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So I spent a considerable amount of time locked in a shed.

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T

TheJLC

Member
Regarding Face to face. I don't think anyone is judging you, they are more than likely shocked. Personally, I would be angry to hear that coming from the very person in front of me. Not towards you, but to the person responsible.

Sorry to hear about what happened to you, I wish you the best.
 
M

Maxim726X

Member
That's horrible.

I read a book in school, 'A Child Called It', which to some degree is very similar... The author had a brother who the mother treated like gold, but for whatever reason treated the author like shit.

I'm so sorry, OP. Whenever you feel up to it, you should pursue legal action. No human being should ever be able to get away with what your father did.
 
P

pj

Banned
As horrific as this must have been for you, I am extremely curious about some of the details..

1. How often did you get put in the shed? (once a week? once a month?)
2. How long were you in there on average? (a day? a week?)
3. How many times total do you think you were put in there? (20? 100?)
4. How big was the shed approximately? (2mx2m? How many steps could you take?)
5. Was it heated in the winter?
6. When you were in there for 9 months, where did your 'waste' go? Sorry to be blunt but 9 months of poop would make a pretty big pile.
 
A

anaron

Member
wow, wtf.


Where was the school system in all of this? They must've taken note of a kid not showing up for months.
 
Head of Vengarl

Head of Vengarl

Banned
Good fucking god. My heart is pounding after reading the OP. Absolutely sickening stuff.

I'm glad it's making you feel better to post about it. The fact that you aren't a raving lunatic after enduring that is a testament to your mental strength. Many of us would probably be foaming at the mouth after spending that long locked in a shed.
 
T

TheOnlyOneHeEverFeared

Member
pj said:
As horrific as this must have been for you, I am extremely curious about some of the details..

1. How often did you get put in the shed? (once a week? once a month?)
2. How long were you in there on average? (a day? a week?)
3. How many times total do you think you were put in there? (20? 100?)
4. How big was the shed approximately? (2mx2m? How many steps could you take?)
5. Was it heated in the winter?
6. When you were in there for 9 months, where did your 'waste' go? Sorry to be blunt but 9 months of poop would make a pretty big pile.
Click to expand...

Not once a month like that, it was infrequent. But it became longer and longer as time went on. Although the 9 months was the longest time. I have no idea what the average time was. I think, maybe 15 times in total. I don't know if I'm forgetting some or mistaking some for other things. It was big enough for me to lie down on my back at the age of 16, when I was already more than 6ft tall. It had one of those things, what do you call them, portable radiators. Like you plug them in. And those rugs. And if it smelt really bad, he cleared it out. He did that at least three or four times.


And I have no idea what the school system was doing. That was year 7, going into year 8, I started year 8 at a new school just before christmas of that year.
 
Amory

Amory

Member
I just don't understand how this day in age someone could be absent from...well...life for months at a time and no one asked any questions.

How is that possible?

You can't just tell a school "oh my kid's sick he's not coming back for a while". You'd need doctors notes or whatever wouldn't you?
 
P

painey

Member
Wow, not sure I could ever even talk to any of my family members after that.. they were practically accomplices. Good on you for your attitude, I would certainly be after blood if I was ever treated like an animal like you were, especially in such important childhood years.
 
G

georly

Member
Oh my god OP, I'm so so so sorry. This breaks my heart.

Title made me think you got accidentally locked in a shed overnight, but reading that you were in there for 9 months is the most horrifying thing I've ever seen a gaffer write. I just wish I could give you a hug or something.
 
T

TheOnlyOneHeEverFeared

Member
Amory said:
I just don't understand how this day in age someone could be absent from...well...life for months at a time and no one asked any questions.

How is that possible?

You can't just tell a school "oh my kid's sick he's not coming back for a while". You'd need doctors notes or whatever wouldn't you?
Click to expand...

I had doctors notes. Or rather, I had notes, signed by doctors that he gave to me. I gave them to my principal, and they were accepted.

I haven't forgiven my family. But I think that if it had been someone else, like another one of my siblings, who got the brunt of his abuse, would I have acted differently? I don't know. Its easy to judge.



Still angry.
 
D

Dr. Feel Good

Banned
Part of me is just angry you missed out on the third generation of Pokemon which included the remakes of Red and Blue for Game Boy Advance which are arguably the best in the series.
 
H

Hex

Banned
I may have overlooked it, but how long ago did this happen?
I am assuming more than 7 years considering that you said he has been in hiding for that long.
What can legally be done after this much time has passed?
I hope that more effort and attention is being spent on therapy and perhaps support groups.
These are indeed terrible things to experience.
 
P

Plum

Member
anaron said:
wow, wtf.


Where was the school system in all of this? They must've taken note of a kid not showing up for months.
Click to expand...

They do a lot of the time, but the capability for a lot of schools to actually do anything about it is slim. Social Services in the UK are overworked, understaffed and under-budgeted so even if they got them in the chance of the proper convictions happening would be slim. It varies depending on area, but it's not that great where I live (a relatively crime-free small town), so it would be much worse nearer or in the big cities.

