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[besada]

If you folks can't discuss this, or any other topic without being assholes to each other, we'll just ban you and close the topic. The moderation team as a whole is tired of posters inability to engage in conversation without constant attacks. If you, the posters, don't rein it in, we're going to have to, and that's not going to make anyone happy.

So, by all means, have the discussion, but quit making every bit of it personal, and quit attacking each other.

 

[Karsticles]

Whenever this topic comes up I see people equate consequences with physical punishment. You can have one without the other. I and many others have anxiety from being physically punished. It was not helpful, and it did not make me a better person.

I do not plan to ever spank my son. I think I can teach him all of the life lessons without hitting him. As a teacher, I absolutely PROMISE every person here that the worst behaved kids in my classrooms get physically punished by their parents. It doesn't hurt everyone, but I consider it a developmental risk.

The kids who are spoiled brats are not those who went without getting hit. They are those who have no consequences at all. The worst ones have lives completely lacking structure and support. They whine and cry like children because, developmentally, they are children. Hitting them only makes them scared and confused children. It does not advance development.

I would like to hear an argument that hitting a child is a necessary component of child rearing.

 

[Cat Party]

Here are the main points of frustration I have when it comes to this topic and people getting overly defensive about it.

The scientific consensus should matter.

I see so many people just hand-waving or outright ignoring the fact that the overwhelming consensus of research into this subject says that not only does corporeal punishment carry a bevy of negative psychological effects but that it's also ineffective at achieving the desired disciplinary results.



The global trajectory should matter.

More and more countries are banning corporeal punishment as a form of child discipline. Three years ago it was only 30 and now we're up to 49. Nearly every country in South America has banned it. This isn't just a case of a few liberal countries in the first world west complaining about different cultures being 'backwards'.

We should not treat our pets better than our children.

I can't remember the last time I heard someone on GAF defend hitting dogs or cats as a form of training/discipline. Everybody knows the right way to train a dog but when it comes to your children suddenly physical violence is back on the table.

Anecdotes don't trump science.

'It snowed this winter therefore global warming isn't true' is the same thing as 'I got hit and I turned out ok'. That's putting aside the fact that self-evaluation is probably the worst way to get an objective result, or that the relevant question is whether you would have turned out even better if you hadn't been hit.

Accept that your parents can do wrong and so can you.

People seem psychologically unwilling to accept the fact that their parents (or themselves) may have done something wrong. That doesn't mean you can't love them or that they didn't love you. It doesn't mean they or you are evil people who need to be locked up. But it does mean admitting that it would have been better for the children involved for different choices to have been made.

Your parents didn't have the advantage of a scientific consensus telling them it was both ineffective and harmful. They didn't have the benefit of living in a world where you could look up and research alternative techniques and forms of discipline from the comfort of your home. They didn't live in a world where they could be aware that the global trend was moving towards the banning of corporeal punishment.

But you do. You have all those tools at your disposal and you have the power to make a different and better choice for yourself and your children.

Thank you for putting this together. Great summary.

 

[Gamegeneral]

I was never hit, though my brother incurred wrath a few times. I would say neither of us turned out particularly great or terrible.

 

[Chuck Norris]

I'm not sure. I got spanking as a very young child up to like maybe 6 or 7. But it was only ever if I did something very wrong. The thing about spanking is when it reached that peak I knew not to repeat that action. It's crude but potentially in a child's mind, a very powerful reinforcement of behaviour

Didn't really happen after a certain age but I was also possibly developed enough by then for other consequences to work

I think because it can be such a powerful motivator it also means that when abused it could leave serious issues. Like a child being smacked for not doing his chores well enough or getting lower grades. That kind of thing is unacceptable and could leave lasting issues.

A blanket ban is better. Some young kids who cause mayhem could really use a firm hand, but how do you measure the parents who use it right versus those who abuse it? How do you measure the parents who escalate the level of punishment? Eg if the leather side of the belt isn't working, how about the buckle

 

[Alienfan]

The fact that children, the world's most vulnerable people, have fewer protections than Dogs when it comes to physical punishment is straight up disgusting. The whole "parents know what's best for their kids" argument is so unbelievably unscientific, you just end up sounding like a anti-vaxer, in fact you're no better. If you smack your kids you're going against the consensus of every major pediatric group, child advocacy group and mental health agency.

