Social interactions are overrated anyways. I used to be shy and did many steps to overcome my social anxiety. The point is that I can't stand most people and I'd rather stay at home watching movies with a few select friends. So basically I did all of that to go back to where I was initially. At least now I'm comfortable with being at home and I'm not stressed about "missing out in life"
OP and any others with SA: Have you tried going to a psychologist who can work with you to do cognitive behavior therapy (CBT)? It's not long-term therapy sessions. It isn't 'talk about my childhood' type of therapy.
I am someone who has had social anxiety my entire life and am currently doing CBT plus zoloft as of a little over one month ago.
I can say that the CBT has helped, a lot. It's been pretty amazing for me personally so far. I'm pissed at myself for waiting so long to get real help.
The basic idea is: With SA, you get automatic thoughts and usually those are negative. I.E. I don't know those people waiting at the elevator, they might think I'm weird, so I'll avoid them and take the stairs.
CBT works with you to question those automatic thoughts. In that example, why would they think you're weird? And even if they did, so what? What's the worst that could happen if I took the elevator with them? The skill to identify these thoughts takes time to develop.
Eventually, you would be asked to list a number of activities that you have been avoiding and rank them on a scale from least anxiety inducing (maybe riding a bus) to greatest (going on a date). You would work on doing these activities in order of least to greatest anxiety, repeating each activity until your anxiety level is almost nothing.
It's exposure therapy, like what they'd do if you have a fear of driving or flying, but in a more general sense.
All I can tell you is from even the first session I had I've noticed a difference in my anxiety level just doing general activities, like going to the grocery store. I'm less tense all the time. Small talk comes easier. Seeing other people in my building doesn't automatically trigger a flight response. I don't avoid the phone at work as much. So far, it's been really eye opening.
I am also trying zoloft, and we'll see if that does anything to help, but from what I've read and what my approach to it was, I did not want to just try taking drugs only for SA, I wanted the CBT as well. It's why I didn't talk to my general doctor about it, I assumed he'd at most prescribe something and be done with it. I made an appointment with a psychologist directly who also referred me to a psychiatrist.
Anyway, that's my long winded advice. The first phone call to get help was so fucking hard to make but I'm so glad I made it. Do it before it lingers too long...
Feel free to msg me if anyone has questions about the therapy.
I'm the person with the biggest social anxiety in the world
I started taking Vitamin D pills and I noticed I am much more sociable.
Pretty much.If OP really has social anxiety disorder or social phobia (by that I mean he's been diagnosed with it by a professional) then most of the advice here is near impossible to accomplish on your own.
How can I reduce social anxiety?
I've learned I can't avoid anxiety in the situations where I'm prone to it. I've just had to accept that I'll feel it in those situations and that there's no avoiding or getting around it. It's the avoiding that causes the real problems. The little awkward moments and uncomfortable situations where you freeze or say something stupid don't really hurt you in the long run. Medicating, staying at home, missing out - those are the things that do.
So, just get used to the anxiety and don't be afraid to feel it. Or, be afraid, and do it anyway. You can do more than you think you can.
From what friends tell me, I had the same problem. Girls would hit on me, and I wouldn't notice because I figured no girl would even look my way. Looking in the mirror and working out really helped me out in that regard. I started to like what I saw, even before the results were coming in, and this was when I was 6' and 150 lbs. Now I gained about 25 lbs, and feel A LOT better about myself. Still a work in progress, but I'm definitely trying, and I'm definitely seeing a bit of results. Still have problems with conversations (hell I have trouble forcing myself to post on GAF), but I haven't given up yet. And going off of your post, you haven't given up either. Still going to recommend WORKING OUT. The second you said you were skinny, that jumped to the #1 suggestion. You'd be surprised just how much that helps self-esteem, and how much that helps everything else. I'd suggest P90 or P90X (with a custom diet with A LOT more protein and all of that), and try to do it with your SO.
The retail job idea obviously isn't for everyone. I made a conscious effort to force myself to talk to people, so I felt that it helped me, but I can see how it won't work. It just gave me a crutch to start conversations with random people. To me, it's hard not to get practice with a constant stream of people coming to you that you have to talk to anyways. Plus I always hated the awkward silences... Also, thanks for the links to the books you're looking at. Gonna look at buying one or two of them.
But as to everything else, the usual advice still works: just go out there. You could definitely use 'going out with SO and friends' as some sort of milestone or goal down the line. Maybe a rule like 'say yes to everything for one week'. Wanna go to the bar? Bowling? Skydiving? Something crazy? Yes, yes, yes, and yes.
Not masturbating actually does make you more social.
-Get plenty of sleep
-Abstain from soda
-Cut back on your caffeine consumption
-Cut back on your alcohol consumption
-Drink more water (don't try to drown out your system with water. Just drink it whenever you feel thirsty)
-Cut back on porn and masturbation
-Exercise on a frequent basis
-Eat high protein foods
-Eat fruits like bananas and strawberries
-Avoid food that contains tons of sugar, white flour, and sodium
-Have a giving attitude when you're around people
-Listen to self help coaches like Tony Robbins (you can listen to other people if you want but Tony's material has helped me out a ton)
-Write down goals for yourself that you can accomplish within a set amount of time. Accomplishing goals can boost your self esteem.
-If you want, start something that I like to call a "success journal" in which you can write down your goals and your personal accomplishments. And you can look back at this journal to see how far you've progressed.
Smoking weed sort of dissolves your ego a little and you can start knowing what the real world thinks of you.
ephedrine helps also.
I had to take a bullshit public speaking course for college a few years ago.
It turned out to be one of the best things I've ever done for myself because it got rid of the majority of my social anxiety. I still remember the exact speech I gave when i realized what was happening. It is a defining moment in my life.
