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[Carlisle]

She's done nothing wrong, but you're making her feel like she has and that's unfair to her. She doesn't deserve to be treated that way, so if you really care about her you need to man the fuck up. Everyone has a past, everyone has to start somewhere. Making someone regret their life or feel ashamed about who they are is not the road to a long and healthy relationship. You need to love and respect her for who and everything she is. Anything less is less than she deserves from you. You're letting your insecurity turn into selfishness.

Anyway, those are the lessons I learned from pulling the exact same shit you're doing. I know exactly how you're feeling and it's a sting in your gut that you just can't get passed. But you will, you just have to think about what really matters here: that she used to like some douchebag a long time ago or that she's with you here and now. Your choice dude.

The only result of this current path is you driving her away and in a couple months making a girl-age thread about the one that got away.

 

[Erudite]

To the OP.

Stop being pretentious!
Really, you GOTTA decide what you want.

If you say "omg, jealous, cant help it, omg", that DOES NOT resonate well with "I do not know what I would do if I lost her".

Well, you WILL lose her if you what you do. If you are with your girlfriend and you do not act naturally, but with some jealousy over the past, sooner or later, she will have to break up with you.

So you do not get to say "what would I do without her" when you do not mean it. If you DO mean it, realize that she is not a property of yours, but is another human being with a past and a future. You want to be part of her future? Man up.

I've been coming to terms with it, slowly but surely, after making this thread.

And yeah, I've obviously decided that I don't want to lose her. Time for me go forward accordingly.

 

[Erudite]

She's done nothing wrong, but you're making her feel like she has and that's unfair to her. She doesn't deserve to be treated that way, so if you really care about her you need to man the fuck up. Everyone has a past, everyone has to start somewhere. Making someone regret their life or feel ashamed about who they are is not the road to a long and healthy relationship. You need to love and respect her for who and everything she is. Anything less is less than she deserves from you. You're letting your insecurity turn into selfishness.

Anyway, those are the lessons I learned from pulling the exact same shit you're doing. I know exactly how you're feeling and it's a sting in your gut that you just can't get passed. But you will, you just have to think about what really matters here: that she used to like some douchebag a long time ago or that she's with you here and now. Your choice dude.

The only result of this current path is you driving her away and in a couple months making a girl-age thread about the one that got away.

I had enough rationality in me to realize that there's no one else to blame but myself for the way I feel. While it's in no way shape or form justifiable how I've been treating her, it's a little relieving knowing that people have gone through this and eventually get over it.

We've talked since the whole ordeal, and I don't think I'll be losing her due to what happened, so long as I don't fly off the handle again and get over all of this really soon. I know she doesn't deserve any of this, hell I'm grateful for how patient (much more than I deserve) she's been with me.

 

[expy]

Better get your emotions in check before she finds out that you're insecure and leaves you.

 

[Ken Masters]

Sigh. Just had a bit of a breakdown tonight.

I've been dating this girl for about a year now, and she's someone that I've admired, and cared for for the time we've been dating. Almost everything about her I adore, but the one thing that's always been bugging me in the back of my mind is the fact that she's been in a serious relationship before me.

As unreasonable, and childish as that may be, I just haven't been able to get over the fact that she's had serious feelings for someone before me, and more so the sexual activity that took place. It makes me feel jealous, and even at times angered/resentful. It's not like we haven't done anything either, hell I was in around a month into the relationship, whereas the other dude took 7 months. Yeah, I know, that's just what people do, get the fuck over it, but I can't for the life of me figure out why it bothers me so much, and now it's gotten to the point where I feel like I'm just pushing her away every time I try to bring it up with her.

Tonight I flew off the handle and decided to try and drink my emotions away. I've never had alcohol before this, and in doing what I did, it really worried and angered her with how I was dealing with the situation.

So, I turn to you GAF. I figured some advice from anonymous people might help. Am I just childish and I should get the fuck over it, or is it somewhat reasonable that I'm having these feelings.

And if age is a concern, I'm 18.

get the fuck over yourself, should every girl that kisses you be their first also?

 

[Flambe]

Now that you've learned your lesson, apologize to her for being an insecure dumbass. =]

It will foster better communication between you and show that you can look into yourself and admit that you have faults but are still trying to grow as a person and become a better man.

If you just ignore it, she'll probably assume you're the same.

 

[WickedAngel]

Want to really mess your mind up?

Think about how many blowjobs she's given other guys next time you kiss her.

