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When Men Cry
- Thread starter Miles Quaritch
- Start date
prepaidtacosalad
Member
I've been dealing with major depression/anxiety for the last few years and as a result I used to cry often, I would also do that in private while holding my issues in. Mental health is already treated poorly and the lack of any real positive depictions of getting help in media keeps that stigma for men, the same reason why continued racial and gender diversity is good. I can't remember what it was that finally pushed me over the edge to start seeking therapy but I did and it's been working.
I got called weak by people in my life, told I wasn't a real man, etc. I also got to see a side of my girlfriend I wasn't expecting, gender rolls completely reversed as she is the strong one in the relationship that keeps it together when things go bad and has to do the heavy lifting in the spousal support area. Depression and the like need to start being presented a different way to encourage more people to seek that help without shame, I don't know how to do that exactly but when I do see people suffering and acting like I did I do try to talk to them and let them know it's okay to feel the way they are and that going to get help doesn't make them any less of a man or anything like that.
I got called weak by people in my life, told I wasn't a real man, etc. I also got to see a side of my girlfriend I wasn't expecting, gender rolls completely reversed as she is the strong one in the relationship that keeps it together when things go bad and has to do the heavy lifting in the spousal support area. Depression and the like need to start being presented a different way to encourage more people to seek that help without shame, I don't know how to do that exactly but when I do see people suffering and acting like I did I do try to talk to them and let them know it's okay to feel the way they are and that going to get help doesn't make them any less of a man or anything like that.
Bro, you're not weak, you're trying to heal yourself, to do something to feel better and seeks therapy, if anything you're not weak.
On point. It's very much a toxic form of masculinity that holds men back from getting the help they need. People of all walks of life experience this: "You aren't a real x" bullshit and it's really annoying to see.
prepaidtacosalad
Member
I mean no doubt and that's something my therapist talks about and that's why I find it really important to spread that message because too many people still think like that
GameAddict411
Member
Men are as sensitive as women are if not more. It just that men have been taught over thousands of years to be tough, and to even to fake it. It's such a terrible thing for the mental health of the majority of men not to be able to express themselves when they are vulnerable.
GameAddict411
Member
You are not weak at all, and you are much stronger than all the people who labeled you as weak. Seeking help takes considerable effort and courage. It's something I experienced as well.
Have you ever felt lighter afterwards? That's more of what I mean by fantastic sometimes lol. Crying doesn't solve problems of course, it's there for that emotional release.To be honest, I don't feel fantastic after crying at all. My problems are still there and I just feel like shit.But if it makes others feel better afterwards, good for them.
I cried when my niece was born. It was a nice moment. I think I also teared up at my sister's wedding.
Denying emotions is the same as being afraid of emotions. If you're afraid of emotions, your not acting like an adult man.
So in many ways, crying can be a very strong symbol of masculinity in certain contexts.
I don't cry because I missed my train or because my day sucked. I only cry during significant life moments, good or bad. Like a death or a birth.
Denying emotions is the same as being afraid of emotions. If you're afraid of emotions, your not acting like an adult man.
So in many ways, crying can be a very strong symbol of masculinity in certain contexts.
I don't cry because I missed my train or because my day sucked. I only cry during significant life moments, good or bad. Like a death or a birth.
Chmpocalypse
Blizzard
I'd buy it. Hell, I'd model for it : p
illusionspark
Member
This could be very important, I think, and much needed.
What did your dad do when he was upset?
Morrigan Stark
Arrogant Smirk
Sure but you actually said that screaming is "stronger" than crying, and still haven't explained why...
As someone with hyper emotional issues...it sucks.
I've only seen my grandfather cry once when my grandmother died. My dad twice when his parents died. Me? I cry all the time. I cried at the beginning dog cartoon of Big Hero Six. I had tears earlier reading about a local little girl with a brain tumor. I get tears when I see those random Facebook videos from those Thai insurance commercials or whatever.
I get my emotional issues from my moms side of the family. I've dealt with it all my life...and I hate it. Makes me feel weak.
I've only seen my grandfather cry once when my grandmother died. My dad twice when his parents died. Me? I cry all the time. I cried at the beginning dog cartoon of Big Hero Six. I had tears earlier reading about a local little girl with a brain tumor. I get tears when I see those random Facebook videos from those Thai insurance commercials or whatever.
