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[Vermillion]

Your argument works in reverse too you know. Age doesn't make them automatically immature. Why is it a bad idea? Because you said so?

I'm aware. I said that it's not the age that's the problem.

I'm saying that it's probably a bad idea because of the whole binary nature of it.

Either:

A) They enjoy living together and it becomes permanent
B) They don't enjoy living together, and are fearful of trying again and eventually screw up the relationship

Hence my best friend example earlier - many people don't like living with friends, but because they've known them for extensive periods of time, they wouldn't be as quick to throw away the friendship. But if they've only recently met and live together, they're significantly more likely to throw away that friendship based off of the living experience (especially if that experience is longer than the time they've been together).

 

[Devolution]

I'm aware. I said that it's not the age that's the problem.

I'm saying that it's probably a bad idea because of the whole binary nature of it.

Either:

A) They enjoy living together and it becomes permanent
B) They don't enjoy living together, and are fearful of trying again and eventually screw up the relationship

Hence my best friend example earlier - many people don't like living with friends, but because they've known them for extensive periods of time, they wouldn't be as quick to throw away the friendship. But if they've only recently met and live together, they're significantly more likely to throw away that friendship based off of the living experience (especially if that experience is longer than the time they've been together).

Binary nature? For fucks sake dude. Do you experience anything or make a chart first?

 

[Vermillion]

Considering my own history and experiences I think if one has a chance to mature and or do something they can learn from, they should go for it. This doesn't mean "hey do whatever the fuck you want and don't fear the consequences" but I really don't see what's so "OMG NO" about this really. They'll either live together and get along or they won't, either way they will learn and grow. Don't see the big deal that some are making this out to be.

Just because they can learn from it doesn't mean they should make that mistake, though. They should give the relationship more time to grow. If that doesn't work out, then wouldn't that too give them the opportunity to learn and grow?

 

[Ryaaan14]

Actually, do it. It will be an interesting social experiment that we can all follow.

 

[Wazzim]

Yeah why not? It's only for the summer and she pays the rent herself too. Just relax and help a fellow student.

 

[Devolution]

Just because they can learn from it doesn't mean they should make that mistake, though. They should give the relationship more time to grow. If that doesn't work out, then wouldn't that too give them the opportunity to learn and grow?

We don't know it's a mistake yet. Go live a little.

 

[aktham]

Not a good idea, but honestly, I think you should do it. It will be a learning experience for you.

 

[CFMOORE!]

Binary nature? For fucks sake dude. Do you experience anything or make a chart first?

it is probably more rational to look at things for what they are versus making irrational emotional decisions.

 

[Vermillion]

Binary nature? For fucks sake dude. Do you experience anything or make a chart first?

I do experience things - stupid things, good things.

A parent, for example, usually experiences a lot of things that they eventually tell their children not to do. The children do it anyways and learn why. That doesn't mean the parent shouldn't say know when they see their child about to make a mistake.

So too is my role in this thread. I can reasonably assume that this is a mistake without more time put into the relationship first. Whether or not anyone listens... that's another matter. Just because you can experience something doesn't mean you should.

 

[Calcaneus]

If she pays rent and its only for the summer, what's the big deal?

 

[Az]

Don't know if this has been mentioned here, but don't do it.

<<
>>

 

[Vermillion]

We don't know it's a mistake yet. Go live a little.

It's even more important because we know that he cares about her. Taking chances in relationship that may cut them short will definitely teach you something, but at a cost. That's where I'm standing.

 

[Wazzim]

If she pays rent and its only for the summer, what's the big deal?

NeoGAF

 

[thetrin]

Binary nature? For fucks sake dude. Do you experience anything or make a chart first?

Hey, everyone's different. I usually don't make knee jerk emotional decisions because it "feels right". I usually logically think about it, and ask others who have gone through it to make sure I'm considering all the factors.

Some people can't trust their emotional gut reactions to make proper decisions. I know a few people in particular who should never make decisions like that, because it always steers them wrong.

 

[Devolution]

it is probably more rational to look at things for what they are versus making irrational emotional decisions.

