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[etrain911]

Is anyone in the thread familiar with primal play?



You might find the links at the bottom more useful but here's a solid resource: http://www.submissiveguide.com/2012/10/what-are-brats-and-smart-assed-masochists/

Mmmhm, I identify as a bit therian at times and primal play can be a lot of fun. Any questions about it?

 

[DoktorEvil]

Appropriate episode too!

My sub is a lot like that; she's perfectly capable of understanding and following direction, but she loves to step out of line because she knows that it'll result in punishment

How'd you meet her? A munch?

 

[Captain_Spanky]

Then there's also something called a Brat, that will tease and push your buttons in order to get punished. It's like, "Hey! Listen! Hey! Listen!" of bdsm...

It's supposed to be "cute" but it just ends up with the person getting 'punished.' Which isn't really punishment because they're usually into that sort of thing.

Which is why you find punishments they don't like for that shit.

They like pain but hate humiliation? Make them do something degrading.

They like attention? Ignore them

A great one I heard recently was holding coins against a wall (one under your nose and one each under outstretched arms and fingers, crucifixion style) for a set period of time and every time they are dropped is a day without orgasms. Cos everyone likes orgasms.

Basically military stress positions are a bastard.

My partner and myself switch and we are both bratty motherfuckers, but we get off on different shit. She's in to pain mixed with pleasure, I'm in to humiliation and ageplay. So there's always a fun variety of punishments in our house depending on who's in trouble.

I think the term for a recreational punishment is funishment. We have a lot of those too.

 

[tearsofash]

Mmmhm, I identify as a bit therian at times and primal play can be a lot of fun. Any questions about it?

I used to do primal play, but my bad back won't let me. I like grappling/push-pull/shoving/biting/scratching/screaming/hair-pulling stuff but I always throw my back out.

I'm kind of looking for insight on how others practice primal play. Ever since I sold my violent wand, I haven't really been able to scratch many of BDSM itches

 

[Darksol]

How'd you meet her? A munch?

I've made friends via munches, but so far not play partners. Met on Fetlife actually!

I think the term for a recreational punishment is funishment. We have a lot of those too.

Funishment? Haha, I will never forget that now.

 

[Gordon Shumway]

I dated a model into that stuff, she stuck her finger up my ass during a blowjob with no prior warning.

I swiftly broke up with her after that. (Straw that broke the camel's back btw)

I'm just laughing sooo fucking hard right now..thanks for sharing.

 

[DoktorEvil]

I've made friends via munches, but so far not play partners. Met on Fetlife actually!
.

Well then, I should make an attempt to find a play partner this weekend.

 

[Captain_Spanky]

Ha, lucky for your sub. My Sir is more like Captain Spanky.



This. When I break the rules, I am punished. Actually punished, not just played with. So, usually the task is something that is related to my failure and is not something I enjoy at all.

Except, I just want to add, be very careful about using "ignoring" as a punishment. Forced physical isolation wouldn't be as bad, but emotionally, ignoring someone is a really dangerous line, especially for subs.

Perhaps I'm being naive, but my bond with my partner goes more than him being my partner. Because he's also my Sir, because I put my life in his hands when we play, he's... like, my pillar of strength, the one person I can trust to always be there for me... if he ignored me, that would be bad. Especially if I messed up and I know I did something wrong-- to be then rejected, even as a "punishment," is just a level of mental anguish that doesn't seem appropriate for anything I could do that would warrant a punishment but not a breakup.

That's absolutely fair. I've never used it myself because I'd hate that shit, it'd drive me crazy. It's a popular punishment in the local scene though. If I was going to do that I'd limit it to a period of, at most, an hour or two. Just enough to be irritating but not cause relationship issues.

 

[tearsofash]

Except, I just want to add, be very careful about using "ignoring" as a punishment. Forced physical isolation wouldn't be as bad, but emotionally, ignoring someone is a really dangerous line, especially for subs.