 

[RoadHazard]

So many people in this thread disgust me.

 

[televator]

Here are the main points of frustration I have when it comes to this topic and people getting overly defensive about it.

The scientific consensus should matter.

I see so many people just hand-waving or outright ignoring the fact that the overwhelming consensus of research into this subject says that not only does corporeal punishment carry a bevy of negative psychological effects but that it's also ineffective at achieving the desired disciplinary results.



The global trajectory should matter.

More and more countries are banning corporeal punishment as a form of child discipline. Three years ago it was only 30 and now we're up to 49. Nearly every country in South America has banned it. This isn't just a case of a few liberal countries in the first world west complaining about different cultures being 'backwards'.

We should not treat our pets better than our children.

I can't remember the last time I heard someone on GAF defend hitting dogs or cats as a form of training/discipline. Everybody knows the right way to train a dog but when it comes to your children suddenly physical violence is back on the table.

Anecdotes don't trump science.

'It snowed this winter therefore global warming isn't true' is the same thing as 'I got hit and I turned out ok'. That's putting aside the fact that self-evaluation is probably the worst way to get an objective result, or that the relevant question is whether you would have turned out even better if you hadn't been hit.

Accept that your parents can do wrong and so can you.

People seem psychologically unwilling to accept the fact that their parents (or themselves) may have done something wrong. That doesn't mean you can't love them or that they didn't love you. It doesn't mean they or you are evil people who need to be locked up. But it does mean admitting that it would have been better for the children involved for different choices to have been made.

Your parents didn't have the advantage of a scientific consensus telling them it was both ineffective and harmful. They didn't have the benefit of living in a world where you could look up and research alternative techniques and forms of discipline from the comfort of your home. They didn't live in a world where they could be aware that the global trend was moving towards the banning of corporeal punishment.

But you do. You have all those tools at your disposal and you have the power to make a different and better choice for yourself and your children.

This is a damn fine post. The fact that we publicly shame and punish people who hit dogs but defend and condone people who hit kids is a twisted thing about current life.

 

[Angelus Errare]

Would you be okay with an adult hitting you when you've done something wrong?

Military outlawed corporal punishment during basic training as a form of discipline…

 

[mrkgoo]

Don't hit your kids, people.

 

[tirminyl]

I got spanked as a child but it wasn't immediate. I was talked to about my behavior first, and I continued. I was put in time out, then after, I continued. I was then grounded big whoop. I read books for fun and didn't have a tv, video games or anything of the sort. I continued my punished behavior. Then the belt got broken out and I stopped real quick.

 

[Laiza]

I got spanked as a child but it wasn't immediate. I was talked to about my behavior first, and I continued. I was put in time out, then after, I continued. I was then grounded big whoop. I read books for fun and didn't have a tv, video games or anything of the sort. I continued my punished behavior. Then the belt got broken out and I stopped real quick.

I'm gonna take a guess that they never actually adequately explained why the undesired behavior is undesirable.

Either that or they never even considered the idea of positive reinforcement for the opposite desired behavior.

 

[exhume]

Hey OP my mother is also from a culture where slapping/whacking your kid is seen as OK. Let me tell you this, it certainly stopped me from developing the kind of bond with her that my friends have with their mums, and that I'm envious of. To this day I feel like I have to be on eggshells with her lest I piss her off, and I'm 31.

Don't hit your kids and don't let your spouse hit them either.

 

[Messofanego]

Here are the main points of frustration I have when it comes to this topic and people getting overly defensive about it.

The scientific consensus should matter.

I see so many people just hand-waving or outright ignoring the fact that the overwhelming consensus of research into this subject says that not only does corporeal punishment carry a bevy of negative psychological effects but that it's also ineffective at achieving the desired disciplinary results.

