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[The Big Rig]

How about stop going on message boards? It'll force you to interact with people.

Edit: I'm not saying forcing you to interact will be easy, but you lose your zeal to be around others when your on an anonymous message board. Don't think, just go out and do something you don't feel like doing.

 

[youngplaya21]

This is terrible advice. I took LSD once and my trip was a giant ball of fear and anxiety.


I'm a pretty shy, quiet, introverted, anxious person and worked at a cosmetics store for two years. Some days I would be on fire, and other days I just had the hardest time even pretending like I wasn't fearing everything around me. I worked there for two years... I'm still a pretty anxious person.

Yeah, i had those days too. I'd stay in the back somedays while the crowds come in, and I'm still a pretty anxious person too. I'd be lying if i said it didn't help at all though. Guess it's because I always had to at least say how are you doing and all of that, but it definitely bled into my daily routine. I catch myself saying hi to cashiers, bus drivers, and pretty much random people now, and before then I'd be lucky to make eye contact.

Smile or laugh. I find humor in awkward silences or unanticipated responses. Also, "nice weather" is a funny thing to say. It's pretty much a dead-end, unless you know the person.

I was forced to read this book for work, and the piece I remember the most involved how to properly create conversation with a stranger. As I recall, the suggestion was to pick out something you like about the person, even if they aren't particularly interesting looking. Curly hair, bright colored shoes, etc. It works, and it invites conversation, where "nice weather" invites a grunted response.

Anyway, keep on keeping on. You know you have a problem, which is a good sign. You consider yourself attractive, which is also good.

This is damn good advice also. Ended up learning this myself, but everyone likes talking about themselves. Just ask/complement someone about something they have/are doing, and then just listen and respond. Still remember the first day i actively tried this. Led to some interesting conversations about stuff like tattoos (a DAMN EASY way to start a conversation. If they have a nice/weird tattoo, just say that, and it'll be like a 20 minute conversation) and events going on.

And it can't be said enough: practice. I try to at least strike up a conversation with everyone in a specific area, and then move on when it sticks. First it was people at work, then talking to at least one person in each class once, then at least attempting to talk with everyone in the elevator with me at the same time, etc. Still working on it, but everyone says that I've made strides.

Edit: Actually, pretty much everything that was said in this thread is damn good advice. Except for the post above me. Fuck that

 

[owlbeak]

Weed.

 

[SpiffyG]

If taken alone and in ones lonesome quarters, then yes that can happen. But, if your with a person you trust, who you are comfortable revealing intimate secrets with, then it can change your life in a positive way.

The reason I did LSD in the first place was because I read about it changing peoples' perceptions of the world in a positive way. So I tried it. I wasn't alone. I did it with a couple of friends. The thing is, I don't think there is one person in my life that I feel comfortable revealing intimate secrets with... So there's that. Even my best friend I don't feel comfortable talking about some things with. And my boyfriend, well, same thing. :\

Yeah, i had those days too. I'd stay in the back somedays while the crowds come in, and I'm still a pretty anxious person too. I'd be lying if i said it didn't help at all though. Guess it's because I always had to at least say how are you doing and all of that, but it definitely bled into my daily routine. I catch myself saying hi to cashiers, bus drivers, and pretty much random people now, and before then I'd be lucky to make eye contact.

I honestly thought it would help me in the long run, too. I did find myself not as afraid to walk into crowds while I was working there. Then I started to overthink it and when I would get anxious I would think to myself, "Just pretend like you are at your job and you HAVE to say hi to people and be nice." But the effect wore off after a couple of months. And I don't feel like I'm any better with it now than I was before.

 

[way more]

If taken alone and in ones lonesome quarters, then yes that can happen. But, if your with a person you trust, who you are comfortable revealing intimate secrets with, then it can change your life in a positive way.

People with mental health issues they are hung up on should not take hallucinogenic drugs unless under the supervision of a licensed therapist. I get you are going for the "vision quest" angle but you don't do that with someone who is just a good friend.

Zoloft. I quit because it didn't help me that much. Normal conversations were doable but making and maintaining friendships was still an impossible task. It did make me able to teach though, I'm not sure I could do that again without the meds.

It sounds like the Zoloft had a considerable benefit. Perhaps you should consider that if you visit a therapist or counselor.

I think it's pretty clear that the good advice in this thread is to find a good self-help book or to make an appointment with a person you can talk with.

