Based on the facts it doesn't sound like she was raped and to assume she was is a problem.
I think when someone tells you that they were raped, that telling them no you weren't is the real problem.
Based on the facts it doesn't sound like she was raped and to assume she was is a problem.
Based on the facts it doesn't sound like she was raped and to assume she was is a problem.
Based on the facts, we have no fucking idea. And i think that's where rape usually hides. The OP went above and beyond identifying 'both sides' but some people only focus on one side.Based on the facts it doesn't sound like she was raped and to assume she was is a problem.
I think when someone tells you that they were raped, that telling them no you weren't is the real problem.
Yeah no fuck off with that.
Based on the facts, we have no fucking idea. And i think that's where rape usually hides. The OP went above and beyond identifying 'both sides' but some people only focus on one side.
The real problem is people who can't function in a grey zone. There is no black and white, but there is a bunch of denial. From the OP, his wife recognizes the situation, hasn't asked for anything except understanding and she seems to have thrived despite the incident, if she's a lawyer based on op's other thread.
And now OP is sharing, also asking for understanding. I don't read the OP and assume he wants to just call it rape. He is close to someone and has a lot of feelings about it. How about we step away from making firm decisions and help him process this.
I'm definitely not ready for you to Matlock this shit in this thread.
I think when someone tells you that they were raped, that telling them no you weren't is the real problem.
There's no need for this. We talk about all kinds of stuff on here and it's a good place to get advice and opinions anonymously.
It's like you never visited OT before.
It's in the Off-Topic section though.
The thread title is literally
"My wife may have been raped..."
I think it's fair that in a situation like this we all tread very carefully and try to understand the whole pictures as best we can, with the information we are given. It comes off as cold, but it's hard to have a conversation over an uncertainty to begin with.
Calling her a liar, saying she was just having sex and cheated on him, and defending a guy she accused of rape is not "understanding the whole picture" She said she did not consent, and that she was likely drugged. But because he left a number behind, she's wrong and nothing like that happened?
How can you be blackout drunk and know for certain you didn't consent though?.
Because nobody blackout drunk can give consent.
Hey maybe some of you modern intelligent humans can explain to me: an idiot, how a person can be so blitzed drunk (cuz of course its just unlikely they were drugged, that's crazy) they black out with no memory of the night before but still have a one night stand? How would this person consent to the one night stand while being so incredibly drunk not drugged?
I mean I just want to understand.
What if both people at the same time were blackout drunk and thought they were getting consent?Hey maybe some of you modern intelligent humans can explain to me: an idiot, how a person can be so blitzed drunk (cuz of course its just unlikely they were drugged, that's crazy) they black out with no memory of the night before but still have a one night stand? How would this person consent to the one night stand while being so incredibly drunk not drugged?
I mean I just want to understand.
You can be blacked out and totally coherent though. Like you're walking around talking like normal but you have no recollection of it the next day.
Being blackout drunk is not the same as passed out.
You do realize people have been sentenced to jail time for having sex with someone blackout drunk right?
https://www.bramptonguardian.com/ne...rapist-from-brampton-flees-before-sentencing/
But regardless of that, she says she didn't drink more than usual, so I have no idea why everyone is just assuming she got too drunk.
You do realize people have been sentenced to jail time for having sex with someone blackout drunk right?
https://www.bramptonguardian.com/ne...rapist-from-brampton-flees-before-sentencing/
But regardless of that, she says she didn't drink more than usual, so I have no idea why everyone is just assuming she got too drunk.
But regardless of that, she says she didn't drink more than usual, so I have no idea why everyone is just assuming she got too drunk.
but consuming enough alcohol to reach that level would result in slurred speech, uncontrolled body motions, and euphoric behavior. The person would be, colloquially, hammered.
Pretty sure OP and his wife hashed this out and decided she was drugged, which produces effects startlingly like black out drinking come the next day. Considering no one is able to tell the wife "honey you were fucking wild last night, dancing on bars, lighting fires, crazy!" How about we not contradict them.
