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[shadyspace]

Sorry for coming in here and bitching about my life all the time.

You should see drunk-gaf.

 

[thatbox]

You should see drunk-gaf.

DrunkGAF is scary now. It was a lot lighter-hearted when it was a new thread every weekend

 

[Kyon]

All I've done since getting home from work was lay in bed for the past 2 days. And at work I'm just zoning out. I tried to come out to my best friend (via Steam chat), and felt too uncomfortable so I didn't, but I'm fucking stressed out now.

Sorry for coming in here and bitching about my life all the time.

I'M HERE BILLIE

 

[InfiniteNine]

Here is a reply. O:

@Charron: If it's any comfort at all, I'm no stranger to that feeling. With so many aspects of my person surfacing throughout childhood that clashed with what I saw as the exterior standard to live up to, I buried everything I could, stripped everything overt of its subtext and character. Goes without saying that I buried a hell of a lot of myself in the process, and turned an outward-looking desire to conform into something of an obsession. With regard to my interests and passions, they were and remain genuine, but at the time I selected only from the side of the spectrum that felt safe and proper.

To go beyond that narrow little space these past years, well, my suppressive habits tend to clash with my creeping acceptance of these other aspects of my person. At times my habits have anointed the act itself the norm, and cried "actor, fraud, chameleon!" at natural inclinations, as if the defenses had exhausted all mechanisms save projecting their own falsity onto the genuine articles. This would be rather amusing if it wasn't so disorienting and doubt-inducing at times, but at the very least I can see the defenses for what they are. I built and gated them by hand, and reinforced them with years of denial and blank declarations, but I could never quite induce myself to forget that I always held the keys. Should you know this struggle as well, never forget that you do too.

 

[Emitan]

I'M HERE BILLIE

*hugs*

 

[Hazaro]

Sorry in advance for mobile.

This, I think, hit me a lot harder than it should've. I suddenly feel like I've been method-acting everything, just copying what other people do. And not just with being a boy, but being a programmer, a geek, an adult, a furry... and I fear, a transwoman. I can't be myself, I have nobody to observe to teach me how to be myself. I don't know who I am, I'm just portraying others.

Think I need to lie down a bit. >_<

I think the hair dye might be getting to you .
If you can just take a deep breath and think about what you want to do in the moment?
Allthough it's nothing compared to what you're going through I did have a large period of time where my self confidence is very low and it took me some time to come to terms with who I was.

Don't sweat the big things.
Are you fun to be around? Are you passionate about what you care about? Do you have good friends, are you proud of your work?

I don't see any reason the things that you listed would be in conflict. Those are just things about you.

All I've done since getting home from work was lay in bed for the past 2 days. And at work I'm just zoning out. I tried to come out to my best friend (via Steam chat), and felt too uncomfortable so I didn't, but I'm fucking stressed out now.

Sorry for coming in here and bitching about my life all the time.

I've dealt with much much worse dealing with a gay bipolar guy on Steam. As long as you don't make it painful to help you, everyone just wants to help.

 

[Hop]

Sorry in advance for mobile.I think the hair dye might be getting to you .
If you can just take a deep breath and think about what you want to do in the moment?
Allthough it's nothing compared to what you're going through I did have a large period of time where my self confidence is very low and it took me some time to come to terms with who I was.

Don't sweat the big things.
Are you fun to be around? Are you passionate about what you care about? Do you have good friends, are you proud of your work?

I don't see any reason the things that you listed would be in conflict. Those are just things about you.

I'll have you know I've gone through existential crises under just about every hair color available.

It's not that I feel there's any conflict about my interests or anything, it's that I don't feel like I fit into any group I participate in, and so I fear a lot of my behavior is based on mimicry rather than anything genuine.

What I want to do, and what I want to be doing, are usually different things. Right now I wanna play SMNC. I want to be out, with friends, immersed in an interesting music scene that I'm a legitimate part of. I think. I don't entirely know.

"Are you fun to be around?" Not really!
"Are you passionate about what you care about?" Not really! (Certainly not enough)
"Do you have good friends, are you proud of your work?" Not really!

....I don't know where I'm going with any of this to be completely honest.

 

[CHEEZMO™]

I sometimes feel the same way (assuming we're on the same wavelength, that is).

 

[sophora]

I go through stuff like that every now and then. Usually I just sit back and think of the things I've always kept doing through all my life...which is pretty much creative/art-related things. Sometimes though if it hits me hard enough...it hinders me quite a bit in doing anything, drives me crazy >>;

 

[Hazaro]

I'll have you know I've gone through existential crises under just about every hair color available.

