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If Ayn Rand had written Harry Potter

A

Altazor

Member
Veelk said:
“Cho Chang,” Harry called from across the hallway, and quickly closed the distance between them, like some sort of sexually compelling locomotive. “The Yule Ball is tomorrow. I wish to acquire you for it. Say yes, now, with your mouth, before I cruelly crush it against my own, like some sort of sexual flower.”
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the bolded. I'm dead.
 
F

Faddy

Banned
Doesn't all this stuff happen in JK Rowling's Harry Potter?

Harry gets to go to Wizard school because his rich parents left him a huge inheritance in his vault.

Then his rich godfather buys Harry the best broom in the world and then Malfoy's rich dad buys all the slitherins an even better broom
 
V

Veelk

Banned
“Harry,” Hermione called out breathlessly, scurrying to catch up with him, only no one could ever catch up with him, for he walked alone, “I got you a Christmas present. Happy — Happy Christmas, Harry.”

It was a sweater she had knitted herself with the answer to every exam they’d be taking for the rest of the year magically and invisibly sewn into the fabric. Harry tossed it in his book bag.

“I got you a present too,” Harry said. Hermione’s smile widened.

“Really?”

“My present is the truth,” he said. “You don’t look very good in green. I don’t know why you’re always wearing it.”

--

“If you want to know what a man’s like,” Dumbledore said, “take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.”

Harry leaned back in his chair. “No man is my equal.”

“Harry,” Dumbledore said sadly, “you must not compare others so harshly against yourself. It is our duty to those weaker than ourselves to–”

“I don’t make comparisons. I never think of myself in relation to anyone else. I just refuse to measure myself as part of anything.”

“Harry–”

“You preach selflessness,” Harry said, “but what you really mean is slavery to the collective.” And with that, Harry awarded himself six O.W.L.s — which was his right as an individual — and Disapparated to Hogsmeade.

“The drinking age is fundamentally oppressive,” he explained to Madame Rosmerta. “Under a truly federalist system, youthful drinking is rightly governed by the laws of common sense and natural consequences. One fire-whiskey, please.”
 
F

Fj0823

Member
Faddy said:
Doesn't all this stuff happen in JK Rowling's Harry Potter?

Harry gets to go to Wizard school because his rich parents left him a huge inheritance in his vault.

Then his rich godfather buys Harry the best broom in the world and then Malfoy's rich dad buys all the slitherins an even better broom
Click to expand...

Not really, he gets in for being a wizard not for being rich. Harry's not exactly filthy rich, he mentions several times in the books that he has to save his inheritance money.

But he does get the best Broom from his godfather.
 
Trojita

Trojita

Rapid Response Threadmaker
“You preach selflessness,” Harry said, “but what you really mean is slavery to the collective.” And with that, Harry awarded himself six O.W.L.s — which was his right as an individual — and Disapparated to Hogsmeade.
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omg
 
B

B-Dubs

No Scrubs
Faddy said:
Doesn't all this stuff happen in JK Rowling's Harry Potter?

Harry gets to go to Wizard school because his rich parents left him a huge inheritance in his vault.

Then his rich godfather buys Harry the best broom in the world and then Malfoy's rich dad buys all the slitherins an even better broom
Click to expand...

He's got enough cash for school, as well as a bit of spending money, and that's about it. Hell, she could well have just given him a scholarship and gone that route.
 
A

Altazor

Member
“Harry,” Hermione called out breathlessly, scurrying to catch up with him, only no one could ever catch up with him, for he walked alone, “I got you a Christmas present. Happy — Happy Christmas, Harry.”

It was a sweater she had knitted herself with the answer to every exam they’d be taking for the rest of the year magically and invisibly sewn into the fabric. Harry tossed it in his book bag.

“I got you a present too,” Harry said. Hermione’s smile widened.

“Really?”

“My present is the truth,” he said. “You don’t look very good in green. I don’t know why you’re always wearing it.”
Click to expand...

I gotta start using "my present is the truth" more often, LMAO
 
S

SpaceWolf

Banned
This reminds me of that thread where some people started writing Harry Potter fan fiction over how beleaguered the actor for Harry looked in publicity photos for Cursed Child.
 
D

Dyle

Member
Fj0823 said:
Lord Voldemort
Click to expand...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Galt

Suddenly he heard them: Marxists.