Everyone is different so I can see why some of my tips might not work for you but most of the stuff that I wrote down should put you on the right path.
Quick question: what do you mean by the 5-10 deep breaths thing? Do you mean just stop and do it randomly throughout the day, or what? And plan on starting a few of the things on the list (already do the stuff dealing with exercising and food), namely the journal and Tony Robbins stuff.
And to the OP: do you have any plan of attack for your SA so far? Reading your last post, it seems that you already do most of the stuff we've suggested.
You can but it's probably best do this in one sitting. Just do this whenever you have some down time.Quick question: what do you mean by the 5-10 deep breaths thing? Do you mean just stop and do it randomly throughout the day, or what? And plan on starting a few of the things on the list (already do the stuff dealing with exercising and food), namely the journal and Tony Robbins stuff.
http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org/mailing.html
Their literature is pretty great.
Some things are really easy to do. The first few things that help:
When you're feeling anxious about something, slowly count to 5 while focusing on your breathing and re compose yourself mentally. Five seconds might seem like an enternity when you're feeling hot, sweating dripping down, and worried about what the other person is thinking about you at the moment, but it willl pass. Take those five seconds and focus on what you want to say next.
Part of helping with the "getting quiet" part is working on your vocalization. This will require you to read aloud to yourself for 15 - 20 minutes a day. Thinking and talking are two different things. You'll probably notice you start spitting a million words a minute and tripping over your own thoughts. When you notice that. STOP, breathe and talk s-l-o-w-e-r. It'll help focus on your thought and what you want to say.
An important part of overcoming social anxiety is catching those shitty self negative thoughts that pop up (the SAI calles them "ants" as in automatic negative thoughts). If you can catch yourself berating yourself and realize it's wrong you can refocus your own thoughts.
I went through a big bout of social anxiety, it comes back every now and then, so realize this isn't something that you'll take care of for a year and never think about it. The reason you have social anxiety is just bad biology. Accept it and do whatever you can to overcome it.
From someone who had/still has anxiety...
Just go out and do stuff.
Every little thing you do can be seen as a 'victory', and then you get to the point where you've built up loads of confidence.
Not the same thing (I was more generalised) but 4 years ago I couldn't imagine myself outside with loads of people in a crowded place....then I went to Reading festival 2 years in a row
But yeah, it sounds silly - but if you're worried about doing something/speaking to people - do it. Think of it as a specific goal and rush towards it; big sense of accomplishment and then you can look back and think "i'm fine with this".
In my experience, I went to the Toastmasters that's in my school about twice, then I backed out from fear. It's been a year since I haven't gone back. But Toastmasters is incredibly good for this stuff because of the positive reinforcement and doing public speaking.Search for a local Toastmasters club in your area.
I'm starting to doubt my looks now as well. Ugh, my anxiety is just gonna get worse.
No meds, drugs or alcohol, I want to be genuinely happy and all those things don't just reduce anxiety, they change you entirely. I want to avoid that at all cost since I'm happy with who I am.
Don't take this the wrong way but I don't believe you. I didn't say become a raving cokehead what I suggested is a bit more scientific. The low feelings come from a depression in the amount of dopamine thats flying around your brain
anxiety is stuck energy in your nervous system, it's not a mental disorder. That's why you feel a sort of paralysis when you get an attack.
It can be learned and unlearned
I have to agree with him. Getting a retail job at the end of high school and working through undergrad really opened me up. You learn how to communicate in differing environments, and you soon learn that you need to stop caring so much about what others think about you in social situations. Retail forces you to socialize. Working retail is a great way to learn more about communication and socialization.wtf lol
when i had social anxiety, it was the energies in my abdomen area that were keeping me from socializing. Everybody that has it now, pay attention next time you get the anxiety, it'll be in your stomach/chest/shoulder or all of the above.
my brain would tell me to talk, or think of something, but you can't do that if you're nervous system is going haywire
stabbie it's pretty apparent you're looking for any and all excuses to stay where you are. You've rejected like 50 pieces of advice in this thread
Work retail. Lose your dignity.Uhm I think you should re-read the thread then because I'm already taking action and it seems pretty logical to reject suggestions that I've tried multiple times before. For example I know that stopping masturbating doesn't help for me, so why should I try again? Why should I try a public speaking class if a month of full-time teaching didn't help? I even did a damn good job at teaching, but it didn't help me in other social situations.
when i had social anxiety, it was the energies in my abdomen area that were keeping me from socializing. Everybody that has it now, pay attention next time you get the anxiety, it'll be in your stomach/chest/shoulder or all of the above.
my brain would tell me to talk, or think of something, but you can't do that if your nervous system is going haywire
stabbie it's pretty apparent you're looking for any and all excuses to stay where you are. You've rejected like 50 pieces of advice in this thread
Doesn't seem like it to me.I'm going to start exercising and adjust my diet. I will also work on getting a more regular sleep schedule. Once that has become a habit I'm ready to take the next step (not sure what that will be yet).
I got over anxiety by tackling it head on and forcing myself to be in situations that triggered my anxiety (IE being around big groups of people etc)I've had social anxiety for most of my life. In the last two months I have quit everything that helped me deal with it (smoking, energy drinks and the medication I've taken for 3 years). Since then I've been getting anxious more frequently. No problem when I'm in busy places but as soon as I have to talk I get frightened. Even worse when someone starts talking to me, I just freeze and don't know what to say. This hasn't been as much of a problem when I was taking medication.
I no longer want to be dependent on meds and drugs, so I'm looking for natural ways to reduce anxiety. Therapy hasn't helped much so far and my next therapy session isn't until August. Alcohol is a big no no as well.
Does exercise make a big difference? Any foods that help reduce anxiety?