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[nasax]

I don't think I've ever said this to someone on the internet and I never will again, but damn dude, you're a fucking good guy.

No wonder she wants to have your damn kid.

I'm really bad at accepting compliments but thanks for the kind words! She has actually said the same thing you said to me so there's truth in what you said.

Crisis averted guys. I appreciate it.

 

[Messofanego]

This thread is the smelling salt of my life, thanks GAF. Seems like my initial reaction when I rejected this idea was correct, bringing a child into this world without a solid foundation would be messing up their life as well as me being on the hook for alimony. Yeah I can't bring a child into this world so cold-hearted, like we were getting a pet or something (props to whoever said that). When I do decide to have children, I want to have them with someone I love, and not with a friend I just care for. She does have a lot of options, it's true and I would be on the hook for so many things. I just wanted to plug the void in her life (no pun intended) because I do care for her after knowing her for so many years.

Oh man, I almost lost my damn mind considering going along with this.

Phew, that was a close one, OP!

 

[Wibblewozzer]

If this was done with a physician assisting with the insemination of the sperm then there's a decent chance the male wouldn't be legally considered the father. Usually the ugly cases are when people dodge the physician and do it themselves, either inserting the semen or by simply having sex the old-fashioned way. It's a fair amount of reading but there's some good info here:

http://www.path2parenthood.org/arti...-understanding-the-legal-risks-and-challenges

The end of the article has tips on how to limit most of the risk: Use a physician, check in with a lawyer, have them draft a document.

But in this case if she really wanted to just use this as an excuse to take you on a vacation and have plenty of sex I'd say you better be ready for the consequences.

Edit: Looks like Oregon is a safe state for this sort of thing. Time for me to propagate the state! "Oregon law says that a sperm donor who is not the mother’s husband has no rights or obligations regarding a child born as a result of the insemination. Any child born has no rights or obligations toward the donor."

 

[Clint Beastwood]

Is this SSJ2 friend zone status? Who even asks someone this question that they're not in a relationship with

 

[Rentahamster]

Good call OP. Don't do it.

 

[Stinkles]

Don't do it

.

 

[Cipherr]

Government gonna be like:

18 years, 18 years!


They don't care about the personal contract. Were it not for that it would be easier to consider (but not very). I personally couldn't do it. Ask her to get a donor.

This thread is the smelling salt of my life, thanks GAF. Seems like my initial reaction when I rejected this idea was correct, bringing a child into this world without a solid foundation would be messing up their life as well as me being on the hook for alimony. Yeah I can't bring a child into this world so cold-hearted, like we were getting a pet or something (props to whoever said that). When I do decide to have children, I want to have them with someone I love, and not with a friend I just care for. She does have a lot of options, it's true and I would be on the hook for so many things. I just wanted to plug the void in her life (no pun intended) because I do care for her after knowing her for so many years.

Oh man, I almost lost my damn mind considering going along with this.

Hell of a friend you are for even considering it though. Damn man, most people wouldnt have even given it a second thought.

 

[Jamiaro]

This thread is the smelling salt of my life, thanks GAF. Seems like my initial reaction when I rejected this idea was correct, bringing a child into this world without a solid foundation would be messing up their life as well as me being on the hook for alimony. Yeah I can't bring a child into this world so cold-hearted, like we were getting a pet or something (props to whoever said that). When I do decide to have children, I want to have them with someone I love, and not with a friend I just care for. She does have a lot of options, it's true and I would be on the hook for so many things. I just wanted to plug the void in her life (no pun intended) because I do care for her after knowing her for so many years.

Oh man, I almost lost my damn mind considering going along with this.

I respect you, man. You will be a good father one day, I'm sure of it.

 

[Messofanego]

Yeah man this too. I'm 24 and even I get that weird paternal urge sometimes when I see dudes at work talk about their kids. It's a strong biological urge in us from the dawn of time to reproduce, and it's one of the things that us humans will do stupid ass shit to satisfy. Glad OP was talked to his senses. Not everyone has to have kids man, even if deep down some of us think we have to at.

It's called oxytocin, when you see those babies and are brainwashed with the paternal urge

If we didn't have oxytocin released, we'd abandon our child when it's delivered, lickety split. Sometimes it doesn't especially if you're not there to see the baby, and you leave.

 

[jordan0386]

Please don't do it. You don't love her the way she needs you to.

 

[Shepard]

It's just a baby, OP. People have them all the time.

 

[echoshifting]

I hope you're ready for the hard sell man. Go into the conversation with some idea of what you plan to say.

 

[AnathemicOne]

This sounds like a start of romantic comedy.... do it

Spoiler

Don't do it

 

[Timeaisis]

Isn't this the plot of a movie or something?

Also, you can't guarantee conception from one week of sex. Also, you will be financially liable

 

[Skux]

The one time GAF actually changes someone's mind about something.

 

[jackal27]

So your friend is too busy for a relationship, but you somehow think she'll have time to raise your child? By herself?

No OP.

It's just a baby, OP. People have them all the time.

I wonder how many psychiatrist visits are caused by attitudes like this one.

As someone who had one parent who was too immature for it and because abusive, and another who was so wrapped up in their career that they became neglectful, this is the worst advice.