He didn't say yes off the bat. He considered how it might go wrong too, hence asking GAF its opinions. The amount of crap that can happen isn't all that bad. Some people really need to realize life and relationships especially involve risks. Their ideas of the relationship not being "long" enough or whatever, um relationships are rarely on some set trajectory in which you know what's going to happen and how much time should lapse before you make certain decisions.

 

[Vermillion]

If she pays rent and its only for the summer, what's the big deal?

Because if they like it, it becomes permanent, if they don't it cripples the relationship. With more time spent in the relationship, a summer gone bad is a blip. With less time (as with this case) it is roughly 50% of the whole relationship experience.

 

[Devolution]

Because if they like it, it becomes permanent, if they don't it cripples the relationship. With more time spent in the relationship, a summer gone bad is a blip. With less time (as with this case) it is roughly 50% of the whole relationship experience.

Dude seriously have you been in a relationship? I know I talk about them in percentages.

 

[thetrin]

He didn't say yes off the bat. He considered how it might go wrong too, hence asking GAF its opinions. The amount of crap that can happen isn't all that bad. Some people really need to realize life and relationships especially involve risks. Their ideas of the relationship not being "long" enough or whatever, um relationships are rarely on some set trajectory in which you know what's going to happen and how much time should lapse before you make certain decisions.

There's nothing with being a cautious person. Being a risk taker doesn't require that you take unnecessary, uncalculated risks.

Dude seriously have you been in a relationship? I know I talk about them in percentages.

I've been in a few relationships in my time. I see where he's coming from. I kind of look at relationships like that. Probably because it makes sense to me. Not everyone thinks the same way.

Are you saying you don't convert experiences into quantifiable sentences? "I was unhappy roughly 50% of the relationship".

 

[Invisible_Insane]

Dude seriously have you been in a relationship? I know I talk about them in percentages.

It seems as if you're picking on him for being deliberative.

 

[Devolution]

It seems as if you're picking on him for being deliberative.

I'm picking on him because he's decided for Tunavi that this is a mistake based on his extensive use of "logic", not knowing their relationship which makes me curious about his own experiences. It's quite obvious he and some people haven't been in enough if they think there is an appropriate time lapse or uniform decisions for every relationship. Simply fucking put, there is not. Different people, different relationships, all have different time lapses for various stuff happening or decisions made. There is no set precedent. There is no "well technically 50% of the time...", "oh this decision is binary." You can weigh options, I never said different, but it's quite hilarious in here if we're about to set time limits or talk about percentages/binaries so I think I need to bounce before I get too insulting.

 

[Vermillion]

I'm picking on him because he's decided for Tunavi that this is a mistake based on his extensive use of "logic", not knowing their relationship which makes me curious about his own experiences. It's quite obvious he and some people haven't been in enough if they think there is an appropriate time lapse or uniform decisions for every relationship. Simply fucking put, there is not. Different people, different relationships, all have different time lapses for various stuff happening or decisions made. There is no set precedent. There is no "well technically 50% of the time...", "oh this decision is binary." You can weigh options, I never said different, but it's quite hilarious in here if we're about to set time limits or talk about percentages/binaries so I think I need to bounce before I get too insulting.

No, I haven't been in a relationship, but I'm trying to be reasonable. As such, I've stated multiple times that it could go well - in this case they'd likely end up living together permanently. I have indeed accounted for the possibility that it goes well - it's literally half of my whole "binary" argument. I've even noted that there are varying periods of time for others. My point is that after a greater time commitment, there is a lower risk of failure for a living situation.

Also, I even noted earlier that there is no specific time limit chart or anything I have on hand. So there's really nothing you've said that I haven't already covered.

Also, you haven't already started insulting?

 

[squidyj]

Dude seriously have you been in a relationship? I know I talk about them in percentages.

Yeah, I used to love getting out my protractor and making all the pie charts for my bi-weekly relationship reports. Now I do it all on computer and it's a lot easier but it's just not the same, where's the love? Where's the love in a computer generated pie chart about the probability of specific outcomes in the relationship over the next two weeks based on national statistical averages for our demographic?

Ah well, at least I still have my weekly survey questions.