“It’s a very controversial area even though the research is extremely telling and very clear and consistent about the negative effects on children,” says Sandra Graham-Bermann, PhD, a psychology professor and principal investigator for the Child Violence and Trauma Laboratory at the University of Michigan. “People get frustrated and hit their kids. Maybe they don’t see there are other options.”

But spanking doesn’t work, says Alan Kazdin, PhD, a Yale University psychology professor and director of the Yale Parenting Center and Child Conduct Clinic. “You cannot punish out these behaviors that you do not want,” says Kazdin, who served as American Psychological Association president in 2008. “There is no need for corporal punishment based on the research. We are not giving up an effective technique. We are saying this is a horrible thing that does not work.”

The global trajectory should matter.

More and more countries are banning corporeal punishment as a form of child discipline. Three years ago it was only 30 and now we're up to 49. Nearly every country in South America has banned it. This isn't just a case of a few liberal countries in the first world west complaining about different cultures being 'backwards'.

We should not treat our pets better than our children.

I can't remember the last time I heard someone on GAF defend hitting dogs or cats as a form of training/discipline. Everybody knows the right way to train a dog but when it comes to your children suddenly physical violence is back on the table.

Anecdotes don't trump science.

'It snowed this winter therefore global warming isn't true' is the same thing as 'I got hit and I turned out ok'. That's putting aside the fact that self-evaluation is probably the worst way to get an objective result, or that the relevant question is whether you would have turned out even better if you hadn't been hit.

Accept that your parents can do wrong and so can you.

People seem psychologically unwilling to accept the fact that their parents (or themselves) may have done something wrong. That doesn't mean you can't love them or that they didn't love you. It doesn't mean they or you are evil people who need to be locked up. But it does mean admitting that it would have been better for the children involved for different choices to have been made.

Your parents didn't have the advantage of a scientific consensus telling them it was both ineffective and harmful. They didn't have the benefit of living in a world where you could look up and research alternative techniques and forms of discipline from the comfort of your home. They didn't live in a world where they could be aware that the global trend was moving towards the banning of corporeal punishment.

But you do. You have all those tools at your disposal and you have the power to make a different and better choice for yourself and your children.

Exactly, it's on parents to know that there are always other options than physical punishment. They need to develop those other skills than giving in to their darkest thoughts.

 

[Vuci]

You turned out fine DESPITE the physical punishment.
Physical punishment DOES NOT WORK, and should NEVER be accepted.

Physical punishment is just abuse by the parent, and has more to do with them than it does with the child. It should be punishable by law.

 

[mrkgoo]

I'm gonna take a guess that they never actually adequately explained why the undesired behavior is undesirable.

Either that or they never even considered the idea of positive reinforcement for the opposite desired behavior.

I know it sounds wishy-washy, but especially early on, positive motivation to do the right thing rather than discipline for the wrong thing is a MUCH better and effective way to teach.

Right from baby, telling them "yes", over "No" has more effective results. Even my 5-year old will respond to "this is the way it should be done" more than "No, don't do that". You combine the things not to do with what they should be doing, and show them.

I think it kind of loses it's efficacy as the child gets older and has learnt to rebel somewhat, so it's important to get in early with that. And this is where the "older generation" using physical discipline comes in as being antiquated - they simply didn't have the kind of empirical research and statistics to show this.

We should strive to be better and more educated in raising our kids.

 

[BlackGoku03]

I got spanked as a child but it wasn't immediate. I was talked to about my behavior first, and I continued. I was put in time out, then after, I continued. I was then grounded big whoop. I read books for fun and didn't have a tv, video games or anything of the sort. I continued my punished behavior. Then the belt got broken out and I stopped real quick.

Yeah that's how it went for me. I was always punished first and repeatedly until my dad finally spanked me. Didn't last long though. My sister never got in trouble... I guess she saw what I was going through and didn't want any of it.

I believe it depends on the kid and it should be used as a last resort. I believe it's true that it doesn't work a lot of the time. Or hell, most of the time simply because it's used as a first result rather than trying other methods like punishment first.

And now that I have a daughter, who is 2.5 years old, I can see why a lot of parents do it.