 

[HardRojo]

You didn't mention whether there are feelings involved in this though. What if she is expecting things to happen between you two and end up together or something like that? Also, can't she get a sperm donor or is that too expensive of a process?
Thread kind of reminded me of this movie, plot is not exactly the same but it is similar enough in some aspect.

 

[JaseMath]

OP, do not do this. Having a kid isn't like a cosigning a loan or whatever; you're liable for the child literally for the rest of your life. And how is she too busy to date but not so busy that she can raise a child all by herself? That makes no sense at all.

 

[Hypemaster]

No son. NOOOOOOOO

 

[Mammoth Jones]

Do you want to pay child support for 18 years? Because this is how you pay child support for 18 years.

 

[dankir]

Are you going to have to support her and the child or she only wants your sperm to get pregnant?

She can sue you for support and all that after if things don't work out on her end. I wouldn't do it.

 

[Goldenhen]

Don't do it it's the ultimate trap.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

Are you going to have to support her and the child or she only wants your sperm to get pregnant?

She can sue you for support and all that after if things don't work out on her end. I wouldn't do it.

Even if she doesn't sue if she ever gets on public assistance for whatever reason the courts can come after you themselves. And they don't ask. They don't give you a chance to tell your side of the story. They just garnish your fucking check.

 

[PopcornMegaphone]

This thread is the smelling salt of my life, thanks GAF. Seems like my initial reaction when I rejected this idea was correct, bringing a child into this world without a solid foundation would be messing up their life as well as me being on the hook for alimony. Yeah I can't bring a child into this world so cold-hearted, like we were getting a pet or something (props to whoever said that). When I do decide to have children, I want to have them with someone I love, and not with a friend I just care for. She does have a lot of options, it's true and I would be on the hook for so many things. I just wanted to plug the void in her life (no pun intended) because I do care for her after knowing her for so many years.

Oh man, I almost lost my damn mind considering going along with this.

You are doing the right thing by not having a child with her.

 

[Raticus79]

We never dated but she pursued the hell out of me back in the university and I was extremely attracted to her at the time too but that's all it was and probably still is, just an attraction. She lacks something that never made me pursue her (personality wise) so I never did anything.

Ah, that helps make some sense of things.

I hope you're ready for the hard sell man. Go into the conversation with some idea of what you plan to say.

Yup.

 

[haimon]

So... she doesn't have time to date but will have time to raise a child?

That makes no sense.

 

[tearsofash]

I've always wanted a friend to ask me this.

 

[JadedWriter]

Unless you love her and want to start a family with her then say no and walk the fuck away. It's not your responsibility to provide kids to this woman just cause her biological clock is ticking, it's a decision that effects you too on top of the life of the inevitable kid.

This thread is the smelling salt of my life, thanks GAF. Seems like my initial reaction when I rejected this idea was correct, bringing a child into this world without a solid foundation would be messing up their life as well as me being on the hook for alimony. Yeah I can't bring a child into this world so cold-hearted, like we were getting a pet or something (props to whoever said that). When I do decide to have children, I want to have them with someone I love, and not with a friend I just care for. She does have a lot of options, it's true and I would be on the hook for so many things. I just wanted to plug the void in her life (no pun intended) because I do care for her after knowing her for so many years.

Oh man, I almost lost my damn mind considering going along with this.

Good decision. And my ex wondered why I never came.

 

[Seik]

Dude, just think about it, like deeply.

Like you said, she could move to other cities, she'll most likely keep the kid right? Making it a major pain in the ass seeing you son/daughter. She'll most likely have a boyfriend at some point in her life that will act and be more of a father to your child than yourself. As many mentioned, she could also ask for child support, which is okay as being responsible of your kid, but in your context, that's a whole other story man.

That's my opinion, but if you want to experience being a father in life, you gotta be there for your child, like a lot. I don't even have a kid and honestly I don't even plan to with my GF yet and I'm 27, it's something you gotta be ready to invest yourself into. That stuff she's asking you sound like a trap on which she'll have full control and your experience of being a father will be absolute shit, it's a bet I wouldn't take.

EDIT..should have read the last page before going crazy.

This thread is the smelling salt of my life, thanks GAF. Seems like my initial reaction when I rejected this idea was correct, bringing a child into this world without a solid foundation would be messing up their life as well as me being on the hook for alimony. Yeah I can't bring a child into this world so cold-hearted, like we were getting a pet or something (props to whoever said that). When I do decide to have children, I want to have them with someone I love, and not with a friend I just care for. She does have a lot of options, it's true and I would be on the hook for so many things. I just wanted to plug the void in her life (no pun intended) because I do care for her after knowing her for so many years.

Oh man, I almost lost my damn mind considering going along with this.

You did right.

EDIT 2: What the hell is that from in that post below? LOL

 

[methane47]

Get your lawyer to sit in... just to be safe

 

[Zakalwe]

Have a vasectomy then go for it as many times as you feel comfortable with.

 

[GamingOblivion]

I never thought I would ever start a thread here much less about this subject but here it goes.