 

[Devolution]

Yeah, I used to love getting out my protractor and making all the pie charts for my bi-weekly relationship reports. Now I do it all on computer and it's a lot easier but it's just not the same, where's the love? Where's the love in a computer generated pie chart about the probability of specific outcomes in the relationship over the next two weeks based on national statistical averages for our demographic?

Ask the people who still get married about percentages.

 

[Vox-Pop]

How can a 21 year old afford an apartment?

 

[CFMOORE!]

I'm picking on him because he's decided for Tunavi that this is a mistake based on his extensive use of "logic", not knowing their relationship which makes me curious about his own experiences. It's quite obvious he and some people haven't been in enough if they think there is an appropriate time lapse or uniform decisions for every relationship. Simply fucking put, there is not. Different people, different relationships, all have different time lapses for various stuff happening or decisions made. There is no set precedent. There is no "well technically 50% of the time...", "oh this decision is binary." You can weigh options, I never said different, but it's quite hilarious in here if we're about to set time limits or talk about percentages/binaries so I think I need to bounce before I get too insulting.

you come off incredibly hostile in nearly every post i see from you. who cares what one person offers as advice here or any other thread.

this guy asked for advice and most people in here are very against his idea and they offer up their reasoning. sure, thinking logically about everything before acting might be seen as a way of not living but it is certainly more smart than just acting because you feel it is right.

the poster saying 50% of their relationship over the summer is correct. if they move in and it is a disaster, that is a large chunk of this new relationship they have to somehow overcome. he gives this relationship better odds if they do things in a somewhat "right" way. and not living together after nearly any length of time prior to marriage doesn't even help. studies have shown that couples who never live together before marriage usually stay together much much longer.

 

[Kalnos]

How can a 21 year old afford an apartment?

job? parents? roommates? they're rich as shit?

 

[Vermillion]

Yeah, I used to love getting out my protractor and making all the pie charts for my bi-weekly relationship reports. Now I do it all on computer and it's a lot easier but it's just not the same, where's the love? Where's the love in a computer generated pie chart about the probability of specific outcomes in the relationship over the next two weeks based on national statistical averages for our demographic?

Ah well, at least I still have my weekly survey questions.

lol

Ask the people who still get married about percentages.

Okay, you've berated me for my calculated reasoning, so... what part of my post is expressly incorrect?

 

[StylusX]

I moved in with my then GF after month and a half of dating. Like your situation it was only temp but a month late i moved out...single. I wish you the best!

 

[FrontalMonk]

28 here, moved in with a girl my age after dating her for 3 months. actually had the keys to her place after about a month and change, but it was 3ish months before I really moved in. A year and a half later, we're engaged. It can work.

 

[Macmanus]

Tender age? No. Maybe that's the difference. I was 30, she was 31. We've been married for almost 7 years.

Awesome speculation, though.

I speculated based of what you insinuated. If you can't grasp the extreme chasm of difference between two adult humans at the age of 30 compared to 18 - that's a problem on your end.

 

[Vermillion]

I moved in with my then GF after month and a half of dating. Like your situation it was only temp but a month late i moved out...single. I wish you the best!

28 here, moved in with a girl my age after dating her for 3 months. actually had the keys to her place after about a month and change, but it was 3ish months before I really moved in. A year and a half later, we're engaged. It can work.

Incidentally this is exactly what I was saying. It's perfect that these posts are one after another.

 

[thetrin]

28 here, moved in with a girl my age after dating her for 3 months. actually had the keys to her place after about a month and change, but it was 3ish months before I really moved in. A year and a half later, we're engaged. It can work.

It can work. Of course it can work. It's not very likely, though. That's what he should be considering. He should be making decisions based on the likelihood of success.

The rate of success increases exponentially if he moves in with his gf down the line when they've established a larger connection.

 

[FrontalMonk]

It can work. Of course it can work. It's not very likely, though. That's what he should be considering. He should be making decisions based on the likelihood of success.

*shrug* my only real suggestion as far as this goes is to go with his gut, though. The likelihood of success is only going to come from his own observations, because he knows this girl a hell of a lot better than any of us do.

honestly at the end of the day, 2 months is nothing. It's a great chance to know that side of the person, and 8 weeks is a short enough period of time that if things look sketchy he can bail before he feels stuck. I would say go for it, because even if it's a mistake, it's a great learning experience, and if it works out, nothing says they can't go their seperate ways for a time while she goes to her dorm.