Perhaps I'm being naive, but my bond with my partner goes more than him being my partner. Because he's also my Sir, because I put my life in his hands when we play, he's... like, my pillar of strength, the one person I can trust to always be there for me... if he ignored me, that would be bad. Especially if I messed up and I know I did something wrong-- to be then rejected, even as a "punishment," is just a level of mental anguish that doesn't seem appropriate for anything I could do that would warrant a punishment but not a breakup.

You aren't being naive at all. Both parties need the attention, whether it's positive or negative. Rejection is no attention. It's unknown. It's fear. ETC. Unless the rejection negotiated beforehand, don't randomly throw in rejection IMO.

There are some sorts of play where rejection/ignoring can be useful. Predicament bondage, abduction roleplay, and sensory deprivation come to mind.

 

[Darksol]

Ha, lucky for your sub. My Sir is more like Captain Spanky.

It mostly depends on my mood and how serious I am about correcting her behaviour that determines whether she gets punishment or "punishment". So she's gambling any time she steps out of line that I'll be lenient, haha.

 

[DoktorEvil]

It mostly depends on my mood and how serious I am about correcting her behaviour that determines whether she gets punishment or "punishment". So she's gambling any time she steps out of line that I'll be lenient, haha.

Sounds super kinky, yo.

So is it 24x7 for the 2 of you, or do you only play when in person?

 

[tearsofash]

It's like throwing a ball to a dog....and then not throwing the ball. The dog only learns anger. Then that anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering.

 

[block tower]

idk if this is bdsm or what? ever since high school (for reference im 23 now) i was into grtting hurt while having sex, something about the sexual stimulation coupled with intermittent pain. i would ask gf's and hookups to choke me while we fucked, scratch my back till it bled, even went as far as asking for teethy blowjobs (that sometimes bled:/). anyway fastforward to when i wad 20-22, i was in a monogamous fwb relationship for two years and we did all types of great painful sexual things, she was a year and a half younger and had the same sexual preferences but no guys that she had sex with before were into those things, that and she never brought it up. well i happened to be into those things and we clicked. my favorite thing we'd do is she'd put a pillow case over my head so that i could slightly see out of it, while she was naked only wearing a ski mask. id then be handcuffed to this old wooden chair i had in my apt while naked. she'd then blow me or ride me a little then suddenly stop, talk dirty and smack my face, choke me, and whip me with her leather belt. it was fucing great. we did this to each other all the time, along with a lot of other things. like i said, idk if this was bdsm or just masochism but it was fun lol.

 

[Moff]

well masochism is the m in bdsm so yeah, the answer to your question is yes.

 

[block tower]

well masochism is the m in bdsm so yeah, the answer to your question is yes.

ok cool.

 

[Darksol]

idk if this is bdsm or what? ever since high school (for reference im 23 now) i was into grtting hurt while having sex, something about the sexual stimulation coupled with intermittent pain. i would ask gf's and hookups to choke me while we fucked, scratch my back till it bled, even went as far as asking for teethy blowjobs (that sometimes bled:/). anyway fastforward to when i wad 20-22, i was in a monogamous fwb relationship for two years and we did all types of great painful sexual things, she was a year and a half younger and had the same sexual preferences but no guys that she had sex with before were into those things, that and she never brought it up. well i happened to be into those things and we clicked. my favorite thing we'd do is she'd put a pillow case over my head so that i could slightly see out of it, while she was naked only wearing a ski mask. id then be handcuffed to this old wooden chair i had in my apt while naked. she'd then blow me or ride me a little then suddenly stop, talk dirty and smack my face, choke me, and whip me with her leather belt. it was fucing great. we did this to each other all the time, along with a lot of other things. like i said, idk if this was bdsm or just masochism but it was fun lol.

Yeah, I think it's safe you say you have some of the tendencies of a masochist.

Both parties need aftercare, this is something I am really big on.

