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The Nostalgia Critic |OT| He Remembers It So You Don't Have To

BatDan

Bane? Get them on board, I'll call it in.
Yeah review was pretty good. I do think the dragon in that film wouldn't talk a lot and could easily tell what they could be saying. Luckily that's where How To Train Your Dragon comes in.

And Channel Awesome just posted a tweet for the next 2 reviews for September:
Green Lantern and Kangaroo Jack.

Both prime material.

Green Lantern for being a mess, and Kangaroo Jack for being the king of misaimed marketing. Every trailer and commercial included the rapping kangaroo but that was only one scene, and a dream sequence. The majority of the movie is a mediocre chase film with some jokes not meant for kids. At least it has Christopher Walken.
 
Decent review, I actually saw Eragon in the theaters, since I was fan of the book (I was 14 for perspective), and remember thinking it was fine at the time. I haven't seen it in years, and I doubt it really holds up in any "meaningful" way.

I enjoyed the video game mistake bit, thought that was a pretty clever way to set up the review, and I enjoyed that cinnamon bun joke too. However I will say this Malkovich is a brilliant actor, who has given some excellent performances, and like any great actor can "ham" it up in bad movie projects when required. He's very much wasted in this film though as he only gets two scenes, his character was going to get more screentime in the sequel, but we all know what happened to that.
 

Zonic

Gives all the fucks
NC: Kangaroo Jack

The most I remember was that stupid bathroom scene & the fact that whenever Nickelodeon would show it, they'd cut the scene where the main character grabbed a woman's chest because he thought it was a mirage & was all "THEY FEEL REAL", so it'd just cut to the punch.

....so yeah, for kids.

Edit: & the next review in 2 weeks will be
The Green Lantern
 

BatDan

Bane? Get them on board, I'll call it in.
I saw those commercials all the time but really had no interest in seeing the movie.
It really needed more Walken.

But yeah, it's pretty clear this was Frankenstein'd into a mess.
 

Boss Doggie

all my loli wolf companions are so moe
I'm liking this review style. He only does this for movies he doesn't want to review and if there are no editorials?
 
What a butt ugly movie. What was WB thinking?

Too many cooks in the kitchen. According to a few sources who worked on the film, apparently production was not so great, and so we ended up with the mess we got, which is a shame. I still own the movie on blu-ray since I'm a fan of the concept, but it could have been so much more.
 
Too many cooks in the kitchen. According to a few sources who worked on the film, apparently production was not so great, and so we ended up with the mess we got, which is a shame. I still own the movie on blu-ray since I'm a fan of the concept, but it could have been so much more.

Keeping it focused on Hal on Earth would have worked so much better than trying too much. OA wasn't necessary.
 
Keeping it focused on Hal on Earth would have worked so much better than trying too much. OA wasn't necessary.

I would have loved to see OA, but I agree. It was far more problems then that just though. There clearly wasn't a real sense of direction during post-production, and now it's made the GL name a toxic brand, unfortunately.

WB could have started their cinematic universe earlier, if they had a better sense of director. Alas. At least Reynolds met his wife on set, that's something good that came out of the film, I suppose.
 

Boss Doggie

all my loli wolf companions are so moe
I was pretty neutral about this film but apparently it was the reason why GLTAS was canned, so now I hate it with passion.
 

caliph95

Member
It wouldn't have been torn apart by fans (including me)

But it would have been better if they had a lot more focus (and less money to be spent on cgi for aliens and planets ) and had him fight Hammond or more low-key villain

Going with Parallax as your first villain who is way too big and powerful for an origin story is like fighting Thanos in the first avengers
 

Cheerilee

Member
I don't think there's much to get to know regarding Hal Jordan. Alien crash lands on Earth, and asks his ring to seek out a worthy successor. Someone who is courageous, honest, and with a strong sense of justice. The ring finds Hal, a test pilot for experimental aircraft. He literally faces death on a regular basis, on the assumption that his girlfriend has everything under control and won't let him die (the way his father did). Hal's already a cool character. He dealt with his daddy issues a long time ago.