Personally, I've only spanked her hand and that was when she repeatedly tried unplugging and plugging stuff in outlets. I have the protective, plastic pieces that block the outlets but she used to take something that's plugged in, unplug it and try to put keys or a fork in there. I told her to stop numerous times. Put her in time out (doesn't work too well with a toddler) and had her mom/my wife get on her. It never stopped till I lightly slapped her hand. I'd rather slap her hand than her getting electrocuted.

 

[Peltz]

I cannot see how there is any merit to inflicting physical pain upon a child.

 

[Ryouji Gunblade]

I was given physical punishment as a kid. Left a pretty bad feeling every single time, and I wouldn't want to do that to any kids ever. The pain was more emotional than physical.

A teacher of mine explained that she would threaten her kids with nonviolent embarrassment, and it worked for her pretty well. Maybe try that as an alternative if you can't reason with them otherwise.

 

[SoRuffShoNuff]

I got spanked as a child but it wasn't immediate. I was talked to about my behavior first, and I continued. I was put in time out, then after, I continued. I was then grounded big whoop. I read books for fun and didn't have a tv, video games or anything of the sort. I continued my punished behavior. Then the belt got broken out and I stopped real quick.

The exact same thing happened to me. It was the belt that finally curbed my behavior. But let other folks tell it, the belt didn't work.

 

[Chittagong]

The tide is changing. I have been on GAF soon 15 years, and this topic comes up once or twice a year. For the best part of that time, this topic would consist of people describing how they were assaulted in the most horriffic ways - electric leads, belts, hangers, slippers - and they would also claim they totally deserved it because they were ’little shits’ and that ’they became better because of it’. I am glad to see these people are becoming the majority - because it is them who will perpetuate the cycle of violence to the next generation.

 

[Chjemah]

If you can talk calmly to a child before and after hitting them, it's doubly pointless to hit them. Really, why would you cold-bloodedly inflict avoidable pain on anyone when explaining things to them is already an option? That's the best you can do. Explain what went wrong, listen to the child's point of view, and encourage them to resolve to do better. It's a bit like, you know, talking to adults.

Except like, you know, adults face consequences for their actions which is what you are teaching them.

 

[Carl]

Worked on me and i will definitely use it on my own children.

 

[Golden_Pigeon]

My point is that parents, having the ultimate responsibility over their kids, make any episode of slaping an abuse of power. Having power doesn't give them right to do anything they want with it, it gives them more responsibilities.

Your example is extreme and enters in the realm of self-defense/defending others from immediate danger, proportional use of violence would be ok.

After the immediate response, talks and serious consideration of seeking professional help, and explaining to the kid why you think that is the best for her, kids don't decide by themselves, but their opinions have to be considered.

The issue is to define why a slap is an abuse of that power. People are just stuck on a position of principle that it's an abuse and it's similar to beating. Nobody is forcing anybody to use that or this method of education. It's wrong to judge parent who slap their kids as last resort, to assert authority, along with others methods of course, as some kinds of heartless monsters/lazy parents or calling it child abuse.

And i can say, as someone who have a lot of brothers and sisters, it's not an extreme case that kids are hit each others. Slapping is not about inflicting pain, it should be soft and the point is to mark a limit, to assert authority, as a last resort, over your kid when he is crossing the line.

That absolutely dosen't mean that parents have absolute authority over childrens, and most of the relationship is about cooperation and mutual agreement. But it's clear that one part can assert authority and the other have to obey, within limits. If those limits are crossed, it's abuse.

 

[ApharmdX]

Yeah that's how it went for me. I was always punished first and repeatedly until my dad finally spanked me. Didn't last long though. My sister never got in trouble... I guess she saw what I was going through and didn't want any of it.

I believe it depends on the kid and it should be used as a last resort. I believe it's true that it doesn't work a lot of the time. Or hell, most of the time simply because it's used as a first result rather than trying other methods like punishment first.

And now that I have a daughter, who is 2.5 years old, I can see why a lot of parents do it.

