kitchenmotors
Banned
On May 31st, 2012 I received a call from my urologist, Dr. Kim. I just had blood work done earlier in the week because of an enlarged testicle and Dr. Kim wanted to rule out the possibility of cancer. I had some discomfort and swelling that went on for a little under a month. I was given antibiotics and had a few tests done, one of which was an ultrasound that confirmed a mass in my left testicle. That morning my test results came back and confirmed that I had testicular cancer at the age of 30. Dr. Kim wanted to act fast, as he wasn't sure how far it had spread. On top of this, I wasn't insured. I knew how expensive surgery would be, as well as any post-treatment I would have to receive. When I got off the phone, I was shocked but not surprised. I expected the worse and here it was. The only thing I could do was get through it, one day at a time.
I had an orchiectomy procedure on June 3rd, 2012 at Northwestern Lake Forest Hospital. It was an outpatient day surgery, which meant I would be home in time for dinner. This would be my first time having surgery and I was scared shitless. It also didn't help that Dr. Kim was concerned that the cancer had spread into my lymph nodes and chemo would have to be an immediate priority, possibly even the following week. I felt like I had no control at that point and my world was in a downward spiral. Soon after I was knocked out and taken into the operating room. When I came to, it seemed like only minutes had passed. I was given some pain medication and taken to my room to recover. The pain wasn't so bad, but the incision was along my belt line so moving about was tough and tricky. I had to drink a few bottles of chalk, banana flavored contrast for a CT scan to determine how far the cancer had spread. Around 4 hours later with my first CT scan complete, I was given the OK to head home. I had some bandages and a jockstrap for support, which also had a wide waistband that kept my incision covered. When I went into the bathroom to change back into my clothes, I felt the most intense pain of my entire life. It was so bad I felt like I was going to pass out, but a few minutes later the pain faded and I was able to finish getting dressed.
The next week was focused on recovery. I spent a lot of time talking to my boyfriend, Phil, over Skype. He was literally my rock during all of this, and without him, I don't think I would have been as strong, emotionally. Physically, it was hard to move around and I wasn't allowed to drive for a few days. Going to the bathroom was difficult, as certain areas started to slightly swell. My pain medication also made me bloated and constipated, so I literally felt like shit for most of the week. It was E3 week though, so that kept my mind busy with conferences and chatting with the NeoGAF Tinychat folks. During that week the realization that I would only have one testicle from now on set in. I decided to not go with an implant, as it would most likely feel strange and unnatural. My boyfriend supported me on my decision, which had given me a bit more confidence in my decision. I don't feel like less of a man because of having one testicle now. I waited about 2 weeks before I decided to even attempt to masturbate. Of course, the idea of how everything would work with one testicle was on my mind constantly. To my surprise, without going into detail, everything works even better than before despite having only one testicle. The whole situation makes me feel the need to preach about how important it is for young guys to do regular self-examinations. It really is life or death when it comes to discovering a lump early and dealing with it right away.
Everything happens for a reason. I'm not sure why I was dealt this hand, because you never think it's going to happen to you. But everything must happen for a reason. The day of my surgery, I made a call to my Dad after 25 years. It's a long and complicated story, but being diagnosed with cancer made me realize that life is short and nothing should be taken for granted. A few days later, my Dad flew out from his home in Arizona to spend a week with me. It was the first time I had seen him since I was 5 years old. I discovered I had two half-Brothers and two step-Sisters. There was this whole world that I was linked to that I really had no idea was out there. It was a turning point in my life and made me realize that I needed to starting living it to the fullest, instead of holding grudges or acting selfishly. I also realized that some people just aren't worth the time and effort, and it still saddens me to this day that after I was diagnosed, someone who I thought was a close friend had decided to cease contact with me. I'm still confused about what went down, as I tried communicating with this person, but it seemed to fall on deaf ears. Such is life though and I have no regrets.