I'm 34 and she's 32. She dropped this bombshell on me like a few weeks ago and I rejected her at first but over time, I felt like what if she missed the opportunity in having a kid, because of me? So then I changed my mind weeks later and told her I would consider doing it. Anyway we're both college educated professionals, she's getting her masters so it's not like we're kids. I don't have any children and neither does she. She rarely dates because of how busy she is with school and work. I've also known her close to a decade now, since we both went to the same university.

So like I said before, I originally rejected her but I changed my mind. I told her to give me until the summer, so we can think this over, to see where our lives are at that point of next year. That she needs to work on her stress from working and getting her masters, getting her career straightened out and to see how we feel about this in eight months or so. Then if we're still up for it, we can take a long vacation somewhere and do this. She also told me that I can be however much I want in the child's life.

I need your help, GAF. I feel like in my heart I want to do this for her and I really would love to be in the baby's life somehow but we don't even live in the same city either. I feel like I'm blind about the situation and would appreciate anything that opens my eyes to some things that I'm not getting right now. Thanks.

Forgive me if this has been answered as I've only read the OP but:

is the plan for you to date and marry this woman once you get her pregnant?
Is there sex involved?
Or is it gonna be a cotton swab in the vagina sort of thing?
What about having to be finacially and legally responsible for the child for the next 18 years regardless of what she promises you?

So many questions.

 

[zeemumu]

So... she doesn't have time to date but will have time to raise a child?

That makes no sense.

Unless you a zombie you're either crazy or have the foresight of a crash test dummy.

 

[thelastcrusader]

How hot is she? Also talk to a lawyer. Also I wouldn't.

 

[theaface]

Aside from the sensible discouragement people have already said, you do realise that getting pregnant can be pretty difficult for lots of people? Like, the two of you might've needed to have had regular sex (every other day over her peak fertility window) for months and months? Speaking as half of a couple who struggled to conceive, unless you love a person, there's no way you could keep up a sexual relationship like that.

 

[Spiral Insanity]

Get legal council.

 

[LookAtMeGo]

ITS A TRAP!


Youre a good person gor considering it though.

 

[Karsticles]

If she's doesn't have time for a relationship, she doesn't have time for a child. Children are a full-time relationship that require constant love and attention.

 

[RBH]

Sounds like a great idea!

 

[Transhuman]

Aside from the sensible discouragement people have already said, you do realise that getting pregnant can be pretty difficult for lots of people? Like, the two of you might've needed to have had regular sex (every other day over her peak fertility window) for months and months? Speaking as half of a couple who struggled to conceive, unless you love a person, there's no way you could keep up a sexual relationship like that.

I can tell from the quality of his posting that OP is virile and he would get it done in one shot, guaranteed.

 

[The Artisan]

Do it....

Don't do it

well.

 

[Ploid 3.0]

Don't go blaming yourself, and this could possibly screw up your life and friendship. Think about it carefully, and don't do it out of guilt.

Seems you are clear and came to your senses, so everything is all well.

 

[TheGreyHulk]

If she doesn't have time to go out on dates, she sure as shit doesn't have enough time to take care of a child.

This.

I have a kid and you cannot underestimate the amount of time and effort that is needed to raise them.

You dont owe her anything. She can simply go to a sperm bank if desperate. DONT DO IT. I REPEAT.... DONT DO IT, MAN!

 

[Aselith]

Do it...but use protection.

This is the correct answer

 

[ISOM]

Sounds like a great idea!

 

[Damerman]

Talk to a lawyer.

best advice in this thread.

 

[stolin]

It's a trick, get an axe.. or better yet get a lawyer with an axe!

 

[Northernlights]

Please dont do it.

 

[Burt]

I've been sitting here trying to think of a worse idea within the realm of good taste.

I mean, murdering someone is a bad idea. Funding a shitposting alt-right guerilla meme warfare organization is a bad idea. But in terms of things that would come up in a civilized conversation between two people? I'm having a hard time thinking of an idea that rates lower than getting a coworker pregnant "without commitment" because she doesn't have time to date.

Putting your life savings on a single game of roulette in Vegas?

Backpacking into Iran without proper paperwork as an American?

Another Fantastic Four movie by Fox?

I can't definitively say that any of those ideas are worse.

 

[Nocebo]

This thread is the smelling salt of my life, thanks GAF. Seems like my initial reaction when I rejected this idea was correct, bringing a child into this world without a solid foundation would be messing up their life as well as me being on the hook for alimony. Yeah I can't bring a child into this world so cold-hearted, like we were getting a pet or something (props to whoever said that). When I do decide to have children, I want to have them with someone I love, and not with a friend I just care for. She does have a lot of options, it's true and I would be on the hook for so many things. I just wanted to plug the void in her life (no pun intended) because I do care for her after knowing her for so many years.

Oh man, I almost lost my damn mind considering going along with this.

Yeah, it's a horrible idea. Clearly she's going into this with the wrong intentions too. Obviously we don't know much about her but it sounds like she is keen on the idea of having a child but hasn't really thought about the consequences for herself, for you and, maybe more importantly, for the child! The child is going to get a will of its own at some point too.
Why should you feel responsible for helping her with her ticking bio clock? Its an insane request.