“No,” he whispered, sinking to his knees. When they get near you, he remembered Lupin saying, you will be left with only the worst memories of your life.

“Only together, collectively, can we achieve anything of lasting significance,” he heard one of them say. Harry moaned in pain.

“The fortunate owe it to society to contribute to those who cannot work,” another chanted. Harry closed his eyes and collapsed.

“A strong central government –” began a third. This was too much for Harry. He rose painfully to his knees and screamed —

“EXPECTO PATRONUM!”

A shining white dollar flew out of his wand. “I AM THE STRONGEST FORCE THERE IS,” it shouted. “I AM AN OBJECTIVE MEASUREMENT OF THE GOOD. I CANNOT BE DIMINISHED OR COMPROMISED.”

The Dementors scattered.

“Our worldview is corrupt and ineffective,” one of them shouted as it scurried away into the night.

Harry’s Patronum lazily floated back to him and rested on the tip of his wand.

“I’m going to spend you,” he said to it. And he did.
Click to expand...
 
S

Skel1ingt0n

I can't *believe* these lazy developers keep making file sizes so damn large. Btw, how does technology work?
This is absolutely perfect, and I say that as someone who actually enjoys Rand's writings.
 
U

Unknown Soldier

Member
Is this actually better than the real ending

NINETEEN YEARS LATER

“I’m taking the children down the Platform 9 3/4s to see them off to school,” Ginny said to Harry. “Want to come?”

“I build trains,” Harry said, adjusting his hat so that the brim sat low over one eye, “I don’t watch children board them.”

Ginny respected him for it.
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O

Oblivion

Fetishing muscular manly men in skintight hosery
Hermione ached with desire for the both of them to master her, but nobody paid her any attention. They had empires to build.
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I knew this seemed familiar!
 
V

Veelk

Banned
HERE LIES DOBBY, the stone read, A FREE ELF.

Underneath, in slightly smaller letters, it continued: What is the basic, the essential, the crucial principle that differentiates freedom from slavery? It is the principle of voluntary action versus physical coercion or compulsion. Freedom, in a political context, has only one meaning: the absence of physical coercion. It does not mean freedom from the landlord, or freedom from the employer, or freedom from the laws of nature which do not provide men with automatic prosperity. It means freedom from the coercive power of the state—and nothing else. If one upholds freedom, one must uphold man's individual rights; if one upholds man's individual rights, one must uphold his right to his own life, to his own liberty, to the pursuit of his own happiness—which means: one must uphold a political system that guarantees and protects these rights—which means: the politico-economic system of capitalism. Intellectual freedom cannot exist without political freedom; political freedom cannot exist without economic freedom; a free mind and a free market are corollaries. Since knowledge, thinking, and rational action are properties of the individual, since the choice to exercise his rational faculty or not depends on the individual, man's survival requires that those who think be free of the interference of those who don't. Since men are neither omniscient nor infallible, they must be free to agree or disagree, to cooperate or to pursue their own independent course, each according to his own rational judgment. Freedom is the fundamental requirement of man's mind. A rational mind does not work under compulsion; it does not subordinate its grasp of reality to anyone's orders, directives, or controls; it does not sacrifice its knowledge, its view of the truth, to anyone's opinions, threats, wishes, plans, or ”welfare." Such a mind may be hampered by others, it may be silenced, proscribed, imprisoned, or destroyed; it cannot be forced; a wand is not an argument. It is from the work and the inviolate integrity of such minds—from the intransigent innovators—that all of mankind's knowledge and achievements have come. It is to such minds that mankind owes its survival.

The gravestone was seven and a half feet tall.
 
A

Altazor

Member
Umbridge — whose face resembled nothing more than a surprised toad — quickly trundled Harry off to her office on the third floor, which was full of chintz and floral wallpaper and was absolutely nothing like being on a train. It was like some sort of woman’s room. But not the good kind of woman, the kind who wrapped her naked shoulder in steel and cool black fabric and the kind of sensuality only success in the world of business can bring. The other kind.

“That was unwise, boy,” she hissed, thrusting a quill into his hand. “You will write ‘I will not tell lies’ a hundred times with this until it is etched permanently onto your skin.”

Harry looked coolly at her, like if an iceberg were to make eye contact with you and remain unimpressed. He lifted the quill as if to begin, then immediately chopped off his own hand with it.

Professor Umbridge screamed as the hand continued to draft architectural designs for several minutes on the floor.