 

[Alaskanbullworm]

One thing that definitely helped me a bit was getting rid of my little ticks that I would have when I felt like I was in a social situation. One thing I used to do was continually look at my watch, probably thinking to myself "When will this be over?!", but one day I finally just felt like I had enough of that and I haven't worn a watch since (and I didn't pick up that habit for my phone or anything else like that, thank goodness). Without those little distractions I would give myself, it actually did make me want to get more involved when I was out in a social environment. However, I still have some problems talking with new people and making friends, but I feel that I'll get through this challenge. I never can really think of a good place to actually meet new people though. That fact is something that really hurts my progression.

 

[youngplaya21]

The reason I did LSD in the first place was because I read about it changing peoples' perceptions of the world in a positive way. So I tried it. I wasn't alone. I did it with a couple of friends. The thing is, I don't think there is one person in my life that I feel comfortable revealing intimate secrets with... So there's that. Even my best friend I don't feel comfortable talking about some things with. And my boyfriend, well, same thing. :



I honestly thought it would help me in the long run, too. I did find myself not as afraid to walk into crowds while I was working there. Then I started to overthink it and when I would get anxious I would think to myself, "Just pretend like you are at your job and you HAVE to say hi to people and be nice." But the effect wore off after a couple of months. And I don't feel like I'm any better with it now than I was before.

Which of the other methods mentioned in this thread have you tried? The over thinking leads me to suggest the "stop giving a damn" route. I usually think of Fight Club and the whole 'no one gives a shit' idea,a nd it usually helps. Seems like your anxiety is worse than mines though. Also exercise and looking at myself in the mirror naked more helped too (read that idea somewhere here on GAF). I'm slowly becoming more comfortable in my own body, and that may be helping.

And idk about anyone else, but when I'm high, I zone the fuck out and get QUIET. Last time I was high, my roommates left for about an hour, came back, and I was in the exact same spot. Also barely said anything the whole time. Complete opposite when drinking, though

 

[Anteater]

Start being an asshole and be less self conscious about everything.

but I've never tried it myself!

 

[Seanspeed]

LSD is too unreliable and its best done when you're in a cool, calm state. It could equally freak him the fuck out or make him a better person. I definitely wouldn't recommend it.

Also, drinking does the trick for social anxiety no doubt, but it only works when you're under the influence and it can lead to addiction if a person becomes reliant on alcohol to be 'social'. Also a bad recommendation. The OP obviously needs to attack the underlying issue, which is being insecure and self-conscious around others, which is a common thing and something not impossible to overcome with some habit changes and EXERCISE. EXER-fuckin-CISE man. Its as close to a miracle drug for anxiety/stress as there is.

 

[Almond]

I've always had severe social anxiety too, OP. I've been eating better and and been more active but I haven't found it to help much, but maybe it'll be different for you. I also stopped taking Zoloft because it didn't do much except make me gain more weight. I cant't carry a conversation or make friends, I can't even say hello to someone. I'm okay with being alone, but I'd prefer not to be.

The work in retail suggestion is terrible. I've had two retail jobs and worked as a cashier for 6 months and never talked to customers unless I had to. I eventually quit because I couldn't tale it anymore.

I've started therapy again too, but still don't see it helping much. Sometimes I just don't want to give a fuck, but my mind is always like "Nope, you're gonna give one!".

I don't have much advice to give, but I've been trying to very little things like saying thank you, but I still can't say hello yet. It's a little bit of progress I guess. It seems like if I keep this pace I should be a little better in another 10 years...

I hope you figure it out and have better luck.

 

[SpiffyG]

Which of the other methods mentioned in this thread have you tried? The over thinking leads me to suggest the "stop giving a damn" route. I usually think of Fight Club and the whole 'no one gives a shit' idea,a nd it usually helps. Seems like your anxiety is worse than mines though. Also exercise and looking at myself in the mirror naked more helped too (read that idea somewhere here on GAF). I'm slowly becoming more comfortable in my own body, and that may be helping.

And idk about anyone else, but when I'm high, I zone the fuck out and get QUIET. Last time I was high, my roommates left for about an hour, came back, and I was in the exact same spot. Also barely said anything the whole time. Complete opposite when drinking, though

I've read some self-help books. Actually, I'm bouncing back between 4 of them at the moment (obviously, I'm in desperate need). They are:

Self-Coaching: The Powerful Program to Beat Anxiety and Depression
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking
Meditation: The First and Last Freedom
The Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing

I've never really had a consistent work-out routine. I've been getting into hiking more. And have been wanting to add some mass (I'm scrawny) by doing some body-weight exercises in my own home.