The results of the Pathology and CT scan came back about a week later. I had a non-seminomatous mixed germ cell tumor. The tumor was mostly contained within the scrotal sac. The CT scan showed that I had one lymph node slightly enlarged at around 1.5cm. I had an appointment with the Oncologist, Dr. Tsarwhas, later in the month to discuss the next course of action. When I met with Dr. Tsarwhas, I was given two options. I could have surgery and have the lymph node removed or I could go through chemo. Chemo seemed like the best option to treat the cancer they had discovered. I was ready to get it done and over with, so I decided to go through with the chemo. We set a date for August 6th, 2012 as the first day of my chemo. I was to have 3 cycles of BEP, an extremely effective chemo drug for my type of cancer, which would consist of three weeks each. I was extremely nervous, especially since my visit at the Oncologist made me realize how much older everyone in the waiting room was. I literally wanted to cry because of it.
The summer of 2012 seemed to fly by. I went back to my local summer camp that I had been working at for the past 8 years. I was under strict orders not to lift anything heavy or go swimming, so it was a mostly uneventful summer. I was also treated like a king by the kids at camp, which all knew I had to take it easy due to my surgery but didn't know the details of my condition. I was also in the process of putting together a NeoGAF meet up here in Chicago at the beginning of August. It was mostly NeoGAF Tinychat folks, but a few others would also tag along. When the meet up happened, it was glorious. I was determined to make it fun and eventful, as it was really my last hurrah before I started chemo on August 6th, 2012. We got together on August 2nd and had 4 full days planned out, which consisted of drinking, eating, hanging out and acting plain stupid. It was also Lollapalooza weekend and anyone who knows me personally knows I wouldn't miss a Lollapalooza in Chicago, ever. That Sunday night, I danced away as I watched Justice close out Lollapalooza with my good friends Carlos (Sai-Kun) and Delvin (Delio). I felt it was the perfect ending to a great weekend and a stressful summer.
The first day of chemo was scary but not as bad as I had imagined. I sat back in a chair, ordered room service and played my 3DS while the drugs were running through my veins. I had to pee, a lot. After the first week, I started to feel the affects. I felt sick, weak, and my sense of smell and taste had slightly changed. As the weeks went by, I slowly lost my hair and decided to shave it all off before it started to look bad. I looked strange without hair, but I rocked a few hats while I was bald. I also lost hair on my face, chest, and even below the belt. It was weird, but not having to shave or trim was a bonus. I didn't get sick for my first two cycles of chemo. My third cycle is when it finally hit me head on and I threw up quite a bit. It would literally happen before the nurse hooked up my IV, every time. It was rough and what seemed like an easy routine where I could sit around, eat and play video games had suddenly became the hardest thing that I would ever have to face. Chemo was not easy and it took a lot out of me. It wouldn't be until months later that I would fully recover from the affects, and even now, I still have slight skin discoloration on my stomach and back from the drugs.
I felt like it was important to make this thread because there certain people that I feel I need to thank that had an impact during my illness. I know this isn't everyone, as there are a lot of NeoGAF Tinychat folks that belong in this list, so a big thanks to you guys as well. Last year I wasn't keen on the idea of making a thread after being diagnosed last year, but I felt like today would be a good time to tell my story and a nice way to mark the one year point. First and foremost, my boyfriend Phil (who is not on GAF, but a big nerd and would fit in with PokeGAF) was so amazing and supportive throughout my entire diagnoses and treatment. We recently had our one year anniversary on May 7th and when I think about it looking back, we had only been together for a few weeks when I was diagnosed. He was there for me the entire way and I am forever grateful to him for it. I love you Phil.
