also I know how hard it is lose weight.
Unfortunately, she was a quiet a bit on the over weight side and seems to be about a good 40 to 50 pounds over weight (Conservative). Also I am not too sure about her age either as she confused me as we were talking. My parents would like someone who is younger (minimum of 4 years) than I am.
Is it terrible to reject a proposal due to looks or should I give it a chance? I honestly feel terrible about being this shallow. I am not a shallow person and I am really attracted to folks who have a good personality. If my parents and I do reject the rishta, it wouldn't be for looks and we will make some other excuse (i.e. age) as I don't want the other person know about that because its just terrible.
I know it sucks to be rejected because I have been rejected so many times due to looks that I have lost count (ie. the picture exchange from plethora from rishta aunties - they even have email address for this, not kidding on this part).
Actually some of them are so funny and weird that I even thought of making of youtube channel dedicated to them. For example, I was once told that the girl would only marry a guy if he could become the first Muslim president of the USA (not kidding on that excuse)
*Cross post from Muslim-OT*... Please be aware, in my Muslim culture, we don't date its like we are arranged and if everything works. We continue from there to get married. I know a few of my friends got married after meeting someone and talking for about 6 months to a year... Then they got engaged (another 6 months to a year) and then got married.
Drop all contact. And when she tries to contact you again for attention, you can simply say "yea...nah. I've moved on" if you want to be petty.
lol jk.
I just wanted to get share something personal... I went to family event over my best friend's place on Eid ul Fitr. It was nice and all. I was introduced to someone new at the event for a rishta/proposal. The girl was nice and we had bunch of things in common due to being in the same field of work from talking to her for about 10 - 20 minutes or so. I know just a bit here and there about her personality and nothing more.
Aside from that and the problem is that her parents are interested in continuing the discussion via our parents. The problem is that I am still thinking about it. I used to be a bit over weight and since last year I have lost a good 10 pounds prior to Ramadan. I hoping to lose about 10 to 15 pounds more through the year and have something like to a more fit person. Also I know how hard it is lose weight.
Unfortunately, she was a quiet a bit on the over weight side and seems to be about a good 40 to 50 pounds over weight (Conservative). Also I am not too sure about her age either as she confused me as we were talking. My parents would like someone who is younger (minimum of 4 years) than I am.
Is it terrible to reject a proposal due to looks or should I give it a chance? I honestly feel terrible about being this shallow. I am not a shallow person and I am really attracted to folks who have a good personality. If my parents and I do reject the rishta, it wouldn't be for looks and we will make some other excuse (i.e. age) as I don't want the other person know about that because its just terrible.
I know it sucks to be rejected because I have been rejected so many times due to looks that I have lost count (ie. the picture exchange from plethora from rishta aunties - they even have email address for this, not kidding on this part).
Actually some of them are so funny and weird that I even thought of making of youtube channel dedicated to them. For example, I was once told that the girl would only marry a guy if he could become the first Muslim president of the USA (not kidding on that excuse)
*Cross post from Muslim-OT*... Please be aware, in my Muslim culture, we don't date its like we are arranged and if everything works. We continue from there to get married. I know a few of my friends got married after meeting someone and talking for about 6 months to a year... Then they got engaged (another 6 months to a year) and then got married.
I just wanted to get share something personal... I went to family event over my best friend's place on Eid ul Fitr. It was nice and all. I was introduced to someone new at the event for a rishta/proposal. The girl was nice and we had bunch of things in common due to being in the same field of work from talking to her for about 10 - 20 minutes or so. I know just a bit here and there about her personality and nothing more.
Aside from that and the problem is that her parents are interested in continuing the discussion via our parents. The problem is that I am still thinking about it. I used to be a bit over weight and since last year I have lost a good 10 pounds prior to Ramadan. I hoping to lose about 10 to 15 pounds more through the year and have something like to a more fit person. Also I know how hard it is lose weight.
Unfortunately, she was a quiet a bit on the over weight side and seems to be about a good 40 to 50 pounds over weight (Conservative). Also I am not too sure about her age either as she confused me as we were talking. My parents would like someone who is younger (minimum of 4 years) than I am.
Is it terrible to reject a proposal due to looks or should I give it a chance? I honestly feel terrible about being this shallow. I am not a shallow person and I am really attracted to folks who have a good personality. If my parents and I do reject the rishta, it wouldn't be for looks and we will make some other excuse (i.e. age) as I don't want the other person know about that because its just terrible.
I know it sucks to be rejected because I have been rejected so many times due to looks that I have lost count (ie. the picture exchange from plethora from rishta aunties - they even have email address for this, not kidding on this part).
Actually some of them are so funny and weird that I even thought of making of youtube channel dedicated to them. For example, I was once told that the girl would only marry a guy if he could become the first Muslim president of the USA (not kidding on that excuse)
*Cross post from Muslim-OT*... Please be aware, in my Muslim culture, we don't date its like we are arranged and if everything works. We continue from there to get married. I know a few of my friends got married after meeting someone and talking for about 6 months to a year... Then they got engaged (another 6 months to a year) and then got married.
The cultural stuff here makes this a weird fit for this thread.
When you say 'reject a proposal' are you talking about marriage or a date? It seems like you are saying you are locked in once you start, if you even date one time?
If you can't back out once you go on a date then by all means back out now I guess. But if this were a totally secular situation I would instead say why not go on one date and see how things feel.
The cultural stuff here makes this a weird fit for this thread.
When you say 'reject a proposal' are you talking about marriage or a date? It seems like you are saying you are locked in once you start, if you even date one time?
If you can't back out once you go on a date then by all means back out now I guess. But if this were a totally secular situation I would instead say why not go on one date and see how things feel.
Its more or less its like you meet/talk each other with the intention to get married. Basically it more like the former than the later... Its definitely not like you go on dates and see how it goes. If you know there could be reason that it might not work then usually it is in the beginning to get out as you don't want (personally) for myself to lead someone on nor waste the other person's time.
Sorry making it pseudo-religious here. It was not my intention.
It was spur of the moment time type of thing. I was not expected to meet someone at the family event. It was like my Father, you know that daughter of this uncle who was new to the event does the same type of work as you do. I was like that is cool, but I did not see her at that time. Then my Mother was like you know the daughter of this aunty does same type of work as you do. Then my Mother got me from where the guys were sitting and took me to meet her Mother and her. That is where I talked to her. My Mother did not know about how she looked prior to that from what I know. The uncle really liked me and girl was cool in terms of personality and was the most normal person that I have met so far.
Usually, what happens from what I have experienced is that the guy shares his photos with his CV/Resume, Date of birth, and any extra information that is requested from the girl's family.
Most of the time, girls family if she is interested will then share their pictures with the same information..
If not, then the girl or the girl's family will outright reject the guy or will not reply back.
Weve probably spent the equivalent of 8-9 dates together at this point. Slept together on the first date. Were both rebounding but theres an obvious and real connection or at least it feels like it. The sex is amazing and the conversations fluid and fun and intimate. Trying to be mindful in my approach and not get attached/project too much
My best friend sister's mother in law introduced my Mother to her Mother. Hence, my parents and I need to give them a reply. Also I have become good friends with my best friends' brother-in-law. So its proper etiquettes in my opinion to say something back and not to lead folks along.
Lastly my parent's want someone who is about 4 years younger than I am and I believe she is only a couple years younger or might be older. I am not too sure. :\
