Why do you make such horrible decisions in horror movies? - Because, predominantly, white people are writing the movie script. Rich white people, to be specific. And in order for something bad to actually happen to a white person, they need to make a mistake. It's an extension of the bootstraps theory, that you're only in your shitty position because you fucked up or didn't work hard enough. White people, specifically rich white people, don't want to admit that sometimes the system just fucks you over. And they carry that subconsciously into most media. It's why when some form of media actually portrays the reality of life, people are blown away by its honesty.
Why do you freak out when black people are picked to play white fictional characters? - Because people have an easier time empathizing and relating to characters similar to themselves. White people have a hard time empathizing and relating to minority characters. It's why they are always a gamble in any media format.
Why is a big butt and big lips considered attractive on a white woman but not on a black woman? - Statistically speaking, white men don't find black women as attractive as white women. So, overall, things will always look better on a white woman than a black woman for a white men.
Do you really think Miley is the one who created twerking? - No one actually thinks that. No one who isn't an idiot actually thinks that.
Why am I supposed to teach you how to twerk? - You aren't. Please. Do not do this.
Why is it that white people always act as though they've discovered a new trend when black people have been doing it for years? - Because white people appropriate other cultures. We are the undisputed king of it. And if we can get away with not giving you credit, why not.
Why is white crime seen as an isolated incident but black crime is seen as a representation of my entire community? - Because we're over 70% of the population. And you're 13%. Also because the police target you. And so does the media. It's mostly the media.
Why does talking about race make you feel so uncomfortable? - Because there are very few circumstances where white people, in general, are on the right side of any race issue. We're the perpetrator of the vast majority of racism, because we're the vast majority of the population.
You don't really believe that racism is over just because we have a black president? - Obama only exacerbated open racism by giving racists a high profile target to throw tantrums over.
Why is it easy for you to notice when there are no white people around, but you hardly ever notice when there are no black people around. - It's noticeable for people who were raised or live in diverse areas. I notice it when I travel sometimes. But there are a lot of white people that were raised or currently live around only other white people. So it's hard for them to notice what is essentially normal for them.
Why is your goal to be colorblind? - That's stupid.
Why do you want to say the "N" word so bad? - This one is kind of your own fault; excluding racists who just want to say it because they are racist. Black movies and music have glamorized the word for decades and a lot of people grew up listening to and watching its usage be both idolized and vilified. So it has both the allure of something that's forbidden and the allure of being something that's 'cool'.
Why do you think it's ok to touch our hair? - It isn't ok to touch anyone who doesn't ask for it.
Why do you think having one black friend makes you a cultural expert or not a racist? - Because people feel like they are able to better relate when they have a cultural or racial friend to lend them perspective. It makes them feel like they have an advantage in racial discussion over white people who don't have black friends.
Why do you feel comfortable cursing at your parents? - Because white parents, statistically speaking, are less likely to hit their kids. I don't feel comfortable cursing at my parents, and it's mostly because I'd get five fingers to the face.
Why do you kiss your dogs on the mouth? - Because it ultimately doesn't matter. It's only gross if you forget that your dog also rubs his ass on your bed pillows when you aren't looking. Pets in general are pretty gross. But it's all relatively harmless.
Why can't you pronounce black names, but you can pronounce other names? - I can't pronounce any of those other names either. Also, we hear famous people's names repeated several hundred times. We don't, necessarily, hear specific ethnic names repeated frequently. Until we do, then we can pronounce them. I mispronounced my neighbors name the first three times I spoke with him, he's Iranian, but he was very understanding about it. And now I pronounce it just fine. It's a matter of exposure.
Why do you feel like all lions lives matter, but all black lives don't? - White people really like to get behind causes that don't take a lot of effort but make them feel good. Like an 'awareness' campaign. Super easy to participate. Makes you feel good for doing something good. Actually does near fuck all nothing. The effort to fix racism is well beyond the threshold most people are willing to invest. Also racists. Also animals is something everyone can get behind. The media loves animals. Oh look, the media again! Hi guys!
Why is it so hard for you to acknowledge your privilege? - I'm a white male. If I was also rich, I would be the most privileged motherfucker on earth. But two out of three ain't bad.
How does it feel to not be the spokesperson for your entire race? - Sometimes I wish I was so I could tell white men to stop being so fucking awful to women.
I'm a little drunk, so I probably answered way more honestly than I should have. Some are a little sarcastic, most aren't. But there you go.