Travis (Lightus), you have become one of my closest friends and I am extremely lucky to have you in my life. You are always there for me and I thank you for that from the bottom of my heart. Delvin (Delio), you are my sis from another mother and truly a great friend. The amount of tea shared between us could supply Lipton for an entire year. Eric (lunchtoast), thanks for amusing me and dealing with my ups and downs. It meant a lot to me that you came to Chicago to visit, I'll never forget it. Carlos (Sai-kun), you are my #1 bitch from the creek. Without you, Bitch Creek would not exist. Thanks for being my music and concert buddy. Even though I shouldn't have gone to that Purity Ring show during my chemo, it was one of the high points of my treatment period. Max (Bucca), I love to argue with you and just bro out. You kept things normal and casual during a time when it was difficult to do so. Thanks bro. Sarah (Kisaya), you let me vent my frustrations about a certain situation. I promise I'll come to New York soon to repay you for that, there is no one else I would rather go to Ikea with to pig out on cinnamonbuns. Jason (Parn), thanks for letting me tease you about all sorts of things.
Florida will be interesting, no doubt! Jon (Meier), thank you for your comments on my Facebook updates and in threads on GAF about my situation. They were really heart warming and I appreciate it. One of these days I'll have to buy you a beer or take you to a concert, whenever our paths cross again.
So here I am, one year after my diagnoses and I have been cancer free for almost 8 months. Feels good man. As I said before, I was uninsured during my surgery and treatment. A few months ago I received a letter from Northwestern Lake Forest Hospital informing me that my medical bills, which were over $80,000 at that point, had been paid for by charity. It was truly a miracle and a huge weight that had been lifted off my shoulders. I've had two check ups and a few CT scans since October. I'm still nervous before each returning visit, but it's more manageable now. I know what to expect when I walk into the Oncologist office. I don't feel like a deer in headlights anymore. I'm trying to live life to the fullest now, as I'm not taking anything for granted. Music is such an important part of my life and it was one thing that kept me sane during my chemo. I went to a few shows, like Purity Ring, Dan Deacon and a Zelda Symphony during my chemo when I probably shouldn't have, but it was well worth it. I'll be catching Twin Shadow tomorrow, then Baths and Chvrches a week later with Carlos. At the end of June, I'll be taking a road trip down to Florida with my boyfriend and a bunch of other Gaffers. Before chemo, I would have never traveled that far or even entertained the idea of a vacation outside of my annual family trip. Suddenly, everything has changed.
Life is too short to let it go to waste, especially when you have such amazing friends that will literally stand by you in sickness and in health. I love you guys.
I had an orchiectomy procedure on June 3rd, 2012 at Northwestern Lake Forest Hospital. It was an outpatient day surgery, which meant I would be home in time for dinner. This would be my first time having surgery and I was scared shitless. It also didn't help that Dr. Kim was concerned that the cancer had spread into my lymph nodes and chemo would have to be an immediate priority, possibly even the following week. I felt like I had no control at that point and my world was in a downward spiral. Soon after I was knocked out and taken into the operating room. When I came to, it seemed like only minutes had passed. I was given some pain medication and taken to my room to recover. The pain wasn't so bad, but the incision was along my belt line so moving about was tough and tricky. I had to drink a few bottles of chalk, banana flavored contrast for a CT scan to determine how far the cancer had spread. Around 4 hours later with my first CT scan complete, I was given the OK to head home. I had some bandages and a jockstrap for support, which also had a wide waistband that kept my incision covered. When I went into the bathroom to change back into my clothes, I felt the most intense pain of my entire life. It was so bad I felt like I was going to pass out, but a few minutes later the pain faded and I was able to finish getting dressed.
The next week was focused on recovery. I spent a lot of time talking to my boyfriend, Phil, over Skype. He was literally my rock during all of this, and without him, I don't think I would have been as strong, emotionally. Physically, it was hard to move around and I wasn't allowed to drive for a few days. Going to the bathroom was difficult, as certain areas started to slightly swell. My pain medication also made me bloated and constipated, so I literally felt like shit for most of the week. It was E3 week though, so that kept my mind busy with conferences and chatting with the NeoGAF Tinychat folks. During that week the realization that I would only have one testicle from now on set in. I decided to not go with an implant, as it would most likely feel strange and unnatural. My boyfriend supported me on my decision, which had given me a bit more confidence in my decision. I don't feel like less of a man because of having one testicle now. I waited about 2 weeks before I decided to even attempt to masturbate. Of course, the idea of how everything would work with one testicle was on my mind constantly. To my surprise, without going into detail, everything works even better than before despite having only one testicle. The whole situation makes me feel the need to preach about how important it is for young guys to do regular self-examinations. It really is life or death when it comes to discovering a lump early and dealing with it right away.