The ring is a power fantasy for children. Once Hal's charged it (which he has to do once every 24 hours), he can create anything he wants, as long as he wants it hard enough. He can fly, he can punch, he can shoot, he can put up a shield. Hal's not that creative with his constructs, which actually works well if you're introducing Green Lantern to new audiences, but one should definitely avoid the punchline/meme of Hal's primary attack being a G-rated nonlethal boxing glove (that'd be like making an Aquaman movie that jokes about how lame Aquaman is). The ring's kryptonite is the color yellow, which means that his punches have absolutely zero effect on someone wearing yellow armor, and if you threw a painted Easter Egg at Hal, it'd hit him, regardless of what kind of shield he puts up. In spite of that weakness, a Green Lantern ring is considered the most powerful weapon/tool in the universe (particularly in Hal's hands, due to his jacked willpower stat).

I think the defining aspect of Hal Jordan's Green Lantern vs someone like Alan Scott (the previous mystical Green Lantern) is the "spacecop" thing. Abin Sur was a dying alien spacecop, who deputized Hal Jordan. It's kind of required that he be brought to Oa to check in with the Guardians, meet Sinestro, and the rest of his new spacecop friends and co-workers.

I think it's fair that the Guardians would sideline Hal, tell him to go home and get used to his new ring (allowing for smaller-scale Earth-bound heroism), and not burden the "it's my first day" rookie with an investigation into Abin Sur's death. But that's not saying he couldn't insert himself into the investigation. *shrug* The moviemakers could've gone almost anywhere with their movie, but it's like they chose the worst possible path. And on top of that, they blew their load with the "Parallax" thing (Parallax only comes into the picture at the end of Hal Jordan's story, when DC was getting off on killing their own iconic characters). The way to set up the end of Hal Jordan is easy (if you feel the need to set up the death of your character in his own origin story): Make Coast City look like a great place to live.
 

zeemumu

Member
I don't think there's much to get to know regarding Hal Jordan. Alien crash lands on Earth, and asks his ring to seek out a worthy successor. Someone who is courageous, honest, and with a strong sense of justice. The ring finds Hal, a test pilot for experimental aircraft. He literally faces death on a regular basis, on the assumption that his girlfriend has everything under control and won't let him die (the way his father did). Hal's already a cool character. He dealt with his daddy issues a long time ago.

The ring is a power fantasy for children. Once Hal's charged it (which he has to do once every 24 hours), he can create anything he wants, as long as he wants it hard enough. He can fly, he can punch, he can shoot, he can put up a shield. Hal's not that creative with his constructs, which actually works well if you're introducing Green Lantern to new audiences, but one should definitely avoid the punchline/meme of Hal's primary attack being a G-rated nonlethal boxing glove (that'd be like making an Aquaman movie that jokes about how lame Aquaman is). The ring's kryptonite is the color yellow, which means that his punches have absolutely zero effect on someone wearing yellow armor, and if you threw a painted Easter Egg at Hal, it'd hit him, regardless of what kind of shield he puts up. In spite of that weakness, a Green Lantern ring is considered the most powerful weapon/tool in the universe (particularly in Hal's hands, due to his jacked willpower stat).

I think the defining aspect of Hal Jordan's Green Lantern vs someone like Alan Scott (the previous mystical Green Lantern) is the "spacecop" thing. Abin Sur was a dying alien spacecop, who deputized Hal Jordan. It's kind of required that he be brought to Oa to check in with the Guardians, meet Sinestro, and the rest of his new spacecop friends and co-workers.

I think it's fair that the Guardians would sideline Hal, tell him to go home and get used to his new ring (allowing for smaller-scale Earth-bound heroism), and not burden the "it's my first day" rookie with an investigation into Abin Sur's death. But that's not saying he couldn't insert himself into the investigation. *shrug* The moviemakers could've gone almost anywhere with their movie, but it's like they chose the worst possible path. And on top of that, they blew their load with the "Parallax" thing (Parallax only comes into the picture at the end of Hal Jordan's story, when DC was getting off on killing their own iconic characters). The way to set up the end of Hal Jordan is easy (if you feel the need to set up the death of your character in his own origin story): Make Coast City look like a great place to live.