 

[DY_nasty]

I remember when I was 18 and thought in a similar way....

Now I'm 23 and I'm not trying to be a girl's first anything.

 

[Carlisle]

I had enough rationality in me to realize that there's no one else to blame but myself for the way I feel.

We've talked since the whole ordeal, and I don't think I'll be losing her due to what happened, so long as I don't fly off the handle again and get over all of this really soon. I know she doesn't deserve any of this, hell I'm grateful for how patient (much more than I deserve) she's been with me.

Awesome, you're waaaay ahead of where I was at that point then. It took me quite a while to grow up. I didn't mean to suggest that you will lose her, and I didn't want to scare you into any action. I was thinking about what I should have liked to hear all those years ago and tried to sum it up. If your relationship is a good as you say, then it'll take a lot more than some insecurities to break that up. And just like it's your responsibility to try and cool these feelings, it's hers to to be open and understanding to try and help you through them.

So bravo is all. Sounds like you both know what you're doing.

 

[Flying_Phoenix]

This may sound a bit cliche but to me it doesn't sound like your angry at her for having so much more experience than you, but more so at the fact that you don't have as much experience as she does.

While she's most likely very experience at dealing with disputes, connecting and interacting with your partner, sucking cocks, having sex, meeting the parents, etc.

While you have no experience with these things at all what so ever. Because of this you are ridiculously scared and paranoid that you are some how going to fuck up what you have going on. So you just get angry at her having so much experience when in reality the problem is that you are angry that you don't have the experience.

My best advice is to get over yourself. I know it's hard and isn't as easy as GAF seems, but if Girl-Age threads and talking with your bros have ever told you anything, 90% of relationships go to shit because of spazing and being paranoid.

Just remember that out of the hundreds, if not thousands of guys, she chose to be with you. She was probably asked out and/or hit on by well over a dozen of guys, but she chose you and she chose you for a reason. Just continue being yourself and you should be perfectly fine.

 

[Erudite]

get the fuck over yourself, should every girl that kisses you be their first also?

You're right, no one owes me anything, and I'm coming to terms with it now.

Now that you've learned your lesson, apologize to her for being an insecure dumbass. =]

It will foster better communication between you and show that you can look into yourself and admit that you have faults but are still trying to grow as a person and become a better man.

If you just ignore it, she'll probably assume you're the same.

I've admitted my faults to her this morning, and apologized accordingly.

This may sound a bit cliche but to me it doesn't sound like your angry at her for having so much more experience than you, but more so at the fact that you don't have as much experience as she does.

While she's most likely very experience at dealing with disputes, connecting and interacting with your partner, sucking cocks, having sex, meeting the parents, etc.

While you have no experience with these things at all what so ever. Because of this you are ridiculously scared and paranoid that you are some how going to fuck up what you have going on. So you just get angry at her having so much experience when in reality the problem is that you are angry that you don't have the experience.

My best advice is to get over yourself. I know it's hard and isn't as easy as GAF seems, but if Girl-Age threads and talking with your bros have ever told you anything, 90% of relationships go to shit because of spazing and being paranoid.

Just remember that out of the hundreds, if not thousands of guys, she chose to be with you. She was probably asked out and/or hit on by well over a dozen of guys, but she chose you and she chose you for a reason. Just continue being yourself and you should be perfectly fine.

I've thought about it like this, and on some level that's what it also may be. While I may not get the luxury of getting to sleep with other girls while still being with her, she's been open enough with me that she'd allow me to date other girls to allow me to reinforce what we have is something I need to respect and cherish.

Seems like everything that needs to be said has been said in here. Anything more will probably just be retreading the same path.

Appreciate all the insight everyone's given me. Much obliged.

 

[Joe Molotov]

To help cinge the image into the OP's brain...

Powerful stuff.

 

[videogamer]

you should have just posted this in the main girl age thread

 

[Flying_Phoenix]

I've thought about it like this, and on some level that's what it also may be.

That's what it most likely is. Your just really insecure with yourself. It is incredibly common to the point that it is the rule for people getting into the dating scene so late. Relax.

she's been open enough with me that she'd allow me to date other girls to allow me to reinforce what we have is something I need to respect and cherish.

I wouldn't mention that to her if I were you.

 

[Erudite]

I wouldn't mention that to her if I were you.

She mentioned reinforcing our relationship long before I ever even thought about it because she's been through it before with the other dude; having doubts because she'd never been with anyone before him.

