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BritGAF |OT4| - "Our Only Goal In Life Is To Become As Alpha As Possible"

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SKINNER!

Banned
You always regret the things you didn't do in life more than you regret things you did.

I once asked a man to venture into his imagination and tell me what his worst idea/fear of hell is. Expecting some mundane answer about his wife's cooking or why he can't fix the squeeking door in the kitchen, he responded with "My worst fear of hell would be if I was greeted at the gates by the man I could've been"
 

Screaming Meat

Unconfirmed Member
I once asked a man to venture into his imagination and tell me what his worst idea/fear of hell is. Expecting some mudane answer about his wife's cooking or why he can't fix the squeeking door in the kitchen, he responded with "My worst fear of hell would be if I was greeted at the gates by the man I could've been"

That's fucking deep.

My idea of Hell would be going back through my life with everyone I know and love watching from behind my eyes, commenting on and rewinding all the stupid/terrible/awful things I've done, whilst a nurse injects firey spider eggs into my testies which hatch and slowly eat me from the inside out; all the while a fat man teabags me with his space hopper sized balls which have been dipped in runny shit.

...but whatever.
 

SteveWD40

Member
That's fucking deep.

My idea of Hell would be going back through my life with everyone I know and love watching from behind my eyes, commenting on and rewinding all the stupid/terrible/awful things I've done, whilst a nurse injects firey spider eggs into my testies which hatch and slowly eat me from the inside out; all the while a fat man teabags me with his space hopper sized balls which have been dipped in runny shit.

...but whatever.

oxtWI.gif
 
sploat I have a question for you. How do you pull a girl?

Like, if you're out in a pub, bar or club, or anywhere really, and you see a girl you think is really fit, what do you do? I mean you don't know she's gay or bi, or do you? Do you just flirt anyway regardless?

Or do you just rely on meeting girls through friends or via internet dating?
 

Symphonia

Banned
That's a bit of an odd game. How long have they been dating? I need a bit more background info.

From what you've said about her before I would say it's clear she still cares for you a great deal too, but you're never going to know if it's enough unless you just come out and ask her.
They've been going out for as long as we've been apart. They also have a boy together. Just to stir more shit into the mix.
 

NinjaBoiX

Member
Tell that to Josef Fritzl.
I was trying to think of a humorous comeback about what he may have regretted, but there is just too much nope there, I lasted about 10 seconds before I had to move on.
I once asked a man to venture into his imagination and tell me what his worst idea/fear of hell is. Expecting some mundane answer about his wife's cooking or why he can't fix the squeeking door in the kitchen, he responded with "My worst fear of hell would be if I was greeted at the gates by the man I could've been"
Jesus Christ shorty, too deep for a Monday brah.
My idea of Hell would be going back through my life with everyone I know and love watching from behind my eyes, commenting on and rewinding all the stupid/terrible/awful things I've done, whilst a nurse injects firey spider eggs into my testies which hatch and slowly eat me from the inside out; all the while a fat man teabags me with his space hopper sized balls which have dipped in shit.
F3rUWFT.jpg
 

NinjaBoiX

Member
Select GAFfers, controlled conditions. If I let her loose at a meet Lord knows what she would learn haha
Focus on the positive outcomes mate. She'd likely find out about your recent "unconventional" sexual interests and maybe dress up for you all sexy like.

Just imagine, you come in from work one day to find she's had a blue rinse and set her hair in tight curls for you. She wearing an alluring thick knit cardie and slinky slippers, sat on the sofa with a tartan blanket over her legs all ready to give you a gum rub and a Wethers Original.
 

Screaming Meat

Unconfirmed Member
What's the deal with the new Gordo stuff, Jed? Anywhere we can have a listen or is there a specific release date?

Focus on the positive outcomes mate. She'd likely find out about your recent "unconventional" sexual interests and maybe dress up for you all sexy like.

Just imagine, you come in from work one day to find she's had a blue rinse and set her hair in tight curls for you. She wearing an alluring thick knit cardie and slinky slippers, sat on the sofa with a tartan blanket over her legs all ready to give you a gum rub and a Wethers Original.

Hang on, he wants to bang Super Gran?!
 