So how does Hal hurt Sinestro if the dude is covered in yellow energy
 
Personally I really think they should have just set-it-up, or at least make it more low-key for the sequel. Doesn't matter though, since this film didn't know what it wanted to be anyway.

Decent enough episode for what it was. This film was a major disappointment especially as a GL film. It just seemed to do nothing, and there was clear studio meddling involved with it too. "The too many cooks" in the kitchen scenario fits to a T. Also some of the CGI is fine, while some of it is also really bad. Plus I think he missed an opportunity to make a "Waititi directing Thor" joke or something.

So how does Hal hurt Sinestro if the dude is covered in yellow energy

In the old days, he usually manages to one-up him. In the comics though, they retconned it as the yellow weakness only affecting inexperienced lanterns, of which Hal in this film was.
 

Cheerilee

Member
In the old days, he usually manages to one-up him.

Yep. As a random example, Sinestro uses his yellow ring to shoot Hal. Hal uses his green ring to put up a shield (normally impenetrable). The yellow shot passes right through the green shield and hits Hal. Ouch. Sinestro shoots again. This time instead of using his ring to make an ineffective shield, Hal uses the ring to pick up a manhole cover off the ground, and uses the manhole cover as a makeshift shield. That works.

Then Hal tries to return the favor by shooting Sinestro. Hal's bullets just whiff into nothing and Sinestro (not even bothering to put up a shield) is unharmed. So Hal instead uses his ring to throw the manhole cover at Sinestro. That works.

Hal is at a constant disadvantage, but that's what makes for a great archenemy.
 

zeemumu

Member
Yep. As a random example, Sinestro uses his yellow ring to shoot Hal. Hal uses his green ring to put up a shield (normally impenetrable). The yellow shot passes right through the green shield and hits Hal. Ouch. Sinestro shoots again. This time instead of using his ring to make an ineffective shield, Hal uses the ring to pick up a manhole cover off the ground, and uses the manhole cover as a makeshift shield. That works.

Then Hal tries to return the favor by shooting Sinestro. Hal's bullets just whiff into nothing and Sinestro (not even bothering to put up a shield) is unharmed. So Hal instead uses his ring to throw the manhole cover at Sinestro. That works.

Hal is at a constant disadvantage, but that's what makes for a great archenemy.

But when you make a character with a lack of an imagination whose main power is imagination and put him against a character immune to his imagination, it makes things weird without a talented writer

Duck Dodgers is best Green Lantern
duck+dodgers.jpg
 

Cheerilee

Member
But when you make a character with a lack of an imagination whose main power is imagination...

I don't think Hal's relative lack of imagination is particularly a drawback. He can fly, he can punch, he can shoot, he can put up shields. When something special needs doing, like a building is falling over and he needs to construct some sort of stand to prop it up temporarily, he can whip up something that will do the job. He can do all the basic fundamentals, and do them well. I think Hal is actually quite well suited to being an introductory Green Lantern character.

Kyle Rayner is on the other side of the imagination coin from Hal. Kyle was a comic book artist who was given the ring, so his creations have the most creativity and flair (self-indulgent much, comic book writers?), but that doesn't necessarily mean Kyle's constructs are better.

If Hal were to make a simple gun and fire it at some sort of measurement target, the "power level" of his shot could potentially be near-infinite, but the real-world factor in determining it's power level would be "How powerful does Hal want this gun to be, and how badly does Hal want it to be that powerful?" If Kyle were to shoot at that same target...
...he would create a Patlabor-style mech that shoots the target with it's hand lasers. But that's just extra style and flair. It doesn't change the measurement formula on the power of the shot, which remains "How powerful does Kyle want this Patlabor hand-laser to be, and how badly does Kyle want it to be that powerful?"