Edit: I suppose I should also add that during that year and a half we also broke up, got back together, had fights, and went through some physically/emotionally straining times. It wasn't all rainbows and sunshine, but that's kind of the whole point of living together.

 

[thetrin]

*shrug* my only real suggestion as far as this goes is to go with his gut, though. The likelihood of success is only going to come from his own observations, because he knows this girl a hell of a lot better than any of us do.

honestly at the end of the day, 2 months is nothing. It's a great chance to know that side of the person, and 8 weeks is a short enough period of time that if things look sketchy he can bail before he feels stuck. I would say go for it, because even if it's a mistake, it's a great learning experience, and if it works out, nothing says they can't go their seperate ways for a time while she goes to her dorm.

Well sure. I just assumed when he asked the question that he was asking within the context of maintaining the relationship.

If we're open to it being a life lesson, then hell yes, go for it.

 

[FrontalMonk]

Well sure. I just assumed when he asked the question that he was asking within the context of maintaining the relationship.

If we're open to it being a life lesson, then hell yes, go for it.

shit yeah we're open to it being a life lesson. I mean let's be fair here, what the hell ISN'T.

 

[Vermillion]

*shrug* my only real suggestion as far as this goes is to go with his gut, though. The likelihood of success is only going to come from his own observations, because he knows this girl a hell of a lot better than any of us do.

honestly at the end of the day, 2 months is nothing. It's a great chance to know that side of the person, and 8 weeks is a short enough period of time that if things look sketchy he can bail before he feels stuck. I would say go for it, because even if it's a mistake, it's a great learning experience, and if it works out, nothing says they can't go their seperate ways for a time while she goes to her dorm.

Edit: I suppose I should also add that during that year and a half we also broke up, got back together, had fights, and went through some physically/emotionally straining times. It wasn't all rainbows and sunshine, but that's kind of the whole point of living together.

Look, I'm sorry if, for anyone in the thread, my way of looking at this irritates you. If you'd like more emotional language, fine:

He should be with her a bit longer so that they can grow the relationship. Yeah, of course there's the chance that everything goes fine, but I doubt it will be a temporary thing and then back to normal, one way or the other.

Without attempting to stereotype, I know too many women who say to just follow your heart, and too many guys who are shitty at giving advice and hardly bother anyways. I listen to a bunch of relationship drama, because one of my friends is terrible at knowing when to let go. Other friends just suck at this in general. I like helping, though.

You are free to give it a chance if you want to Tunavi, but I think it's better if you give the relationship more time. If she can't find anything at all, it's best that you let her stay with you for her sake. That's about it.

 

[thetrin]

shit yeah we're open to it being a life lesson. I mean let's be fair here, what the hell ISN'T.

Sometimes you just want things to work. That's usually why you ask others for help. If you just want to do something and learn from it, this thread doesn't need to exist.

 

[Vermillion]

Sometimes you just want things to work. That's usually why you ask others for help. If you just want to do something and learn from it, this thread doesn't need to exist.

This too.

 

[alphaNoid]

How can a 21 year old afford an apartment?

Some 21 year olds are responsible adults.

 

[CFMOORE!]

Look, I'm sorry if, for anyone in the thread, my way of looking at this irritates you. If you'd like more emotional language, fine:

He should be with her a bit longer so that they can grow the relationship. Yeah, of course there's the chance that everything goes fine, but I doubt it will be a temporary thing and then back to normal, one way or the other.

Without attempting to stereotype, I know too many women who say to just follow your heart, and too many guys who are shitty at giving advice and hardly bother anyways. I listen to a bunch of relationship drama, because one of my friends is terrible at knowing when to let go. Other friends just suck at this in general. I like helping, though.

You are free to give it a chance if you want to Tunavi, but I think it's better if you give the relationship more time. If she can't find anything at all, it's best that you let her stay with you for her sake. That's about it.

she could end up resenting him if he's seen as just a savior. trust me on this one. as much as girls like that, deep down inside it eats away at some that they can't fend for themselves and are relying on others for such support. it can manifest itself in various emotional outbursts and so forth.

the best scenario is an even split 50/50 across the board so she's an equal partner in everything.