They've been going out for as long as we've been apart. They also have a boy together. Just to stir more shit into the mix.

Oh ok, well that's a bit different then. I was under the impression it was just a casual thing.

In that case do you want to be responsible for breaking up a family? If she has given the impression she is unhappy with him then it may be worth letting her know she has other options ie you, but if they are content then let them be. Move on and find your own happiness.

Thanks for sharing this in public :p



I'm a 'select GAFer'? Your standards are slipping, Sniv.

Hey you're all loved up now man, what do you care?

And I'm a select gaffer too, standards definitely slipped.
 

Mikeside

Member
Focus on the positive outcomes mate. She'd likely find out about your recent "unconventional" sexual interests and maybe dress up for you all sexy like.

Just imagine, you come in from work one day to find she's had a blue rinse and set her hair in tight curls for you. She wearing an alluring thick knit cardie and slinky slippers, sat on the sofa with a tartan blanket over her legs all ready to give you a gum rub and a Wethers Original.

Amazing. Don't forget the disinterest & awkward back rub.

What's the deal with the new Gordo stuff, Jed? Anywhere we can have a listen or is there a specific release date?

It's cool, mate - I'll have it all up on PirateBay when I get home from work :p

The most select of GAFers, my friend. Have some self respect fella!

All I'm suggesting is that if anyone is within reasonable kidnapping distance, it's me.
Though with the roller derby experience, I think she'd be able to straight up murder me.

Hey you're all loved up now man, what do you care?

This is true. I'll let you off for now.

And I'm a select gaffer too, standards definitely slipped.

BritGAF[ select ] - available for a limited time at a reduced subscription price of £9.99/month
Access to the WhatsApp group! Jedeye Sniv's wife! Mikeside's dating profile! Name Musha's baby! Your own Clique Badge! And more!
Call now for details.
 

NinjaBoiX

Member
Yeah Meat, Jed likes 'em wrinkly and smelling of wee.

Oh ok, well that's a bit different then. I was under the impression it was just a casual thing.

In that case do you want to be responsible for breaking up a family? If she has given the impression she is unhappy with him then it may be worth letting her know she has other options ie you, but if they are content then let them be. Move on and find your own happiness.
Yeah, I've got to agree Cyanide. As soon as you said they have their own kid, I changed perspective completely. Do you really want to mess with the kid's head like that?

Think long and hard before you pursue this, that's all I'm saying.
 

SKINNER!

Banned
That's fucking deep.

Jesus Christ shorty, too deep for a Monday brah.


Deep indeed and it's quite a bitter pill to swallow but surely it motivates you to do something and not regret shit.

Also, obligatory motivational speech since it's Monday. Take this opportunity to change your life. Looking at you uni students here too. Work hard and play hard. Change your destiny! Get yo momma's spaghetti all over your motherfuckin' sweaters already!
 

Jedeye Sniv

Banned
Focus on the positive outcomes mate. She'd likely find out about your recent "unconventional" sexual interests and maybe dress up for you all sexy like.

Just imagine, you come in from work one day to find she's had a blue rinse and set her hair in tight curls for you. She wearing an alluring thick knit cardie and slinky slippers, sat on the sofa with a tartan blanket over her legs all ready to give you a gum rub and a Wethers Original.

I keep her up to date on my perversions - she thinks the granny cams are weird and she was shocked/aroused when I told her about that freaky tug trick I learned. She wants to see it.

What's the deal with the new Gordo stuff, Jed? Anywhere we can have a listen or is there a specific release date?



Hang on, he wants to bang Super Gran?!

I think the record will be out mid march, we just need the vinyl pressing. Also working on new t-shirts and perhaps an acoustic thing for pre orders. A single will prob be released soonish. Just wanna get our ducks in a row, last time we released with no hype and it disappears rather quickly! Rest assured I'll pimp :)

Also do you have a smartphone? You need to get in the whatsapp for Sniv's adventures in old people cams.
 

