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[Erudite]

Sigh. Just had a bit of a breakdown tonight.

I've been dating this girl for about a year now, and she's someone that I've admired, and cared for for the time we've been dating. Almost everything about her I adore, but the one thing that's always been bugging me in the back of my mind is the fact that she's been in a serious relationship before me.

As unreasonable, and childish as that may be, I just haven't been able to get over the fact that she's had serious feelings for someone before me, and more so the sexual activity that took place. It makes me feel jealous, and even at times angered/resentful. It's not like we haven't done anything either, hell I was in around a month into the relationship, whereas the other dude took 7 months. Yeah, I know, that's just what people do, get the fuck over it, but I can't for the life of me figure out why it bothers me so much, and now it's gotten to the point where I feel like I'm just pushing her away every time I try to bring it up with her.

Tonight I flew off the handle and decided to try and drink my emotions away. I've never had alcohol before this, and in doing what I did, it really worried and angered her with how I was dealing with the situation.

So, I turn to you GAF. I figured some advice from anonymous people might help. Am I just childish and I should get the fuck over it, or is it somewhat reasonable that I'm having these feelings.

And if age is a concern, I'm 18.

 

[mj1108]

Get the fuck over it and be grateful she's with you.

 

[Carnby]

You're going to have to get over the whole idea that a gf loved/fucked someone else before you or you will spend the rest of your life alone.

 

[Boombloxer]

If you expect any girl to basically have no relationship history before you, you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of disappointment.

You are being unreasonable, and should get over it.

 

[Stat Flow]

Don't let a girl fuck with your head this much.

 

[brianjones]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lLs2dC9NaE

 

[eLGee]

If you expect any girl to basically have no relationship history before you, you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of disappointment.

You are being unreasonable, and should get over it.

This. If the tables were turned, how would you react?

 

[Erudite]

Don't let a girl fuck with your head this much.

Problem is, she hasn't done anything wrong. And I get that. Yet at the same time, it still bothers me to some extent.

This. If the tables were turned, how would you react?

Probably the same way she's reacting right now, feeling guilty when she shouldn't be feeling that way. Maybe I'm just a idealistic, selfish prick for reacting the way I am.

 

[KAP151]

You will go crazy and never be happy if you continue down that path. Focus on the now and take it slow.

 

[GloveSlap]

i dont think anyone LIKES it, it is just reality. In the future don't even ask a girl about her history if you care that much.

 

[Salazar]

She also goes to the toilet.

Greater minds than yours have been paralysed by shock at this revelation.

 

[SnakeXs]

Listen to what you're putting out there.

There's a girl you're into, who makes you happy, who is into you, who you make happy*.

(*mild assumptions made)

You're going to risk fucking this up because she was not a nun before she met you?

Go fucking watch Chasing Amy or some shit, man.

That said, when I read the title the first thing that came to mind mind was "This is going to be ruined by a asinine, minuscule, petty reason."

Sad to see I was right, but whatever it happens, to all of us, and we learn from it.

Problem is, she hasn't done anything wrong. And I get that. Yet at the same time, it still bothers me to some extent.

You're young, so it's not entirely inexcusable, but you still need to hear this: you're being an insecure moron.

 

[Gabyskra]

Problem is, she hasn't done anything wrong. And I get that. Yet at the same time, it still bothers me to some extent.

Look, life is long. At some point you might be 45 and getting a second divorce. Or 27 and getting cheated on. Or 33 and cheating on your wife, as you struggle with ego issues. Whatever. The point you're at right now is NOTHING. I'll tell you, at one point, you'll be glad your partner has life (and sexual) experience. When your girlfriend is too inexperienced, she makes terrible mistakes, respects you less, does not know how you'd react to this or that kind of attitude, etc. Be glad she was able to learn from her past mistakes, just like you're learning from your possessive mindset.

Try also to identify what's bugging you. Jealousy? Feeling inadequate? Whatever it is, you'll laugh about it when you're with a girl who has been with 12 guys and is now the best she's ever been, now that she's with you.

Lay off the alcohol, go play some ball.

It's all good, relax

 

[EviLore]

Just picture me comforting her as I gently thrust inside of her for the first time, looking into her eyes, in a moment that she'll remember forever, that no other man can live up to. Our special moment locked in time.

Don't worry about it, bro. I'm sure she likes you too.

 

[Erudite]

Listen to what you're putting out there.

There's a girl you're into, who makes you happy, who is into you, who you make happy*.

(*mild assumptions made).

