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Dating Age |OT7| Tough Love
- Thread starter Advocatus Diaboli
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Beren the Empty-Handed
Member
OKAY I just had an amazing first date and I have to shout about it to the world so you guys are going to have to do.
On paper, I've been on this date a thousand times. We met up for coffee, did that for two hours, and then we were hungry so we stopped by this sushi place next door for dinner. But LORD was she just fun to talk to. There was never a dip in the conversation, and I could have kept going all night but this was a first date and it felt good to stop it there.
As we leave, we find out that we parked in opposite directions, but I parked much closer, just across the street. Then she says she'll walk me to my car. Caught me off guard in the most wonderful way. I've never had a woman do that on a date. We get to my car, and hug and say our goodbyes. She turns to leave, and I kind of, I dunno, wobble a bit is the best word (it was a wobble forward but I wasn't thinking of making a move or anything, it was just pure impulse). She turns back to me, we both start to say something and just stop, look at each other, and have this super strong moment between us where we just say "fuck it" (not out loud, but it was a shared feeling) and we kissed for a couple of minutes. And this kiss is something. I've kissed plenty of women, but there was just something behind it from her end. Like, I just don't know. It wasn't super passionate or anything (too early for that), but it was just, I dunno, open in a way. Just a connection I rarely get from kissing. Then we said our goodbyes and parted.
She had my heart beating in a way I haven't felt in a long time. I was dazed and seeing actual fucking stars on the way home. My heart is hammering my chest just typing this. HOLY FUCK.
Now I know this was just a first date, and maybe this was all on my end and there is no second date, I get that. I won't be pushy, but tomorrow I'm definitely asking if she wants to go out for a second date, and I'm really, really hoping she says yes. Fuck it I don't even care, I'll just admit that I'm already way into her and I'll be incredibly crestfallen if she says no, even though I know she doesn't owe me anything and this was my experience and not necessarily hers. Cause DAMN, I feel a strong chemistry here.
I've been going on about 3 dates a week for a while now, and have been casually dating a girl too (not in a relationship, we're not serious with each other, it's basically just sex), and I haven't felt a fraction of the way this girl made me feel tonight. I'm getting way ahead of myself here by thinking I'm just ready to go on a couple of more dates with this girl and then lock this down into a relationship, but I can't lie, that's what I want right now. I thought I was "coming down" from the date but as I type this I'm shooting right back up into those feelings. Goddamn people, please remind me this is just a first step towards a relationship and not jump the gun. I feel like I need to be talked down even though I'm not actually going to do anything insane or out of the ordinary.
FUCK.
On paper, I've been on this date a thousand times. We met up for coffee, did that for two hours, and then we were hungry so we stopped by this sushi place next door for dinner. But LORD was she just fun to talk to. There was never a dip in the conversation, and I could have kept going all night but this was a first date and it felt good to stop it there.
As we leave, we find out that we parked in opposite directions, but I parked much closer, just across the street. Then she says she'll walk me to my car. Caught me off guard in the most wonderful way. I've never had a woman do that on a date. We get to my car, and hug and say our goodbyes. She turns to leave, and I kind of, I dunno, wobble a bit is the best word (it was a wobble forward but I wasn't thinking of making a move or anything, it was just pure impulse). She turns back to me, we both start to say something and just stop, look at each other, and have this super strong moment between us where we just say "fuck it" (not out loud, but it was a shared feeling) and we kissed for a couple of minutes. And this kiss is something. I've kissed plenty of women, but there was just something behind it from her end. Like, I just don't know. It wasn't super passionate or anything (too early for that), but it was just, I dunno, open in a way. Just a connection I rarely get from kissing. Then we said our goodbyes and parted.
She had my heart beating in a way I haven't felt in a long time. I was dazed and seeing actual fucking stars on the way home. My heart is hammering my chest just typing this. HOLY FUCK.
Now I know this was just a first date, and maybe this was all on my end and there is no second date, I get that. I won't be pushy, but tomorrow I'm definitely asking if she wants to go out for a second date, and I'm really, really hoping she says yes. Fuck it I don't even care, I'll just admit that I'm already way into her and I'll be incredibly crestfallen if she says no, even though I know she doesn't owe me anything and this was my experience and not necessarily hers. Cause DAMN, I feel a strong chemistry here.
