ZephyrFate
Banned
I'm glad you enjoyed your first facial.
Wow this sounds like the ending to some commercial porn video
Wow this sounds like the ending to some commercial porn video
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Gay and Bisexual relationship thread |OT|
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Soulscribe
Member
Aw man, I'm still bitter about my account getting activated well after the megathread was diffused. But alas...
So my boyfriend of four months and I broke up last Thursday, and I've been trying to cope. He's the one who initiated the break up; he was saying that even though we've been together for four months it hasn't felt like it's been that long because our relationship hasn't been evolving fast enough (which I agreed with... I just assumed the solution would be to speed it up). There were other qualms we both had, but long story short, we decided that we were much better off being friends and that we should make a legitimate attempt to turn shit around immediately and start exploring this whole platonic thing.
But now I'm afraid that the reason I obliged so easily was coz I just wanted him around me longer, not because I was genuinely interested in being friends with him. So we've been texting regularly since Thursday and we're supposedly hanging out tomorrow. Do you guys think it's too fast to change courses just like that? I'd like to say that I can handle a quick change like that, but I also think I'm digging a bigger hole for myself. I dunno how I'm gonna act knowing he's not my boyfriend anymore.. it'll probably be awkward at first but who knows.
Has anyone here broken up with someone and immediately turned it into a platonic pairing? Within days? lol
So my boyfriend of four months and I broke up last Thursday, and I've been trying to cope. He's the one who initiated the break up; he was saying that even though we've been together for four months it hasn't felt like it's been that long because our relationship hasn't been evolving fast enough (which I agreed with... I just assumed the solution would be to speed it up). There were other qualms we both had, but long story short, we decided that we were much better off being friends and that we should make a legitimate attempt to turn shit around immediately and start exploring this whole platonic thing.
But now I'm afraid that the reason I obliged so easily was coz I just wanted him around me longer, not because I was genuinely interested in being friends with him. So we've been texting regularly since Thursday and we're supposedly hanging out tomorrow. Do you guys think it's too fast to change courses just like that? I'd like to say that I can handle a quick change like that, but I also think I'm digging a bigger hole for myself. I dunno how I'm gonna act knowing he's not my boyfriend anymore.. it'll probably be awkward at first but who knows.
Has anyone here broken up with someone and immediately turned it into a platonic pairing? Within days? lol
ZephyrFate
Banned
dp 
ZephyrFate
Banned
If there was an underlying friendship underneath the relationship, then it should be easy. It sounds like that isn't the case... so things may get weird. I'd advise you not to go back into old habits like you did in the relationship.
badcrumble
Member
i wouldn't worry about digging yourself a bigger hole if you're not sleeping with him anymore tbh
umop_3pisdn
Member
I haven't had that experience, but I can't do it.
Personally I know how it would happen for me: I would cut and run, and then pick things up again a month or two if my feelings had cooled down and I still wanted him around unromantically. Some associations are hard to break and I can't be friends with people I'm interested in, my powers of emo-angst are too strong for me to even consider it.
This obviously doesn't count as advice, though, since it's just a weak personal anecdote and everyone experiences feelings differently. I just know I'd have a hard time, and since he broke up with you it's certainly within your 'rights' to request some space.
Personally I know how it would happen for me: I would cut and run, and then pick things up again a month or two if my feelings had cooled down and I still wanted him around unromantically. Some associations are hard to break and I can't be friends with people I'm interested in, my powers of emo-angst are too strong for me to even consider it.
This obviously doesn't count as advice, though, since it's just a weak personal anecdote and everyone experiences feelings differently. I just know I'd have a hard time, and since he broke up with you it's certainly within your 'rights' to request some space.
BankaiZaraki
Banned
I am a somewhat open bisexual. I've been open about it for almost a year now. My mom and dad do not know yet. A lot of my friends know and my brother knows but that is about it. I don't flaunt it around. I keep to myself about it unless people ask.