My diet isn't the best. I was eating something like 75% raw for a couple of months last year and felt pretty clear-headed. Fell off when I went on vacation for the weekend and ate nothing but crap.

I've also immersed myself in social situations. I took the job at that retail store just so I could get out of my comfort zone. Correction from earlier, I only worked there for a year. I worked two years at a grocery store a few years prior. I also used to go out more often than I do now. I feel like a hermit. I have only one friend that I see weekly (besides my significant other). My SO has voiced his concerns to me about having to make excuses to his friends as to why "his man" isn't with him at events. "He has no energy", "He doesn't want to", etc.

How does one think their way into not giving a shit? I've tried. I'm sure if I was healthier it would be a bit easier to do.

I also try not to look at myself in the mirror for some reason. Is it possible to know you are "good-looking", but still have a low self-image? I guess that's the thing, I do not feel comfortable in my own body. I feel like I want to crawl out of my own skin at times.

LSD is too unreliable and its best done when you're in a cool, calm state. It could equally freak him the fuck out or make him a better person. I definitely wouldn't recommend it.

Also, drinking does the trick for social anxiety no doubt, but it only works when you're under the influence and it can lead to addiction if a person becomes reliant on alcohol to be 'social'. Also a bad recommendation. The OP obviously needs to attack the underlying issue, which is being insecure and self-conscious around others, which is a common thing and something not impossible to overcome with some habit changes and EXERCISE. EXER-fuckin-CISE man. Its as close to a miracle drug for anxiety/stress as there is.

I didn't think I had mental health hang-ups until I took LSD. At least I wasn't fully aware of them. So, uh, I guess something good came out of my freaking-the-fuck-out LSD experience. Drinking doesn't even work on me if I'm not somewhat relaxed to begin with. I can take 5 shots and still be anxious and self-conscious and quiet.

I'm getting on it. Being fit is definitely a goal of mine...

 

[golduck342]

I remember someone posting this on GAF a while ago. Haven't really tried it enough to say I had results. Sorry if (re)posted already didn't have the time to read the whole topic.

5 yoga steps to overcome shyness
http://www.rediff.com/getahead/2007/jun/04slid1.htm

 

[Ravensmash]

From someone who had/still has anxiety...

Just go out and do stuff.

Every little thing you do can be seen as a 'victory', and then you get to the point where you've built up loads of confidence.

Not the same thing (I was more generalised) but 4 years ago I couldn't imagine myself outside with loads of people in a crowded place....then I went to Reading festival 2 years in a row

But yeah, it sounds silly - but if you're worried about doing something/speaking to people - do it. Think of it as a specific goal and rush towards it; big sense of accomplishment and then you can look back and think "i'm fine with this".

 

[half a moon]

I'm in the same boat. Feel like I waisted 24 years of my life. No friends, no talents.

Retail: I also just wound up barely talking in those jobs.

 

[Persona7]

Some people are just wired that way. Your social skills can improve but some people will always feel anxious and awkward around others.

 

[Puddles]

Man, you are the opposite of me.

I occasionally get anxiety attacks when I am by myself.

If I can be around other people, I'm fine. They distract me.

 

[Easystride]

It is comforting to see some other people with similar experiences as my own. It often feels like I am the only one.

 

[Deleted member 22576]

This whole "stop jerkin it" cure all trend is starting to get a little old.

 

[Deleted member 30609]

work retail

 

[youngplaya21]

I've read some self-help books. Actually, I'm bouncing back between 4 of them at the moment (obviously, I'm in desperate need). They are:

Self-Coaching: The Powerful Program to Beat Anxiety and Depression
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking
Meditation: The First and Last Freedom
The Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing

I've never really had a consistent work-out routine. I've been getting into hiking more. And have been wanting to add some mass (I'm scrawny) by doing some body-weight exercises in my own home.

My diet isn't the best. I was eating something like 75% raw for a couple of months last year and felt pretty clear-headed. Fell off when I went on vacation for the weekend and ate nothing but crap.