Much as I really fucking hate to admit it, I know only good for me came out of what she had before.

She's great when it comes to seeing things from both perspectives, hopefully I learn to cherish her more before I completely push her away with petty shit like this.

 

[Boozeroony]

Just be sure to be the first one to give her an anal creampie.

 

[Weenerz]

Holy shit, best thread backfire gif I have ever seen.

 

[samus i am]

I'm 27 right now OP, what do you think the chances are I'm going to be meeting any virgins my age? You are being insecure which is OK since your human, but learn to live with it cause it will only get worse.

 

[Vox-Pop]

at least you had a girlfriend.

 

[Articate]

Exactly. If you want girls to have no past, you'll have no future with them. People need to live and learn, one way or another. You'll see many of those that end up with their first boy-/girlfriend go on spurs later in life to 'catch up' the stuff they think they missed. More often than not, doubt itself will be what breaks relationships. If you think there's someone out there that might be better, you'll never be as happy as you should be.

There's a lot of things to think about when it comes to that kind of doubt. If you have one "what if"-girl that you never resolve, it will have a blowback at some point in time. I don't think being with other girls is necessary the solution. You might get stung by the grass always being greener on the other side.

At the end of the day, you're young. You'll be working on yourself and you'll be refining yourself over the next years. Try to be open to the refinement happening to your character. Try to think through the doubts and fears you have, and not act on them for no reason. Then you'll find yourself in a much better position before you notice any time has passed at all.

 

[Flying_Phoenix]

Exactly. If you want girls to have no past, you'll have no future with them. People need to live and learn, one way or another. You'll see many of those that end up with their first boy-/girlfriend go on spurs later in life to 'catch up' the stuff they think they missed. More often than not, doubt itself will be what breaks relationships. If you think there's someone out there that might be better, you'll never be as happy as you should be.

There's a lot of things to think about when it comes to that kind of doubt. If you have one "what if"-girl that you never resolve, it will have a blowback at some point in time. I don't think being with other girls is necessary the solution. You might get stung by the grass always being greener on the other side.

At the end of the day, you're young. You'll be working on yourself and you'll be refining yourself over the next years. Try to be open to the refinement happening to your character. Try to think through the doubts and fears you have, and not act on them for no reason. Then you'll find yourself in a much better position before you notice any time has passed at all.

 

[Erudite]

At the end of the day, you're young. You'll be working on yourself and you'll be refining yourself over the next years. Try to be open to the refinement happening to your character. Try to think through the doubts and fears you have, and not act on them for no reason. Then you'll find yourself in a much better position before you notice any time has passed at all.

I won't be burying my head in the sand after this whole ordeal. I've taken everything said by her, and in here, into consideration and I will be bettering myself because of it.

 

[Great Rumbler]

To help cinge the image into the OP's brain...

Wow, looks like the G4 sponsorship is really paying off.

 

[Tokubetsu]

Can't lie, I laughed while reading the OP.

 

[elohel]

you do not own her

this is not about ownership

so complaining like she's a used product is kind of insane

 

[Always-honest]

Get over it or prepare to be alone for the rest of your life. People HATE jealous people.

 

[Mdeezy]

Everyone goes through crap with their gf/bf. I was with my first girlfriend for over 3 years and out of those three years I was happy maybe a year and a half. I was just to weak to say it was over so I let it play out. How did it end? She wound up cheating on me and BREAKING UP WITH ME. I'm engaged now and couldn't be happier. My ex tried to contact me on several occasions after she broke up with me though. She now has three kids(THREE different daddies) with one on the way plus an abusive boyfriend. She tried calling my old jobs to try and find me and she even went so far as to go over my mothers house to tell my mother she apologized for everything she ever did wrong to me. Anyways just get over it man.There are too many woman on this earth for you to be unhappy with one.Either get over your insecurities or break it off with her.

 

[Captain Howdy]

 

[Shanadeus]

Golden words.

 

[Lebron]

And if age is a concern, I'm 18.

Sounds about right.

 

[Kuro Madoushi]

You're either
An idiot
Bored
A troll

Answer to all 3: grow the fuck up

 

[EviLore]

Why am I photoshopped to look like a trog? :|

 

[Red]

Can't lie, I laughed while reading the OP.

Same.

I think I had the same sort of feelings for a full five seconds with my first girlfriend.

OP: you are insecure, that's the problem. I'm going to preemptively tell you to stop arguing against that, because there is no other explanation for what you've done or what you're thinking. It's a personal insecurity, you'll either get over it or be miserable. Don't let it ruin your relationship.