Everything happens for a reason. I'm not sure why I was dealt this hand, because you never think it's going to happen to you. But everything must happen for a reason. The day of my surgery, I made a call to my Dad after 25 years. It's a long and complicated story, but being diagnosed with cancer made me realize that life is short and nothing should be taken for granted. A few days later, my Dad flew out from his home in Arizona to spend a week with me. It was the first time I had seen him since I was 5 years old. I discovered I had two half-Brothers and two step-Sisters. There was this whole world that I was linked to that I really had no idea was out there. It was a turning point in my life and made me realize that I needed to starting living it to the fullest, instead of holding grudges or acting selfishly. I also realized that some people just aren't worth the time and effort, and it still saddens me to this day that after I was diagnosed, someone who I thought was a close friend had decided to cease contact with me. I'm still confused about what went down, as I tried communicating with this person, but it seemed to fall on deaf ears. Such is life though and I have no regrets.
The results of the Pathology and CT scan came back about a week later. I had a non-seminomatous mixed germ cell tumor. The tumor was mostly contained within the scrotal sac. The CT scan showed that I had one lymph node slightly enlarged at around 1.5cm. I had an appointment with the Oncologist, Dr. Tsarwhas, later in the month to discuss the next course of action. When I met with Dr. Tsarwhas, I was given two options. I could have surgery and have the lymph node removed or I could go through chemo. Chemo seemed like the best option to treat the cancer they had discovered. I was ready to get it done and over with, so I decided to go through with the chemo. We set a date for August 6th, 2012 as the first day of my chemo. I was to have 3 cycles of BEP, an extremely effective chemo drug for my type of cancer, which would consist of three weeks each. I was extremely nervous, especially since my visit at the Oncologist made me realize how much older everyone in the waiting room was. I literally wanted to cry because of it.
The summer of 2012 seemed to fly by. I went back to my local summer camp that I had been working at for the past 8 years. I was under strict orders not to lift anything heavy or go swimming, so it was a mostly uneventful summer. I was also treated like a king by the kids at camp, which all knew I had to take it easy due to my surgery but didn't know the details of my condition. I was also in the process of putting together a NeoGAF meet up here in Chicago at the beginning of August. It was mostly NeoGAF Tinychat folks, but a few others would also tag along. When the meet up happened, it was glorious. I was determined to make it fun and eventful, as it was really my last hurrah before I started chemo on August 6th, 2012. We got together on August 2nd and had 4 full days planned out, which consisted of drinking, eating, hanging out and acting plain stupid. It was also Lollapalooza weekend and anyone who knows me personally knows I wouldn't miss a Lollapalooza in Chicago, ever. That Sunday night, I danced away as I watched Justice close out Lollapalooza with my good friends Carlos (Sai-Kun) and Delvin (Delio). I felt it was the perfect ending to a great weekend and a stressful summer.
The first day of chemo was scary but not as bad as I had imagined. I sat back in a chair, ordered room service and played my 3DS while the drugs were running through my veins. I had to pee, a lot. After the first week, I started to feel the affects. I felt sick, weak, and my sense of smell and taste had slightly changed. As the weeks went by, I slowly lost my hair and decided to shave it all off before it started to look bad. I looked strange without hair, but I rocked a few hats while I was bald. I also lost hair on my face, chest, and even below the belt. It was weird, but not having to shave or trim was a bonus. I didn't get sick for my first two cycles of chemo. My third cycle is when it finally hit me head on and I threw up quite a bit. It would literally happen before the nurse hooked up my IV, every time. It was rough and what seemed like an easy routine where I could sit around, eat and play video games had suddenly became the hardest thing that I would ever have to face. Chemo was not easy and it took a lot out of me. It wouldn't be until months later that I would fully recover from the affects, and even now, I still have slight skin discoloration on my stomach and back from the drugs.