Edit: Didn't know there was 2 threads for gay/bisexual people. Now that I know this, I do have some advice..I have been messing around with this guy for months now, only when we drink and we seem to be into each other with heavy make out sessions..but every time we want to take it further( I have yet to have sex with another guy), winds up never happening..Curious what I have to do to get him in my bed or vice versa
Edit: Didn't know there was 2 threads for gay/bisexual people. Now that I know this, I do have some advice..I have been messing around with this guy for months now, only when we drink and we seem to be into each other with heavy make out sessions..but every time we want to take it further( I have yet to have sex with another guy), winds up never happening..Curious what I have to do to get him in my bed or vice versa
Ugh, just broke up with the guy I was starting a relationship. This one lasted 2 months, such a record! Looks like we had a completely different concept of what was going on between us, and he didn't realise until I sent him an inflamatory message through FB because I was pissed, as we agreed to do something cool for his birthday (yesterday) yet he ignored any attempt of communication from me for the whole day.
Definitely, I can't hook up with normal guys at all.
Definitely, I can't hook up with normal guys at all.
This feels really rough right now. My ex and me broke up after a year right? Long distance but we really clicked. I broke it off because i felt really gulity staying with him when he was so far and we might never get a chance to meet (he's in aussieland and i'm in the US.)
So now it's been almost a month since we broke up finally getting back to having conversations but i long to hear him say "I love you" Or spending hours talking to each other. I regret breaking his heart now but honestly the long distance is still to much. I tried to just forget him and flirt around a bit and while that's fun and all now it makes me miss that relationship i had there.
Heh sorry guess i just needed to rant some.
So now it's been almost a month since we broke up finally getting back to having conversations but i long to hear him say "I love you" Or spending hours talking to each other. I regret breaking his heart now but honestly the long distance is still to much. I tried to just forget him and flirt around a bit and while that's fun and all now it makes me miss that relationship i had there.
Heh sorry guess i just needed to rant some.
i fear that my bf has something big cooked up for me for our 2nd anniversary tonight the reason i'm feeling uneasy about it is because all i have for him is a small sentimental thing. it's really like nothing that crazy at all. but when i asked him what he's doing today he said he "has to do some stuff for a few hours" before we meet up later. he always tells me the details so i'm curious as to what he meant.
it was his birthday this week and i made him a nice card and gave him sc2, but that shouldn't matter. i shouldn't let his birthday absorb some of what i would do for him for our anniversary but i feel like i have. eeeeek i probably overthink things but i just hope he doesn't think i'm lazy and don't care.
the reason i'm feeling uneasy about it is because all i have for him is a small sentimental thing. it's really like nothing that crazy at all. but when i asked him what he's doing today he said he "has to do some stuff for a few hours" before we meet up later. he always tells me the details so i'm curious as to what he meant.it was his birthday this week and i made him a nice card and gave him sc2, but that shouldn't matter. i shouldn't let his birthday absorb some of what i would do for him for our anniversary but i feel like i have. eeeeek i probably overthink things but i just hope he doesn't think i'm lazy and don't care.
krypt0nian
Banned
Blake, it will all be great. Trust.
FleaTheMagician
Member
Stabbie said:
I hope you didn't do it.
FleaTheMagician said:
I did to save him the embarrassment of asking them to remove me (he really was going to ask them...). I guess I'm just too good. On the other hand, he will never see or hear from me again for this very reason (except maybe to tell him why he's been such a lousy bf). He says he still loves me and all. Well, tough luck.
My ex and I have been talking a lot lately. We broke up largely because it was long distance while she was back at school overseas and we were fighting a lot more because of it, but now she's going to be going to Harvard law in the fall, while I continue to work and live in NYC.
She's invited me to come visit her and asked if it'd be cool to crash with me in the city a few times. (There's only one bed in my apartment and the sofa is a loveseat that's really too small to sleep on.) She also asked if I'd like to come out to Seattle while she does a tour of the west coast in the summer -- though she'll be staying in hostels and can't guarantee a place to stay.