I'd be surprised if she stuck around with me this long, and I wasn't making her happy. I don't mean that sarcastically or anything, just trying to make the situation clear.

You're young, so it's not entirely inexcusable, but you still need to hear this: you're being an insecure moron.

Heh. I don't doubt it either.

Don't worry about it, bro. I'm sure she likes you too.

Where's the notsureifserious.jpeg when I need it.

With that in mind, it's not like I've ever felt insecure, or regretted the decision I made, about being in a relationship with her. Some of the best moments of my life I've shared with her.

It's just been the thought of her having been with someone else that gets to me, as selfish as that is.

 

[Darklord]

but the one thing that's always been bugging me in the back of my mind is the fact that she's been in a serious relationship before me.

Women hate when guys think this. In fact I know 2 women who dumped the guy because he thought like this and wouldn't let it go. Hey, guess what? People have lives before you. They don't just pop into existence. Get over it and enjoy the relationship now, not brood on past events.

 

[SnakeXs]

Heh. I don't doubt it either.

So what are your options here?

Grow some balls, forget about her seemingly PG rated past, and enjoy what you got?

Or throw it, and damn near all future possibilities at relationships* away until you learn how to.

It's now, or the future, and every day it takes is a day of regret, where you gain nothing and lose everything.

*unless you become a pedo

 

[Nose Master]

Look at it this way, if you don't stop bringing it up to her, you won't have to worry about it anymore.

Spoiler

Because if she has any sense, she'll leave you.

Just ignore it, even if it occasionally eats at you a bit. And it'll go away.

 

[Salazar]

So what are your options here?

Shop a script via film-GAF's contacts for J.G. Levitt to wimp around in.

 

[jakncoke]

Just picture me comforting her as I gently thrust inside of her for the first time, looking into her eyes, in a moment that she'll remember forever, that no other man can live up to. Our special moment locked in time.

Don't worry about it, bro. I'm sure she likes you too.

lmfao

 

[Stat Flow]

Maybe I'm just a idealistic, selfish prick for reacting the way I am.

Let's go with this.

Anyways, you can't change the past, but you can make the future. If this is the type of girl you can see being with for a while, (and she won't be with you for a while if you don't get your act together over something so petty), what little part of her life she spent with another guy won't really matter to her.

Deal with it, and you'll get over it. It's good that you're realizing this now, because chances are 95% of any future relationships will have the same thing happen.

If you really want to approach her about it, tell her that it's been bothering you, and ask her if she's comfortable with discussing what her past relationship was like. These kinds of things happen to all guys, the difference is those who can put it behind them and those who can't. One of the biggest reasons people can't put things behind them is the pure mystery behind someone else's past relationship. You can never know everything that has happened, but discussing it with her in a civil environment will help you get over it. The last thing you want to do if you go down that lane is force it out of her, though. If she says she isn't comfortable with it, quickly throw it out of the window, pressing an issue like that is a sure way to lose a girl.

 

[Keikoku]

You jelly OP ?

 

[The Shadow]

Sigh. Just had a bit of a breakdown tonight.

I've been dating this girl for about a year now, and she's someone that I've admired, and cared for for the time we've been dating. Almost everything about her I adore, but the one thing that's always been bugging me in the back of my mind is the fact that she's been in a serious relationship before me.

As unreasonable, and childish as that may be, I just haven't been able to get over the fact that she's had serious feelings for someone before me, and more so the sexual activity that took place. It makes me feel jealous, and even at times angered/resentful. It's not like we haven't done anything either, hell I was in around a month into the relationship, whereas the other dude took 7 months. Yeah, I know, that's just what people do, get the fuck over it, but I can't for the life of me figure out why it bothers me so much, and now it's gotten to the point where I feel like I'm just pushing her away every time I try to bring it up with her.

Tonight I flew off the handle and decided to try and drink my emotions away. I've never had alcohol before this, and in doing what I did, it really worried and angered her with how I was dealing with the situation.

So, I turn to you GAF. I figured some advice from anonymous people might help. Am I just childish and I should get the fuck over it, or is it somewhat reasonable that I'm having these feelings.

And if age is a concern, I'm 18.

There is absolutely NOTHING reasonable about the feelings you're having now, even considering your age. You're acting like an idiot.

 

[CF_Fighter]

37?!

 

[bernardobri]

You're going to have to get over the whole idea that a gf loved/fucked someone else before you or you will spend the rest of your life alone.

This. A thousand times this. And it's not like the girl is a slut, man.

It's not something that you just say "get over it" either, but you gotta do face it in the long shot.

