I'm not trying to be combative but i don't know how to say this without it sounding frank/brash but do you not have a higher standard/expectation for how you get treated in the food and hospitality sector?
A lot of being made of the fact that the server apologized and the OP accepted her apology but as i see it, the bigger issue is about how the server didn't offer more than the bare minimum to fix a rather egregious mistake
Let's say someone spills something on me. They apologize, I shake it off, say it's fine, and the rest of the time I'm in their company I act OK. Do you think I'm doing my part to let people know I am upset?
Alright, now fast forward a couple hours: what if I start talking to other people -- not the spiller -- that I'm upset. What would you think I'm doing?
Let's say people say to contact the spiller to get this smoothed over and I don't but continue to say "they should have known." What do you think?
Like, all signs point to him putting up a front and being "polite" about it but then coming home and complaining. He never showed any inkling of being upset to the restaurant. He decided to show NeoGAF he was upset.
At a certain point you have to take up your grievances with the parties involved. If you do not want to do that then do not expect anything from them. You're being passive-aggressive at this point -- especially when you decide to slam their restaurant behind their backs when they believe (based on your reaction and statements to the accident) things to be fine.
The standard depends on how upset you are. That's it. A restaurant can go above and beyond if they want but they don't have to. That's all there is to it. Have a problem with it?
Speak the fuck up.