I've been going on about 3 dates a week for a while now, and have been casually dating a girl too (not in a relationship, we're not serious with each other, it's basically just sex), and I haven't felt a fraction of the way this girl made me feel tonight. I'm getting way ahead of myself here by thinking I'm just ready to go on a couple of more dates with this girl and then lock this down into a relationship, but I can't lie, that's what I want right now. I thought I was "coming down" from the date but as I type this I'm shooting right back up into those feelings. Goddamn people, please remind me this is just a first step towards a relationship and not jump the gun. I feel like I need to be talked down even though I'm not actually going to do anything insane or out of the ordinary.
FUCK.
It's completely up to you man.
You know the situation better than us, I just don't think there's any need to play games.
Unless you want to of course...
I'm really glad it went well, but chill man.
You don't want to come across too strongly after all.
Beren the Empty-Handed
Member
LookAtMeGo
Member
Yeah I'm not sure how interested she is but she really did seem so at first. Shes probably waiting for me to contact her because I havent exactly been acting like I am overly interested because I'm really not. Shes nice, shes pretty cool. But the sex is meh and our conversations are kinda meh. When she left the other morning she kissed me pretty intensely on her way out. I think she wants something and I just dont have those same feelings about her yet. I dunno. Not saying I couldnt but its not there at this point. I barely know her. She comes over, we talk for a bit, put on a movie then diddle and go to bed.
We havent even hung out outside of my place aside from the night I met her at the bar. And she has been laying it on pretty thick.
She did have a test yesterday so I'm sure she was busy. I wont ignore her if she gets a hold of me but I am not really feeling like chasing after her at all at this point.
I think this is moving more towards booty call material and not anything romantic.
I don't think this was that. I've had those "Well I guess I'll let you kiss me" kisses before, and they were more...stale...than this was.
do guys in IT ever find girl friends? I am overwhelmed by work, plus things I have to learn outside work. I attended a hackathon last weekend, work 8 to 5 from Mon to Fri and now I have to spend two days in the library going through a lot of stuff.
I like IT but eh, by the time I come home I am dead...no energy for anything. Even taking the dog out for a walk is a chore.
Anyone else in IT? How do you guys manage work + life
IT's not the problem. IT is your shell. It's a place you can retreat to, where you feel comfortable, where you're on your game and you know what the hell you're doing.
It's also an excuse. If you want a girlfriend, you've got to be prepared to get awfully uncomfortable. It's gonna hurt, it's gonna suck sometimes, but it's better than never trying.
Subpar Scrub
Banned
do guys in IT ever find girlfriends? I am overwhelmed by work, plus things I have to learn outside of work. I attended a hackathon last weekend, work 8 to 5 from Mon to Fri and now I have to spend two days in the library going through a lot of stuff.
I like IT but eh, by the time I come home I am dead...no energy for anything. Even taking the dog out for a walk is a chore.
Anyone else in IT? How do you guys manage work + life
If people in detective jobs can have a relationship, fucking anyone can. By your own admission, you have spare time and energy because you're attending hackathons and stuff. Even during the week, you have 15 hours between when your workday ends and the next begins, you definitely have time to date lol.
I work an 8-5 doing a bunch of heavy lifting, accounts management etc. which is much more exhausting than my previous IT job and I still have energy when I get home. Maybe see your doctor and check if there's a reason for your tiredness?
Ask questions about profiles, like what they've studied or if they like music or something. Talk about an upcoming movie and ask if they're hyped. Just start a convo somehow and dump it if you get no response, if they want the messages to continue, they'll message back.
Sounds like you don't want to pursue her. If all you're chasing is a booty call then that's cool, but just try not to lead her on if it turns out she thinks it's something more lol
protomouse
Member
Right now I'm concerned that if it comes to it, I'll be unable to perform. She just asked if I'd like to get together. I've been pretty bad at restraining myself lately, it was less than 24 hrs since I jacked off, and my dick doesn't feel like it's in top shape right now. I love going down, but some girls don't want me to. I just don't want to disappoint. I'd rather just be honest. Or should I decline? What would you do?
Subpar Scrub
Banned
Protomouse just go and see what happens. You're overanalysing this shit and if anything is going to fuck you up, it's that.
How old are you that you need a whole 24 hours for your dick to recover?
protomouse
Member
30. Thing is, I'm on medication since 6 yrs... SSRIs. My testosterone levels are nothing to worry about according to the doc. But a common side effect of the drugs is decreased libido. Which was never a problem with my ex. I think I'm causing this myself.
Your too chicken shit to get laid.
Lol, I'm going there. Picking up some condoms on the way.
Since 3pm on a Sunday is about as casual as possible, just start with a walk/talk, and go into whatever establishment that might seem interesting to both of you. But do a little research on the area first to see what your options might be.
