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[Fj0823]

This got me thinking, I would totally play Bioshock:Hogwarts

 

[Zeyphersan]

I love literally everything about this

 

[Altazor]

This got me thinking, I would totally play Bioshock:Hogwarts

"A WAND IS NOT AN ARGUMENT"

 

[SoulUnison]

”Something worth fighting for," Harry said. ”A commitment to individualism, a rigorous methodology, and a comprehensive philosophical framework that provides a realistic alternative to emotionalism and the nanny state."

Behind him, Cho Chang took notes. ”I'm so glad my old boyfriend is dead," she said, ”so that I have time to write all this down."

Harry said nothing.

Savage.

 

[iamblades]

Rand had... issues.

http://nymag.com/arts/books/features/60120/index1.html

Choice quote:

"It's hard not to suspect, based on many of these childhood anecdotes, that Rand suffered from some kind of undiagnosed personality disorder. Once, when a teacher asked her to write an essay about the joys of childhood, she wrote a diatribe condemning childhood as a cognitive wasteland—a joyless limbo in which adult rationality had yet to fully develop. (It was possibly a good thing that she never had children.)"

She had her childhood basically stolen by the Bolsheviks. She went from a comfortable middle class lifestyle to to living in a soviet slum when her father's business was confiscated by the state. She was kicked out of university for having a bourgeois background and had to flee her homeland, then she arrived in Manhattan in the middle of the roaring 20s.

If people honestly can't understand how she turned out the way she did and have some sympathy, they really don't understand people.

Her work is basically soviet style agitprop for capitalism. Not my taste, but it's better than actual soviet agitprop at least. Not a fan of her philosophy because I don't really like idealism in general. There is no one romantic ideal that all people should be striving towards. The ideal is that everyone should be free to choose whatever way of life they want to live.

 

[AuthenticM]

this is hilarious

 

[Quonny]

im fukin dying

 

[aadiboy]

Has Rowling reacted to this yet?

 

[The Adder]

Isn't Harry the opposite of a self made man. He inherited his Wealth and his fame comes from an event he had no direct control over. But I guess that's the joke

Yep. As someone else said, in Rand's Potter, Voldemort wins.

 

[Dubbedinenglish]

HERE LIES DOBBY, the stone read, A FREE ELF.

Underneath, in slightly smaller letters, it continued: What is the basic, the essential, the crucial principle that differentiates freedom from slavery? It is the principle of voluntary action versus physical coercion or compulsion. Freedom, in a political context, has only one meaning: the absence of physical coercion. It does not mean freedom from the landlord, or freedom from the employer, or freedom from the laws of nature which do not provide men with automatic prosperity. It means freedom from the coercive power of the state—and nothing else. If one upholds freedom, one must uphold man’s individual rights; if one upholds man’s individual rights, one must uphold his right to his own life, to his own liberty, to the pursuit of his own happiness—which means: one must uphold a political system that guarantees and protects these rights—which means: the politico-economic system of capitalism. Intellectual freedom cannot exist without political freedom; political freedom cannot exist without economic freedom; a free mind and a free market are corollaries. Since knowledge, thinking, and rational action are properties of the individual, since the choice to exercise his rational faculty or not depends on the individual, man’s survival requires that those who think be free of the interference of those who don’t. Since men are neither omniscient nor infallible, they must be free to agree or disagree, to cooperate or to pursue their own independent course, each according to his own rational judgment. Freedom is the fundamental requirement of man’s mind. A rational mind does not work under compulsion; it does not subordinate its grasp of reality to anyone’s orders, directives, or controls; it does not sacrifice its knowledge, its view of the truth, to anyone’s opinions, threats, wishes, plans, or “welfare.” Such a mind may be hampered by others, it may be silenced, proscribed, imprisoned, or destroyed; it cannot be forced; a wand is not an argument. It is from the work and the inviolate integrity of such minds—from the intransigent innovators—that all of mankind’s knowledge and achievements have come. It is to such minds that mankind owes its survival.

The gravestone was seven and a half feet tall.

I can't

 

[A-V-B]

This is one of the most amazing things I've ever seen.

 

[TetraGenesis]

Goddamn, this shit is impeccable.

I am a Libertarian and I died laughing. Thankfully I'm working from home today and nobody had to witness me laughing like a hyena.

I hope the satire reaches you.

EDIT: Man, I'm reading a lot more of that author's stuff -- she's excellent. Super clever and funny.

