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Would You Date Someone Who Is HIV Positive?

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Not if there's any expectation that things will progress beyond a friendly time out.

And people trying to shame others on this are fucking incredible. If you're an adult, and you're talking about sex with another consenting adult, it is 100% your right to abstain for any reason, from he/she has HIV to he/she has brown eyes to he/she wore shoes that didn't match his/her shirt.

It's not your place to tell me what kind of a person I am because of where I won't put my dick.
 

dpunk3

Member
Nope, no way in hell. If it didn't work I couldn't bring myself to be sexually active with anyone else in good conscience.
 
OP I personally couldn't find the heart to take that risk. All it takes is a condom breaking during a heated moment of intimacy for you to be HIV positive. To me not worth the risk at all. Accidents happen and that's one accident you may regret down the road.
 

WedgeX

Banned
OP I personally couldn't find the heart to take that risk. All it takes is a condom breaking during a heated moment of intimacy for you to be HIV positive. To me not worth the risk at all. Accidents happen and that's one accident you may regret down the road.

Well not if you're on PrEP. And if they're taking their own medications.
 
Why would anyone be in a relationship with you if all you care about is yourself?

It's not selfish to avoid sex with certain people because you don't want to risk getting an STD.

I would say no. Even if all the research and studies in this thread about how much easier it is to have HIV today (and how small the chances are of getting infected), are dang uplifting and inspiring, I'm way too much of a hypochondriac to manage that shit. I had unprotected sex for the first time a month ago, and I was freaking out over the chance that I'd gotten an STD.

Did tests though, all negative.
 

Aske

Member
Dude I got some bad news, you probably have an STD (herpes) and you don't know about it yet.

There's also an excellent chance he doesn't though. 25% of people are free of HSV 1 and 2.

Sure, 80% of people with HSV 1/2 display no symptoms, but if you've never been symptomatic, and you've never knowingly been intimate with anyone symptomatic, depending on how many partners you've had, you may very well still be free of either of the herpes simplex types that matter; ie, the ones that cause cold sores/genital sores.

So what, do you indiscriminately fuck everyone and assume you'll definitely get HSV 1/2 at some point, and cross your fingers that you're in the 80% of people who don't display symptoms? Or do you choose to be cautious, and if you know someone gets semi-regular coldsore/genial sore outbreaks, do you choose to avoid putting yourself at risk? Personally, I don't intend to roll the dice when it comes to my sexual health, though I can see why others would be happy to.

Point is, people need to make their own, informed decision. Saying "don't worry about it, you are already dead" isn't accurate if someone desires to minimise their risk of infection.

Here's the best info I've found on the subject:

http://projectaccept.org/straight-dope-herpes-statistics/
 
Yeaah, so sorry to necro bump this topic, but I've recently reading up on mixed status couples and the things they have to deal with, I admit that I didn't know a lot about HIV and how it works before, but heres some things that I learned:

1. People on ART ( anti retro viral) drugs, and have achieved undetectable status are extremely unlikely to give away the virus, in fact there are 2 studies called the Swiss Statement and the PARTNER Study that suggest that it's impossible for an undetectable person to give it away.

2. HIV, while a serious virus, is pretty easy to avoid.

3. HIV positive people can go on the have children without fear of passing it on due to advancements in medicine.

4. There are drugs call Prep( pre exposure) and PeP ( post exposure) that negative people can take to reduce that chances of getting it.

So knowing all of this, I would say yeah I would. HIV is a shitty, yet manageable virus that some people have to deal with, just like any other disease. If I liked that person, and she or he was staying healthy, then that wouldn't scare me away.
Yeah, it's pretty nuts some of the advances there has been in this area. That being the case, I'd definitely be open to it. Definitely not a deal breaker in any case.
 

Hollycat

Member
I'm polyamorous, and dating a person with HIV could potentially put my other partners at risk, so I dont think it would be right for me to. If I was monogamous probably with the proper precautions
 

WedgeX

Banned
Really?? Didn't know that. Still a scary thing to stomach. Maybe I need to educate myself more on the matter, but as of now I just can't do it..

Whitman-Walker is a great place to start.

https://www.whitman-walker.org/service/medical/prep/

The CDC has some great, enlightening information as well.

https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/basics/prep.html

And a general guide from the government.

https://www.aids.gov/hiv-aids-basics/prevention/reduce-your-risk/sexual-risk-factors/index.html
 

Aske

Member
And people trying to shame others on this are fucking incredible. If you're an adult, and you're talking about sex with another consenting adult, it is 100% your right to abstain for any reason, from he/she has HIV to he/she has brown eyes to he/she wore shoes that didn't match his/her shirt.

