Gaf,the pain and lonelynes is so unbearable that more than many times I am thinking of getting rid of the pain by physical mean. I have kids and I am a healthy 39 yr and my wife refuses to sleep with me. For couple years we slept in the same bed but we had no physical interactions, or I tried but she rejected me and I was extremely lonely and depressed. I told her my feelings and every time it turned out to be a fight. Last month I told her it wasn't gonna work between us if she wasn't going to be different and that had some good results..she had sex with me several times in those few weeks. Then it just stopped..
I tried approach her again last night just for some hugging but she pushed me away saying she didn't want to be touched...I got quiet upset. Tried again tonight and expressed I wanted sex buy she didn't. I got very upset and turned away, angry. She grabbed me into her arms and put her heads on me and kissed my face. I cried and kept telling her to go away but she said I wouldn't be able to sleep if I was angry and she wouldn't too...eventually I got her to go to sleep.
I am feeling so lonely, so depressed and angry and my mind just keeps being angry and cant let go of that. Moments like this I just want to erease my existence and this has been going on for years. There is just so much sadness and hate in my mind that I can't get rid of and I can't direct it at anyone or anythinf and this keeps cycling back every few nights.
I have no way to release this angry other than just struggling with it until it fades away.
In the dark on my bed with her sleeping on the other side...I just keep thinking how wonderful if I just stop my mind from thinking.
I tried approach her again last night just for some hugging but she pushed me away saying she didn't want to be touched...I got quiet upset. Tried again tonight and expressed I wanted sex buy she didn't. I got very upset and turned away, angry. She grabbed me into her arms and put her heads on me and kissed my face. I cried and kept telling her to go away but she said I wouldn't be able to sleep if I was angry and she wouldn't too...eventually I got her to go to sleep.
I am feeling so lonely, so depressed and angry and my mind just keeps being angry and cant let go of that. Moments like this I just want to erease my existence and this has been going on for years. There is just so much sadness and hate in my mind that I can't get rid of and I can't direct it at anyone or anythinf and this keeps cycling back every few nights.
I have no way to release this angry other than just struggling with it until it fades away.
In the dark on my bed with her sleeping on the other side...I just keep thinking how wonderful if I just stop my mind from thinking.