 

[Sobriquet]

I speculated based of what you insinuated. If you can't grasp the extreme chasm of difference between two adult humans at the age of 30 compared to 18 - that's a problem on your end.

I insinuated nothing. Again with the insults, good job.

 

[Vermillion]

she could end up resenting him if he's seen as just a savior. trust me on this one. as much as girls like that, deep down inside it eats away at some that they can't fend for themselves and are relying on others for such support. it can manifest itself in various emotional outbursts and so forth.

the best scenario is an even split 50/50 across the board so she's an equal partner in everything.

That may be true, but that's the whole reason he's doing this anyways. That's why he only plans to do this temporarily.

 

[ROBOKITTYZILLA]

Do it. If it works out, great. If it doesn't, probably wasn't meant to be anyway. Enjoy!

 

[RSLAEV]

Dude. I love your avatar. BODY ROLLS!

Thanks


As for the OP, the moving in and living together could work, but if something goes wrong you're trapped with that person, possibly for as long as *she* wants to be there.

 

[Fox318]

It can work but both of you need to be understanding about living with each other.

2 months isn't a long time to really get to know each other but if you feel like she could be worth it then go for it.

It also depends on what you are looking for in your relationship with her and what she wants from the relationship.

I will also have to agree with the other posters and say if you are even thinking about this question then it probably isn't made in the starts but it could work out in the end.

Good luck.

 

[Macmanus]

Considering my own history and experiences I think if one has a chance to mature and or do something they can learn from, they should go for it. This doesn't mean "hey do whatever the fuck you want and don't fear the consequences" but I really don't see what's so "OMG NO" about this really. They'll either live together and get along or they won't, either way they will learn and grow. Don't see the big deal that some are making this out to be.

As far as this being an experience to gain maturity from - I don't think that's the debate.

However, when you solicit a video game message board asking for the denizens opinion on this subject - people who have experienced this scenario or know others that have (I personally have), don't be shocked at the answers. That NO you are reading echoed over and over again is from said maturation and life experiences.

So; if we want to be 100% pragmatic about a response to this it's thus:

Kid, this will be a learning experience one way or another. You will grow from it. It also is a highly volatile situation in which you should expect to experience emotional pain, increased financial burden, and ultimately stress. It could end up locking you into something incredibly long term that neither of you might be prepared for. Most likely it will end in heart break. If you defy odds and logic - you'll end up happily ever after. It's clear your mind was made up before you posted this thread - which is fine. Just be aware that the likelihood of you regretting this decision is infinitely greater than everything turning out just peachy.

I insinuated nothing. Again with the insults, good job.

Honestly, what are you talking about?

 

[FrontalMonk]

Sometimes you just want things to work. That's usually why you ask others for help. If you just want to do something and learn from it, this thread doesn't need to exist.

No, I feel you, I was just being overly generalizing and saying that no matter what he chooses to do, he's going to learn something from it. Obviously you want it to work, you've dated a girl for a couple months and really like her. It really sounds like she's in a bit of a bad spot and needs some help for a short time before getting on her feet. I don't know that I agree with people saying that builds some sort of weird dependency mentality...if anything I would say that builds trust and respect.

Ultimately, I'm of a weird school of thought that if the stars are right and this is "the one" then there's no such thing as too fast, especially if you're flat out saying that you're going to back off and give space in a matter of weeks.

 

[CrudeDiatribe]

I'm saying that it's probably a bad idea because of the whole binary nature of it.

Either:

A) They enjoy living together and it becomes permanent
B) They don't enjoy living together, and are fearful of trying again and eventually screw up the relationship

A is bad? Also, B: if it turns out both parties are happier living apart, so? Fuck the nuclear family ideal. Every couple should make their own rules for success and happiness.

Of course it can work. It's not very likely, though. That's what he should be considering. He should be making decisions based on the likelihood of success.

Why?
The odds of any given relationship working has low odds already. If it seems like a good idea, they should just do it; assuming everyone is sane, failure has a low cost.

 

[baekshi]

Do it.

 

[lancerotomy]

no.