Ahh, variable ratio operant conditioning.

You clever bastard.

I agree about the aftercare. Absolutely necessary as far as I'm concerned.

And thank you! I can occasionally be clever ^-^

Sounds super kinky, yo.

So is it 24x7 for the 2 of you, or do you only play when in person?

I've been 24x7 in the past, but not with this girl. She's relatively new to the scene and in many ways I'm breaking her in, and helping her find her ground in this new community of hers. And we're not in any sort of relationship, so 24x7 is pretty much off the table at the moment.

 

[kame-sennin]

that doesnt mean she cant be submissive.
subs dont usually just lay themselves down to you, they may want/need to be conquered/cornered and that can get pretty rough.

Ahh, yes. The conquered, wrestled-to-the-ground, pinned-in-submission game.

....... excuse me I'll be in my bunker now.

Thanks for the advice, everyone. I think that describes her pretty well as she was doing some major clawing. I had no idea that was part of d/s. I have a bunch to learn about dom/sub!

 

[Darksol]

Welcome back ^-^

 

[Two Words]

I know a guy who had been getting into BDSM hardcore, but is no longer with the woman who was into that. He says its hard for him to really perform with regular sex now. Apparently the girl really got him into being the S in BDSM. He's kind of freaking out about it. I've never done any BDSM. Is this common?

 

[Wings 嫩翼翻せ]

My ex was really into BDSM. Can't say I was super invested in it but a select few things actually turned me on, like the "sir" type thing and stuff (she was a super sub). Also, a friend of mine is a submissive male, but he has a hard time living with it, because apparently it's something people make fun of.

Is true, GAF?

 

[CornBurrito]

Hmmm, I can't speak for anyone else, but it's possible he's just associated sadism (or is it submission?) with sex and am having a hard time "switching" back into vanilla sex.

Think of it like a mental deathgrip?


Though, not sure why it's bad to have only kinky sex . Plenty of us absolutely prefer kinky sex, and I do know some people who don't even do vanilla sex anymore because it doesn't turn them on that way.

Some of us are hardwired to that, I think. It's like a sexual orientation, not just a fetish.

I wouldn't say that is a fair comparison. There was a time I found it easy to be turned on by vanilla. There was never a time I was sexually attracted to women. I imagine it may be harder to go back in terms of kink level because of dopamine.

 

[Two Words]

Hmmm, I can't speak for anyone else, but it's possible he's just associated sadism (or is it submission?) with sex and am having a hard time "switching" back into vanilla sex.

Think of it like a mental deathgrip?


Though, not sure why it's bad to have only kinky sex . Plenty of us absolutely prefer kinky sex, and I do know some people who don't even do vanilla sex anymore because it doesn't turn them on that way.

Some of us are hardwired to that, I think. It's like a sexual orientation, not just a fetish.

Well from what he's told me, he was doing stuff with her that he never did with anybody else. Even as far as staging rape-fantasies in the forest. He wasn't like that before. He says he feels like he's been hooked on a drug and he can't get anymore.

 

[Wings 嫩翼翻せ]

Yes and no. Does he hang around shitty people? :x

Male subs are very common, as are heterosexual dommes (female version of dom).

I think that on some levels, kink in general is not quite accepted yet, but honestly, submissive males are not that rare.

You don't have to be into every single kink to be a little kinky . If you like being called Sir, and you like to be a little bit dominant, then I would say yeah, you're kinky, but not too into the hardcore stuff, or maybe not into implement play. I think that falls more under the d/s (dom/sub) dynamic. It's possible you're just d/s and not s/m (sadist/masochist) or b/d (bondage and discipline).

(As another note, although it's not covered here, many people consider most fetishes to be kinky, though not necessarily BDSM. However, I would say all (but not playing involving real children orreal animals) fetishes are welcome in the kinky community. I think kinky and BDSM communities often exist simultaneously, just due to nature of our play

Another thing. Big fan of discipline. Not hardcore, again, because I have my limits but I enjoy it quite a bit. I'd agree on me being more d/s. And also yeah, my friend does hang around shitty people lol.