 

[.JayZii]

This is hilarious. Sometimes these crossover concepts hit the perfect note.

 

[reKon]

These are all amazing

 

[old]

Ayn Rand would have supported Voldamort using muggles has slave labor.

You can't hold back the achievers with useless things like human rights!

 

[Atraveller]

Everything about this is incredible.

 

[BLU-82]

There is a whole series of these for other books too:

http://the-toast.net/series/ayn-rand-rewrites/

 

[FinaruDensetsu]

In addition to what everyone else already said, the site in the OP has an article containing a letter Ayn Rand wrote to her (teenage) niece that asked to borrow $25 dollars. http://the-toast.net/2015/01/12/actual-letter-ayn-rand-wrote-little-girl/

Well at least she didn't charge her interest haha

 

[Stinkles]

I am a Libertarian and I died laughing. Thankfully I'm working from home today and nobody had to witness me laughing like a hyena.

Nobody COULD witness your laughter with a semblance of adequate understanding.

 

[Geist-]

”Kiss me, you fool," Hermione cried.

Harry did, efficiently. ”You don't have to applaud," he said. ”I don't expect it."

Holy shit, hahaha.

http://i.imgur.com/ue1FlGQ.gif[img][/quote]
[IMG]https://i.imgur.com/72hxSle.gif

 

[Unknown Soldier]

She had her childhood basically stolen by the Bolsheviks. She went from a comfortable middle class lifestyle to to living in a soviet slum when her father's business was confiscated by the state. She was kicked out of university for having a bourgeois background and had to flee her homeland, then she arrived in Manhattan in the middle of the roaring 20s.

If people honestly can't understand how she turned out the way she did and have some sympathy, they really don't understand people.

Her work is basically soviet style agitprop for capitalism. Not my taste, but it's better than actual soviet agitprop at least. Not a fan of her philosophy because I don't really like idealism in general. There is no one romantic ideal that all people should be striving towards. The ideal is that everyone should be free to choose whatever way of life they want to live.

Many, many people had terrible lives around that period of history. Only one of them became Ayn Rand.

 

[WrenchNinja]

This is amazing

 

[viciouskillersquirrel]

Many, many people had terrible lives around that period of history. Only one of them became Ayn Rand.

It's what would happen if Sheldon Cooper's childhood was ruined by the Bolsheviks.

 

[MogCakes]

I really don't care what kind of life she had that turned her into an emotionless inhuman monster. Her 'philosophy', if you can even call it that, is pure self-serving liquid shit.

 

[Amalthea]

Imagine every single person would suddenly follow her ideology, earth would be razed empty within hours.

 

[Kevdo]

This is absolutely my new most favorite thing

 

[Blargonaut]

“Tell me about this freedom,” she said haltingly. “The freedom of the individual.”

Harry’s lips curved into a smile the way a prow curves into the lines of a mighty ship.

“No,” he said, and walked away.

 

[Blargonaut]

“I’ve always been unpopular in school and it didn’t bother me,” Hermione explained, “but now I’ve discovered the reason. It’s an impossible kind of reason. They dislike me, not because I do things badly, but because I do them well. They dislike me because I’ve always had the best grades in class. I don’t even have to study. I always get top marks. Do you suppose I should try to get poor marks for a change and become the most popular girl in school?”

“Never let the failure of others induce you to achieve less,” Harry said.

“Agreed,” Hermione said, her eyes flashing like diamonds, which she was also wearing. “As equals, I suggest we maximize our achievement by making out now.”

Before Harry could answer, Cho Chang entered the room. “Harry!” she cried. “I wish to offer myself to you in recognition of your victory in today’s Quidditch match.”

“Frankly, I would like to make out with both of you,” Harry said. “I believe it would be efficient, and would also maximize my enjoyment.”

Hermione frowned.

“Never get angry with a man for speaking the truth,” Harry reminded her.

Hermione smiled.

“Believing in yourself is a sort of prayer,” Harry said. “Hermione, you may make out with me first.”

so hot

 

[andythinkpad]

This is weirdly addictive.

Yeah this is good.

 

[spekkeh]

Ayn Rand would have supported Voldamort using muggles has slave labor.

You can't hold back the achievers with useless things like human rights!

...
No she wouldn't.

 

[Fantastapotamus]

I have read neither HP not Rand and this is still amazing

 

[Modoru]

Hermione ached with desire for the both of them to master her, but nobody paid her any attention. They had empires to build.

All I could think of, was

 

[wutwutwut]

Mallory Ortberg is a legend.