I've also immersed myself in social situations. I took the job at that retail store just so I could get out of my comfort zone. Correction from earlier, I only worked there for a year. I worked two years at a grocery store a few years prior. I also used to go out more often than I do now. I feel like a hermit. I have only one friend that I see weekly (besides my significant other). My SO has voiced his concerns to me about having to make excuses to his friends as to why "his man" isn't with him at events. "He has no energy", "He doesn't want to", etc.

How does one think their way into not giving a shit? I've tried. I'm sure if I was healthier it would be a bit easier to do.

I also try not to look at myself in the mirror for some reason. Is it possible to know you are "good-looking", but still have a low self-image? I guess that's the thing, I do not feel comfortable in my own body. I feel like I want to crawl out of my own skin at times.


I didn't think I had mental health hang-ups until I took LSD. At least I wasn't fully aware of them. So, uh, I guess something good came out of my freaking-the-fuck-out LSD experience. Drinking doesn't even work on me if I'm not somewhat relaxed to begin with. I can take 5 shots and still be anxious and self-conscious and quiet.

I'm getting on it. Being fit is definitely a goal of mine...

From what friends tell me, I had the same problem. Girls would hit on me, and I wouldn't notice because I figured no girl would even look my way. Looking in the mirror and working out really helped me out in that regard. I started to like what I saw, even before the results were coming in, and this was when I was 6' and 150 lbs. Now I gained about 25 lbs, and feel A LOT better about myself. Still a work in progress, but I'm definitely trying, and I'm definitely seeing a bit of results. Still have problems with conversations (hell I have trouble forcing myself to post on GAF), but I haven't given up yet. And going off of your post, you haven't given up either. Still going to recommend WORKING OUT. The second you said you were skinny, that jumped to the #1 suggestion. You'd be surprised just how much that helps self-esteem, and how much that helps everything else. I'd suggest P90 or P90X (with a custom diet with A LOT more protein and all of that), and try to do it with your SO.

The retail job idea obviously isn't for everyone. I made a conscious effort to force myself to talk to people, so I felt that it helped me, but I can see how it won't work. It just gave me a crutch to start conversations with random people. To me, it's hard not to get practice with a constant stream of people coming to you that you have to talk to anyways. Plus I always hated the awkward silences... Also, thanks for the links to the books you're looking at. Gonna look at buying one or two of them.

But as to everything else, the usual advice still works: just go out there. You could definitely use 'going out with SO and friends' as some sort of milestone or goal down the line. Maybe a rule like 'say yes to everything for one week'. Wanna go to the bar? Bowling? Skydiving? Something crazy? Yes, yes, yes, and yes.

Can't really help on the 'not giving a shit' mentality, though. You just gotta say 'fuck it' to anything you can't control.

 

[ShadiWulf]

i have anxiety issues, too

You just gotta do stuff... it can be hard at first, but after a while, you realize people honestly don't care what you are, or what you do unless it affects them. They might look at you and judge you, but after you and them part ways, they will forget all about you most likely.

If you have a talent/area of interest, that can help too, I have trouble talking with people, but when its something I like/am good at it's much easier for me to talk about it. Find people who like the same thing.

Working at something new... something that will make you feel better about yourself when all is said and done, but something new, not something you already do. Try and find a new hobby that would be completely different for you. Change is good, and i think it could help you talk with people more if you have a broader range of interests, that's just what I think though...

 

[Bisnic]

I had a lot of social anxiety during my childhood and teenage years. It made my school days a living hell. Never had friends back then and every classes that asked for teamwork, i was like "oh dear god no why, i cant do it, i cant go ask that guy or girl if he/she wants to work with me".

I'm still someone who doesnt talk a lot, but i have much less issues than when i was younger. I think having a job that made me go into contact with the public helped me a lot. At first it was just a job in a restaurant where i was cleaning dishes, then i worked in a grocery store where i would often have customers asking me questions, then i finally did a job where i was on IT support, either on phone or directly at the customer's desk. Now talking with people aint that big of a deal to me.

Making a lot friends or a girlfriend still feel like its going to take a while to get though...especially the last one.

 

[AlimNassor]

I have social anxiety as well OP. It fucking sucks, but, i never got meds for mine and that made my life in HS a living hell. It's gotten better now, i can talk to people, but, usually the chats are miserable and short.

 

[cameron]

Try volunteering if you have the time. It'll force you to socialize, and you'll focus less about yourself and more about others (in a good/considerate way). Look at the postings in your area, and pick a task you're comfortable with in terms of your ability and the number of people you have to interact with. Start small if you want.