I'm sure I'm not alone but I find it easy to transition from a vanilla mindset to a bdsm related mindset and vice versa.

 

[CHEEZMO™]

Discovered my partner was a fan of spanking last night. Fun.

 

[FZZ]

GF and I are really getting into Master/slave scenarios and we are looking to trying out a remote controlled vibrator for discreet public use. I was just wondering if there was any specific brand you guys would recommend that remains silent, but still teases the fuck out of her.

 

[Wings 嫩翼翻せ]

Yeah tell your friend to get better friends for kink. I mean, it's possible his friends just misunderstand him, but I find that it's usually not worth trying to "fight" for this. If people are shitty about my kink, I drop them. Ain't no one got time for that shit!

You're not alone about that. Not everyone likes it 24/7, and some people are good at it. Some people also do physical/oral cues- putting on a collar, assuming a certain position, saying a certain phrase/word.

Thanks a lot lmao. You're awesome.

 

[Dead Man]

Those times when you find a friend to play with after years of not having anyone at all? Awesome.

Also, I forgot I posted in here in 2012 lol.

 

[Darksol]

I was going to reply to a few of the posts above me, but backslashbunny pretty much said what I would've already.

Oh, but these:

Discovered my partner was a fan of spanking last night. Fun.

Bare handed, or with something? Either way, have fun! Do you think it was a one time deal sort of affair or do you think it could become a regular thing?

I'm a fan of OTK scenarios myself, either bare handed or with a paddle. I've dabbled with pretty much everything, but I suppose I like those best. The belt can be a very effective tool in the right hands too ^-^

Those times when you find a friend to play with after years of not having anyone at all? Awesome.

Friends with benefits sort of deal? Can definitely be a whole lot of fun!

 

[Christine]

My problem is, I'm not. It just doesn't really do anything for me.

I mean, it's not like I don't do a thorough job without the rope; we both have a good time. But she enjoys it so much and I like making her happy so I wish I was keen on including it more often.

I guess I'm not really sure what kind of advice I'm asking for, here. Is this just a mismatch in proclivities?

I wouldn't call it a 'mismatch'. If tying her up made you feel uncomfortable and bad, then that would be a much bigger problem.

Pretty much all tops spend quite a bit of time that on activities that don't immediately gratify them, it's just part of the nature of the thing. You have to figure out what it is that does really do it for you, and incorporate that into your play.

 

[Pickman]

FetLife women get clingy so fast ;_;...

Found a play partner on there this week, and we hooked up just for some fun D/s play and a casual fling. I made things very clear from the start that I wasn't looking for a relationship or to keep her as a pet or anything like that, and still she's insisting on calling me Sir and messaging me all day long. I want to sit her down and sternly explain things since saying it a few times doesn't seem to work, but I'm afraid she'll just see that as a turn on.

Bloody hell. Some people need a safeword of the heart. </3

 

[CHEEZMO™]

Bare handed, or with something? Either way, have fun! Do you think it was a one time deal sort of affair or do you think it could become a regular thing?

Both. Yes heh. Likely.

I'm a fan of OTK scenarios myself, either bare handed or with a paddle. I've dabbled with pretty much everything, but I suppose I like those best. The belt can be a very effective tool in the right hands too ^-^

Was using my hand at first but I was hitting so hard it started to hurt my palm lol. Switched to my belt after that.

 

[Dead Man]

Friends with benefits sort of deal? Can definitely be a whole lot of fun!

Sorry for the slow reply, friends with benefits and she has friends in the scene too. Quite fun actually

 

[Etrian Oddity]

So for those who are active on Fetlife... do you basically just join groups and/or cold message people? I did register there but I kind of drew away from it since I didn't seem to get the point. It seems like it'd be a good hub for a person like me though, haha.