It's not that I feel there's any conflict about my interests or anything, it's that I don't feel like I fit into any group I participate in, and so I fear a lot of my behavior is based on mimicry rather than anything genuine.

What I want to do, and what I want to be doing, are usually different things. Right now I wanna play SMNC. I want to be out, with friends, immersed in an interesting music scene that I'm a legitimate part of. I think. I don't entirely know.

"Are you fun to be around?" Not really!
"Are you passionate about what you care about?" Not really! (Certainly not enough)
"Do you have good friends, are you proud of your work?" Not really!

....I don't know where I'm going with any of this to be completely honest.

I feel like I want to pursue and excel at about 4 things right now, but I don't think I can make all of those happen. Feel so time constrained
Having a hard time accepting that I might not be able to do everything.

Come on, you're a programmer in the games industry, doing panels to help trans people, promoting awareness. Using exclamation points means everything is ok with you anyway!

 

[Kyon]

*hugs*

*hugs tight*

 

[sophora]

Been thinking a lot lately, feeling sad and mopey. This is the 3rd night I've stayed up all night because of my restless mind, I feel the need to be more feminine and really would like to discuss these feelings with some friends and my BF but at the same time I don't see the point to when all they'll say is "oh that's nice" and that's it, I know they're supportive but it kind of feels empty. I'm not so confident in myself so I somewhat need a bit of encouragement and support...I just can't help shake the feeling I'm doing this all by myself. Anyone else feel this way sometimes?

Maybe I'm just making a big deal out of nothing, or maybe I just need some sleep...

 

[subversus]

ok, so I have questions after seeing Jenna Talakova. This stuff is facinating.

Can somebody describe step by step how a man can be turned into a woman? Do breasts start growing or do people have to insert implants? What about a vagina?

 

[Platy]

Can somebody describe step by step how a man can be turned into a woman? Do breasts start growing or do people have to insert implants? What about a vagina?

People usualy starts with hormone therapy, wich takes out the testosterone and gives all the female hormones. The changes usualy take 4 years to end (changes from person to person)

This makes stuff like change of fat distribution (for hetero cis gaf, this is the ass part), breast growth, change on hairs, stops male baldness, changes the skin, the smell, insanely decreases the upper body muscle and lots of other small factors.

If started before/in the begining of puberty, it also changes the skeleton, giving wider hips (look, another ass part !) and stuffs like a more "female" like appearence on the skull and shoulders/ribcage , stops male pattern hairs from appearing and stops the voice from masculinization.

In most cases (specialy post puberty patients) it gives small breasts, so implants are desirable in this case.
Also for post puberty patients, laser is used to destroy all unwanted facial and body hair.

Voice therapist (...or youtube videos =P) is usualy used to feminization of the voice if the testosterone did all the mess in puberty

To understand THE surgery (sex reassignment surgery) better, you have to understand that everyone starts female in the uterus ... so elements on the penis and the vagina have the same origin, even if they grew diferent.
So the surgeon only adapts everything to where they should be if they grew female.
For example, the top of the penis becomes the clit. (the reverse also happens automaticaly in the female to male case with only the testosterone injection without any kind of surgery)

There are other surgical procedures to the MTF (male to female) trans ... like shaving the "adam's apple" and what they call the "facial feminization surgery" (what some people say that it makes the genital surgery like a walk in the park =P) wich makes to adapt the male skull to make it more female, shaving the eyebrow, jaw and other stuff

...and besides the boring paperwork to change your birth certificate and ID, it is basicaly it.
99% is diferent in the female to male case

 

[shadyspace]

What was the content of your Ryan Davis email, billie?

 

[yeoz]

Read an interesting story this morning:

She first insisted she was a boy at the age of 2. "I am a boy" became a constant theme in struggles over clothing, bathing, swimming, eating, playing.
Eventually, a psychologist diagnosed gender identity disorder. Now Tyler 's parents allow him to live as a boy, and the 5-year-old is reveling in his new identity.

Watch the video! http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/transgender-at-five/2012/05/19/gIQABfFkbU_story.html
Read the print version of the article: http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/transgender-at-five/2012/05/19/gIQABfFkbU_print.html

Jean tried to put her daughter&#8217;s behavior to rest. She sat down with a toddler-version of an anatomy book and showed Kathryn, by then 3, the cartoonish drawings of a naked boy and girl.

