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Constipated and can't shit??
- Thread starter MMaRsu
- Start date
- Status
ChackanKun
Member
Another thread about taking a dump?! :lol :lol
Smiles and Cries
Member
these threads kill me
needs some more paprika
needs some more paprika
Bitmap Frogs
Mr. Community
Visiting the doctor would be a good idea.
Complex Shadow
Cudi Lame
really you couldn't just google this? you had make a thread about how you can't take a shit. and i pretty sure Google would be faster
Baron Doggystyle von Woof
Member
mmarsu, what did you eat? Kebap? 
Baron Doggystyle von Woof
Member
shadowcomplex said:
Yes, but now it's more fun.
spermatic cord
Member
Careful
TheLastCandle
Member
If you desperately need to go, there is always Exlax. It never fails, for it is a pretty strong laxative but you must be wary, for it will make you piss out of your ass.
Count Dookkake
Member
The Count's Colonic Constipational Curative: It looses the bowels and builds character!
1) Pop a few Colon Clenz (ask for it by name).
2) Drink water throughout the day.
3) One hour of jogging. Do not expect to finish that hour. You will be greatly taxed.
4) Unload surface-breaching pyramid of shit.
1) Pop a few Colon Clenz (ask for it by name).
2) Drink water throughout the day.
3) One hour of jogging. Do not expect to finish that hour. You will be greatly taxed.
4) Unload surface-breaching pyramid of shit.
BlackNMild2k1
Member
I say get some X-Lax.
get the chocolate bar kind so that when you are done, you can also trick someone else into eating some too.
get the chocolate bar kind so that when you are done, you can also trick someone else into eating some too.
Wellington
BAAAALLLINNN'
I still think coffee would be the best.MMaRsu said:
Salad would be the best option. Pizza, potatoes, spaghetti are all binding.
BertramCooper
Banned
My cat gets constipated if I forget to give her a bit of wet cat food with her dry food.
So the obvious solution for you is to eat a can of Whiskas.
So the obvious solution for you is to eat a can of Whiskas.
theinfinityissue
Member
Aw man, I thought this thread was help for this condition. Like, the title sounded like an extremely aggressive poop aid pitch. CONSTIPATED AND CAN'T SHIT?! DO I HAVE THE TONIC FOR YOU!
anyway, as a member of rarely pooping gaf (twice a week if I'm lucky), I can totally feel your pain. actually being unable to poop at all tho would terrify me. the things that generally push my button are cabbage and beer, best in tandem.
reflecting further, once I did have this problem at boy scout camp (lolz) when I was a kid. to compound matters, I was also trying to go in an outhouse. It wouldn't go and was agonizing, and then fwoosh, it finally released and I felt like I was buzzed on painkillers.
anyway, as a member of rarely pooping gaf (twice a week if I'm lucky), I can totally feel your pain. actually being unable to poop at all tho would terrify me. the things that generally push my button are cabbage and beer, best in tandem.
reflecting further, once I did have this problem at boy scout camp (lolz) when I was a kid. to compound matters, I was also trying to go in an outhouse. It wouldn't go and was agonizing, and then fwoosh, it finally released and I felt like I was buzzed on painkillers.
Shalashaska
Member
Enjoy having a fissure, it's not fun.MMaRsu said:fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
i have this big hard piece of shit in my ass, just waiting to pop out. but it won't come out?
I'm getting stomach aches, I've drank a cup of tea and gonna do some more as I read that helps. Drinking loads of water too but it just wont come out. I'm on the toilet sitting there and all I'm getting are little farts and small parts of poop.
I even canceled work tomorrow because if I don't shit this out today I'll be feeling even worse tomorrow. I can't buy a colon cleanse or anything cause we dont have that over here.
I'm feeling pretty bad and I've been going to the bathroom like 20 times in the last 24 hours but it just won't come out! Maybe it's too big for the hole? What the fuck if that shit happens?
Not a joke thread and yes I'm embarrassed.
MidgarBlowedUp
Member
Find a toilet with walls on each side that are less than arms length away. Push hard on the walls and scream HHHHUUUUUULLLKKKK SSSSMMMMMMMAAAASSSSHHHHH!"
works every time.
works every time.
Brute force is your only option.
Just set aside a couple hours so you can sit down on the toilet and force it out with all of your strength. Pretend it's a baby and you have to really PUSH to get it out. Don't be afraid to strain yourself as much as humanly possible.
Just set aside a couple hours so you can sit down on the toilet and force it out with all of your strength. Pretend it's a baby and you have to really PUSH to get it out. Don't be afraid to strain yourself as much as humanly possible.
ThLunarian
Member
See if you can find some Magnesium Citrate. I don't know where you are so I'm not sure how easy it will be to find, but after drinking it, don't go anywhere for a few hours because soon you'll feel like you're shitting spicy water.
It's only a dollar or two for a full dose too, and it works every time. I've had some issues with this in the past.
It's only a dollar or two for a full dose too, and it works every time. I've had some issues with this in the past.
Goodacre0081
Member
OP, it is bound to happen to us all once every now and then.
i had my awful time at the beginning of this year. it was like 6 days without being able to shit. when it finally happened it was the most glorious exciting moment.
i ate an entire box of frosted mini wheats and drank a whole lot of water and a few hours later magic happened.
i had my awful time at the beginning of this year. it was like 6 days without being able to shit. when it finally happened it was the most glorious exciting moment.
i ate an entire box of frosted mini wheats and drank a whole lot of water and a few hours later magic happened.
I NEED SCISSORS
Banned
My sister told me the best way to deal with constipation is to place pressure on your gooch. That will ease it out, much like squeezing left over toothpaste from the tube.
Escape Goat
Member
stop smoking weed
MidnightScott
Banned
One time I had it bad that it was literally black and refused to leave my body. Eventually it decided to come out but I felt bad for a few days.
My mom once stuck a glycerin thing up there to help me go to the bathroom a few years ago but it didn't work. :/
Stop eating weird stuff/junk and red meat all the time. Try to eat a ton more fruit and drink more juice. I need to do the same thing, lol. Ever wonder why they call it a Smoothie? ;3
Try doing some exercising like crunches or something, that might help?
My mom once stuck a glycerin thing up there to help me go to the bathroom a few years ago but it didn't work. :/
Stop eating weird stuff/junk and red meat all the time. Try to eat a ton more fruit and drink more juice. I need to do the same thing, lol. Ever wonder why they call it a Smoothie? ;3
Try doing some exercising like crunches or something, that might help?
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