I don't know. I can't tell if I'm setting myself up for disappointment if I start to think there's a chance of something starting up again, since she was the one who ended things. The distance made me much more of an insecure asshole than I ever was face-to-face. Just little things that could remotely be construed as criticism would make me super defensive and obnoxious, but it was always so hard to recognize that I was overreacting right in the moment. I like to think I've grown as a person since then, but hard to know.
Definitely sounds like you were too good for him.
I guess the upside of you complying and taking them off fb is there's even less of a chance of having to interact with him again.
She's invited me to come visit her and asked if it'd be cool to crash with me in the city a few times. (There's only one bed in my apartment and the sofa is a loveseat that's really too small to sleep on.) She also asked if I'd like to come out to Seattle while she does a tour of the west coast in the summer -- though she'll be staying in hostels and can't guarantee a place to stay.
I don't know. I can't tell if I'm setting myself up for disappointment if I start to think there's a chance of something starting up again, since she was the one who ended things. The distance made me much more of an insecure asshole than I ever was face-to-face. Just little things that could remotely be construed as criticism would make me super defensive and obnoxious, but it was always so hard to recognize that I was overreacting right in the moment. I like to think I've grown as a person since then, but hard to know.
Stabbie said:
Definitely sounds like you were too good for him.
I guess the upside of you complying and taking them off fb is there's even less of a chance of having to interact with him again.
Naked Snake
Member
I've been seeing this guy on and off for a couple of months (I first mentioned him here). We hit it off incredibly well and things were mind-blowlingly amazing for a while, but we both declared early on that we're not looking for a relationship and decided to put the reigns on our feelings. Lately we've been seeing each other very sporadically lately, and I don't think we had a proper meeting in a month maybe.
We want to do something this coming weekend, but I'm frankly tired of doing the same thing every time (he comes over, we talk for 10 minutes or so, have amazing sex, he falls a sleep for a while, then goes home). It has started to feel like a booty call routine, and I'd like to break that.
I need ideas/suggestions on what we can do... other than lunch, dinner, or movie... I'm thinking maybe a scenic road trip? Or... yeah, I'm out of ideas. Help?
We want to do something this coming weekend, but I'm frankly tired of doing the same thing every time (he comes over, we talk for 10 minutes or so, have amazing sex, he falls a sleep for a while, then goes home). It has started to feel like a booty call routine, and I'd like to break that.
I need ideas/suggestions on what we can do... other than lunch, dinner, or movie... I'm thinking maybe a scenic road trip? Or... yeah, I'm out of ideas. Help?
Naked Snake
Member
_Isaac said:
I like that! Not sure if he will...
We two have almost NOTHING in common, but we both have never felt stronger chemistry with anybody else. It was kinda eery at first, but we got used to it
Soulscribe
Member
Naked Snake said:I've been seeing this guy on and off for a couple of months (I first mentioned him here). We hit it off incredibly well and things were mind-blowlingly amazing for a while, but we both declared early on that we're not looking for a relationship and decided to put the reigns on our feelings. Lately we've been seeing each other very sporadically lately, and I don't think we had a proper meeting in a month maybe.
We want to do something this coming weekend, but I'm frankly tired of doing the same thing every time (he comes over, we talk for 10 minutes or so, have amazing sex, he falls a sleep for a while, then goes home). It has started to feel like a booty call routine, and I'd like to break that.
I need ideas/suggestions on what we can do... other than lunch, dinner, or movie... I'm thinking maybe a scenic road trip? Or... yeah, I'm out of ideas. Help?
I hate when that happens. I'd suggest going to an amusement park or something (do you have a Six Flags in your area?) or as mentioned above, hiking or something athletic would be interesting.
Sometimes I try to have the person hang out with me and MY friends just so he gets to see a different side to me. I dunno. It's not a spontaneous, adventurous idea but at least you're getting him involved with your ingroup and it could make for stronger rapport between you two.
So I've started seeing someone who started off as a friend of mine (we used to go downtown together regularly and dance), and holy shit, the mofo's got GAME. He opens doors for me, and a few days ago he took me to the park around midnight with blankies and we cuddled under the stars. I felt like the female lead in a movie.