 

[xxjuicesxx]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpQqH4H_SUQ

 

[Dabanton]

There that point in a new relationship where 'that' question always come up how many people both of us have slept with now a man likes to know this, but also doesn't want to know as the results could be annoying.

This subject always comes up and yes most men get jealous of the idea of their GF fucking someone else the idea that another guy has had his dick in your GF is unpalatable to most men if were honest.

You will get over it just think that she's with you know not this other guy.

 

[Erudite]

So what are your options here?

Grow some balls, forget about her seemingly PG rated past, and enjoy what you got?

Or throw it, and damn near all future possibilities at relationships* away until you learn how to.

It's now, or the future, and every day it takes is a day of regret, where you gain nothing and lose everything.

*unless you become a pedo

Spoiler

Maybe I'll resort to that instead of drinking!

Let's go with this.

Anyways, you can't change the past, but you can make the future. If this is the type of girl you can see being with for a while, (and she won't be with you for a while if you don't get your act together over something so petty), what little part of her life she spent with another guy won't really matter to her.

Deal with it, and you'll get over it. It's good that you're realizing this now, because chances are 95% of any future relationships will have the same thing happen.

When you guys put it in that light, yeah, you're right. The few nights we've tried dealing with this before, as though it wasn't anything detrimental to our relationship, have just felt like a big waste of time; same with the nights I've just lingered on it myself, I've regretted it afterwards since things didn't get any better, probably just worse.

There is absolutely NOTHING reasonable about the feelings you're having now, even considering your age. You're acting like an idiot.

Appreciating the comments like these, and I mean that seriously. Nice to have some reinforcement that yeah, I am acting childish.

Hell, even the thought of EviLore grinding up against my girl has helped to some extent, if only cause it made me laugh.

 

[Haly]

You're being petty.

Stop it.

 

[SnakeXs]

In closing:

 

[Erudite]

Got all the answers I need. I'll stop taking up off-topic real-estate and heed the advice.

Thanks duders. Much obliged.

i don't want to sound like a dick when i say this, but.... you're not special, grow up.

i say that with no bitterness, animosity or anger. it's just one thing you need to realise and one thing you need to do.

Yeah, I know that there's probably a million other dudes out there that could make her just as happy, if not more.

I'm not trying to hold myself up as some amazing guy. I know I'm just another dude that needs to grow up.

I realize more now that I'm just being an ungrateful douche.

 

[Scrow]

i don't want to sound like a dick when i say this, but.... you're not special, grow up.

i say that with no bitterness, animosity or anger. it's just one thing you need to realise and one thing you need to do.

 

[NaughtyCalibur]

Personally? I'd be slightly weary of getting serious with a girl who has never been with anyone prior to me, as it suggests that she probably has issues. Then again I'm 23 and am not talking about teenage girls here.

Get the fuck over it or stop dating immediately before it destroys you. How you managed to go a whole year without drinking yourself to death is beyond me judging by your OP.

 

[carlosp]

it seems like you are very young so let me give you this advice. What you should do is sit down with your self and ask yourself one question:

Why should the fact that she had a relationship before not make you happy?

I am very serious about this. If you are honest to your self and really evaluate this question, you will very soon understand why you should not be upset about the fact that she had a boyfriend before. Try to ask your self what speaks for it and what could make you happy about it and you will understand.

 

[Erudite]

Personally? I'd be slightly weary of getting serious with a girl who has never been with anyone prior to me, as it suggests that she probably has issues. Then again I'm 23 and am not talking about teenage girls here.

Get the fuck over it or stop dating immediately before it destroys you. How you managed to go a whole year without drinking yourself to death is beyond me judging by your OP.

Ahh fuck, hate to throw a wild card in here, but I realized I didn't mention that we're doing long distance right now. Have been since University started up in September.

Prior to that, we were seeing each other every day since January.

I wasn't dealing with this issue as poorly before because she always reminded what I really appreciated about her. I guess it may be because I only get to see her so sparingly right now that this has been more of an issue lately. Not that it didn't bug me ever since this relationship started, but it's kinda just been growing since she's left.

Not that it's an excuse or anything.

it seems like you are very young so let me give you this advice. What you should do is sit down with your self and ask yourself one question:

Why should the fact that she had a relationship before not make you happy?

I am very serious about this. If you are honest to your self and really evaluate this question, you will very soon understand why you should not be upset about the fact that she had a boyfriend before. Try to ask your self what speaks for it and what could make you happy about it and you will understand.