Megalosaro
Banned
Hey guy, how did it go with your mom's friend.
CreepingFear
Member
do guys in IT ever find girl friends? I am overwhelmed by work, plus things I have to learn outside work. I attended a hackathon last weekend, work 8 to 5 from Mon to Fri and now I have to spend two days in the library going through a lot of stuff.
I like IT but eh, by the time I come home I am dead...no energy for anything. Even taking the dog out for a walk is a chore.
Anyone else in IT? How do you guys manage work + life
I'm in IT. I feel you. I am not good with finding balance. Right now, all my time is devoted to studying for the CCNA. I hope to get back on Tinder and OkCupid in January, but even then I will only have three months until my next certification study period. I figure that it's probably better to focus on my career as not many woman will be attracted to an entry level IT guy. "First you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the pussy".
Krauser Kat
Member
Ewwwww. Unless you also find a way to have more in your life then work or hobbies. Do you really want a girl that is all about your money?
Museum of Jurassic Technology. Place is weird, cheap and a fun date spot.
LookAtMeGo
Member
Yeah man for sure. I get no joy in fucking with peoples emotions.
I kinda feel like I should shoot her a message asking how her test went though since she was pretty nervous about it and was studying hard. I mean, she is a nice person. I kinda feel like a dick either way.
I think next time she comes over, if she does, I'll just be straight up with her. I mean, the sex is probably the most boring part of our relationship so far so just being a booty call kinda seems pointless.
That is a bad view of relationships, IMO. Develop your personal skills through openness and practice, and you can find someone no matter what your career/job are. Most people don't really care-- chemistry trumps career by a mile.
Besides, poor people be fuckin' all the time.
There's always excuses to not do something.
LookAtMeGo
Member
Im poor
CreepingFear
Member
Of course not. I live in Southern California. I see a lot of profiles that say things such as "looking for guys with big boy jobs". Whatever that means.
I intend to do that when I have a three month period from January to April. I don't know if that is enough time to make a difference. That probably takes years to master.
It is kind of jokey. I don't look to Scarface for how to live my life really, but see my response to Krauser Kat's response. Women here in southern california seem to want guys with a lotta of money based on what they put in tinder and okcupid profiles. This is just my experience. It's similar to how they put "Only date tall men".
CreepingFear
Member
Me too.
Nonononono! Don't view it as something that takes "mastery". It isn't a hard cut off. Relationships and dating are things that benefit from all kinds of social skills and learned emotional intelligence; even married people and prolific daters have shortcomings in skills or important things they aren't good at, but they can still managed and maintain relationships, at least for a while.
Value it as part of your life, devote like 2-3 hours per week of actually going on coffee dates through dating apps, and develop your skills. I don't think it is ever the right time to put developing those skills on hold.
LookAtMeGo
Member
What was that show where there was a panel of GQ ass mofos that would judge peoples pick up skills as they competed to hit on girls at the club?
I've started messaging an ex I dated for a little while a couple of years ago.
I'm not interested in anything with her apart from sex, she seems receptive to the heavy flirting so we'll see what happens.
We know we don't really work as a couple as we were heavily on/off while we dated for a few months so I don't have that to worry about but the sex was awesome while we dated.
I'm not interested in anything with her apart from sex, she seems receptive to the heavy flirting so we'll see what happens.
We know we don't really work as a couple as we were heavily on/off while we dated for a few months so I don't have that to worry about but the sex was awesome while we dated.
Messofanego
Banned
So is satisfying gold diggers your goal? Are these the kind of women you want? Surely, southern California doesn't only have those kind of women.
Maybe it's an attitude problem.
CreepingFear
Member
Of course not. I try to ignore those profiles. The women that are less income sensitive tend to be further away from what I am willing to drive to. Anaheim, Riverside, etc. Some of it is my insecurities. I have only had a full time real job for the last two and a half years.
LucidMomentum
Member
Not starting a month long process of eating celery and pineapple for all your meals, kegel exercises, and constant edging to make sure you're going to be in peak performance for your first date should the time come.
It's like y'all don't want a second date or something.
I'm willing to bet you're psyching yourself out, but in all seriousness. Get a cock ring. They work wonders.
You can get some silicone ones on Amazon for cheap, and in a variety of sizes so you can find one that fits you best.
It's like y'all don't want a second date or something.
30. Thing is, I'm on medication since 6 yrs... SSRIs. My testosterone levels are nothing to worry about according to the doc. But a common side effect of the drugs is decreased libido. Which was never a problem with my ex. I think I'm causing this myself.