It's a little weird so many of you are in here with your detective badges telling the OP his wife's account of that night is totally bull.
Just going on the numbers, 20 to 30 percent of you will have someone in your life who is sexually assaulted. Be sure to tell them they probably got to drunk.
Hey maybe some of you modern intelligent humans can explain to me: an idiot, how a person can be so blitzed drunk (cuz of course its just unlikely they were drugged, that's crazy) they black out with no memory of the night before but still have a one night stand? How would this person consent to the one night stand while being so incredibly drunk not drugged?
I mean I just want to understand.
It's a little weird so many of you are in here with your detective badges telling the OP his wife's account of that night is totally bull.
It doesn't take a lot. We recently took a co-worker out for a send-off before his last day of work. He was happy drunk, then turned pretty belligerent/unintelligible maybe an hour and a few beers later.
I asked him what he remembered the next day, and he'd forgotten most of it, including points where he was completely intelligible and normal. Really eye-opening, since it shows how a person could consent to something while seemingly in control, get even more hammered, and forget all of it the next day.
(I'm making sure I quote you because I edited out my reply to you about two seconds after I posted)Have you ever been black out drunk?
Everyone responds to it differently. I've seen some people respond the way you're describing and I've seen some people act very similar to how they act when they're just buzzed. The variables are similar to how some people act loopy after a couple drinks and some people act fine, just at a more extreme level.
Honestly it sounds like you have little to no real world experience to put any of what we're saying in context, therefore you're completely dismissive of it.
That doesn't necessarily mean that's what happened to OP's wife, but it doesn't rule it out either.
It doesn't take a lot. We recently took a co-worker out for a send-off before his last day of work. He was happy drunk, then turned pretty belligerent/unintelligible maybe an hour and a few beers later.
I asked him what he remembered the next day, and he'd forgotten most of it, including points where he was completely intelligible and normal. Really eye-opening, since it shows how a person could consent to something while seemingly in control, get even more hammered, and forget all of it the next day.
Nobody is calling his wife's account bull at all, why are you being so melodramatic?
Based on the actual facts his wife has presented to him everything points to a one night stand that happened whilst she wasn't acting herself and was clearly black out drunk.
Good thing you discounted her experience.
The accused engages in either sexual intercourse or oral sexual contact with the victim;
The accused acted knowingly or intentionally;
The victim is another person; and
The accused acted without consent from the victim.
Good thing you discounted her experience. I'm sure she is happy you set her straight.
The thread title is literally
"My wife may have been raped..."
I think it's fair that in a situation like this we all tread very carefully and try to understand the whole pictures as best we can, with the information we are given. It comes off as cold, but it's hard to have a conversation over an uncertainty to begin with.
Considering he left his number and name, Not really something a rapist would do.. there's a certain level of wasted everyone can get, I think we've all been there, where literally anything goes, you're so blasted and don't remember anything but you seem totally coherent to people. It's the WORST kind of fucked up you can be.
Sounds to be like your wife was there, and had a cheeky shag with a random bloke, i mean she was single. wouldn't dwell on it at all and move on, only gonna drive you insane,
Letting someone into your home is not the same as saying "it's okay to touch me or put your dick in me".If your first thought is 'that man raped me' when you clearly let him inside your home, with no signs of struggle
Letting someone into your home is not the same as saying "it's okay to touch me or put your dick in me".
You also do not have to struggle for it to be rape.
Your post is very problematic. This goes for anyone who mentions stuggle and the like.
And look at you guys giving rapists ideas. Just leave your number and no one will believe you raped anyone. Perfect.
Nobody is going to be on trial and this isn't going to really go beyond OP and his wife (and maybe therapists), so it makes little sense to be cold and tread carefully. What really matters here is that the OP is there for his wife and supports her.
Yeah, despite the rest of your post being ignorant (rapists can and do leave their names and number, especially if they don't consider what they did rape, which is extremely common), can we not call a potential rape a "cheeky shag"?