Harry wrapped his wrist and placed it efficiently behind his back before making her a low bow. “There is the hand, Professor,” he said, inclining his head wryly to the floor. “You make ask it to do whatever you wish. I remain free.”

Professor Umbridge called out in a quavering voice after Harry’s retreating figure. “Potter — Harry — sir –”

He turned and looked at her.

“Tell me about this freedom,” she said haltingly. “The freedom of the individual.”

Harry’s lips curved into a smile the way a prow curves into the lines of a mighty ship.

“No,” he said, and walked away.
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man I love ObjectivistHarry's obssession with trains and architecture 😆😆😆
 
A

Aikidoka

Member
Veelk said:
”
”Harry–"

”You preach selflessness," Harry said, ”but what you really mean is slavery to the collective." And with that, Harry awarded himself six O.W.L.s — which was his right as an individual — and Disapparated to Hogsmeade.

”The drinking age is fundamentally oppressive," he explained to Madame Rosmerta. ”Under a truly federalist system, youthful drinking is rightly governed by the laws of common sense and natural consequences. One fire-whiskey, please."
Click to expand...

I like that this is a recurring theme:
”Kill the spare," whispered a hazy voice out of the darkness, and Harry heard ”AVADA KEDAVRA," and he saw a flash of green light, and Cedric was dead.

”A pity," Harry said. ”He would have made quite a fine architect, had he lived."

”Quiet, boy!" Voldemort hissed. ”I have you now." He turned to face his followers, who were not being recompensed financially according to their service, which was ridiculous. ”You know of course, that they have called this boy my downfall? You all know that on the night I lost my powers and my body, I tried to kill him. His mother died in the attempt to save him — and unwittingly provided him with a protection I admit I had not foreseen... I could not touch the boy. His mother left upon him the traces of her sacrifice... This is old magic, I should have remembered it, I was foolish to overlook it... but no matter. I can touch him now."

Harry laughed.

”How dare you laugh at your death, you impertinent boy," Voldemort snarled.

”My mother's death was unnecessary," Harry said. ”It is not because she refused to honor her own life that you cannot touch me. It is because I have self-respect."

”Impossible!" Voldemort cried. He shot all sorts of magic at Harry, but it didn't work.

”Self-respect is something that can't be killed. The worst thing is to kill a man's pretense at it." Harry turned to Voldemort's followers. ”You are fools — mediocre fools — because you work not for money but for the approval of others, for the approval of another man."

”And what of that man?" Voldemort asked dangerously. ”What do you think of me, Potter?"

”But I don't think of you," Harry said. He Disapparated back to Hogsmeade. ”I only think about trains."

He ordered another fire-whiskey and thought about trains.
Click to expand...

edit: just all of a Prisoner of Azkaban is the best.
 
A

Altazor

Member
“I cared about you too much,” said Dumbledore simply. “I cared more for your happiness than your knowing the truth, more for your peace of mind than my plan, more for your life than the lives that might be lost if the plan failed. In other words, I acted exactly as Voldemort expects we fools who love to act.”

“I do see the flaw,” Harry said. “How embarrassing for you.” He rose to leave. “My only loyalty is to the truth, which is the highest form of good, and expresses itself in the form of money.”

“Wait,” Dumbledore called out after him. “There is a room in the Department Of Mysteries that is kept locked at all times. It contains a force that is at once more wonderful and more terrible than death, than human intelligence, than the forces of nature. It is also, perhaps, the most mysterious of many subjects for study that reside there.”

“The only room I care about,” Harry replied, “is the one with all the money in it.”

“Do you mean the bank?” Dumbledore asked.

Harry waved his stump about impatiently. “It has many names. I call it the Freedom Room.”
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THE FREEDOM ROOM
 
C

Catvoca

Banned
Aikidoka said:
I like that this is a recurring theme:


edit: just all of a Prisoner of Azkaban is the best.
Click to expand...
He ordered another fire-whiskey and thought about trains.
Click to expand...
Wg1Re_s-200x150.gif
 
T

typist

Member
M

Mael

Member
Holy hell this is REALLY REALLY good!
”I've always been unpopular in school and it didn't bother me," Hermione explained, ”but now I've discovered the reason. It's an impossible kind of reason. They dislike me, not because I do things badly, but because I do them well. They dislike me because I've always had the best grades in class. I don't even have to study. I always get top marks. Do you suppose I should try to get poor marks for a change and become the most popular girl in school?"

