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How Steve Jobs would have presented Wii U at E3

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E

EatChildren

Currently polling second in Australia's federal election (first in the Gold Coast), this feral may one day be your Bogan King.
0019_79ow.gif
 
I

Island

Member
That's a lot of...... words

It seems really dedicated to write something like that. Maybe if it was a writing exercise I could see doing something similar, but as a general "funny" post it seems like a lot.

Edit: It's not meant to be funny?
 
V

Vinci

Danish
You have way, way, WAY too much time on your hands. That, or you don't sleep. In fact, both of those in tandem would explain this rather well.

For clarity: What you wrote is quite likely longer than any essay I have ever written - and I have a Writing degree and am in the middle of an MBA. Of course I'm a min-maxing sort of guy, but yeah...

Also, Steve wouldn't have talked this much.
 
F

Faber College

Banned
You would think this a dumb joke, but its actually 2000 words written well with eloquence and quite like how Steve Jobs would say it. Thats just...creepy. Holy tolito what is with you boy??
 
A

also

Banned
It’s five years ahead of anything on the market.
Click to expand...
Ugh, the whole speech is filled with so much arrogance and hyperbole I probably wouldn't have been able to sit through this hypothetical conference.

And we also want PC, x360 and PS3 owners to join us, and get a fresh gaming experience with Wii U. It is so different, it is certainly the best complementary console you could wish for.
Click to expand...
Props to the OP for so much dedication but I doubt Steve would have said this.
 
C

CambriaRising

Member
Vinci said:
You have way, way, WAY too much time on your hands. That, or you don't sleep. In fact, both of those in tandem would explain this rather well.

For clarity: What you wrote is quite likely longer than any essay I have ever written - and I have a Writing degree and am in the middle of an MBA. Of course I'm a min-maxing sort of guy, but yeah...

Also, Steve wouldn't have talked this much.
Click to expand...

....

Its the 2007 iPhone announcement with iPhone replaced with Wii U.
 
R

Riggs

Banned
Faber College said:
You would think this a dumb joke, but its actually 2000 words written well with eloquence and quite like how Steve Jobs would say it. Thats just.. creepy..holy tolito what is with you boy??
Click to expand...
Someone said this is jobs 2007 iPhone speech. OP just subbed out iPhone for Wii basically. Not sure though.
 
J

jetsetfluken

Member
SpacePirate Ridley said:
But theres like a really high number of naruto ones, and when I say really high I really mean it (like 70% of obvious sony fanboys). Theres a lot of other animes, even other same type ones like Bleach, that dont have the same amount of numbers. And the most interesting thing is that the ones with Naruto ones are the most transparent of them all, like being pretty stupid and saying Nintendo/Microsoft needs to die, and things in that style.
Click to expand...

I follow. Not quite a Naruto fan projecting, but look what I found. Take a gander at this:
http://psnprofiles.com/forums/topic/3078-well-its-not-looking-too-good-for-the-xbox-360/

...
 
N

Neiteio

Member
I read the first half and would like to read the rest later (pressed for time at the moment). But this is very interesting and well-done. The point of this thread is how Nintendo could have most effectively conveyed the appeal of their console, which is a valid point since many in the public (including major outlets like CNN) still don't understand what the WiiU is all about. But really, even if they had gone this route, presenting things as such, it wouldn't have taken the sting out of the real disappointment of the show, which was the absence of any core Nintendo franchises outside of the two games we already knew would be there (NSMBU and Pikmin 3 -- the Nintendo Land minigame collection, while cool, doesn't count).
 
V

v1oz

Member
I think this is great. It gets the message across far better than Nintendo did. There's nothing wrong with hyping up a product, Apple do it all the time. In fact Apple will announce a product as if it is something completely new and life changing - even if they have been similar products or technologies for years. iPod, iPhone or iPad anyone?

The problem with Wii U is that the marketing is bad. When they announced it, it wasn't very clear if it was a new controller or a new console -> if you're not a serious gamer, you just wouldn't know. And for families I think they failed to make a strong case for why you need a Wii U. If you already have a Wii, 3DS, PS3/360, PC/Laptop, Smartphones and iPads in the house hold. These devices all play games don't they? Nothing that was talked about at the Nintendo conference sounded convincing enough for someone that isn't an avid gamer or Nintendo fan.

No doubt that hardcore fans will pick one up at launch because of the games regardless of how it's marketed.


...
 
