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When Men Cry
- Thread starter Miles Quaritch
- Start date
exactly this. You're the one who people have to be able to rely on. no matter how you feel, no matter what happened.
And it's not like I like that. it's super unhealthy but the one time I did not do that, I got shit on so bad. So I'll just stomach it.
Why do you have to change for the world? Why not change the world to accept you?
This is so fucked up. Try holding back tears when you are thinking of suicide while being in a Psychosis. Yeah sure just stomach it. This post from you is exactly the reason why men don't cry. Stomaching things is the worst advice ever.
you say that like I say it and support it. I don't. I won't teach it to my children and I don't support it in any way.
But I've to do it in everyday life, because it is expected by a lot of people.
If this forum wasn't readable by everyone I'd of course be willing to tell you more about what I mean. But I feel a little hurt by your sentence with the psychosis. Like I don't know.
because I'm just one little dude and the world is big and full of idiots who think it is the "right way". little me can't do much without support from the outside.
BlackBanditSho
Member
Truth post above. I applaud the bravery of this poster in our current environment.
As a guy, I realized the transition from boy to man is how you deal with it. Unhealthy? Probably, but most men -especially of my generation (40s) - cry in private, if at all. The only time I even get slightly onion eyed is when I see moments of real brotherhood and bonding in movies. Now that Im a dad, violence against children makes me super angry. When I was a hormone driven teen, the only time I cried was when I was so angry that somebody was about to get some pain. Hated having to get violent.
Tears in public might be healthy ... I guess...whatever pop psychology says. Sure. But they solve nothing and only add doubt and confusion for people around you that need stability and resolve or just a moment of inspiration.
Dirtyshubb
Member
Im sorry but most of this sounds like socially constructed bullshit and not actually based in anything physical.
The idea of strong leaders being big, strong, manly men who grunt and never cry are now nothing more than social constructs that have been perpetuated through media and older generations. From a cave man point of view this might have applied but we have seen societies change back and forth on whats manly throughout the ages. At one point having a small dick was seen as powerful and manly, now its the exact opposite. We have other posters mention it used to be seen as a sign of leadership for a leader to cry.
These ideas arent biological, they are influenced by society.
Its really disheartening to see how many people seem incapable of understanding the nuances and intricacies of how opinions in society are formed and changed. Instead its how it is or just nature, excusing them of any responsibility for the effects of their actions and opinions.
Its also why we have diet racism/sexism because in some peoples eyes these small actions have no consequence to other people but ask any minority or woman who has to deal with the unspoken discrimination they get because of how society is formed and as a result how many people go along without questioning it.
My friend, it sounds like you have a lot of pent up emotion, may I suggest a tragic film for you to watch so you can really get your cry on?
Yeah people really need to realise the difference between nature/nurture.
Edit: Reminded of this conversation that was had in a chat at one time where some dude was like "Yeah but Swedish men don't talk about their feelings!!!!" and I was like "I talk about my feelings lol, stop meme'ing" and his replied was "Lol are you a f*g?" (last quote is verbatim)
Didn't mean to hurt you. I meant I have had multiple Psychosis and sucide thoughts. At some points I kept crying in the train and had no idea why, I just did. But I also cried out of despair and kept doing it, no matter the crowd and setting. I am sorry if I was to harsh but please for yourself and your kids just cry when you need to and don't stomach it and keep it away.
And which are true, crying is an useless emotion, you aren't achieving anything by crying, your problems will still be there, your situation will still be the same, it's just a waste of time, like my dad always said to me: "if you have time to stand there and crying like a baby, took that time to change things, if you can't, you'll always struggle in your life cause you'll always be passive at everything that will happen to you, man up".
InfiniteBento
Member
Professional crybaby at your service
im a fragile lil marshmallow
im a fragile lil marshmallow
Snarky(HEART)
Banned
And the moment your dad said the words man up he became immediately discountable.
It's a BS sentiment of toxic masculinity and I don't cotton to it.
tiebreaker
Member
I cried while watching Lion on a flight. I sat alone though.
velociraptor
Junior Member
I have only cried 3 times.
2 times when close family members passed away. The 3rd over a girl. But I regret the latter.
No girl is worth crying over, and honestly, I feel like crying is generally a stupid emotion.
Sure, when family members pass away - it's perfectly natural to cry. But reading posts such as 'this game or movie made me cry', I'm really having a hard time fathoming what exactly about entertainment would bring you to tears.
Admittedly I'm not a very emotional person.
2 times when close family members passed away. The 3rd over a girl. But I regret the latter.
No girl is worth crying over, and honestly, I feel like crying is generally a stupid emotion.