&#8220;See? You&#8217;re a girl. You have girl parts,&#8221; Jean told her big-eyed daughter. &#8220;You&#8217;ve always been a girl.&#8221;

Kathryn looked up at her mom, incomprehension clouding her round face.

&#8220;When did you change me?&#8221; the child asked.

 

[Emitan]

Can't watch the video but almost cried at work reading it.

I'm happy his parents understood. My parents just thought I was gay my whole life. And they probably still do.

 

[JasonUresti]

Perhaps one day science will be able to correct these problems with medication or a procedure on the brain, rather than a (for some) torturous life long experience trying to change the body to reflect the thought patterns, and the social stigma associated with that.

It brings to my mind those individuals who, due to a quirk of their brain, don't recognize hand, foot, or limb, as being part of themselves. While the can operate the offending part of their body with normal facility, it never feels "right", it is alien to them. As you can expect, this causes no small amount of mental anguish, and many of these people have gone so far as to create false accidents, in which they cut off the hand or foot, what have you, to rid themselves of the mental pain. Most, if not all, reportedly feel at peace after doing this.

 

[Emitan]

I don't want to change my brain! There's nothing wrong with me ._.

EDIT: I'm not saying you said that. I'm just having personal issues. I've started thinking of myself as a "freak". I can't help it and I know it's not true. But I still think it.

EDIT 2: Altering someone's brain sounds like those people who try to "fix" being gay. I know you didn't mean to say anything upsetting but the more I read it the more disturbed i get.

 

[Femmeworth]

Perhaps one day science will be able to correct these problems with medication or a procedure on the brain, rather than a (for some) torturous life long experience trying to change the body to reflect the thought patterns, and the social stigma associated with that.

By the time such an operation would be possible, I would think transgender people would be far more widely accepted. Regardless, this is the same line of thinking as people who think homosexuality can be "cured." I'm sure you mean well, though.

 

[AceBandage]

To be fair, if you go on HRT, your brain is going to be altered anyway.
But this is just because of a flood of hormones that the body isn't use to.
It's part of the reason you're required to see a psychologist during the process (and after, even).
And yes, it can fuck with your mind if you're not careful.
x_x

 

[Platy]

Perhaps one day science will be able to correct these problems with medication or a procedure on the brain, rather than a (for some) torturous life long experience trying to change the body to reflect the thought patterns, and the social stigma associated with that.

When Science can change the brain like that, they will surely will be able to change a person's secondary and primary sexual characteristics in a matter of days =P
...without stretch marks, I hope

 

[Amalthea]

Perhaps one day science will be able to correct these problems with medication or a procedure on the brain, rather than a (for some) torturous life long experience trying to change the body to reflect the thought patterns, and the social stigma associated with that.

It brings to my mind those individuals who, due to a quirk of their brain, don't recognize hand, foot, or limb, as being part of themselves. While the can operate the offending part of their body with normal facility, it never feels "right", it is alien to them. As you can expect, this causes no small amount of mental anguish, and many of these people have gone so far as to create false accidents, in which they cut off the hand or foot, what have you, to rid themselves of the mental pain. Most, if not all, reportedly feel at peace after doing this.

This would be horrible, imagine how authoritarian regimes could change the personality of dissidents. Parents and theachers could make their children's character fit their wishes as they please.

This would be the end of individuality.

 

[mollipen]

I am just going to put this link here, and you can read it or you can not. I'm not going to say what it is&#8212;you have to make the choice on what to do with the link. It's totally safe for work... well, I mean, in terms of visuals and whatnot.

Yup.

Link

 

[Jintor]

Well, that's kind of odd.

 

[InfiniteNine]

...oh my.

 

[Femmeworth]

I'm confused, I thought the nerve endings were needed for the surgery.

 

[dragonlife]

I am just going to put this link here, and you can read it or you can not. I'm not going to say what it is—you have to make the choice on what to do with the link. It's totally safe for work... well, I mean, in terms of visuals and whatnot.

Yup.

Link

D:

 

[Dead Man]

I am just going to put this link here, and you can read it or you can not. I'm not going to say what it is—you have to make the choice on what to do with the link. It's totally safe for work... well, I mean, in terms of visuals and whatnot.

Yup.

Link

Okay, so maybe I'm weird, but what stood out most was that they kept using male pronouns.

 

[Luigiv]

I am just going to put this link here, and you can read it or you can not. I'm not going to say what it is&#8212;you have to make the choice on what to do with the link. It's totally safe for work... well, I mean, in terms of visuals and whatnot.