H

Hoo-doo

Banned
It's seems to be the transcript of the 2007 iPhone keynote, but with Nintendo sprinkled in between.

Link here @ [0:26:22]


Tobor said:
Jobs wouldn't be in the position to have to announce such a weak product. He would have killed it in R&D.
Click to expand...

Also this. the iPhone was a revolution.
 
D

djtiesto

is beloved, despite what anyone might say
I can't believe I read all that. This is hysterical, but I'd definitely be more interested in this nutty fanboy E3 conference fanfiction, at least something remotely entertaining came out of Nintendo's press conference this year.
 
Vigilant Walrus

Vigilant Walrus

Member
First of all: FUCK ALL OF YOU HATERS.
Stop hating. This is Neogaf. You are better than this hive mind bullshit. And "you dont get anything better to do" angle? REALLY? You are all on a video game forum. You're all time wasting timebags! It's time to stop pointing fingers... steve!

What the hell is wrong with you? I thought it was a great satirical piece. And I am not being condecending, or sarcastic. The OP brings out a good point. All the press conferences where really shitty at creating hype for their products.


Steve Jobs was really good at focusing on the positive things. He was good - like a politician at repeating the things. It was like every time he said the name of his product - Iphone, Macbook, Ipad. It all reinforced peoples "me too" thoughts. Studies have been shown that participants who witness the showing of a new apple product have increased brain activity in the same regions as someone who is having profound religious/spiritual thoughts. Does that make Steve Jobs a god? Possibly, but it also proves that Nintendo have lost their way of marketing themselves.
 
N

Nocturnowl

Member
DeaconKnowledge said:
Somebody do a WWE inspired E3 press conference.
Click to expand...
Foolishly i'm going to grant you your wish at the expense of my own sanity and pride.

JR: Boy do we have a great conference for you tonight folks, we are live at the E3 Arena, i'm joined by Jerry the King Lawler and Michael Cole here at stage side for what is sure to be monumental evening.
King: I don't know about you JR but i'm looking forward to those booth babes more than anything!
Cole: We kick off with the longest running company in the Games entertainment miiverse™ as Nintendo takes the stage.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYe4YpgHI7k

JR: And here we go with the president Iwata.
King: I'm getting goosebumps JR, just think of all the massive new games to be announced!
Iwata: It's all about the money! which is why instead of bringing you new upcoming stars in new franchises I'm going to give the masses what they want which is why we have not one, not two but three main event Mario titles to show you tonight!
*cue mixed reaction from the audience, cheers from kids and casuals, boos from the "hardcore"*
Cole: OH LISTEN TO THAT OVATION FOR MORE MARIO, NOTHING BUT CHEERS! VINTAGE NINTENDO!
Iwata: I will now pass things over the Mister Miyamoto, and let me just say to Miyamoto if you don't present EXACTLY what I told you to YOU'RE FIRED!
JR: BAH GAWD HIS CAREER IS ON THE LINE KING! THIS IS SICK!
Cole: How will Miyamaoto handle his presentation? find out after the break and numerous recaps of what just happened.

*Break*

JR: And we are back folks returning with shocking news, Miyamoto will be fired if he doesn't adhere to Iwata's mystery demands.
King: Well i'm sure it's still something history making, speaking of which here comes the money Miyamoto.
Miyamoto: Today I came to talk to you about Pikm-
MY BODY IS READY
JR: Business has just picked up, it's Reggie!
Cole: Miyamoto didn't even have time to announce his product, speaking of which lets take out the time now to shill advertising, GAF Gold, for the premium Gaf experience you gotta go Gold!
King: I just want to know what the game was!
Reggie: You know Mister Miyamoto, you no longer understand THIS BUSINESS, be a man and announce the real product, the product that the people want!
*Miyamoto looks as if he's having an inner crisis*
Reggie: ANNOUNCE THE GAME NOW OR YOU'RE FIRED!
Miyamoto: NO! I'm not taking orders from you or Iwata, the new game is Pikmi-
*Reggie hits Miyamoto with a Wii U gamepad from behind*
JR: GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY! this is heinous! that cowardly Reggie, I thought I knew him, I thought he was one of the good guys but he's not the man I thought he was, that no good SOB
Cole: what a nerd that Miyamoto is, about time he got his attitude adjusted.
Reggie: I'll just take matters into my own hands, the new game is Nintendo Land! It's all you need and all you deserve!
*Massive boos from E3 Audience*
JR: AWWW DAMMIT! This was a setup all along, they'll be hell to pay next week!
Cole: What are you talking about? this is great, this is just what all these idiots need to understand the greatness of this company.