Sure, when family members pass away - it's perfectly natural to cry. But reading posts such as 'this game or movie made me cry', I'm really having a hard time fathoming what exactly about entertainment would bring you to tears.
Admittedly I'm not a very emotional person.
Vicetrailia
Member
For me crying has never helped me. It's not necessary for me other than to be more freely expressive, as I wouldn't be comfortable crying in front of others regardless of the situation experienced.
Albino_Yeti
Member
Eh, I think it's fine for men to cry over things worth crying about. Actual emotional things like loss of family members, collapse of finances, seeing your newborn child for the first time, seeing your wife on wedding day. The end of Toy Story 3. etc etc
People saying crying is a useless emotion are so blinded by their own ignorance it's insane. Crying clears my head up when I'm going through something emotionally crushing. It lets all that shit out and then gives me a clearer picture of what to do next. I'm sure it's the same for a lot of people in here too, especially those who struggle with depression.
So you guys saying it's a useless emotion and I need to man up can fuck off. Or at the very least, learn from others and have some empathy.
So you guys saying it's a useless emotion and I need to man up can fuck off. Or at the very least, learn from others and have some empathy.
Suppressing emotions ain't healthy or useful either. I used to suppress shit like that, and all it did was lead to holes in walls, and suicide attempts. You can't just bottle that shit up. Eventually you'll explode.
Costanza-san
Banned
You don't understand. I'm too cool to cry, it's just not in my nature.
Or you could sit, take time to think about what is happening to you and what you have to do next, if you need to get shits out, hit the gym, hit a punching bag, run like hell, scream loudly etc... I don't want to tell you what to do cause everyone is different but in your case, I still don't get what's crying is achieving in your situation...
It's not about suppressing emotion but not let them overwhelmed you, it's about controlling yourself, get your shit together and have a clean mind.
I know you're kidding, but I understand why some people might not cry. I understand if they have been raised to think it's not okay. And if they get through life without crying that's okay too. It's when they start feeling like their personal experiences and how they were raised reflect the rest of the population's feelings on the matter, without even thinking that maybe the person crying just handles emotions differently and perceives things in another way.
It's almost like that's the root of most problems, huh?
flaxknuckles
Member
This is a good thing. Women cry too much over the smallest things and it's so annoying.
cromofo
Member
Last time I really cried was 7 years ago when my grandma died. It was really strange because I didn't drop a tear until they started to put her down in the ground.
Never cried so much in my life.
That being said, nobody likes a crybaby. I was raised to keep my emotions to myself and express them in private. I've never seen my father cry but I know he cried when shit was rough. He was that "unbreakable" stone of the family, and IMO, every family needs one.
The only times I shed a tear was when I saw my nephews for the first time and at the ending of Braveheart.
Never cried so much in my life.
That being said, nobody likes a crybaby. I was raised to keep my emotions to myself and express them in private. I've never seen my father cry but I know he cried when shit was rough. He was that "unbreakable" stone of the family, and IMO, every family needs one.
The only times I shed a tear was when I saw my nephews for the first time and at the ending of Braveheart.
QuantumSquid
Member
Not everybody is like you. Hitting a punching bag is good when you're angry or frustrated at something, and while some people do cry when they feel that way, a lot of people only cry due to sadness, and when you're sad you don't usually want to beat the shit out of things.
Allowing yourself to cry is a part of processing and handling emotions. Actively trying to prevent that is not conducive. Crying helps clear my mind.
Puck Beaverton
Banned
Did Einstein cry when he discovered the Theory of Relativity?
No.
No.
How is screaming any more materially productive than crying?
Uncle_Classy
Member
Spend your life putting up your "man" facade and being everybody's rock while suppressing your own emotions and you'll be alone in a room full of people.
Making actual connections with other people requires vulnerability.
It's more badass and manly, I guess.
"Bravery"
Fucking what
This is some "conservatism is the real counterculture" shit
Thinking about what's make you sad is the worst thing you can do, you have to make your head thinking about something else, that's why you need to move, to do something, to not let the sadness overwhelmed you, I know we're different people and go through things in different way but standing there doing nothing won't change the situation you're in, things happened, it's how it is, crying won't change anything.
Bro, if you feel like crying helps you, do it, as long as it's not the only thing you do, at the end of the day, feeling good is everyone's goal, crying is just not something I was taught to do.
I don't know, I'm not doing it, it's just an idea for someone that need to let it go somehow, screaming one time with rage is stronger in my mind than crying...
Puck Beaverton
Banned
breaking your hand is cooler than crying
no I'm not joking
no I'm not joking
Costanza-san
Banned
Oh of course it's fine if people don't cry. Just don't act like you're some supreme being because you're able to suppress that or if you like to call it useless.