 

[paparazzo]

I've heard that call center jobs can help people break out of their shell, so to speak. I don't work at a call center but I answer the phones at my job and it's definitely helped me a bit.

I'd also recommend cutting back on fapping. You don't have to quit cold turkey or anything like that. Just going a few days without gives me a boost in testosterone and I feel a lot more confident in approaching people.

 

[brianjones]

i dont really have social anxiety but i always feel like staying in than going out and socializing

sometimes it gets boring though and i end up drinking a lot

cut back on fapping ? lol.. how often are you horndogs fapping to the point where it's interfering with your life?

 

[dojokun]

Indica.

 

[Bisnic]

cut back on fapping ? lol.. how often are you horndogs fapping to the point where it's interfering with your life?

Yeah, i dont get that part. I barely fapped during my teenage years compared to now, and i really dont have as much social anxiety nowadays.

So the real thing people should do is : More fapping.

 

[youngplaya21]

i dont really have social anxiety but i always feel like staying in than going out and socializing

sometimes it gets boring though and i end up drinking a lot

cut back on fapping ? lol.. how often are you horndogs fapping to the point where it's interfering with your life?

Seriously.... Are people fapping like 4 times before dinner or something? I thought once a day was insane.

Not masturbating actually does make you more social.

I'd say working out is really good for depression, but I don't know if it does a whole lot for social anxiety.

Time for an experiment. And I always assumed working out helps self-esteem, which helps everything else. Seems like social anxiety is in at least some way a self-esteem issue.

 

[Timedog]

Not masturbating actually does make you more social.

*anecdoctal alert* I'd say working out is really good for depression, but I don't know if it does a whole lot for social anxiety.

 

[way more]

All these shock immersion suggestions are idiotic. People with a phobia don't get treated by being exposed to them at their most brutal form.

 

[Atramental]

Off the top of my head, here's some of the stuff that seems to help me with my social anxiety:
-Get plenty of sleep
-Abstain from soda
-Cut back on your caffeine consumption
-Cut back on your alcohol consumption
-Drink more water (don't try to drown out your system with water. Just drink it whenever you feel thirsty)
-Cut back on porn and masturbation
-Exercise on a frequent basis
-Eat high protein foods
-Eat fruits like bananas and strawberries
-Avoid food that contains tons of sugar, white flour, and sodium
-Have a giving attitude when you're around people
-Listen to self help coaches like Tony Robbins (you can listen to other people if you want but Tony's material has helped me out a ton)
-Write down goals for yourself that you can accomplish within a set amount of time. Accomplishing goals can boost your self esteem.
-Don't spend all your time hunched in front of a computer. If the weather is decent, go outside for 30 minutes or longer and just experience the sounds, sights, and smells of the world around you.
-Take about 5 to 10 slow deep breaths on a daily basis
-If you want, start something that I like to call a "success journal" in which you can write down your goals and your personal accomplishments. And you can look back at this journal to see how far you've progressed.

 

[Soul_Pie]

Some very good tips given so far.

Got it very bad towards the end of school and at uni, literally stopped my life in its tracks. I'm so much better now, but it took a long time. The biggest things for me were:

-getting fit, hitting the gym hard every day and running really hard on the treadmill, build up a sweat.
-getting sunlight and fresh air helps clear my head
-eliminating caffeine and bad foods generally. Diet can play a part in anxiousness.
-No more wanking, you'll feel so much better
-Meditation helped me immensely
-Cut down on computer time and make time to spend with friends and family.
-Never say no to an invitation to go out and do something, these experiences help.
-Breathing exercises helped a lot too, deep breathing methods were a revelation.
-Try to do something outside of your comfort zone every week.
-Mindset plays a role, the fact is that rarely anybody is out to judge you, and those that are aren't worth your time anyway. Positive mindframe is key.

Good luck to anyone suffering, it's one of those issues that goes under the radar but affects many people.

 

[p_xavier]

Social interactions are overrated anyways. I used to be shy and did many steps to overcome my social anxiety. The point is that I can't stand most people and I'd rather stay at home watching movies with a few select friends. So basically I did all of that to go back to where I was initially. At least now I'm comfortable with being at home and I'm not stressed about "missing out in life"

 

[hawkshockey11]

Get a girlfriend, then get dumped by that girlfriend. You will basically be forced to go out and not give a fuck about anything anymore

 

[Timedog]

-Take about 5 to 10 slow deep breaths on a daily basis

Holy shit, this is the easiest thing in the world and I haven't ever thought of it. Do some deep breathing for a minute or two each day. I'm doing it right now. Thanks, thread!