EDIT: I'm making assumptions about OP's situation, sorry for that, but a pupil being sick for that amount of time does raise alarm bells.
 
entremet

entremet

Member
Your father is legit psychopath. He has classic tells, such as charming you and your family under a veneer of malice.

I honestly can't believe they didn't do anything.
 
J

JCX

Member
Holy crap OP, I could not imagine that. Wow. Now that you're older, do you discuss thus with your siblings?
 
C

CliqWriter

Member
What makes me sick is your siblings.....
Being able to talk to us is a big step I'm glad you took.
I know you spoke about this but talking to a therapist is still my suggestion. Best of luck man.
 
D

Dr. Feel Good

Banned
TheOnlyOneHeEverFeared said:
I had batteries for my gameboy advance. They didn't always last long. But enough to play through firered like 15 times. I used to just play through it, then restart and play it again.
Click to expand...

Damn at least you had that. Still awful. I'm emotionally attached to that series as is, can't imagine if it wasn't the only thing I could do locked up in a room.
 
P

Palmer_v1

Member
I don't really have any questions for you, OP, but I'm glad you were able to share this, and that it's been helpful to you. You're a stronger person than I am.
 
E

efyu_lemonardo

May I have a cookie?
Symphonia said:
Are you being ignorant or stupid? It's hard to tell...
Click to expand...
Not sure I understand. I made that post just as OP was writing this one:
TheOnlyOneHeEverFeared said:
No. Maybe I should be. I was very much so. But she didn't have a good time of it herself, he wasn't very nice to her either. And such awful resentful emotions aren't helpful. I don't mean in the sense of it being easy to forgive her, I don't think I have. But it would be pointless to maintain an endless stance of bitter hatred towards her.
Click to expand...
Prior to reading that the mother's position in all of this wasn't clear to me, and I was angry at her as well as the father. I still feel angry that so many people who knew about this situation allowed it to continue, but it's ultimately up to the OP to decide what kind of relationship they wish to have with each individual mamber of the family.
 
C

Catvoca

Banned
TheOnlyOneHeEverFeared said:
Yes its a good movie. It resonated with me. I don't have her courage unfortunately.
Click to expand...

If I may make a suggestion, you might like the Mountain Goats album "The Sunset Tree". It's about the songwriter growing up with an abusive father, and I've heard from some people that have lived through similar experiences to you that it really resonated with them. The way you talk about Pokemon and Enid Blyton novels actually reminds me a lot of the song "Hast Thou Considered the Tetrapod".
 
S

Sutton Dagger

Member
I started reading the OP, thinking it was a case of a parent making the bad parenting decision to put their child in the shed for an hour or two..... Holy shit, months at a time.

To the people laying blame on the mother, it's definitely a difficult situation. Seeing as the father is clearly abusive, we don't know the extent to which the mother suffered abuse herself and thus her ability to think rationally was compromised.
 
B

BumRush

Member
OP, first and foremost, I'm incredibly sorry you had to endure that. I'm sure it's hard to talk about it and I hope it's helping in some way.

If you don't mind, I have a question. When you say "locked in the shed", do you literally mean that for 9 straight months you never once stepped foot outside of the shed? Also, i'm shocked the school didn't send someone by to check on your condition when you were out for 9 straight months (apologies if I missed an update on that)...that seems like a massive oversight on their part.
 
T

TheOnlyOneHeEverFeared

Member
Farsi said:
Curious, is your username related to your father in any way?
Click to expand...

Not quite, its harry potter. Thats how Dumbledore is referred to as voldemort is afraid of him. Another thing that greatly helped me through the years.


I'm still angry at her. But he abused her as well. Maybe not in the same way but I know he has, she has her marks. And she's punished herself for years. She did also stand up for me eventually. Not that it excuses her, I'm still angry. But it wasn't one sided.


I got let out more than once to wash. Not every day or every single week. But I was allowed to use the bath under his supervision.
 
P

Palmer_v1

Member
Okay, I guess I am curious about some things.

Your father knew you had books and gameboys and stuff with you?

Was he giving you time to gather stuff to take with you before he locked you in?

Did you ever try to hide things in the shed ahead of time?

What was the youngest age you can remember being locked into the shed?

If you had screamed/yelled/banged on the walls, were there any neighbors close enough to hear?
 
T

TheOnlyOneHeEverFeared

Member
Palmer_v1 said:
Okay, I guess I am curious about some things.

Your father knew you had books and gameboys and stuff with you?

Was he giving you time to gather stuff to take with you before he locked you in?

Did you ever try to hide things in the shed ahead of time?

What was the youngest age you can remember being locked into the shed?

If you had screamed/yelled/banged on the walls, were there any neighbors close enough to hear?
Click to expand...

Yes he gave me the books. My mum gave me the gameboy and batteries. He was aware of them and he never took them or objected to it.

No I never knew. He would be very calm for a time until I did something then he would snap and drag me.

The youngest would be age 8 after pokemon gold came out. I link those things together.

No. We lived in-between a motor way road and a council estate. I don't recall trying to get attention, except by crying at first. And as far as I'm aware, nobody ever heard.
 