TheOnlyOneHeEverFeared
Member
I haven't cried since I was... 10 or 11 maybe. Not that I'm activiely holding back the tears, negative or happy emotions just don't process for me like that.
Dirtyshubb
Member
Seeing some of the responses here is really shocking: complete lack of understanding of crying from a biological aspect, lack of empathy and understanding, speaking like crying is a once in a life time thing and even blatant sexism.
I have cried a tonne over the years but I have always been an emotional person. Not just sadness but every emotion I feel fully at times. Reasons for crying can range from feeling powerless in my options to respond to situations, funerals, the thought of loved ones (including pets) dying, watching films or playing games that are either sad or extremely uplifting and inspiring, arguments with the wife to even just feeling for her when she is upset about something.
I think even though my friends growing up were predominantly male I actually get on with women better and have always felt it easier to be more open about my feelings with them due to them having a better understanding of complex emotional problems and the effects of other people's actions.
It's been hard at times to be like this as a straight man, either as a young kid and being seen as soft or as a grown man who has long hair, a long beard, deep voice, wears black and can look very serious at times with people often saying that I'm someone that you wouldn't want to mess with.
Everyone handles things differently but for those people who criticise people for crying you need to either think about it from other peoples perspectives for once and accept it as something that is normal and OK or simply fuck right off.
I have cried a tonne over the years but I have always been an emotional person. Not just sadness but every emotion I feel fully at times. Reasons for crying can range from feeling powerless in my options to respond to situations, funerals, the thought of loved ones (including pets) dying, watching films or playing games that are either sad or extremely uplifting and inspiring, arguments with the wife to even just feeling for her when she is upset about something.
I think even though my friends growing up were predominantly male I actually get on with women better and have always felt it easier to be more open about my feelings with them due to them having a better understanding of complex emotional problems and the effects of other people's actions.
It's been hard at times to be like this as a straight man, either as a young kid and being seen as soft or as a grown man who has long hair, a long beard, deep voice, wears black and can look very serious at times with people often saying that I'm someone that you wouldn't want to mess with.
Everyone handles things differently but for those people who criticise people for crying you need to either think about it from other peoples perspectives for once and accept it as something that is normal and OK or simply fuck right off.
Morrigan Stark
Arrogant Smirk
Whining about being uncomfortable by other people's suffering. What a shining example of a well-adjusted, emotionally stable and mature person, right? You're so badass.
To be honest, I don't feel fantastic after crying at all. My problems are still there and I just feel like shit.
But if it makes others feel better afterwards, good for them.Errrr.... Care to explain how punching a bag or screaming loudly are signs of self-control and getting one's shit together, but crying isn't?
Yeah. Clearly not.
"Stronger", lol. Pure toxic masculinity BS. Screaming with rage is not a sign of strength. It's just as "weak" and a sign of loss of control as crying is. If you really think otherwise, please give an actual explanation as to why that would be. I'm dying to know.
Wow.
....Say what?
Nose Master
Member
If I was distraught enough to be sobbing in public, the last thing I'd want is a random stranger consoling me.
I've never been much of a crier, but I'm not going to talk shit about people who are more emotional since I know everyone deals with things their own way, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Like in my case, I feel like the reason I don't cry much is not because of the need to feel like MANLY TOUGH GUY or anything, but instead I was exposed to a lot of death growing up; I lost a lot of family and friends for various reasons in a pretty short period of time, which eventually made me just start feeling stunned/numb when I learned something bad happened instead of crying. So going through those few rough years probably caused me to rationalize/deal with things differently than I would have otherwise.
It would be an asshole move to insult someone just because they handle pain differently than I do.
Like in my case, I feel like the reason I don't cry much is not because of the need to feel like MANLY TOUGH GUY or anything, but instead I was exposed to a lot of death growing up; I lost a lot of family and friends for various reasons in a pretty short period of time, which eventually made me just start feeling stunned/numb when I learned something bad happened instead of crying. So going through those few rough years probably caused me to rationalize/deal with things differently than I would have otherwise.
It would be an asshole move to insult someone just because they handle pain differently than I do.
Did you missed the "if you need to get shits out ?" It's not what I'm doing, most of the time I just sit, take a time for myself, take a ride or just walk on the street and think about what's up, it's just ideas for people that needs to let them emotions out physically... anyway, doing physical activities is better in my mind than crying, it's just how it is for me but like I say, if crying helps people, then do it as long as it's not what you only do.
Because we look like this.
We must hide this face forever.
Admiral Woofington
Member
I cry in movies all of the time. My friends and I have moved past the masculinity shit, but we still joke with "damn those onions ninja are nearby" as it still is at least a bit uncomfortable for people to cry in front of others.