Yup.

Link

The thing that stood out most for me was the fact it wasn't illegal.

Spoiler

I figured anti-cannibalism laws would prohibit it. WTF Japan?

 

[NewGamePlus]

That's not even the first time I've seen pictures of someone doing that. I can't imagine that it would actually taste very good.

 

[Platy]

This !

The more I read, the weirder it gets .... male pronouns, no laws, taking everything off with the operation, an operation without any hormones, corsets .... wtf ??

 

[Emitan]

That's not even the first time I've seen pictures of someone doing that. I can't imagine that it would actually taste very good.

I'm gonna ignore everything and talk about your PSO2 avatar because it's awesome.

 

[tiff]

I don't want to change my brain! There's nothing wrong with me ._.

EDIT: I'm not saying you said that. I'm just having personal issues. I've started thinking of myself as a "freak". I can't help it and I know it's not true. But I still think it.

EDIT 2: Altering someone's brain sounds like those people who try to "fix" being gay. I know you didn't mean to say anything upsetting but the more I read it the more disturbed i get.

Yeah, the idea of altering the brain to "fix" abnormalities like gender dysphoria really bothers me too.

Okay, so maybe I'm weird, but what stood out most was that they kept using male pronouns.

Apparently they contacted her on Twitter and she said &#8220;I am asexual, neither &#8216;he&#8217; nor &#8216;she&#8217; is exact, how about &#8216;e&#8217;?&#8221;

So yeah :/

 

[Koyuga]

I am just going to put this link here, and you can read it or you can not. I'm not going to say what it is—you have to make the choice on what to do with the link. It's totally safe for work... well, I mean, in terms of visuals and whatnot.

Yup.

Link

I figured there would be less leftover material than that. Huh. Wonder how it tasted, looked fancy.

 

[yeoz]

Read an interesting story this morning: Watch the video! http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/transgender-at-five/2012/05/19/gIQABfFkbU_story.html
Read the print version of the article: http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/transgender-at-five/2012/05/19/gIQABfFkbU_print.html

A followup piece of sorts: Age 5 Is Not too Early to Learn Your Child Might Be Transgender

 

[alysonwheel]

I'm confused, I thought the nerve endings were needed for the surgery.

I imagine there's a lot of, um, shaft meat left over though. The way I understand it, they keep enough of it to maintain the nerve connection to the sensitive parts and ditch the rest.

 

[Femmeworth]

I imagine there's a lot of, um, shaft meat left over though. The way I understand it, they keep enough of it to maintain the nerve connection to the sensitive parts and ditch the rest.

The article made it sound like they were fully intact.

 

[Emitan]

Eat a bag of dicks

 

[NewFresh]

The article made it sound like they were fully intact.

Exactly. This seems kinda iffy..well, besides for the obvious cannibalism reasons.

 

[NewGamePlus]

I'm gonna ignore everything and talk about your PSO2 avatar because it's awesome.

Why, thank you

 

[Amalthea]

Exactly. This seems kinda iffy..well, besides for the obvious cannibalism reasons.

Feeding people with pathological waste is pretty disgusting per se.

 

[CHEEZMO™]

I am just going to put this link here, and you can read it or you can not. I'm not going to say what it is—you have to make the choice on what to do with the link. It's totally safe for work... well, I mean, in terms of visuals and whatnot.

Yup.

Link

 

[Thagomizer]

Yeah, that was...something else.

 

[Emitan]

A few terrible people in #ga just totally fucking shattered the confidence and self worth I've been trying to build up.

No, it's totally hilarious to call me a dickgirl. No, please ask me how long my penis is. How could that possibly be offensive?

I left the chat before I started crying at work so I don't know who they were.

 

[tiff]

what's #ga

 

[Emitan]

Gaf's irc channel

 

[tiff]

Oh, yikes. Guess once threat of moderation's gone GAFers are as bad as any other.

Not that I'm surprised, that's part of why I don't identify with this site. Sorry you had to hear it though.

 

[spyhunterzero]

Don't let them get to ya billie. Just keep on keeping on and ignore them. But yeah, as tiff said, without the threat of punishment, you'll see there true selves.

 

[Platy]

Trolls gonna troll ... relax.
These people are so coward of doing something where they can suffer the consequences ...


wich makes me think ...

Is the chat official ?
If it is than a log and a pm to some admin atleast stop then from doing it here.... or maybe even banning then on the irc