 

[Ezalc]

Put yourself in an increasing number of situations where you have no choice but to talk to others. It'll be hard at first but slowly you'll get over the anxiety.

 

[Lagspike_exe]

Public speaking and appearing on national TV helped me a lot. I had a lot of anxiety but I'm feeling much, much better around people now.

 

[Le-mo]

I'm on the same boat as you OP, but I also have a stuttering problem. The weird thing is when I plan to talk to someone I always think of what I want to say in my mind and when I do say it I stutter, but when I don't think of it I don't stutter at all. Problem is I think of what I want to say to that person 99% of the time, word for word, so I will always stutter them. So far the only thing that helps me combat this is to have a friend start a conversation first and have me join in after as it helps ease my anxiety and make me more comfortable. This is why I literally never answer my phone. Only way to reach me is through text. I know I have to find another way to combat this and I'm looking.

 

[trs1080]

OP and any others with SA: Have you tried going to a psychologist who can work with you to do cognitive behavior therapy (CBT)? It's not long-term therapy sessions. It isn't 'talk about my childhood' type of therapy.

I am someone who has had social anxiety my entire life and am currently doing CBT plus zoloft as of a little over one month ago.

I can say that the CBT has helped, a lot. It's been pretty amazing for me personally so far. I'm pissed at myself for waiting so long to get real help.

The basic idea is: With SA, you get automatic thoughts and usually those are negative. I.E. I don't know those people waiting at the elevator, they might think I'm weird, so I'll avoid them and take the stairs.

CBT works with you to question those automatic thoughts. In that example, why would they think you're weird? And even if they did, so what? What's the worst that could happen if I took the elevator with them? The skill to identify these thoughts takes time to develop.

Eventually, you would be asked to list a number of activities that you have been avoiding and rank them on a scale from least anxiety inducing (maybe riding a bus) to greatest (going on a date). You would work on doing these activities in order of least to greatest anxiety, repeating each activity until your anxiety level is almost nothing.

It's exposure therapy, like what they'd do if you have a fear of driving or flying, but in a more general sense.

All I can tell you is from even the first session I had I've noticed a difference in my anxiety level just doing general activities, like going to the grocery store. I'm less tense all the time. Small talk comes easier. Seeing other people in my building doesn't automatically trigger a flight response. I don't avoid the phone at work as much. So far, it's been really eye opening.

I am also trying zoloft, and we'll see if that does anything to help, but from what I've read and what my approach to it was, I did not want to just try taking drugs only for SA, I wanted the CBT as well. It's why I didn't talk to my general doctor about it, I assumed he'd at most prescribe something and be done with it. I made an appointment with a psychologist directly who also referred me to a psychiatrist.

Anyway, that's my long winded advice. The first phone call to get help was so fucking hard to make but I'm so glad I made it. Do it before it lingers too long...

Feel free to msg me if anyone has questions about the therapy.

 

[apocalidiot]

Listen to punk bands and start drinking

 

[PersonaX]

"force yourself to do something you're afraid of"

I started an internship about 4 weeks ago and i was nervous as fuck about it before it even began and even more nervous when i finally got there, i'm much smoother now, it still hits me sometimes, but not as hard and it won't last long as long as i keep myself occupied.

then it's the army from July onwards, it's going to last 6 or 9 months, oh fuck...it better work as a good shock therapy, yeah, it's conscription, i don't think i would have went there otherwise.

 

[KillGore]

I'm going through a similar case, just not as bad I assume. I'm always thinking that strangers are judging me (when I know they don't give a fuck but I can't control it) and whenever I have to do a presentation, I feel like I'm going to die. Sometimes I'm afraid of calling a place I've never called before (for example a government's office) and I'm afraid of asking in class (University) because I'm afraid people will think I'm stupid. I usually sit in the back, where no one can sit behind me, etc etc. :\ I've done dozens of presentations in front of the class throughout my years in the University, and I still get as nervous as I did when I was a freshman ( I'm 23). I'm afraid of looking for work because I feel like I will be worthless and won't be able to perform as expected. For some reason though, I can speak to new people just fine (just not in big groups, like classrooms), though if they're pretty girls, I get extremely nervous (and I have a girlfriend). I don't know what do to with myself.