You can always ask her to be honest with you and tell her how she feels and what she thinks about the situation. You probably don't want to know the specifics, but realize that she's a person herself and that she's got an opinion and a history.

Am I right in understanding that you're only concerned about sex? Let me ask you this: how would you feel if she was on her own and using a dildo? I ask this, because I have a friend (who's nearly 25) that is so insecure he's tried forbidding his girlfriend from pleasing herself. That sort of thing, to me, is insane. It makes no sense. I'm trying to gauge where you are on this spectrum of insecurity.

 

[Shanadeus]

A more serious response to the OP:

X years ago when your current girlfriend was unattached to you she had a particular celluar and mental make up that made her... "her". But as time passes on the various cells in her body are replaced, her very mind changes due to biological growth and her personality is constantly in flux due to outside factors.

At some point (or several) she's changed so much that she can't really be considered the exact same person when she started changing. And as she's been changing constantly she's been and become countless of different persons.

Basically, your girlfriend is only the girl that existed X years ago in a legal sense. The girl under the same name that your girlfriend now have was the on that had intimate relations with someone else.

The girl you're attached to, the woman that you know - she's never been with anyone but you.

 

[threenote]

this thread is hilarious. Hey OP, are you sure you're not 12?

 

[Drinky Crow]

oh god, gaf is the gift that keeps on giving.

i wanna add my two cents, but what can you tell a massively insecure 18 year old beyond "the more you worry about it, the less of a man you'll be. just smang her like she's the hottest fucking thing around and you got nothin' to fear" because JESUS H CRISTOS IT'S SEX AND YOU'RE YOUNG AND IT'S SEX!!!1 and you will plow many a row in your abbreviated irresponsible phase so QUIT WORRYIN' AND GET TO BIZNESS

 

[Snuggles]

Honestly, I've been through a similar experience when I was young. My first serious girlfriend (I was in High School) had a long term relationship before me, and I only had been through a couple relationships that didn't go very far. I couldn't help but be bothered by the fact that another guy had been with her.

It wasn't just about the sex, but the fact that they were in love and at one point, thought they were the 'one' for each other. I guess in a way it made me feel small, like I couldn't stack up to him. Sure, it's petty, but it's in our nature as men. I certainly didn't want to feel that way, and clearly that OP doesn't either, but it's not something you can just suppress. I got over it soon enough, though. Once you relationship matures you'll stop caring about that kind of stuff. Only the present matters. Several years later, I don't think it's something I'll ever have an issue with unless my girlfriend is like a prostitute or something.

You'll be fine, just keep it to yourself to avoid creating that deadly kind of tension in the relationship and it'll make sense in due time. I never confronted my girlfriend about it, I accepted it, and 6+ years later we're still together.

 

[Drinky Crow]

it certainly isn't in our nature as "men." it may be in our nature -- well, YOUR nature -- as insecure, overanalytical nerdzors, but our nature is to HIT DAT SHIT. hit it proper, have a good time, LEARN ABOUT LIFE AND LOVE, and quit trying to analyze and solve for a past that isn't yours to quantify and a future you are as yet unready to determine.

 

[Foxtastical]

Generation entitled.

 

[crimzonflame]

 

[Drinky Crow]

Generation entitled.

you ain't kiddin'. still, there's plenty of sound advice in this thread, too. still, whatever happened to just wading headlong into the chaos of life without the need for a destined outcome?

 

[Shanadeus]

you ain't kiddin'. still, there's plenty of sound advice in this thread, too. still, whatever happened to just wading headlong into the chaos of life without the need for a destined outcome?

I think that went away when homophobia and misogynist ceased to be publicly acceptable.

 

[Erudite]

OP: you are insecure, that's the problem. I'm going to preemptively tell you to stop arguing against that, because there is no other explanation for what you've done or what you're thinking. It's a personal insecurity, you'll either get over it or be miserable. Don't let it ruin your relationship.

Never doubted or fought against that for a second. I knew something wasn't right, probably didn't deal with it in the best way though.

Am I right in understanding that you're only concerned about sex? Let me ask you this: how would you feel if she was on her own and using a dildo? I ask this, because I have a friend (who's nearly 25) that is so insecure he's tried forbidding his girlfriend from pleasing herself. That sort of thing, to me, is insane. It makes no sense. I'm trying to gauge where you are on this spectrum of insecurity.