 

[DriftedPlanet]

This is great! If there is one book I can't stand, it's the fountainhead. Riffing on her style works way too well.

Edit:

I really don't care what kind of life she had that turned her into an emotionless inhuman monster. Her 'philosophy', if you can even call it that, is pure self-serving liquid shit.

Seconded.

 

[Machina]

Jesus christ, there aren't many authors who can make me nauseous but Rand? Easy.

 

[BreezyLimbo]

“It’s been fourteen years, and still not a day goes by that I don’t miss your dad,” Sirius said.

“That sounds like a waste of both time and personal energy,” Harry said, smoking a pipe. “I can assure you no one in the grave spends their time missing you.”

fuck

 

[FoxSpirit]

She had her childhood basically stolen by the Bolsheviks. She went from a comfortable middle class lifestyle to to living in a soviet slum when her father's business was confiscated by the state. She was kicked out of university for having a bourgeois background and had to flee her homeland, then she arrived in Manhattan in the middle of the roaring 20s.

If people honestly can't understand how she turned out the way she did and have some sympathy, they really don't understand people.

Her work is basically soviet style agitprop for capitalism. Not my taste, but it's better than actual soviet agitprop at least. Not a fan of her philosophy because I don't really like idealism in general. There is no one romantic ideal that all people should be striving towards. The ideal is that everyone should be free to choose whatever way of life they want to live.

And I choose to live a life of war.
Wait, that's a terrible choice for society. But by Rand's standards, legit.

If you choose to harm society for your own ends, your only place is somewhere out there alone, farming your own patch of land, sewing your own clothing and brewing your own medicine. Have fun.

 

[akira28]

who knew Ayn Rand was so sex

Spoiler

with wealthy men of industry

positive. I feel like she would really like the new industrial sex toy industry.

actual steam powered sex locomotives

Spoiler

if you so choose.

 

[Cheerilee]

Doesn't all this stuff happen in JK Rowling's Harry Potter?

Harry gets to go to Wizard school because his rich parents left him a huge inheritance in his vault.

Hogwarts is free. Ron is poor as dirt, and he still gets to go. Harry gets to go to Hogwarts because "Yer a Wizard, Harry." That's the only qualification.

Then his rich godfather buys Harry the best broom in the world and then Malfoy's rich dad buys all the slitherins an even better broom

During a teacher's absence in their first flying lesson, Malfoy was bullying Neville and stole a small fragile item from him. Harry demanded that Malfoy return it to Neville, but Malfoy instead tried to smash it by throwing it at a brick wall. Harry on his broom and zipped ahead of the small item, catching it before it could break. Professor McGonagall saw Harry's catch and recognized that he had the skills to be a Seeker, a position that the Gryffindor team was lacking, so she pressed him onto the team. Professor McGonagall was the one who quietly gifted Harry the Nimbus 2000, because she has an obvious bias towards the Gryffindor team and wanted to boost their chances for success. Harry predictably dominated as Seeker.

The next year, Malfoy (ever the Beta) attempted to match Harry's achievement by buying his way into the same role in the Slytherin team, by buying Nimbus 2001's for all the Slytherins. Harry/Gryffindor beat Malfoy/Slytherin in spite of Slytherin's superior equipment.

The next year, Harry's Nimbus 2000 was smashed following some interference from Dementors, causing Harry to lose to Cedric Diggory of Hufflepuff (Cedric didn't consider it a clean win, but Harry was a good loser). Then Sirius Black bought Harry the latest broom as a replacement/upgrade and Harry crushed Malfoy.

The next year Quiddich was cancelled due to the Triwizard Tournament.

The year after that, Harry got banned from Quiddich by Professor Umbridge, and Ginny took his place on the team (and won in his stead).

 

[NipplesAndToes23]

I'm a big Harry Potter fan, but I don't get this.

 

[KO Traveling Hobo]

I could watch this gif for hours.

 

[Fj0823]

I'm a big Harry Potter fan, but I don't get this.

Ayn Rand is not a very good writer, she had her character simply regurgitate her ideals over and over in their dialogue instead of communicating them through the narrative...or you know, just writing about her ideals.

I think the point is to highlight how ridiculous that approach is by applying it to a series known for its likeable characters

 

[StrategyFan]

what does it mean if ayn rand is required reading in jr. high?

is some certain philosophy being pushed?

 

[Sunster]

what does it mean if ayn rand is required reading in jr. high?

is some certain philosophy being pushed?

junior high? seems a little early unless context and counterpoints are also taught.