And then Wrasslegaf commence the weekly venting, or maybe marking out over Reggie's heel turn. Ignore the fact Pikmin 3 was actually announced, i'm creating riveting high drama here.
 
T

Tobor

Member
v1oz said:
Didn't he announce mobileme? What about the G4 Cube and eMac, those were all weak sauce!
Click to expand...

True, but none of those were flagship products. Besides, your examples were at least good concepts, they just failed in execution.
 
Fonz72

Fonz72

Member
If the Wii U was an Apple product; Steve would have announced it like this "I hope everyone got your Kool-aid on the way in. So here we go. it's a smaller, slightly more powerful console than the last one we made. Now it comes in more colors (or just silver) It has touch controls, is made out of aluminum and costs alot.......BUY IT OR LOSE YOUR STATUS AS TRENDY FOREVER!"
 
D

DeaconKnowledge

Member
Nocturnowl said:
Foolishly i'm going to grant you your wish at the expense of my own sanity and pride.

JR: Boy do we have a great conference for you tonight folks, we are live at the E3 Arena, i'm joined by Jerry the King Lawler and Michael Cole here at stage side for what is sure to be monumental evening.
King: I don't know about you JR but i'm looking forward to those booth babes more than anything!
Cole: We kick off with the longest running company in the Games entertainment miiverse™ as Nintendo takes the stage.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYe4YpgHI7k

JR: And here we go with the president Iwata.
King: I'm getting goosebumps JR, just think of all the massive new games to be announced!
Iwata: It's all about the money! which is why instead of bringing you new upcoming stars in new franchises I'm going to give the masses what they want which is why we have not one, not two but three main event Mario titles to show you tonight!
*cue mixed reaction from the audience, cheers from kids and casuals, boos from the "hardcore"*
Cole: OH LISTEN TO THAT OVATION FOR MORE MARIO, NOTHING BUT CHEERS! VINTAGE NINTENDO!
Iwata: I will now pass things over the Mister Miyamoto, and let me just say to Miyamoto if you don't present EXACTLY what I told you to YOU'RE FIRED!
JR: BAH GAWD HIS CAREER IS ON THE LINE KING! THIS IS SICK!
Cole: How will Miyamaoto handle his presentation? find out after the break and numerous recaps of what just happened.

*Break*

JR: And we are back folks returning with shocking news, Miyamoto will be fired if he doesn't adhere to Iwata's mystery demands.
King: Well i'm sure it's still something history making, speaking of which here comes the money Miyamoto.
Miyamoto: Today I came to talk to you about Pikm-
MY BODY IS READY
JR: Business has just picked up, it's Reggie!
Cole: Miyamoto didn't even have time to announce his product, speaking of which lets take out the time now to shill advertising, GAF Gold, for the premium Gaf experience you gotta go Gold!
King: I just want to know what the game was!
Reggie: You know Mister Miyamoto, you no longer understand THIS BUSINESS, be a man and announce the real product, the product that the people want!
*Miyamoto looks as if he's having an inner crisis*
Reggie: ANNOUNCE THE GAME NOW OR YOU'RE FIRED!
Miyamoto: NO! I'm not taking orders from you or Iwata, the new game is Pikmi-
*Reggie hits Miyamoto with a Wii U gamepad from behind*
JR: GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY! this is heinous! that cowardly Reggie, I thought I knew him, I thought he was one of the good guys but he's not the man I thought he was, that no good SOB
Cole: what a nerd that Miyamoto is, about time he got his attitude adjusted.
Reggie: I'll just take matters into my own hands, the new game is Nintendo Land! It's all you need and all you deserve!
*Massive boos from E3 Audience*
JR: AWWW DAMMIT! This was a setup all along, they'll be hell to pay next week!
Cole: What are you talking about? this is great, this is just what all these idiots need to understand the greatness of this company.

And then Wrasslegaf commence the weekly venting, or maybe marking out over Reggie's heel turn. Ignore the fact Pikmin 3 was actually announced, i'm creating riveting high drama here.
Click to expand...

You made my morning. Thank you good sir.
 
T

Tricky I Shadow

Banned
Vigilant Walrus said:
First of all: FUCK ALL OF YOU HATERS.
Stop hating. This is Neogaf. You are better than this hive mind bullshit. And "you dont get anything better to do" angle? REALLY? You are all on a video game forum. You're all time wasting timebags! It's time to stop pointing fingers... steve!