Lately I've been feeling frustrated with how hetero relationships have these social/gender norms to attach to as a way to judge the health and progress of a relationship, but gays don't have those, so my relationships have always been really sporadic and unpredictable. I'm not saying it's critical to have norms, but I can't say I'm not jealous of women in hetero relationships. I just want someone to open the car door for me once in a while, is that so wrong?? lol
ZephyrFate
Banned
Um, so why are you together for more than just sex if you have nothing in common?Naked Snake said:I like that! Not sure if he will...
We two have almost NOTHING in common, but we both have never felt stronger chemistry with anybody else. It was kinda eery at first, but we got used to it
Spiritreaver
Member
Heeeey, you guys are alive.
Oh right, we have to be on subject I guess. I've been dating a guy for a little over 2 months now. He's nearly 5 years younger than me. =/ He's also probably transferring to a school a few states away in a couple of months. Oh well, it's nice to finally have the spark in my heart again.
Oh right, we have to be on subject I guess. I've been dating a guy for a little over 2 months now. He's nearly 5 years younger than me. =/ He's also probably transferring to a school a few states away in a couple of months. Oh well, it's nice to finally have the spark in my heart again.
Naked Snake
Member
ZephyrFate said:
Because I'd like there to be more to our "relationship" than sex, and he would like that too. He said he still wants to spend time with me even if I do not wish to have sex.
Ever heard the term "opposites attract"? Some people get married despite having nothing in common (I definitely wouldn't do it, not even a relationship), but it's not the universal obstacle you're making it out to be.
ZephyrFate
Banned
Having things in common is what makes a relationship last. The phrase "opposites attract" is usually referring to personality, not things in common.Naked Snake said:
I would find it a huge obstacle if I wanted to make something last relationship-wise.
Naked Snake
Member
ZephyrFate said:
I'm totally with you on this, and it's one of the reasons why I wouldn't even try to pursue a relationship with him. But I don't think it means that we can't get together other than to have sex. There are afterall things that almost everyone enjoys doing, on the basis of being human.
ZephyrFate
Banned
I'm not saying it doesn't, I'm just saying it's a barrier towards something more... amorous? I don't know.Naked Snake said:
I'm saying that with nothing in common besides sexual chemistry, the best you're aiming for is friends with benefits, really.
umop_3pisdn
Member
Friends with benefits can be great, though. My most satisfying 'relationship' was essentially that.
As for suggestions, _Isaac's was mine. Maybe go see some live bands or go to an art show? A road trip seems like it should be fun regardless of what he's into, sightseeing is always good.
As for suggestions, _Isaac's was mine. Maybe go see some live bands or go to an art show? A road trip seems like it should be fun regardless of what he's into, sightseeing is always good.
ZephyrFate
Banned
No one's saying friends with benefits is bad. I like it, too, but I'm at a point in my life where that simply is not good enough.umop_3pisdn said:
Naked Snake
Member
ZephyrFate said:
A lot of people would beg to differ http://www.google.com/search?q=relationship+nothing+in+common
The chemistry between us goes beyond just sexual attraction. We both deeply care for one another; we have recognized that we can easily fall in love with each other but chose not to.
Once he didn't reply to my messages or answer my calls for a full day, and I became convinced that something terrible has happened to him (because he drinks and drives all the time--yet another reason why I don't want to become attached to him), and what I went through that day was the worst feeling ever, I was in tears and getting drunk just to calm myself (and I hate drinking). So obviously there's more going on that just sex.
After the above incident I made very delibrate choices to detach myself from him emotionally as much as I can.
ZephyrFate
Banned
You do realize that the google search you provided me was clogged with "I don't want to break up with him! but..." or, "I wonder what it would be like to actually be in a relationship with someone I have things in common with even though I'm already married"
That's kind of a sign that having things in common HELPS a relationship 100 times out of 100... and I would go so far as to say it's necessary.
If you have strong feelings for each other, that's probably a sign that you do have things in common, you just don't know it yet.
That's kind of a sign that having things in common HELPS a relationship 100 times out of 100... and I would go so far as to say it's necessary.