The sad part is that yeah, we've gone over it together, and I've understood that the fact that since she's had experience before makes her less likely to doubt what we have later down the line.

Yet even with that, it'd been bugging me.

 

[Sealda]

 

[Stat Flow]

Ahh fuck, hate to throw a wild card in here, but I realized I didn't mention that we're doing long distance right now. Have been since University started up in September.

Congratulations, she's probably fucking someone right now.

 

[Hazmat]

18 is too young to waste time on a long-distance relationship.

(you're also an idiot. this is advice for when you dump this girl and pick up some other girl at a party and bang her: it doesn't matter who she fucked, it matters who she's fucking now)

 

[shuri]

Get help.

 

[Erudite]

Congratulations, she's probably fucking someone right now.

Reading break right now, she's home for the week.

Wouldn't surprise me if I keep this up that it will happen.

18 is too young to waste time on a long-distance relationship.

(you're also an idiot. this is advice for when you dump this girl and pick up some other girl at a party and bang her: it doesn't matter who she fucked, it matters who she's fucking now)

We're both done school in April, and she's looking to transfer somewhere close. No point in giving up now since I'm in, what I feel is, the home stretch.

Why make such a big deal about it? Are you looking for trouble, it really sounds like you are on purpose trying to make this relation shaky. (A common theme among young people in relationships is that they often or always unknowingly is seeking up drama).

Tried to put some thought into your question, and honestly couldn't give you a reasonable answer. Maybe subconsciously that's what I'm doing, though for what reason I can't fathom right now.

Just move on. Sooner or later the past of hers will not be a problem for you.

I sure hope I can let it go, and very fucking soon. I know it'll crush me if I lose her.

 

[Sealda]

Why make such a big deal about it? Are you looking for trouble, it really sounds like you are on purpose trying to make this relation shaky. (A common theme among young people in relationships is that they often or always unknowingly is seeking up drama).

What you do is you forget you drank alcohol and stops thinking of her past relationships. Just move on, business as usual. You are still together with her, be happy. Just move on. Sooner or later the past of hers will not be a problem for you.

 

[Seep]

Man the fuck up or find a virgin.

 

[soultron]

In closing:

I'm glad people took this and saved it for themselves.

That was a great thread.

OP: Most of us felt that way at some point. The sooner you get over it, the sooner you can start having a healthy relationship. Drowning your insecurities in alcohol isn't manly at all. Face your problem head on and deal with it properly.

 

[Hazmat]

We're both done school in April, and she's looking to transfer somewhere close. No point in giving up now since I'm in, what I feel is, the home stretch.

Then I'll give some Real Advice: You're 18, statistically it won't work out, so just do whatever you think will make you have the most fun. It's a free pass! A Statistical Free Pass! Have fun!

 

[lightless_shado]

Hey OP, you need to find a way to just not think about those other guys. Maybe visualize them as figments of her imagination which served to distract from the crushing realization of loneliness.

Or you can continue thinking about how many dicks her tongue and lips have been on and go mad.

 

[MadraptorMan]

Just be thankful for what you have.

Imagine being in my position...I dated a girl for three years, she leaves me mid 2010 after we lived together for a year...and now she's dating someone else. Meanwhile I still love her and feel pathetic hoping she will eventually come to her senses, leave him and come back to me...just can't get over her even after six months.

 

[Android18a]

Perhaps its different in some countries, but to expect a girl at 18-or-so to have not had a relationship or sex life is expecting a bit much these days. Kids are doing it at like 12 years old these days. Unless you meet a deeply religious girl, she's probably not a virgin. And if she is, she'll probably stay that way unless you pop a ring on her finger.

Cynical yes, but thems the breaks in the 21st century.

 

[lightless_shado]

Just be thankful for what you have.

Imagine being in my position...I dated a girl for three years, she leaves me mid 2010 after we lived together for a year...and now she's dating someone else. Meanwhile I still love her and feel pathetic hoping she will eventually come to her senses, leave him and come back to me...just can't get over her even after six months.

Sounds like he might end up exactly where you are. What I've noticed is that most people who are stragglers in the relationship game like the OP usually end up taking breakups way harder than those who dated at least 2 or more people in High School

 

[MadraptorMan]

Sounds like he might end up exactly where you are. What I've noticed is that most people who are stragglers in the relationship game like the OP usually end up taking breakups way harder than those who dated at least 2 or more people in High School

Well my own personal experiences certainly line up with your hypothesis. I just hope for the OP's sake that things turn out differently for him. Sucks to be in this position!

 

[Punchy4486]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFw7Myb34zw