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How Steve Jobs would have presented Wii U at E3
- Thread starter marc^o^
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Jinfash
needs 2 extra inches
Regarding this:
This is what this 'snesfreal' lad is talking about:
Irc log of #nintengaf during the Nintendo E3 Conference. It's rather entertaining to read, people are so energic about Nintendo during the conference; but be aware that there is a lot of colorful conversation and rather obscene/borderline hatred commentaries about gaffers/neogaf stuff
Happy readings!
Valjean Lafitte
Banned
I lost it at this. Dead-on characterizations for everyone, but the way you wrote JR's lines had me cracking up.
What the fuck is this even about?
Greetings friends.
My name is Mr. President Iwata. I am Head of Nintendo, and keeper of Yamauchi dynasty. When last we met at E3, you were, how to say, a little dissatisfied. You thought that the Wii U was a "bad idea." You thought we may have been "insincere." At that last meeting, I introduced you to a Japanese word, "Doku-so," thinking you would see some sincerity in it.
You did not.
So now, I introduce you to a word I think you can appreciate. An American word.
"Phanopoeia."
It means, "the casting of unusual words—in an unusual manner—upon the visual imagination." It was coined by the great American poet, Ezra Pound, who, in addition to being quite a patriot, was also a supporter of Fascist Italy.
Hmm.
Earlier this year at Nintendo, we began using phanopoeia in our daily conversation. Much to our suprise, a funny thing happened: the Wii U began to sound like a good idea.
To-day, with a little help from Reggie, we are going to use phanopoeia to cast words upon YOUR imagination.
Reggie? If you please—
Reggie Fils-Aime: Thank you Mr. Iwata, I'll take it from here.
OK, phanopoeia. It's just like magic.
Sit very close to the screen.
Take one big, deep breath.
Exhale.
And now watch my lips—very, very closely. Are you ready?
All right. I'll say it slow.
"Asymmetric gameplay."
"Asymmetric gameplay."
"Asymmetric GAMEPLAY"
"ASYMMETRIC gameplay."
"ASYMMET— "
OK THANK YOU Reggie, we want hypnosis, not coma.
I think we can all agree that Reggie's use of phanopoeia makes the Wii U sound like a very good idea.
"Asymmetric gameplay" is a term filled with authority. When I say it, it sounds like I know what I am doing. Whenever I hear this "phanopoetic" phrase, my visual imagination is filled with pictures of happiness. Thanks to the Wii U, and phanopoeia, that happiness will be transmitted from my imagination to yours. I want you to experience my happiness.
Don't you want to be happy?
*smiles*
I hope I have convinced you that the Wii U is great, and I hope you will share with your friends the news that the Wii U is great. Thank you for spending so much time with me to-day, and for listening as I tell you that the Wii U is great.
I leave you with this quote from The Hunting of the Snark:
"What I say three times is true."
Thank you.
Asymmetric gameplay is not what should be put at the forefront. It's not a simple concept to grasp, and there are single and multiplayer games that use the dual screen, without asymmetric elements.
As I elaborated in the OP, the main communication focus should be around the best of breed controller, dual screen set up and social console.
Keep it simple, build the value prop around these three things.
I believe it's important Nintendo realize this sooner than later. As says PennyArcade: fix the Wii U marketing, or get screwed
http://penny-arcade.com/report/edito...or-get-screwed
As I elaborated in the OP, the main communication focus should be around the best of breed controller, dual screen set up and social console.
Keep it simple, build the value prop around these three things.
I believe it's important Nintendo realize this sooner than later. As says PennyArcade: fix the Wii U marketing, or get screwed
http://penny-arcade.com/report/edito...or-get-screwed
This Steve Ballmer pitch was AMAZING. XD XD
Lost it at "DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS."
EDIT: And wow, how did I miss VegaNine's Hemingway skit? AMAZING!
I wasn't promoting the idea, I was taking the piss out it. I think it's funny that the sound of the phrase alone is meant to impress. I'm with you in hoping that Nintendo gets it together on this account.
Hey, thanks!
DanielJr82
Member
He seriously would have.
Metallix87
Member
Best post I've ever read. Amazing.
I agree with everything you said. The unveiling of a product is important as it helps establish a lasting impression in consumers' minds. So far Nintendo has been terrible at this. At the end of the day, as you accurately point out, a great production presentation can't help make something better than what it actually is. It's a mismatch as the iPhone and the iPad were totally different kinds of products from what we had seen before, while the Wii U feels just like a continuation. The original poster had composited an imaginary scenario that, if Steve Jobs – renowned for unveiling products, had shown off the Wii U things our impressions of the console would have been a bit more positive today. But I'd say due to the Wii U's apparent shortcomings, a Steve Jobs-style presentation probably would not have mattered.
EatinOlives
Member
The reaction to this topic has absolutely nothing to do with "haters" or "loving to watch Nintendo fail". But you knew that.
medicalmidget
Banned
Jack Tretton: It's a great honor to introduce our next guest. He is a world-renowned autho
Ernest Hemingway: That's unnecessary, Jack. An introduction from you is an insult.