Basically, Hal is a good basic starting character for introducing Green Lantern to new audiences, while Kyle is where you go after the novelty of Green Lantern starts to wear off. Also, Kyle is harder to write, because his constructs require genuine creativity on the part of the writer.

...and put him against a character immune to his imagination, it makes things weird without a talented writer
Substitute "imagination" here with "superpowers".

Hal has superpowers. You put him against a character that is immune to his superpowers, and that doesn't create a problem requiring an exceptional writer, that creates a standard conflict, requiring a competent writer.

Also, just because Hal uses his ring in somewhat mundane and non-flashy ways, that doesn't mean his brain is deficient and he's incapable of improvising his way into victory after he's backed into a corner by an overwhelmingly superior opponent.
 

zeemumu

Member
I don't think Hal's relative lack of imagination is particularly a drawback. He can fly, he can punch, he can shoot, he can put up shields. When something special needs doing, like a building is falling over and he needs to construct some sort of stand to prop it up temporarily, he can whip up something that will do the job. He can do all the basic fundamentals, and do them well. I think Hal is actually quite well suited to being an introductory Green Lantern character.

Kyle Rayner is on the other side of the imagination coin from Hal. Kyle was a comic book artist who was given the ring, so his creations have the most creativity and flair (self-indulgent much, comic book writers?), but that doesn't necessarily make Kyle's constructs are better.

If Hal were to make a simple gun and fire it at some sort of measurement target, the "power level" of his shot could potentially be near-infinite, but the real-world factor in determining it's power level would be "How powerful does Hal want this gun to be, and how badly does Hal want it to be that powerful?" If Kyle were to shoot at that same target......he would create a Patlabor-style mech that shoots the target with it's hand lasers. But that's just extra style and flair. It doesn't change the measurement formula on the power of the shot, which remains "How powerful does Kyle want this Patlabor hand-laser to be, and how badly does Kyle want it to be that powerful?"

Basically, Hal is a good basic starting character for introducing Green Lantern to new audiences, while Kyle is where you go after the novelty of Green Lantern starts to wear off. Also, Kyle is harder to write, because his constructs require genuine creativity on the part of the writer.


Substitute "imagination" here with "superpowers".

Hal has superpowers. You put him against a character that is immune to his superpowers, and that doesn't create a problem requiring an exceptional writer, that creates a standard conflict, requiring a competent writer.

Also, just because Hal uses his ring in somewhat mundane and non-flashy ways, that doesn't mean his brain is deficient and he's incapable of improvising his way into victory after he's backed into a corner by an overwhelmingly superior opponent.

Flashy is better for the comic book medium. Otherwise "just shoot him" or "explode his brain" would always be in effect. At least in my opinion.

I feel like changing the charge rule for the ring was to cover that drawback so Hal wouldn't be expected to make more complex stuff
 

Cheerilee

Member
Flashy is better for the comic book medium.
I think it's more about the novelty wearing off. At first, the basic concept of a magic ring that can make tangible illusions was a neat idea which could stand on it's own, but after a while it gets boring and you expect them to deliver on the infinite creative potential of such a tool, and you demand a new and creative construct with every different panel of the comic.

Otherwise "just shoot him" or "explode his brain" would always be in effect. At least in my opinion.
I dunno, that seems tied up with the G-rated nature of the comics, and the hero's willingness to go there.

I feel like changing the charge rule for the ring was to cover that drawback so Hal wouldn't be expected to make more complex stuff
I never really liked the change in the charge rule. At first, the promise of the ring was infinite power (for exactly 24 hours, and the clock is ticking), limited and defined only by the ring's bearer. But then, Kyle Rayner becomes a GL and starts creatively exploiting that power to it's fullest, really having some fun with it, and DC picks that time (IIRC, the rule change happened when the ring passed from Hal to Kyle, and Ganthet tweaked it's settings) to say that the ring is a mini-battery, and Kyle is constantly burning finite resources on superfluous nonsense. It just seemed counterproductive.
 

Cheerilee

Member
Didn't know certain Deadpool cosplayers were asses though.