 

[Lazyslob]

i've always wanted a woman to dominate me

 

[dalin80]

So for those who are active on Fetlife... do you basically just join groups and/or cold message people? I did register there but I kind of drew away from it since I didn't seem to get the point. It seems like it'd be a good hub for a person like me though, haha.

Joining groups is good for learning more about a subject and exploring it, you rarely get true discussions like the typical forum thread. Cold messaging people is generally a no-no, unless you have seen a mutual interest in their profile or postings. Fetlife doesn't really open up until you have met some other users and gone to some events, then you have a good foundation for getting more out of the community.

A tip- Don't spend money on support, all it gets you is access to the worlds slowest, unsearchable video section consisting of 99% Guys jacking off and 1% something that could have been interesting if the camera was pointed in vaguely the right direction. Also gives you full access to the 'kinky and popular' section, just in case you wanted to see several hundred pages of 'vanilla and whining'.

 

[Darksol]

I feel like kinky people tend to be more poly!

I think so too. I mean, apart from some communes in British Columbia, and some less than favorable Mormon offshoots, you don't find many vanilla poly relationships

i've always wanted a woman to dominate me

What's stopping you?

 

[Hollycat]

Not into BDSM, but leather collars and chokers are hot.

 

[Darksol]

leather collars and chokers are hot.

Agree 100%

 

[GungHo]

A tip- Don't spend money on support, all it gets you is access to the worlds slowest, unsearchable video section consisting of 99% Guys jacking off and 1% something that could have been interesting if the camera was pointed in vaguely the right direction. Also gives you full access to the 'kinky and popular' section, just in case you wanted to see several hundred pages of 'vanilla and whining'.

Yeah, if you just want to watch people screwing, go to tube site or wait for kink.com to have a fire sale. Fetlife's entire search engine seems to be intentionally unfriendly, even if you're looking for people in the area.

<= one thing I notced... vigilink added the link, so don't ban me for linking to porn please, thank you based admins.

 

[LCGeek]

Joining groups is good for learning more about a subject and exploring it, you rarely get true discussions like the typical forum thread. Cold messaging people is generally a no-no, unless you have seen a mutual interest in their profile or postings. Fetlife doesn't really open up until you have met some other users and gone to some events, then you have a good foundation for getting more out of the community.

A tip- Don't spend money on support, all it gets you is access to the worlds slowest, unsearchable video section consisting of 99% Guys jacking off and 1% something that could have been interesting if the camera was pointed in vaguely the right direction. Also gives you full access to the 'kinky and popular' section, just in case you wanted to see several hundred pages of 'vanilla and whining'.

Always wondered what paying in to fetlife would do glad to know it's a ripoff like the AFF system. The rest of the advice is solid especially about groups.

Can't believe I missed this thread till now.

 

[dalin80]

Always wondered what paying in to fetlife would do glad to know it's a ripoff like the AFF system. The rest of the advice is solid especially about groups.

Can't believe I missed this thread till now.

It also gives you the ability to view a lot (all?) of your history in terms of likes or comments, which is fairly pointless and also gives you the option to gag people, which is actually the best benefit as sometimes people can go on a bit of a binge or get caught up in an argument and you spend the night having to trawl through it on your feed. IF they upgraded the video section to be powered by something more substantial then a potato battery and allowed it to be searchable and tagged then support would probably be just about worth it.

Have 4 munches this next 10 days, out this weekend horse riding with my best friend who I met through a munch and then next weekend she is coming round to do my apadravya. Should be an interesting couple of weeks..

You know what's crazy? xvideos has better spanking/discipline movies than spankingtube.

[What's a fire sale?]

Xhamster is pretty reliable but hard kink is a little rarer on there plus side it is one of the few sites that I have never picked up a virus alert from.