*Tretton shrinks away*
My name is Hemingway. I'm a writer, a sportsman, and a man. I've been called here today to introduce Sony's Wonderbook. I've been paid handsomely for the job, but had I been given a photograph of this crowd, I'd have come at no cost.
Your faces impress me. I see children where men should sit.
*drinks*
You lot of reprobates. I was never so young!
You, therein front. I've traveled the world and have seen no face like yours. It's the face of an adult child. Yes, that's right.
Don't shy away! Look at me!
No man who has labored in the sun could give your impression. There'd be no lurching, no paleness, no coyness. They'd be sitting straight! Faces brown, eyes proud, hands clutching psalmbooks. But not you. You clutch a cellphone. Find me one in the hands of a matador!
"Puck." May I call you that? Tell me, Puckdo your veins pulse with blood? Come up here, then, and spill me a little. Spill some of mine if you can. I have your puberty in my fist. Don't you want it? No?
*hearty laugh*
*drinks*
I've only one question for the rest of you:
*stares out at crowd*
Have you nightcrawlers never looked into the eyes of womankind? Or can't you do it?
No, I don't imagine that any of you have charisma enough to woo the female sex, but if you ever impregnate a whore, the rats that crawl out of her backside will require some help. From you, they won't get any. From me, they just may.
That's why I'm here! The Wonderbook! It will morph your bastard pinkies into functioning humans. How, you ask, will it perform this shining miracle?
*appears onscreen: "Ernest Hemingway's Death in the Afternoon"*
With literature!
Literature is nothing like the shit you read today. You'll find no wizards in it. In literature, your children will learn to fear nature! They'll learn to smell blood!
My book will firm their handshake! My book will give them BALLS! When their wives ask a favor, they'll growl, "NO! I was conceived on a LUCKY DAYmy father was a miserable softie and I won't be the same! It was Hemingway! Hemingway taught me what it means to be a man! Do the job yourself, you bitch."
*blasts air through nose*
So I pleadif you MUST reproduce, and so roll the dice against posterity, then purchase the Wonderbook for the sake of our dying nation.
Then give that unlikely child a glass of cognac and sit him by the TV.
You can curl beside him in the fetal postion. Cover your eyes if you must. Just make sure that bastard pinkie finishes the book, and becomes more of a man than my new girlfriend, Puck.
*drinks*
Good night, and god help us.
*exits stage, drinking*
Jack Tretton: Wow, that was just great.
Godlike. Sony would forever be known as having the greatest E3 ever if this very speech happened.
Best conference fanfic ever A++
dr3upmushroom
Banned
Like this?
Hahahaha!!!! Thanks!
Would be awesome if it had the other him doing the ridiculous gyrations in the background.
Monocle
Member
That was impossibly great. Godlike post.
lwilliams3
Member
I believe this thread would be in the "fix-fic" catagory. Silly in fictional material, IMO..and a bit weird for real-life
Seriously, going by all the info Nintendo was willing to share in Nintendo Direct but not E3, it is safe to say that not having a full blow-out was a stategic move. Time to move on and accept that.
Edit: Lol @ Veganine's post
Perfect Cha0s
Member
I think what made this even more incredible is that I read Hemingway's lines in the SNL Sean Connery-Celebrity Jeopardy voice.
A little detective work and I found the OP's YouTube channel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0exXGfzivJ8
I know it's not the OP, but this is best thing I've seen. I cannot stop watching.
Looks like this is from the pre-E3 conference where Nintendo hyped up the WiiU by teasing miiverse and saying the E3 conference would be WiiU-only, meaning people were expecting a lot of games and info at E3. Part of the reason their main conference was so disappointing. I was hoping for at more info on Miiverse and their online plans, but I guess I should have known better. Plus there was the exciting reveal of Zombie being real and the possibility of Damaged WiiU Hardware being a launch game!
Heh, you know know what the main Nintendo conference reminds me of? "When are they going to get to the fireworks factory?!"
E3 was an overall disappointment to me. The game I was most looking forward to that I already knew about was LittleBigPlanet Karting on PS3 and Sony thought Blunder Book would be a better use of their time :/
Stuff like the OP of this thread is just insane, though. lol.
Fantastical
Death Prophet
EDIT: Oh, maybe we're not supposed to talk about this? :S
Pretty much this.
I do believe that Star Wars: Knights of The Old Republic Game(s) are the first to introduce Cinematic Dialogue Options
While dialogue choices is a very common element in Role Playing Games in the early 2000s, Bioware was the first one (to my knowledge) to imbue cinematic element in their dialogue system.
ok, thanks for the bump
Jimmyfenix
Member
It is all starting to make sense!
Napalm_Frank
Member
I remember this thread :lol
Brerlappin
Member
Jesus christ that OP. The insane levels of fandom people show for a piece of plastic boggles my fuckin mind. Think of all you could've done with the time it took to write that shit. Talk to a loved one. Exercise. Go for a drive. Watch a sunset. Have a really great wank. Anything actually worthwhile.
When in reality Jobs wouldve presented it as "Ladies and Gentlemen, iWii, $1299" *drops mic, exits stage*
When in reality Jobs wouldve presented it as "Ladies and Gentlemen, iWii, $1299" *drops mic, exits stage*
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