G

Glasshole

Banned
TheOnlyOneHeEverFeared said:
Yes he gave me the books. My mum gave me the gameboy and batteries. He was aware of them and he never took them or objected to it.

No I never knew. He would be very calm for a time until I did something then he would snap and drag me.

The youngest would be age 8 after pokemon gold came out. I link those things together.

No. We lived in-between a motor way road and a council estate. I don't recall trying to get attention, except by crying at first. And as far as I'm aware, nobody ever heard.
Click to expand...


I... what.

What.

I have a big mouth. I'm never speechless. But right now I'm at a loss for words.

The sheer fact that you're not hunting your dad down to make him suffer makes you a better person than me.
 
T

TheOnlyOneHeEverFeared

Member
Glasshole said:
I... what.

What.

I have a big mouth. I'm never speechless. But right now I'm at a loss for words.

The sheer fact that you're not hunting your dad down to make him suffer makes you a better person than me.
Click to expand...

I don't want to die. I don't want to go to prison. I don't want to tear myself apart anymore. I'm tired of it. He's gonna go down.
 
C

Choppasmith

Member
Man that is awful, OP.

I mean it's actually kind of scary how I can relate.

I had a terrible STEP father who was sexually abusive. Like your father, he would "make up" excuses to "punish" me in the same way you said, except for me it was sexual.

He also abused my two older half sisters (different father same mother). It really took a toll on my oldest sister who turned around and started abusing me. Saying "You're my HALF brother, I don't HAVE to love you the same way". Was just telling this, through pm, to another Gaffer the other day, how coincidental.

But anyway, she was so disgusted with me she would lock me in my room with no food or anything when my parents were away and she was in charge. It wasn't until I was around Middle school or so, when I spoke up and she allowed me to come out and get food or use the bathroom. "Well I wouldn't want you to STARVE, I guess" but I was still mostly confined to my room. Still, that was just a few hours. Hard to imagine if it were months at a time.

It was actually my oldest sister's boyfriend when she was in High School, that dragged it out in to the open and my mom (who was completely unaware) kicked him out.

I was just finishing Middle School then and I was an emotional, broken mess going through High School. Never went to prom, never really dated. If I ever ask GAF for dating advice and people wonder why I would be awkward, well THIS would be why, not that I happen to have an MLP avatar.

I'm 32 now, and I'm in a much better place, but it can still be an emotional struggle. I have moments of anxiety and lack of confidence. So if you ever want to talk, OP, I think I could be of help.
 
E

eyeball_kid

Member
I'm so very sad that you went through this, OP. But you also seem like a really strong person, and it's good that you are facing your past like this now. It means that you can begin to let its grip on you wane. I wish you the very best in getting justice done, and in your future.

I'm curious if your father had a rough childhood. So often this kind of family abuse is passed down, though in this kind of extreme case he obviously has some psychological problems as well. No normal person in their right mind, even with their own history of abuse, would lock their child in a shed for months in inhumane conditions.
 
T

TheOnlyOneHeEverFeared

Member
Choppasmith said:
Man that is awful, OP.

I mean it's actually kind of scary how I can relate.

I had a terrible STEP father who was sexually abusive. Like your father, he would "make up" excuses to "punish" me in the same way you said, except for me it was sexual.

He also abused my two older half sisters (different father same mother). It really took a toll on my oldest sister who turned around and started abusing me. Saying "You're my HALF brother, I don't HAVE to love you the same way". Was just telling this, through pm, to another Gaffer the other day, how coincidental.

But anyway, she was so disgusted with me she would lock me in my room with no food or anything when my parents were away and she was in charge. It wasn't until I was around Middle school or so, when I spoke up and she allowed me to come out and get food or use the bathroom. "Well I wouldn't want you to STARVE, I guess" but I was still mostly confined to my room. Still, that was just a few hours. Hard to imagine if it were months at a time.

It was actually my oldest sister's boyfriend when she was in High School, that dragged it out in to the open and my mom (who was completely unaware) kicked him out.

I was just finishing Middle School then and I was an emotional, broken mess going through High School. Never went to prom, never really dated. If I ever ask GAF for dating advice and people wonder why I would be awkward, well THIS would be why, not that I happen to have an MLP avatar.

I'm 32 now, and I'm in a much better place, but it can still be an emotional struggle. I have moments of anxiety and lack of confidence. So if you ever want to talk, OP, I think I could be of help.
Click to expand...

Parents can fuck you up so bad. It's crazy how bad it messed it up. I'm so sorry that happened to you man, thats awful. And same to you if you need an ear to bend.

edit - He did have a bad childhood, my father. His mother was crazy, crazy catholic lady. His father was a crazy heavy drinker who got fucked up during army service in Burma during the second world war, came back and became an alcoholic. My father left home at age 16 to join the army. His brother moved as far as possible from his mother, and his sister became a nun.
 
B

BumRush

Member
OP, one more question...

After the 9 month time, or even some of the longer times, you walked into school with a note and they were fine with it? Your father deserves the blame, obviously, but man, that just reeks of negligence to me on the school's part. Growing up (I'm a little older than you I think), over a week of missing school (without doctor feedback) and administration started to get involved.
 
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