A fire sale is a 'everything must go' wide discount, some sites have them in various categories now and then, 'all lezdom vids half price' etc.

 

[hodayathink]

You know what's crazy? xvideos has better spanking/discipline movies than spankingtube.

Of course, for sexual BDSM and not strict d/s or something, porn sites are usually superior to kink sites.

[What's a fire sale?]

Every couple of weeks I'll get an e-mail from Kink.com with a special offer (usually something along the lines of 20-50% off, or a free month of one site if I join another site). Even with those, you'll end up paying somewhere around $15-25 for one month. It's worth it, though, especially since Kink.com's scenes don't end up on easily searchable tube sites as often as most other major companies.

 

[GungHo]

[What's a fire sale?]

Kink separates sub-site subscriptions, so you pay for each site. If you have subscribed in the past, you'll get occasional emails about that site or a related sub-site going anywhere from 25%~75% off, and even a free month.

 

[Featheredkitten]

Every couple of weeks I'll get an e-mail from Kink.com with a special offer (usually something along the lines of 20-50% off, or a free month of one site if I join another site). Even with those, you'll end up paying somewhere around $15-25 for one month. It's worth it, though, especially since Kink.com's scenes don't end up on easily searchable tube sites as often as most other major companies.

I dunno I do okay on pornhub, but then i'm cheap and don't want to pay for it, heh.

 

[GungHo]

I dunno I do okay on pornhub, but then i'm cheap and don't want to pay for it, heh.

I haven't subscribed in a few years, but at one time (before the tube years), it was the highest quality stuff you could find without going into the dark world of people hitting each other in the dick with hammers.

 

[hodayathink]

I dunno I do okay on pornhub, but then i'm cheap and don't want to pay for it, heh.

If you're looking for 5 minutes clips, then you can do fine (since sites give those out for free as previews). If you're looking for the full movie, then it becomes much harder. And for most major porn sites, if you wait a week or two you can find all their stuff on the popular tube sites, and for me that hasn't been true with Kink.

Ooh, so tempting.

I might pick it up when I move in with my partner. >=]



Is there a way I can sign up for emails without subscribing to a paid site?

If you go to their website, you can sign up for a free account without joining any of their sites, and when signing up for that they give you the option to receive promotional e-mails.

 

[Featheredkitten]

If you're looking for 5 minutes clips, then you can do fine (since sites give those out for free as previews). If you're looking for the full movie, then it becomes much harder. And for most major porn sites, if you wait a week or two you can find all their stuff on the popular tube sites, and for me that hasn't been true with Kink.

See, I think there's the difference between us, I have very little time to look at and enjoy porn so short clips are fine for me. I guess it's just what you want out of your alone time...

I haven't subscribed in a few years, but at one time (before the tube years), it was the highest quality stuff you could find without going into the dark world of people hitting each other in the dick with hammers.

That doesn't sound like much fun.

 

[Wynnebeck]

Going from BDSM to porn. You guys are cray. Also, my domme is getting to hang out with me for the first time in a few weeks. Maybe I'll be a brat and get punished. <3

 

[DarthWoo]

I'm on Fetlife from time to time. Sadly, my main interest is in something that you'd either need to find a relatively expensive pro-Domme for or run the risk of death if just meeting up with some random stranger. (and still run the risk of death or injury if the pro fucks it up)

 

[Vaudeville Villain]

How do you guys go about telling people what you're into? I met a girl a couple of weeks ago and we've been having sex, which is fine. I just hate normal sex, I find it boring. I texted her what I like and asked if she wanted to experiment a little. She hasn't replied since. Idc about her not responding, I'm a big boy, I can deal with it. But I don't want this to be a reoccurring theme where I tell the person what I'm into and they ignore me. Did I do the right thing? Or Should I wait a while next time until we develope more of a relationship? How do you guys generally approach the situation?

This wasn't an issue before as I had ways to find girls who were into it. I don't have that benefit anymore and am left stranded and bored