”Never let the failure of others induce you to achieve less," Harry said.

”Agreed," Hermione said, her eyes flashing like diamonds, which she was also wearing. ”As equals, I suggest we maximize our achievement by making out now."

Before Harry could answer, Cho Chang entered the room. ”Harry!" she cried. ”I wish to offer myself to you in recognition of your victory in today's Quidditch match."

”Frankly, I would like to make out with both of you," Harry said. ”I believe it would be efficient, and would also maximize my enjoyment."

Hermione frowned.

”Never get angry with a man for speaking the truth," Harry reminded her.

Hermione smiled.

”Believing in yourself is a sort of prayer," Harry said. ”Hermione, you may make out with me first."
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WTF

Cho Chang took notes with an adoring pen. It was natural for her to venerate Harry, as it is natural for all true women to venerate great men; the uterus makes a natural storage space for admiration.
Click to expand...
 
T

The Technomancer

card-carrying scientician
“A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others,” Harry said from a davenport in the corner, half lying, sprawled limply like a kitten. It had often astonished Lockhart; he had seen Potter moving with the soundless tension, the control, the precision of a cat; he had seen him relaxed, like a cat, in shapeless ease, as if his body held no single solid bone.

“People think that a liar gains a victory over his victim,” Harry continued. “What I’ve learned is that a lie is an act of self-abdication, because one surrenders one’s reality to the person to whom one lies, making that person one’s master, condemning oneself from then on to faking the sort of reality that person’s view requires to be faked…The man who lies to the world, is the world’s slave from then on. There are no white lies, there is only the blackest of destruction, and a white lie is the blackest of all.”

“I…” Gilderoy began.

“You have no I,” Harry said abruptly, and rose to leave. “You barely exist.”
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Fucking dead
 
N

Nivash

Member
Xe4 said:
Holy shit, Ayn Rand is fucking insane.
Click to expand...

Rand had... issues.

http://nymag.com/arts/books/features/60120/index1.html

Choice quote:

"It’s hard not to suspect, based on many of these childhood anecdotes, that Rand suffered from some kind of undiagnosed personality disorder. Once, when a teacher asked her to write an essay about the joys of childhood, she wrote a diatribe condemning childhood as a cognitive wasteland—a joyless limbo in which adult rationality had yet to fully develop. (It was possibly a good thing that she never had children.)"
 
N

Netherscourge

Banned
Veelk said:
HERE LIES DOBBY, the stone read, A FREE ELF.

Underneath, in slightly smaller letters, it continued: What is the basic, the essential, the crucial principle that differentiates freedom from slavery? It is the principle of voluntary action versus physical coercion or compulsion. Freedom, in a political context, has only one meaning: the absence of physical coercion. It does not mean freedom from the landlord, or freedom from the employer, or freedom from the laws of nature which do not provide men with automatic prosperity. It means freedom from the coercive power of the state—and nothing else. If one upholds freedom, one must uphold man’s individual rights; if one upholds man’s individual rights, one must uphold his right to his own life, to his own liberty, to the pursuit of his own happiness—which means: one must uphold a political system that guarantees and protects these rights—which means: the politico-economic system of capitalism. Intellectual freedom cannot exist without political freedom; political freedom cannot exist without economic freedom; a free mind and a free market are corollaries. Since knowledge, thinking, and rational action are properties of the individual, since the choice to exercise his rational faculty or not depends on the individual, man’s survival requires that those who think be free of the interference of those who don’t. Since men are neither omniscient nor infallible, they must be free to agree or disagree, to cooperate or to pursue their own independent course, each according to his own rational judgment. Freedom is the fundamental requirement of man’s mind. A rational mind does not work under compulsion; it does not subordinate its grasp of reality to anyone’s orders, directives, or controls; it does not sacrifice its knowledge, its view of the truth, to anyone’s opinions, threats, wishes, plans, or “welfare.” Such a mind may be hampered by others, it may be silenced, proscribed, imprisoned, or destroyed; it cannot be forced; a wand is not an argument. It is from the work and the inviolate integrity of such minds—from the intransigent innovators—that all of mankind’s knowledge and achievements have come. It is to such minds that mankind owes its survival.

The gravestone was seven and a half feet tall.
Click to expand...


choofed.gif
 
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