Personally, I've only spanked her hand and that was when she repeatedly tried unplugging and plugging stuff in outlets. I have the protective, plastic pieces that block the outlets but she used to take something that's plugged in, unplug it and try to put keys or a fork in there. I told her to stop numerous times. Put her in time out (doesn't work too well with a toddler) and had her mom/my wife get on her. It never stopped till I lightly slapped her hand. I'd rather slap her hand than her getting electrocuted.

This is the perfect example where I as a parent think that spanking, or a smack on the hand as you did, is perfectly appropriate. Toddlers don't really pay attention to other types of discipline. And so, to keep them safe, we punish them in this fashion. It really sucks as a parent to have to do it, but keeping kids from hurting themselves or others is our highest priority.

Much of being a parent is about consistency, and nuance, and patience, in my experience. It's using different tools, positive and negative reinforcement, teaching and learning, nurturing and disciplining. Not every kid responds to parenting in the same way. For instance, my 12y.o. daughter will usually straighten up quickly if I tell her that I'm disappointed in her, without yelling, in a normal tone of voice. Her 11 year old brother will act out even after being asked not to, until I grab him firmly by the shoulder (not a bruising vice grip!) and tell him "stop!" loudly. There's not a blanket approach to parenting that just works. I do agree with posters that just spanking is wrong, and lazy as well. Being creative with punishments, and varying them up, works best in my experience.

 

[Patterbits]

Maybe it's because you were TheOnlyOneHeEverFeared.

Also many of you would do well to actually use your imagination and think about how you'd respond if your boss beat your ass for missing deadlines or fucking up at work. The feelings you'd develop as a result are assuredly the same feelings a child develops, yet you wouldn't accept that at all, would you?

Please stop using anecdotes to suggest that beating children is effective. I had my ass handed to me growing up and it most definitely made me an angrier, anxiety-riddled person. I don't dislike my parents for that and they largely regret treating me and my brother that way, but it certainly shaped my character for worse.

I’m sorry I absolutely understand what you’re saying and agree but can’t stop laughing at the idea of my boss kicking my shit in because I didn’t cut enough fruit or something, or maybe because I’m on my phone posting on GAF.

 

[hurricanes]

It really depends on the individuals. I do know a few incredible children who would never need physical or even non physical punishments to learn right from wrongs; and on the other hand I heard many stories when the brats won't behave until somebody whoop their asses.

 

[farmerboy]

This is the perfect example where I as a parent think that spanking, or a smack on the hand as you did, is perfectly appropriate. Toddlers don't really pay attention to other types of discipline. And so, to keep them safe, we punish them in this fashion. It really sucks as a parent to have to do it, but keeping kids from hurting themselves or others is our highest priority.

Much of being a parent is about consistency, and nuance, and patience, in my experience. It's using different tools, positive and negative reinforcement, teaching and learning, nurturing and disciplining. Not every kid responds to parenting in the same way. For instance, my 12y.o. daughter will usually straighten up quickly if I tell her that I'm disappointed in her, without yelling, in a normal tone of voice. Her 11 year old brother will act out even after being asked not to, until I grab him firmly by the shoulder (not a bruising vice grip!) and tell him "stop!" loudly. There's not a blanket approach to parenting that just works. I do agree with posters that just spanking is wrong, and lazy as well. Being creative with punishments, and varying them up, works best in my experience.

This is a pretty good post and generally reflective of my parenting.

I personally think its very important that a child is disciplined and I think a variety of actions help achieve that. Dangerous situations sometimes warrant a heavier response so the kid understands the gravity of the situation.

 

[Kevtones]

From an American perspective defining physical punishment as more than light spankings etc:



Physical punishment is lazy parenting. It's an abusive and damaging measure that perpetuates the idea that force is an acceptable means of getting what one wants in any setting. This is a terrible precedent to instill.

Giving a child something they really don't want is endlessly possible in alternative and non-violent ways.

Utilizing communication and reasoning will and should be a parental pillar.

 

[Trigonometrize.]

So you're teaching them that parents abusing their children is fine, and that they should do the same to theirs when they grow up. Great.