What the hell is wrong with you? I thought it was a great satirical piece. And I am not being condecending, or sarcastic. The OP brings out a good point. All the press conferences where really shitty at creating hype for their products.


Steve Jobs was really good at focusing on the positive things. He was good - like a politician at repeating the things. It was like every time he said the name of his product - Iphone, Macbook, Ipad. It all reinforced peoples "me too" thoughts. Studies have been shown that participants who witness the showing of a new apple product have increased brain activity in the same regions as someone who is having profound religious/spiritual thoughts. Does that make Steve Jobs a god? Possibly, but it also proves that Nintendo have lost their way of marketing themselves.
Click to expand...

2nf4F.gif
 
Oppo

Oppo

Member
ok now so someone reverse this and give us a transcript of how Reggie would have presented the iPhone. lol..
 
R

Region-FreeWii

Member
Holy crap, after reading the title I thought the OP would just be a youtube link to a crappy production parody video. Boyyyyy was i wrong. LOL. A sea of text spread across two posts. Who'da thunk it?
 
R

Revenant

Member
This thread is just a dumb idea.Adding Steve Jobs to something does not magically make things better


Nocturnowl said:
Foolishly i'm going to grant you your wish at the expense of my own sanity and pride.

JR: Boy do we have a great conference for you tonight folks, we are live at the E3 Arena, i'm joined by Jerry the King Lawler and Michael Cole here at stage side for what is sure to be monumental evening.
King: I don't know about you JR but i'm looking forward to those booth babes more than anything!
Cole: We kick off with the longest running company in the Games entertainment miiverse™ as Nintendo takes the stage.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYe4YpgHI7k

JR: And here we go with the president Iwata.
King: I'm getting goosebumps JR, just think of all the massive new games to be announced!
Iwata: It's all about the money! which is why instead of bringing you new upcoming stars in new franchises I'm going to give the masses what they want which is why we have not one, not two but three main event Mario titles to show you tonight!
*cue mixed reaction from the audience, cheers from kids and casuals, boos from the "hardcore"*
Cole: OH LISTEN TO THAT OVATION FOR MORE MARIO, NOTHING BUT CHEERS! VINTAGE NINTENDO!
Iwata: I will now pass things over the Mister Miyamoto, and let me just say to Miyamoto if you don't present EXACTLY what I told you to YOU'RE FIRED!
JR: BAH GAWD HIS CAREER IS ON THE LINE KING! THIS IS SICK!
Cole: How will Miyamaoto handle his presentation? find out after the break and numerous recaps of what just happened.

*Break*

JR: And we are back folks returning with shocking news, Miyamoto will be fired if he doesn't adhere to Iwata's mystery demands.
King: Well i'm sure it's still something history making, speaking of which here comes the money Miyamoto.
Miyamoto: Today I came to talk to you about Pikm-
MY BODY IS READY
JR: Business has just picked up, it's Reggie!
Cole: Miyamoto didn't even have time to announce his product, speaking of which lets take out the time now to shill advertising, GAF Gold, for the premium Gaf experience you gotta go Gold!
King: I just want to know what the game was!
Reggie: You know Mister Miyamoto, you no longer understand THIS BUSINESS, be a man and announce the real product, the product that the people want!
*Miyamoto looks as if he's having an inner crisis*
Reggie: ANNOUNCE THE GAME NOW OR YOU'RE FIRED!
Miyamoto: NO! I'm not taking orders from you or Iwata, the new game is Pikmi-
*Reggie hits Miyamoto with a Wii U gamepad from behind*
JR: GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY! this is heinous! that cowardly Reggie, I thought I knew him, I thought he was one of the good guys but he's not the man I thought he was, that no good SOB
Cole: what a nerd that Miyamoto is, about time he got his attitude adjusted.
Reggie: I'll just take matters into my own hands, the new game is Nintendo Land! It's all you need and all you deserve!
*Massive boos from E3 Audience*
JR: AWWW DAMMIT! This was a setup all along, they'll be hell to pay next week!
Cole: What are you talking about? this is great, this is just what all these idiots need to understand the greatness of this company.

And then Wrasslegaf commence the weekly venting, or maybe marking out over Reggie's heel turn. Ignore the fact Pikmin 3 was actually announced, i'm creating riveting high drama here.
Click to expand...


This however redeemed the whole thing. Awesome stuff.
 
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