It's not your place to tell me what kind of a person I am because of where I won't put my dick.

This can't be stressed enough. I'd never shame anyone who chose to date someone who was HIV+. By the same token, no one should shame those of us who choose not to. Disabuse people of false assumptions or inaccurate beliefs, but there's nothing ethically or intellectually shameful about either choice.
 
No... I'm a bad hypochondriac and sex used to be a paranoia trip about STD's and if condoms could get punctured. If I was already freaking out about if a partner could have something, a confirmed one would make me panic.

Heck, I'm so paranoid that when I had to take an HIV test before surgery, I was scared about finding a positive result despite having done another negative test two years ago and not having had sex since then. The blood draws, or whatever.
 
No thanks. I personally wouldnt. Understanding the lifelong consequences and complications that come with an incurable std isn't "shaming". And preferring not to expose myself intentionally to that isn't somehow supporting a stigma against HIV+ people.
 
D

Deleted member 80556

Unconfirmed Member
Considering PrEP, condoms, and the actual probability of getting the disease, even without those things, yeah. I think I'd date someone HIV-positive, if she were my type of course.
 
Unless HIV becomes curable, I don't think I ever could. I get that with the medical advancements it can be made to be pretty safe, but it's a risk I'm just not willing to take. And, honestly, if we are talking about just having gone on a date or two there's not the emotional attachment to overcome. If it was somebody I had known for years and slowly developed feelings for, like a Rom Com, then it would be more difficult.
 
Super Nope, much like most disabilities/diseases

I must be weird because none of those things phase me. I look on disabilities/disease as an aspect of a person which forms the whole - not as the only thing that defines them. It's a consideration but I don't really perceive disability as a negative. But horses for courses :) All people have personal preferences and choice is a wonderful thing.

Question is would they date me?

This is a good question. These are individuals with self-respect and preferences of their own. Would they date me :eek:
 

smisk

Member
It's always weird when threads this old are necrobumped, like reading a time capsule..
I wonder if the dude OP went out with is still alive?
 
Sure? In regards to sex obviously protection and precaution would be prioritized but regardless of that I'm in no interest to have kids atm, I don't see than changing over the years.
 
I was in a longterm relationship with someone who was HIV+ and behold I am still negative and alive.

Some of you need to get educated on HIV and no this is not saying you should get involved with one.
 

TarNaru33

Banned
This can't be stressed enough. I'd never shame anyone who chose to date someone who was HIV+. By the same token, no one should shame those of us who choose not to. Disabuse people of false assumptions or inaccurate beliefs, but there's nothing ethically or intellectually shameful about either choice.

Pretty sure the shaming is due to people who have the "absolutely no" belief are usually highly uneducated on the likeliness of getting HIV from a person who is aware of it and is on medication.

Also sorry to say, but "his eyes are brown" is also a petty reason to decline dating someone. Not specifically aimed at you by the way.

Basically, you have more chances of getting an STD from some random person you don't know/think have an STD than getting it from someone who knows, takes medicine and discloses that they have HIV. It is still okay to say, no, but as said before it generally comes from ignorance.
 

Jenov

Member
No, because I know drug adherence is a huge problem. Like over half of people with chronic illnesses don't take their medication properly. So no.

”Studies have consistently shown that 20 percent to 30 percent of medication prescriptions are never filled, and that approximately 50 percent of medications for chronic disease are not taken as prescribed," according to a review in Annals of Internal Medicine. People who do take prescription medications — whether it's for a simple infection or a life-threatening condition — typically take only about half the prescribed doses.

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/17/well/the-cost-of-not-taking-your-medicine.html
 

XenodudeX

Junior Member
Not putting yourself in a position that will lead to a higher chance of you catching a potentially fatal disease does not mean that all you care about is yourself.

I don't understand though? People who are on medication and are honest about their status are not spreading the virus. People who don't know or don't give a shit are spreading it.
 

Alchemy

Member
I understand that PrEP is a thing and being HIV+ is extremely difficult, but I couldn't do it. I already have to deal with Type 1 Diabetes and Celiac Disease weakening my immune system, I get extreme anxiety about getting sick.
 
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