Lol, I'm going there. Picking up some condoms on the way.
I'm willing to bet you're psyching yourself out, but in all seriousness. Get a cock ring. They work wonders.
You can get some silicone ones on Amazon for cheap, and in a variety of sizes so you can find one that fits you best.
LookAtMeGo
Member
I like to eat lots of asparagus when I'm prepping. Asparagus and lots of garlic and salt.
Disabled my OKC profile that I've had since August (first time using online dating), as I have 3 strong potential girls in the running, with one in the clear lead, and I don't want to be distracted by more. If these don't pan out, I'll reactivate. I also have some friends that still want to set me up with their friends. I can't tell you how much easier it is to communicate with and meetup with a girl when a mutual female friend vouches for you. It takes the possible "creeper" variable, that most women have to worry about, completely out of the equation.
CreepingFear
Member
What does everyone think of fetlife? I am thinking about going to a "munch".
SoldierOfLight
Member
This may be strange coming from someone who has been married and in several long term relationships.
Can someone explain to me what it means to be over invested?
So I mentioned that this girl and I had been texting each other for a good month before I finally asked her out on a date. First date was great that SHE asked me on a 2nd date.
Since then we had about 2 more dates before I finally made the move to kiss her. It would've been sooner but the time just wasn't right to me.
Now we both know we have real interest for each other and communicate in a way couples do. I know there is no written rule about when to start considering each other a couple but what's the best way to slow down?
We had plans to go on a date tonight and then hang out with her best friend at a bar afterwards. She cancelled our date since she would be busy but said im welcome to meet her and her best friend at the bar. Now I may be over analyzing this but I don't like the 'feel free to join us'. I'd rather have someone straight up invite me rather than leave it up to me. Not sure if that makes sense. A lot of questions I know. Thanks date GAF
Can someone explain to me what it means to be over invested?
So I mentioned that this girl and I had been texting each other for a good month before I finally asked her out on a date. First date was great that SHE asked me on a 2nd date.
Since then we had about 2 more dates before I finally made the move to kiss her. It would've been sooner but the time just wasn't right to me.
Now we both know we have real interest for each other and communicate in a way couples do. I know there is no written rule about when to start considering each other a couple but what's the best way to slow down?
We had plans to go on a date tonight and then hang out with her best friend at a bar afterwards. She cancelled our date since she would be busy but said im welcome to meet her and her best friend at the bar. Now I may be over analyzing this but I don't like the 'feel free to join us'. I'd rather have someone straight up invite me rather than leave it up to me. Not sure if that makes sense. A lot of questions I know. Thanks date GAF
LookAtMeGo
Member
See. I have no problem getting dates and going on dates being a poor. Its just getting them to stick around thats the tough part. Especially when you get to the age where your balls start sagging.
CreepingFear
Member
Said me never. I have some body image issues as well. I have lost a lot of weight, but want to lose about 17 more pounds.
Lemon Crest
Member
So I have a date lined up tonight with this girl. The only issue is that weve had to reschedule this date twice already due to her work so Im half expecting something to pop up again. So I have back up plans to join my friends drinking if my date falls through.
My problem is me wanting to stick around. I got pretty bad fomo and get bored easily.
NoctisVsStar
Member
Tinder been mad dry for me lately (NYC) here.
LookAtMeGo
Member
Actually yeah I could say the same thing about myself. But when I do find one I am willing to get with they bounce as soon as I show that I'm into it for more than just sex. Maybe I'm just going after the wrong women.
Like not every time. Ive been in some long ass relationships. But I meet a lot of women.
NoctisVsStar
Member
Girl I like doesn't want to stay around.
Girl that likes me I don't want to stay around.
¯\_(ツ
_/¯LookAtMeGo
Member
Its a vicious cycleGirl I like doesn't want to stay around.
Girl that likes me I don't want to stay around.
¯_(ツ
NoctisVsStar
Member
Oh trust me I know about it lol
Girl I like doesn't want to stay around.
Girl that likes me I don't want to stay around.
¯\_(ツ
Yeah, that's where I've been at for the last year. The gap in %s on either side has gotten smaller as I've gotten better at dating, though.
Krauser Kat
Member
If you want to see her, go to the bar. Maybe she wants to see how you interact with people she likes. Maybe she needed the time to herself but her friend is still much higher on her priority list then you and will probably always be there.
or just take the time to relax on a free night and ask her on another date sometime soon after.