I think it probably has to do with this guy, who famously dressed up like Deadpool (long before the movie was even a thing), went to conventions, played around with his fellow cosplayers, and put the videos on youtube and got a bunch of hits.

I'm guessing that some people watched his videos and got the idea that all you have to do to imitate him is put on a Deadpool mask (that way nobody can see your face), and then you have permission to run around conventions and "play" with the cosplayers (whether they like it or not). What these wannabe-Deadpools don't realize is that this guy approaches the cosplayers, says hello, asks if they'd like to play along, and then if they agree, he sets up a camera and they play out a pre-arranged performance.

There are apparently a ton of people at conventions with no social skills, who don't understand boundaries, and think the world revolves around them.
 

Jawmuncher

Member
Green lantern review was ok. I’ve noticed if he reviews a bad/boring movie with nothing really redeemable (Like GL which was just a boring mess). His review usually suffers for it too. Since there’s not much to work with.
 
I'm liking this review style. He only does this for movies he doesn't want to review and if there are no editorials?

It kind of felt like his older style reviews from the Blip days to me, which I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for.



Anyways...man...Green fuckin' Latern...I remember me and my buddies were so pissed that we spent more than ten bucks to see that crap. Well except for the one who fell asleep during most of it...he was spared from the awfulness. haha
At least we got to eat some bomb ass food afterwards though.
:p
 
Yep. As a random example, Sinestro uses his yellow ring to shoot Hal. Hal uses his green ring to put up a shield (normally impenetrable). The yellow shot passes right through the green shield and hits Hal. Ouch. Sinestro shoots again. This time instead of using his ring to make an ineffective shield, Hal uses the ring to pick up a manhole cover off the ground, and uses the manhole cover as a makeshift shield. That works.

Then Hal tries to return the favor by shooting Sinestro. Hal's bullets just whiff into nothing and Sinestro (not even bothering to put up a shield) is unharmed. So Hal instead uses his ring to throw the manhole cover at Sinestro. That works.

Hal is at a constant disadvantage, but that's what makes for a great archenemy.

Not to mention Sinestro has a constant ego, and thinks he can always win, which Hal often eventually takes advantage of, via the use of his ring. It's a classic hero / villain dynamite.
 

Cheerilee

Member
NC: Scary Godmother

Ugh, this was one of those movies that Cartoon Network would play NONSTOP during Halloween & my sister would watch it so I had to hear this in the background a lot.

On the subject of NC pointing out that the backgrounds are oddly cel-shaded while the characters are more traditional CG (rather than cel-shaded characters on a traditional background), according to Wikipedia, Mainframe Entertainment (the animation studio) wanted to cel-shade the entire movie, but Jill Thompson (writer/artist of the books) thought that they were treading too close to her 2D art style and was unsettled by it, so she insisted that they turn off the cel-shading filter on the characters.

Oh and, for a temporal frame of reference, this movie first aired in October 2003 (October 2004 in America), while Zelda Wind Waker (known for it's cel-shading) launched in December 2002 (March 2003 in America).
 

BatDan

Bane? Get them on board, I'll call it in.
NC: Scary Godmother

Ugh, this was one of those movies that Cartoon Network would play NONSTOP during Halloween & my sister would watch it so I had to hear this in the background a lot.

Wow, talk about after my time. We've gotten to that point now.... No wait I was still watching in 2004. I guess I just never bothered with this one.
What a weird movie.

Looking it up, Skully is voiced by Scott McNeil. Obviously this is his best performance.
 

BatDan

Bane? Get them on board, I'll call it in.
Nice review, I do prefer when the clipless reviews are basically like the normal ones just with re-enactments, instead of the weird "we're using metaphors to criticize the movie" ones like the Phantom of the Opera review.
Great Joker impression at the end
Now to wait until October 2019 for the sequel.
Next year though... hmmm maybe Lawnmower Man or Thinner or Children of the Corn 2, or hell The Running Man to cover both King and Schwarzenegger.
 
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