OP you are completely wrong for posted this on the internet( a videogame website at that). What the fuck is your problem? Talk to a professional you idiot.
Not based on this no, what a stupid question. Obviously you must have proof. But as I stated in my first post, the guy is pretty much irrelevant in this case and what we have is a woman feeling traumatized and not remembering a single thing, feeling like she must have been drugged. Can we please go back to the point of ignoring the irrelevant dude that might have done or not done anything and help OP handle his feelings about the wife's feelings?I'm aware you don't have to struggle to be raped, but based on these facts, lets say this made it into a court of law, just really... she is black out drunk, brings a guy home, doesn't feel like she has had sex..Guy leaves his name and number, also doesn't remember anything.... if you were on the jury in this case, given these facts. Would call this man guilty of rape?
Does this count? Is it good enough for you that the number was in her phone?Rapists can and do leave their number? I'm sorry can you back that up with some sources, please?
A friend of mine had a sexual relationship with a guy. They had sex one evening and he stayed the night. The morning after, he raped her. While she was still sleeping, he penetrated her. When she woke up because he pushed inside her she was mortified and froze (a common reaction). He finished while she laid there completely frozen and still, not giving him any reaction at all. And then he left. He also "forgot" to use a condom that one time even tho they had an agreement to always use that kind of protection since they had multiple sexual partners.
He doesn't see it as rape and his friends support him. He claims that because she wanted to have sex the night before, she would want it anytime he wanted to penetrate her.
That is not how it works, but sadly many people think it does work like that.
Her experience as described by OP was exactly this
Went out drink 11 years ago. Woke up in her own bed to a contact name and number. Says she doesn't feel like she had sex. Apparently had no visible signs of sex or a struggle or anything at all. Contacts the number and the guy never says they had sex just that he was drunk and doesn't remember anything.
she wakes up the next morning back in her bedroom naked, with a guys watch in her room and an illegible name and phone number scribbled on paper. She calls the number, he says he was drunk as hell and doesn't remember anything. She didn't press charges, she was too traumatized for it, and there was absolutely no recollection of anything between the bar and the next morning. She doesn't remember the guy at all, no recollection of his face, talking to him at the bar, nothing at the dorms, just nothing.
She processed everything by herself, knew there was no way for any answers and eventually blocked things out of her mind and moved on. The reason why this has resurfaced for her relatively recently is because of the Bill Cosby case and Chappelle's Netflix standup, where Dave thought rape was such hilarious material for comedy. Telling me has been on the tip of her tongue but she could not bring herself to say anything. We happened to be discussing another person we know who was raped and my wife's facial expression during the conversation tipped me off that something was not right
I mean drugged and raped is a bit of an assumption here.
The likely hood she maybe ate little to nothing the previous day, has a poor recollection of a memory from 11 years ago about her alcohol consumption. Found and took home a guy she found hot and doesn't remember it is just as plausible. (hell she says she doesn't even feel like they had sex. It's likely in her potentially drunken state she called it or of he did and they just slept)
So is RohypnolThe assumption of rape is dangerous.
Last time I checked this is an internet message board.
I'm giving my opinion, not ruling anything out, not calling bullshit.
Sounds to be like your wife was there, and had a cheeky shag with a random bloke, i mean she was single. wouldn't dwell on it at all and move on, only gonna drive you insane,
The way you post and type is super annoying btw, like some irritating poem/riddle. Do you really have to put so many spaces? Jesus christ.
But I think I'm done here, nothing more for me to say other than I would hate to live life with the outlook you guys have on the world. It's sad, honestly.
The way you post and type is super annoying btw, like some irritating poem/riddle. Do you really have to put so many spaces? Jesus christ.
But I think I'm done here, nothing more for me to say other than I would hate to live life with the outlook you guys have on the world. It's sad, honestly.
There you go all would-be rapists. Just leave a scribbled unreadable name and your phone number and people will never believe you could have done it!