Jackben

bitch I'm taking calls.
CHEEZMO™;96946409 said:
Does anyone know if Journey is gonna be on ps4?
Unfortunately no. Though I'm not sure why it would in the first place, no reason for them to do a graphical overhaul when they likely wouldn't receive a significant profit. Game has already hit saturation point since it got a Greatest Hits copy made that included fl0w and flower (also includes Duke wars which joins the very short list of games I've actually played with my girlfriend, hella fun). Journey is one of my favorite games of last gen, but I'm more interested in seeing something new from thatgamecompany.
 

sploatee

formerly Oynox Slider
sploat I have a question for you. How do you pull a girl?

Like, if you're out in a pub, bar or club, or anywhere really, and you see a girl you think is really fit, what do you do? I mean you don't know she's gay or bi, or do you? Do you just flirt anyway regardless?

Or do you just rely on meeting girls through friends or via internet dating?


I'm prob not that wise on this, I've been with Mrs Sploat for about 10 and a half years now!

Also, I tend to go to gay clubs so I usually assume that if you're in there, you're open minded. I haven't been to a straight club for years.

I was never that aggressive with pulling so it would always happen to me rather than me looking for it, so would be talking (lots of talking) and then it'd naturally progress? I'd never usually even realise until afterwards that I was flirting. for example by being offered a foursome or someone walking me home and waiting for me to invite them in.

I met Mrs S this way (gay club, lots of talking, she came onto me).

That probably doesn't answer your question, but you're prob better off asking someone who's more active on the 'scene'. Sorry!
 

SmokyDave

Member
But how can you be so sure?
Because...
She's probably your ex, and not your partner, for a reason.
That's why.

Although I've just read that she has a kid with this other dude which makes things even worse. Even if the stars aligned and she dropped him and ran into your arms, is that really what you'd want? Seems like a whole lot of 'stuck in the past' to me. You need someone shiny and new to start afresh.
 
Currently in a lovely hotel thing for work. There's a telly in the bath. Luxuary. Going to somewhere called Za Za Bazaar which is apparently a buffet for everything. That will be interesting.

Oh and Cyanide - not forgot to respond to your PM, will tonight.
 

3Sixty

Member
Currently in a lovely hotel thing for work. There's a telly in the bath. Luxuary. Going to somewhere called Za Za Bazaar which is apparently a buffet for everything. That will be interesting.

Oh god I ate at Za Za Bazaar at the Gate in Newcastle.

Don't bother.
 

BGBW

Maturity, bitches.
Can you rephrase this?
Imagine you invited us back to your home on the Devonshire Moors to meet your local, offline, friends. We (that's us GAF folk) get chatting with them and one of us asks "did you become friends with Tash because of a shared love for Reddit?" only to get the response "he goes on Reddit!? But such a thing is looked down upon on these here Moors!" So by complete accident we let slip your dark secret leading to your total banishment from Devon. So that is why I think keeping GAF folk away from the other folk you know is probably a good idea.
 

NinjaBoiX

Member
Perhaps I should introduce him to my balls.
You're in luck, wrinkly shit-dipped testicles are like Jedeye catnip.
Deep cut Radiohead b-side, love it.

How-ow-ow-ow-ow can you be sure?
Hey Jed, did you catch that Peej b-side SM posted over the weekend? One of my favourite tracks that got posted:

PJ Harvey - Losing Ground
Even if the stars aligned and she dropped him and ran into your arms, is that really what you'd want? Seems like a whole lot of 'stuck in the past' to me. You need someone shiny and new to start afresh.
Yup, yup, yup.

Don't go back to a lit firework.

Get a new girl brah.
 
But how can you be so sure?

Did you see my post?

I'm prob not that wise on this, I've been with Mrs Sploat for about 10 and a half years now!

Also, I tend to go to gay clubs so I usually assume that if you're in there, you're open minded. I haven't been to a straight club for years.

I was never that aggressive with pulling so it would always happen to me rather than me looking for it, so would be talking (lots of talking) and then it'd naturally progress? I'd never usually even realise until afterwards that I was flirting. for example by being offered a foursome or someone walking me home and waiting for me to invite them in.

I met Mrs S this way (gay club, lots of talking, she came onto me).

That probably doesn't answer your question, but you're prob better off asking someone who's more active on the 'scene'. Sorry!

Ok thanks for the answer, I was just curious.
 