If you have strong feelings for each other, that's probably a sign that you do have things in common, you just don't know it yet.
Naked Snake
Member
ZephyrFate said:
Again, I agree with you 100%. I'm just saying that some people don't.
Can we define what we mean by "things in common"?
ZephyrFate
Banned
Shared hobbies, interests, movies, books, music, videogames, even so much as the same emotional attachment to something or even the same emotional reactions to what each other says/does, same sense of humor, etc.
These same people who disagree with me that you showed seemed to have issues with their relationships. Obviously they want to agree with me but they're stuck in a relationship where having nothing in common is a big problem.
These same people who disagree with me that you showed seemed to have issues with their relationships. Obviously they want to agree with me but they're stuck in a relationship where having nothing in common is a big problem.
umop_3pisdn
Member
I think shared values are more important than all of that, but yeah that can help too.
I don't think things need to be viable for the long term, but this is where I differ with a lot of people. My current vocational plans make anything long term impossible, so that's probably why.
ZephyrFate said:
I don't think things need to be viable for the long term, but this is where I differ with a lot of people. My current vocational plans make anything long term impossible, so that's probably why.
ZephyrFate
Banned
I had forgotten shared values, but that's important too.
BlazingDarkness
Member
I don't think sharing so many tastes/hobbies etc is important at all, I'd say it was pretty boring if I liked exactly the same stuff as he did, and if we agreed on everything
Part of the fun is learnin' to accept and even indulge in the others interests, and of course, finding new stuff you both enjoy together is always a good way to have a relationship
Part of the fun is learnin' to accept and even indulge in the others interests, and of course, finding new stuff you both enjoy together is always a good way to have a relationship
Naked Snake
Member
ZephyrFate said:
Yeah, we have almost nothing in common when it comes to the above, with the exception of Michael Jackson (we both adore him, and he bought us matching MJ t-shirts, lol). Other than that, it's uncanny how diverging our tastes/views are in hobbies, interests, music, spirituality, etc.
As for shared values, I'm sure we have some commonality there, but we haven't really talked about it.
What relationship doesn't have issues? But anyway, I'd rather we drop this point because we're on the same side.
Naked Snake
Member
The biggest difference between us (IMO) is that I am an introvert and anti-social. I love spending the majority of the time alone at home; if I spend a few hours with people I feel drained and irritated by the end of it. He on the other hand is a total extrovert; if he spends 15 minutes alone he feels irritated and restless. He is constantly out with friends doing stuff every single day.
BlazingDarkness said:
Well no one is saying that it's good to have everything in common. I think it's good to have some things you share with your significant other, and some things that you like to do on your own or with different people.
As an example, the guy I dated the longest didn't like videogames at all and he liked cars which I didn't. However we both liked cooking and watching tv shows so we were doing that together.
ZephyrFate
Banned
Exactly. People are reacting to this with extremes... you SHOULD find things in common with your significant other, as it creates a closer bond because you can do things together. I find this essential.Alcoori said:
Naked Snake
Member
Lucario said:
Haha, that would be like the biggest "mind blown" moment ever
My guy would never be on GAF.
Uggh. I want to start seeing people again but (because I stopped drinking\drugs) this used to be a lot easier. I feel like I'm fucking 16. This has been a problem in other parts of my life, too. I excised my social life for several years and I guess I lost what I wasn't using.
umop_3pisdn
Member
White Man said:
My situation is pretty similar. Meeting people sucks, that was one of the reasons I neglected my social life in the first place
But I guess digging a deeper hole is one way to learn. Hopefully getting back into it will be as unhumiliating as possible for both of us.Naked Snake
Member
The guy I'm seeing now poked me on facebook out of nowhere, I checked his profile and liked what I saw, so we exchanged messages for a couple of weeks before meeting.
So yeah, if it weren't for that I wouldn't be seeing anyone right now cause I never put an effort to meet people.
So yeah, if it weren't for that I wouldn't be seeing anyone right now cause I never put an effort to meet people.
RadioHeadAche
Member
I used to poke this guy I was really into (and still am, in a way). He poked back, but it was insincere.
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