astroturfing
Member
i'm laying here in my bed crying my eyes out, waiting for my wonderful gf to come home so i can tell her we have no money anymore and have to move out from this nice place we finally moved into a year ago (after a 10 year long distance relationship!). she's studying hard to become a dental technician and we've been living mostly on my 1400e a month salary (surprisingly doable). but now i'll be broke and we'll have nothing.
i've been working in a university hospital for the last 4 years, transporting patients, a job i really really liked (patients are mostly elderly who are super awesome, and my co-workers as well). i had a long emotional talk with my boss who is actually on my side and told me i've done nothing wrong, it's just that her higher ups have decided to replace me with someone else.. a good friend actually so i'm not bitter towards him, he deserves it. but what pisses me off is that many others who have been there for much less time and who i've actually trained, get to stay.. i just don't fucking get it :/
my life's been a total mess, i'm 34 now and i failed uni 3 times (motivation problems, chronic pain making it hard to concentrate and learn), haven't had many steady jobs even though i've never really gotten complaints (in fact i was just rewarded for exemplary customer service at the hospital).
a year and a half ago i also almost died at the hospital i work in (so nuts), got a horrible case of sepsis and spent 11 days in the ICU hooked up to a ventilator having never ending nightmarish hallucinations and thinking/hoping i was going to die, at least 6-7 times when i closed my eyes i thought i'd drift off and never exist again. i've only recently started to recover mentally from that, and now this shit.. losing my small livelihood that 2 people depended on, without warning.
fuck these tears keep coming.. i also have to phone my mom and dad and tell them i'm screwed, and my dad just turned 70 and i'm supposed to go the birthday party in a week or two, i can't handle it.. i will ruin it by being a depressed hopeless broken little man. i know my mom will take it really badly, i really don't want to tell her, she has been so happy for me these past years, because i was finally able to land a steady job i was good at and enjoyed.. she's very empathic and she'll be crushed.
thanks for listening GAF, i think my gf will be home soon.. i hope she doesnt get as depressed as i am, she doesnt deserve it. she has already put up with me through my many failures in life.
i'm just so tired now, i hate to be this negative but i don't know what to do anymore. soon i can't pay the rent or food or anything. it's too crushing. please, i need some encouraging words :/
i've been working in a university hospital for the last 4 years, transporting patients, a job i really really liked (patients are mostly elderly who are super awesome, and my co-workers as well). i had a long emotional talk with my boss who is actually on my side and told me i've done nothing wrong, it's just that her higher ups have decided to replace me with someone else.. a good friend actually so i'm not bitter towards him, he deserves it. but what pisses me off is that many others who have been there for much less time and who i've actually trained, get to stay.. i just don't fucking get it :/
my life's been a total mess, i'm 34 now and i failed uni 3 times (motivation problems, chronic pain making it hard to concentrate and learn), haven't had many steady jobs even though i've never really gotten complaints (in fact i was just rewarded for exemplary customer service at the hospital).
a year and a half ago i also almost died at the hospital i work in (so nuts), got a horrible case of sepsis and spent 11 days in the ICU hooked up to a ventilator having never ending nightmarish hallucinations and thinking/hoping i was going to die, at least 6-7 times when i closed my eyes i thought i'd drift off and never exist again. i've only recently started to recover mentally from that, and now this shit.. losing my small livelihood that 2 people depended on, without warning.
fuck these tears keep coming.. i also have to phone my mom and dad and tell them i'm screwed, and my dad just turned 70 and i'm supposed to go the birthday party in a week or two, i can't handle it.. i will ruin it by being a depressed hopeless broken little man. i know my mom will take it really badly, i really don't want to tell her, she has been so happy for me these past years, because i was finally able to land a steady job i was good at and enjoyed.. she's very empathic and she'll be crushed.
thanks for listening GAF, i think my gf will be home soon.. i hope she doesnt get as depressed as i am, she doesnt deserve it. she has already put up with me through my many failures in life.
i'm just so tired now, i hate to be this negative but i don't know what to do anymore. soon i can't pay the rent or food or anything. it's too crushing. please, i need some encouraging words :/