It doesn't have to be "abuse."

 

[AnathemicOne]

Don't hit kids, it is not hard. You can't go out and punch a random adult stranger, why do that to the most vulnerable members of society/the human species?

 

[Stone Ocean]

It works short term but there's so many better ways to go about punishing a kid without harming them, literally no reason to hit your kids.

 

[Polioliolio]

Are people really not hitting their kids?
I know there is this stronger notion now that you shouldn't do it. Do we really believe that has stopped anyone? Have you been to a walmart lately? Have you seen the people that vote trump? Bet you anything most of the brats out there are being smacked, or at least threatened with a hit.

 

[Boy Wander]

Don't hit kids, it is not hard. You can't go out and punch a random adult stranger, why do that to the most vulnerable members of society/the human species?

Speaking as a parent myself, it is really fucking hard sometimes because they deliberately frustrate the ever living shit out of you and things can escalate when warnings and removal of privileges are met by a shrug and a shitty attitude. Having said that, I've only spanked my son on a few occasions and I've always followed up and explained why it ended up happening, apologised, hugged him and told him that I love him.

Being a parent is actually quite a difficult balancing act. It's ok saying "discuss things with them", but kids are often not emotionally intelligent enough to properly discuss emotional and behavioural issues. Also, not all kids are made equal - some kids are accepting of their behaviour and punishments work whereas some kids are much more difficult to parent. There are also a lot of dynamics going on in a family and a lot of external stressors which only add to the mix.

 

[Poppy]

i really have trouble not saying it in an offensive way, but to put it bluntly, no one should care if you are a parent or not. i know its a hard thing to do, but anyone (not everyone, but you understand me) can have kids and that qualification means nothing. hitting your kids is simply not a good thing. i realize you are under stress and its the only thing you felt you could fall back on, but that doesn’t make it right

 

[BlackGoku03]

This is the perfect example where I as a parent think that spanking, or a smack on the hand as you did, is perfectly appropriate. Toddlers don't really pay attention to other types of discipline. And so, to keep them safe, we punish them in this fashion. It really sucks as a parent to have to do it, but keeping kids from hurting themselves or others is our highest priority.

Much of being a parent is about consistency, and nuance, and patience, in my experience. It's using different tools, positive and negative reinforcement, teaching and learning, nurturing and disciplining. Not every kid responds to parenting in the same way. For instance, my 12y.o. daughter will usually straighten up quickly if I tell her that I'm disappointed in her, without yelling, in a normal tone of voice. Her 11 year old brother will act out even after being asked not to, until I grab him firmly by the shoulder (not a bruising vice grip!) and tell him "stop!" loudly. There's not a blanket approach to parenting that just works. I do agree with posters that just spanking is wrong, and lazy as well. Being creative with punishments, and varying them up, works best in my experience.

I agree wholeheartedly. I've learned a lot in the past year being a father and one of the things I learned was not to be predictable with discipline. I vary that shit up. Sometimes a talk will do. Sometimes redirecting/positive enforcement works. Sometimes a time out works. Or just let her have a meltdown by herself and let her get over it. And like my example above, a slap on the hand worked the one time I used it.

Now if I punished her the same way for everything, whether it's just spanking or if it's just a time out, or if it's only positive reinforcement, that shit is going to stop working after a while.

It doesn't have to be "abuse."

I see this every time this subject gets brought up here. Where is the line drawn? A slap on the wrist can't be abuse. And there has to be a distinction between getting your ass kicked (a beating) and having your hand/wrist/butt popped (popped as in a light hit) to redirect. All of it isn't on the level as getting beat with an extension cord like my dad did when he was little.

I say this because I don't see that distinction, or measurement, drawn here or in a lot of studies.

And Jesus, I'm not advocating for anyone to spank their kids before anyone jumps down my back.

 

[tonysidaway]

Toddlers don't really pay attention to other types of discipline. And so, to keep them safe, we punish them in this fashion.

No, this is actually quite shocking as well as being blatantly wrong. Hitting a very small child cannot even be justified by some specious notion that the child can understand why they're being hit and learn from the experience. They're barely able to understand and communicate the simplest ideas.