 

[toddhunter]

what does it mean if ayn rand is required reading in jr. high?

is some certain philosophy being pushed?

It is a requirement for future IT based careers where you will need to interact with a lot of people who have yet to sit down, take a good look at themselves and think things through.

Best to learn to deal with bullshit early. This helps, it is gold.

 

[Morat]

"Professor Snape stood at the front of the room, sort of Jewishly."

This got me.

 

[spekkeh]

what does it mean if ayn rand is required reading in jr. high?

is some certain philosophy being pushed?

Depends on which book. Her more famous ones are basically philosophy books that she novelized into a story. Whether you think this is an interesting idea ostensibly depends on how left wing you are or how receptive to make up your own mind.

 

[Catvoca]

These articles are incredible.

Ayn Rand's Alice in Wonderland

There seemed to be no use in waiting by the little door, so she went back to the table, half hoping she might find another key on it, or at any rate a book of rules for shutting people up like telescopes: this time she found a little bottle on it, (`which certainly was not here before,’ said Alice,) and round the neck of the bottle was a paper label, with the words `DRINK ME’ beautifully printed on it in large letters.

Alice threw back her head and laughed a long, white-throated laugh. “Is there any doubt,” she asked splendidly, “That drug addiction is an escape from an unbearable inner state – from a reality that one cannot deal with – from an atrophying mind one can never fully destroy? If Apollonian reason were unnatural to man, and Dionysian intuition brought him closer to nature and truth, the apostles of irrationality would not have to resort to drugs. Happy, self-confident men do not seek to get stoned. Drug addiction is the attempt to obliterate one’s consciousness, the quest for a deliberately-induced insanity. As such, it is so obscene and evil that any doubt about the moral character of its practitioners is itself an obscenity.”

Alice adjusted the jade cuff at her bone-white wrist. She drank nothing and went on her way, secure in her choice.

-------------

“Who is Dinah?” the Field Mouse asked.

“Dinah,” Alice said, shaking her blond hair loose over her naked shoulders, “is my cat. She provides for herself. I love her because she requires nothing of me, and I require nothing of her. This is the highest form of love that can possibly exist. She adores herself next to me, and I do the same.”

The Field Mouse fled in terror.

“You are right to fear her,” Alice called after him. “She is an individual.”

“If everybody minded their own business,” the Duchess said in a hoarse growl, “the world would go round a deal faster than it does.”

“Which would not be an advantage,” said Alice, who felt very glad to get an opportunity of showing off a little of her knowledge. “Just think of what work it would make with the day and night! You see the earth takes twenty-four hours to turn round on its axis–”

“Talking of axes,” said the Duchess, “chop off her head!”

“You have no right to do that,” Alice said calmly. “The removal of heads does not fall under the purview of government.”

The Duchess gasped.

“A society that robs an individual of her head,” Alice continued, “or in any way attempts to limit the freedom of her head, is not, strictly speaking, a society, but a mob held together by institutionalized gang rule. You cannot promote the aristocracy of non-value at the expense of individual liberty.”

The Duchess fell silent.

“I am going to build a railroad here,” Alice said. “There is nothing you can do to stop me.”

“By the way,” Alice said as she turned to leave, “The appropriate posture of a worthy woman to a worthy man is hero-worship, not in chopping off his head. She never loses the awareness of her own sexual identity and theirs. A properly feminine woman does not treat men as if she were their pal, sister, mother—or leader. There will never be a woman president.”

 

[thepotatoman]

junior high? seems a little early unless context and counterpoints are also taught.

She seems to be popular with young people probably precisely because they lack the context and counterpoints to think critically about it. Even bright students just don't have the life experience to think critically about the philosophy yet.

The writing is pretty easy to read too, outside of trying not to fall asleep reading it.

 

[Amalthea]

I just started to read Journey to the West where Sun Wukong basically acts like a Rand-ian hero only to being crushed by Buddha with a whole mountain-range to think his stupidity over. Didn't get further than that yet but it's pretty funny.

Let's face it, when you are a Randian hyper-egoist who always takes whatever they like and think that they are in their right to do so because they are "free" will just make themselves more and more enemies until they are overpowered by the masses who organize to simply stop the Randian hero.

No matter how often they say "But I'm right and you are all wrong" will change that.

And in the rare instance that one such Randian "hero" is sucessful, they are bound to become tyrants who then will decide over everyone else, so that doesn't work either.