1. Why does this bother you?
2. Of course she would win, girls will always win in hits on internet dating. It would be like me challenging Deaf Spacker to a footrace (which tbh would probably be closer than I would hope, I can't run good)

I just saw this!

You have no idea, I could run 60m in 8 seconds and 100m in 13. Now? Maybe if there's a beer at the finish line.

Not bad for someone who's parents were told he'd never walk unaided.
 

Jedeye Sniv

Banned
I just saw this!

You have no idea, I could run 60m in 8 seconds and 100m in 13. Now? Maybe if there's a beer at the finish line.

Not bad for someone who's parents were told he'd never walk unaided.

Oh wow that's damn impressive! I should have said listening competition then :p or juggling, but I suck at that so I think we might actually be equal!
 

Mikeside

Member
Because...

That's why.

Although I've just read that she has a kid with this other dude which makes things even worse. Even if the stars aligned and she dropped him and ran into your arms, is that really what you'd want? Seems like a whole lot of 'stuck in the past' to me. You need someone shiny and new to start afresh.

As much as it sucks, this is absolutely the case.
There's a lot of "oh but this person was amazing" nostalgia floating about (we're all guilty of it), but at the end of the day, there's always a lot of baggage & it's never how you remember it. Relationships of the past should remain exactly that.

Use the space in your life to find somebody new. A fresh, uncomplicated relationship is a fucking beautiful thing and you're denying yourself the pleasure of it by dredging up the past & sieving through the shit in an attempt to find some nuggets of gold because it feels easier to fall back on old ground.
 
Oh wow that's damn impressive! I should have said listening competition then :p or juggling, but I suck at that so I think we might actually be equal!

Yeah I suck at listening ;)

When I was younger I was invited to all sorts of Paralympic stuff, I lost interest when I discovered that not all girls found me unattractive.
 

Mikeside

Member
Imagine you invited us back to your home on the Devonshire Moors to meet your local, offline, friends. We (that's us GAF folk) get chatting with them and one of us asks "did you become friends with Tash because of a shared love for Reddit?" only to get the response "he goes on Reddit!? But such a thing is looked down upon on these here Moors!" So by complete accident we let slip your dark secret leading to your total banishment from Devon. So that is why I think keeping GAF folk away from the other folk you know is probably a good idea.

Do you guys really separate GAF from life in such a major way?
All my friends know of GAF/have met GAF friends.
 

jimbor

Banned
As much as it sucks, this is absolutely the case.
There's a lot of "oh but this person was amazing" nostalgia floating about (we're all guilty of it), but at the end of the day, there's always a lot of baggage & it's never how you remember it. Relationships of the past should remain exactly that.

Use the space in your life to find somebody new. A fresh, uncomplicated relationship is a fucking beautiful thing and you're denying yourself the pleasure of it by dredging up the past & sieving through the shit in an attempt to find some nuggets of gold because it feels easier to fall back on old ground.

Poop nuggets and a whole lot of regret are all you get on a revisit.
 

NinjaBoiX

Member
As much as it sucks, this is absolutely the case.
There's a lot of "oh but this person was amazing" nostalgia floating about (we're all guilty of it), but at the end of the day, there's always a lot of baggage & it's never how you remember it. Relationships of the past should remain exactly that.

Use the space in your life to find somebody new. A fresh, uncomplicated relationship is a fucking beautiful thing and you're denying yourself the pleasure of it by dredging up the past & sieving through the shit in an attempt to find some nuggets of gold because it feels easier to fall back on old ground
Damn Mike, poetry.

It's so true about getting back involved with old relationships, I did that with one girl three times, against my better judgement. Yeah, it's great for a few weeks/months until rose-tinted lust gives way to the realisation that the big "we just don't work together" elephant is still standing in the corner of the room.

Rewrite your OKCupid profile so you don't sound like a tool and get yourself back out there mane.
Poop nuggets and a whole lot of regret are all you get on a revisit.
Wonderfully concise.
 

sploatee

formerly Oynox Slider
What a day. I'm not sure I have the mental health for this job. Spent most of weekend in a depressed cloud. I know thats really oh woe is me cos I should be grateful to have a job let alone a relatively high paying one but bloody hell. Kids - don't do law. and don't work with businesses. Oh woe etc.
 
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