We keep toddlers and small children safe by vigilance and, as they grow more capable, by education and training. Punishing a child for simple ignorance is also, needless to say, rather suspect.

 

[Septimius]

This is the perfect example where I as a parent think that spanking, or a smack on the hand as you did, is perfectly appropriate. Toddlers don't really pay attention to other types of discipline. And so, to keep them safe, we punish them in this fashion. It really sucks as a parent to have to do it, but keeping kids from hurting themselves or others is our highest priority.

Would you do the same with a dog or a cat?

 

[AnathemicOne]

Speaking as a parent myself, it is really fucking hard sometimes because they deliberately frustrate the ever living shit out of you and things can escalate when warnings and removal of privileges are met by a shrug and a shitty attitude. Having said that, I've only spanked my son on a few occasions and I've always followed up and explained why it ended up happening, apologised, hugged him and told him that I love him.

Being a parent is actually quite a difficult balancing act. It's ok saying "discuss things with them", but kids are often not emotionally intelligent enough to properly discuss emotional and behavioural issues. Also, not all kids are made equal - some kids are accepting of their behaviour and punishments work whereas some kids are much more difficult to parent. There are also a lot of dynamics going on in a family and a lot of external stressors which only add to the mix.

Speaking as someone whose not a parent and deals with kids on occasion due to volunteer tutoring. Whatever frustration I have with kids has never warranted me to physically hit them, even for a light "spanking", nor has it ever crossed my mind during those instances.

For anecdote, I was raised under a military/marine father and corporal punishment consisted of spanking at first, then it went to a belt, then it went to a fist. And each time all I learned was to fear and resent.

So yeah, don't hit kids period.

 

[NullPointer]

It made me fear and later hate my father, so if that counts as working, sure.

You know how sometimes when laying down with your head smooshed into a nice soft pillow you can feel/hear your heartbeat? In my young imagination that sound was my dad trudging miles in the snow to reach me with his belt.

 

[Q8D3vil]

As a last term measure i'll absolutely do it, although my wife wont allow it so its out of the question.

 

[Red]

.

 

[Calion]

I never made the connection that corporal punishment establishes and normalizes the idea that it’s ok to hit and strike children, but after this thread; holy shit. It’s incredibly obvious now.

 

[Laiza]

I never made the connection that corporal punishment establishes and normalizes the idea that it’s ok to hit and strike children, but after this thread; holy shit. It’s incredibly obvious now.

Right? It's amazing how self-perpetuating it is. Cycle of violence, indeed.

 

[OrbitalBeard]

I was spanked pretty regularly as a child and I don't feel it had any positive impact on my life.

If I ever have children, I'll be punishing them in ways that don't involve physical harm.

 

[Familienoberhauptvogel]

How does hugging it out somehow make spanking acceptable? It just makes it sound like you can't live with the consequences of your actions.

 

[Brakke]

How does hugging it out somehow make spanking acceptable? It just makes it sound like you can't live with the consequences of your actions.

Yeah I really don’t get how “dump an enormous, confused megaton of conflicting emotions” on a kid is any kind of way to teach.

 

[SoRuffShoNuff]

Speaking as someone whose not a parent and deals with kids on occasion due to volunteer tutoring. Whatever frustration I have with kids has never warranted me to physically hit them, even for a light "spanking", nor has it ever crossed my mind during those instances.

For anecdote, I was raised under a military/marine father and corporal punishment consisted of spanking at first, then it went to a belt, then it went to a fist. And each time all I learned was to fear and resent.

So yeah, don't hit kids period.

Does not equate to the experience of parenting whatsoever.

 

[Unbounded]

Living creatures are complicated and there is no one-size-fits-all approach.

That said, more often than not physical reprimands are unnecessary.

 

[AnathemicOne]

Does not equate to the experience of parenting whatsoever.

Of course not. But am I going to pretend to know of parenting when I've no contemporary interest in it? No, so I can only go off anecdote. I do care about child abuse and preventing it however.