 

[kamspy]

Buy a Cadillac.

 

[maomaoIYP]

I was in a position to mentor many students for quite a few years. Through teaching them things and talking to them and having many of them look up to me and come to me for advice helped me build up self confidence.

Also I changed the way I see things, instead of being afraid of what others thought about me and clamming up, I just decided to speak my mind about things because in end, who really cares right?

I used to be so shy around people I would stutter when talking to a salesperson.

 

[McNei1y]

The whole judging part is a lot of people's problem - it's mine for most of the time.

One day I'm completely careless about what I say, do, act, etc. The other day I'm worried about everything. It's like I'm bipolar/anxious.

I mean I can get up in front of class and present one day. Then the following day I have another assignment for the same class but stutter my words and shit. I have no idea what the hell is wrong.

I just gotta learn to not give a flying fuck.

 

[DrFurbs]

Social anxiety primarily stems from fear of rejection or humiliation which in itself stems from personal inadequacy. Look at yourself and consider things that make you feel inadequate and work towards resolving these one at a time.

 

[Hoo-doo]

I have the exact same problem.

Being around people where I feel i'm being judged in a social setting triggers some kind of "Fight or Flight" mechanism. My heartrate and blood pressure go up, my palms start sweating and I generally feel uncomfortable.
At my uni we have to practice medical imaging procedures on each other, and it's just embarrassing when people perform an ultrasound on me to see my heartrate go through the roof when i'm as relaxed as I possibly can be.

It's very unfortunate. I'm not shy, but I just physically can't make prolonged smalltalk with people which makes me extremely insecure.
Even though I have zero issues giving a presentation in front of hundreds of people because I know my shit and am generally well-spoken.

I quit smoking, quit coffee, quit drinking, started excercising, but so far nothing has helped.

Get a girlfriend, then get dumped by that girlfriend. You will basically be forced to go out and not give a fuck about anything anymore

The complete opposite for me. After getting dumped I started giving WAY more fucks, leading to my anxiety issues.

 

[Hoo-doo]

OP and any others with SA: Have you tried going to a psychologist who can work with you to do cognitive behavior therapy (CBT)? It's not long-term therapy sessions. It isn't 'talk about my childhood' type of therapy.

I am someone who has had social anxiety my entire life and am currently doing CBT plus zoloft as of a little over one month ago.

I can say that the CBT has helped, a lot. It's been pretty amazing for me personally so far. I'm pissed at myself for waiting so long to get real help.

The basic idea is: With SA, you get automatic thoughts and usually those are negative. I.E. I don't know those people waiting at the elevator, they might think I'm weird, so I'll avoid them and take the stairs.

CBT works with you to question those automatic thoughts. In that example, why would they think you're weird? And even if they did, so what? What's the worst that could happen if I took the elevator with them? The skill to identify these thoughts takes time to develop.

Eventually, you would be asked to list a number of activities that you have been avoiding and rank them on a scale from least anxiety inducing (maybe riding a bus) to greatest (going on a date). You would work on doing these activities in order of least to greatest anxiety, repeating each activity until your anxiety level is almost nothing.

It's exposure therapy, like what they'd do if you have a fear of driving or flying, but in a more general sense.

All I can tell you is from even the first session I had I've noticed a difference in my anxiety level just doing general activities, like going to the grocery store. I'm less tense all the time. Small talk comes easier. Seeing other people in my building doesn't automatically trigger a flight response. I don't avoid the phone at work as much. So far, it's been really eye opening.

I am also trying zoloft, and we'll see if that does anything to help, but from what I've read and what my approach to it was, I did not want to just try taking drugs only for SA, I wanted the CBT as well. It's why I didn't talk to my general doctor about it, I assumed he'd at most prescribe something and be done with it. I made an appointment with a psychologist directly who also referred me to a psychiatrist.

Anyway, that's my long winded advice. The first phone call to get help was so fucking hard to make but I'm so glad I made it. Do it before it lingers too long...

Feel free to msg me if anyone has questions about the therapy.

Thanks for this. You have convinced me to seek professional help.
I'm starting a brand new study in september, moving to a brand new city, so I want to cast these issues aside as much as possible, as soon as possible.

 

[NinjaBoiX]

stop masturbating

I'm serious

within day 3 I got myself a gym membership and started running.

I agree with the gym thing, but what the fuck has masturbation got to with it? If anything, it helps you relax, release the valve so to speak.