3 Months Before Chemo
1 Month Into Chemo
3 Months After Chemo
7 Months After Chemo
I felt like it was important to make this thread because there certain people that I feel I need to thank that had an impact during my illness. I know this isn't everyone, as there are a lot of NeoGAF Tinychat folks that belong in this list, so a big thanks to you guys as well. Last year I wasn't keen on the idea of making a thread after being diagnosed last year, but I felt like today would be a good time to tell my story and a nice way to mark the one year point. First and foremost, my boyfriend Phil (who is not on GAF, but a big nerd and would fit in with PokeGAF) was so amazing and supportive throughout my entire diagnoses and treatment. We recently had our one year anniversary on May 7th and when I think about it looking back, we had only been together for a few weeks when I was diagnosed. He was there for me the entire way and I am forever grateful to him for it. I love you Phil.
Travis (Lightus), you have become one of my closest friends and I am extremely lucky to have you in my life. You are always there for me and I thank you for that from the bottom of my heart. Delvin (Delio), you are my sis from another mother and truly a great friend. The amount of tea shared between us could supply Lipton for an entire year. Eric (lunchtoast), thanks for amusing me and dealing with my ups and downs. It meant a lot to me that you came to Chicago to visit, I'll never forget it. Carlos (Sai-kun), you are my #1 bitch from the creek. Without you, Bitch Creek would not exist. Thanks for being my music and concert buddy. Even though I shouldn't have gone to that Purity Ring show during my chemo, it was one of the high points of my treatment period. Max (Bucca), I love to argue with you and just bro out. You kept things normal and casual during a time when it was difficult to do so. Thanks bro. Sarah (Kisaya), you let me vent my frustrations about a certain situation. I promise I'll come to New York soon to repay you for that, there is no one else I would rather go to Ikea with to pig out on cinnamonbuns. Jason (Parn), thanks for letting me tease you about all sorts of things.
Florida will be interesting, no doubt! Jon (Meier), thank you for your comments on my Facebook updates and in threads on GAF about my situation. They were really heart warming and I appreciate it. One of these days I'll have to buy you a beer or take you to a concert, whenever our paths cross again.With my boyfriend, Phil
With Carlos above Grant Park before a nasty storm
Chilling in the crowd at Lollapalooza / Watching the Justice set with Delvin
So here I am, one year after my diagnoses and I have been cancer free for almost 8 months. Feels good man. As I said before, I was uninsured during my surgery and treatment. A few months ago I received a letter from Northwestern Lake Forest Hospital informing me that my medical bills, which were over $80,000 at that point, had been paid for by charity. It was truly a miracle and a huge weight that had been lifted off my shoulders. I've had two check ups and a few CT scans since October. I'm still nervous before each returning visit, but it's more manageable now. I know what to expect when I walk into the Oncologist office. I don't feel like a deer in headlights anymore. I'm trying to live life to the fullest now, as I'm not taking anything for granted. Music is such an important part of my life and it was one thing that kept me sane during my chemo. I went to a few shows, like Purity Ring, Dan Deacon and a Zelda Symphony during my chemo when I probably shouldn't have, but it was well worth it. I'll be catching Twin Shadow tomorrow, then Baths and Chvrches a week later with Carlos. At the end of June, I'll be taking a road trip down to Florida with my boyfriend and a bunch of other Gaffers. Before chemo, I would have never traveled that far or even entertained the idea of a vacation outside of my annual family trip. Suddenly, everything has changed.
Life is too short to let it go to waste, especially when you have such amazing friends that will literally stand by you in sickness and in health. I love you guys.