You wouldn't be the only one who thinks that's insane, damn.

I mean, part of it is the sex, but like Snuggler experienced in his past, part of it is also the fact that she's had feelings for someone else prior to me. As insignificant as it may be in the present, I was having a hard time getting over it.

The girl you're attached to, the woman that you know - she's never been with anyone but you.

Appreciate the thought but I don't think she'll ever forget the things she's done with the other dude, no matter how many times her cells have undergone mitosis. It's just time for me to get over it.

 

[WanderingWind]

Some of you are being way too harsh on the OP. Like you never did, said or thought something absolutely ridiculous when you were first learning how relationships work. Some of you probably still haven't figured that shit out.

OP, you seem to have realized how you felt isn't really appropriate. Good luck with the dating thing.

You're going to need it.

 

[Madrin]

Relationship experience sharpens a person's ability to recognize what sort of partner they need in a relationship. Take solace in the fact that her refined sense of relationships has lead her to choose you as her boyfriend.

Also, if her last relationship ended with her dumping him and not the other way around, that means that right now he isn't good enough for her but you are. There, now you should feel superior.

 

[-Pyromaniac-]

Shit I can't believe it took me so long to see this topic so I can post this song, pretty much sums up everything, enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gti6m2qVuSM

 

[Drewsky]

Sigh. Just had a bit of a breakdown tonight.

I've been dating this girl for about a year now, and she's someone that I've admired, and cared for for the time we've been dating. Almost everything about her I adore, but the one thing that's always been bugging me in the back of my mind is the fact that she's been in a serious relationship before me.

As unreasonable, and childish as that may be, I just haven't been able to get over the fact that she's had serious feelings for someone before me, and more so the sexual activity that took place. It makes me feel jealous, and even at times angered/resentful. It's not like we haven't done anything either, hell I was in around a month into the relationship, whereas the other dude took 7 months. Yeah, I know, that's just what people do, get the fuck over it, but I can't for the life of me figure out why it bothers me so much, and now it's gotten to the point where I feel like I'm just pushing her away every time I try to bring it up with her.

Tonight I flew off the handle and decided to try and drink my emotions away. I've never had alcohol before this, and in doing what I did, it really worried and angered her with how I was dealing with the situation.

So, I turn to you GAF. I figured some advice from anonymous people might help. Am I just childish and I should get the fuck over it, or is it somewhat reasonable that I'm having these feelings.

And if age is a concern, I'm 18.

 

[Erudite]

Some of you are being way too harsh on the OP. Like you never did, said or thought something absolutely ridiculous when you were first learning how relationships work. Some of you probably still haven't figured that shit out.

I made this thread expecting most of you guys to be; kinda surprised at how many serious responses I've gotten.

Nevertheless, the metaphorical punch to the gut and getting yelled at to man the fuck up seems to have helped.

Relationship experience sharpens a person's ability to recognize what sort of partner they need in a relationship. Take solace in the fact that her refined sense of relationships has lead her to choose you as her boyfriend.

Also, if her last relationship ended with her dumping him and not the other way around, that means that right now he isn't good enough for her but you are. There, now you should feel superior.

It did. Something along the lines of the dude being too irresponsible- the way I was acting isn't much better though, I'll admit. And while she was giving me the exact same advice, I was having a hard time getting it through my thick skull due to my insecurities.

 

[hydragonwarrior]

To OP:

- nobody's perfect, that includes women
- dating an aboslutely religious girl (aka virgin) SUCKS ASS
- you'll miss her when she's gone

She's your first gf. The last point is really something you learn from experience, and hopefully you don't have to experience as we have. But really, take our word for it that it's some seriously painful shit, especially since you've been with her for a while.

And btw, when I mean nobody's perfect, it means to accept whatever subjective flaws you can think of - which includes her not being a virgin. I mean, if we were to switch it around, she accepted you even though you had no prior girlfriend, right? Less judgemental and analysis, more talk and action.

 

[Erudite]

And btw, when I mean nobody's perfect, it means to accept whatever subjective flaws you can think of - which includes her not being a virgin. I mean, if we were to switch it around, she accepted you even though you had no prior girlfriend, right? Less judgemental and analysis, more talk and action.

Only reason why I've still been sitting here instead of taking action is because she's busy volunteering right now. Otherwise I'd probably be sitting face to face with her trying to get over this hurdle together.

I've spent enough time refreshing this thread, I need to get out of the house and let all this soak in.