I get my emotional issues from my moms side of the family. I've dealt with it all my life...and I hate it. Makes me feel weak.
Patterbits
Member
I fucking hate it, why aren't men allowed to show any vulnerability?
Because of that social stigma and people around me enforcing it I grew up all fucked up and I rarely(like years apart, though I'm getting a bit better) cry even when I want to. When I do cry I get a fucking headache. I'm known as the person who never gets upset.
I'm sure it has something do with/doesn't play well with my depression either.
Because of that social stigma and people around me enforcing it I grew up all fucked up and I rarely(like years apart, though I'm getting a bit better) cry even when I want to. When I do cry I get a fucking headache. I'm known as the person who never gets upset.
I'm sure it has something do with/doesn't play well with my depression either.
I've only cried (actually sobbed) once, and it was alone. I often think of myself as being low-stress, but finding out I'm a major teeth grinder at night kind of made me reflect a bit. How often have I buried pain instead of processing it healthily? Not really sure, to be honest.
He usually move his head left to right has sign of disapproval and leave the room without saying anything XD
Fighting spirit I guess, someone that let it go in one rage scream and prepared to take action seems stronger to me than someone crying and doing nothing else.
illusionspark
Member
I couldn't cry for the longest time even though I wanted to, even though I was feeling tremendous pain. Eventually, I started to cry more easily.
Jeffolation
Banned
The ending of Heat broke me, increasingly shed more tears while watching films since.
Dirtyshubb
Member
While that might work for you and your dad, from my perspective they both sound like cases of bottling up emotions rather then embracing them and moving on. like "I have to walk away from this" and "shut up pain, you don't exist".
The funny thing about the whole "Toxic masculinity" part of this subject, is that the only times I have ever seen men being mocked for crying..... is from women.....
As for me, I don't cry easily at all. Maybe 10 times in my entire 35 year life so far....... Yet, I'm far from "masculine" :/
As for me, I don't cry easily at all. Maybe 10 times in my entire 35 year life so far....... Yet, I'm far from "masculine" :/
digita1alchemy
Member
I don't have a problem with anyone crying, but I don't really cry myself. I don't feel like I go out of my way not to or anything. I think maybe I am just really good at rationalizing things that are sad? An ex-girlfriend did call me a robot once.
I disagree, I, like you, feel like shit some days but I just don't want to overthink things, I just tried to be more positive, I'm trying to not overreacting too, it's very important and just move on as quick as possible from those negative emotions, life is too short to bother with negative thoughts, I do a lot of things like sports, gaming, painting, cinemas etc... too keep my mind busy as well.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
Women can and do contribute to the culture of toxic masculinity btw.
Polioliolio
Member
Crying shows you have human emotions.
Keep it up!
Anyone who makes fun of someone for crying instead of feeling empathetic is a sub human fuckoff.
Keep it up!
Anyone who makes fun of someone for crying instead of feeling empathetic is a sub human fuckoff.
Dirtyshubb
Member
Oh don't get me wrong I appreciate the sentiment and can see your point. I just feel that while it can help some it can also cause others to make things worse or increase other bad emotions down the line.
I struggle myself, I have a tonne of serious and stressful things going on in my life this year that are basically out of my control and no real sign for solutions for most of them other than waiting them out but one or two that have the potential to continue and make things worse.
I try to keep myself busy with games, TV, film, spending time with my wife but with how everything is going it's so God damn tiring trying to not let things get on top of me. The thing that really helps is the colour green
Things hopefully should be OK but sometimes it just helps to give in to the emotion and let some of that anxiety go with a good cry.
Very true. While I don't mind crying in front of my wife I'm still trying to be composed but on your own you can just embrace it.
It's especially good for silly things like for me I was super hyped for mgs4 and I was so engaged with the build up to the
attempted capture of revolver ocelot at chapter 3
Horseticuffs
Full werewolf off the buckle
It's been an incredibly stressful 6 or so months at work. A month ago I came in at like 3am on a Saturday to do some payroll and as my team wandered in for the day I was looking at the schedule and just how damned short we are. All of us, I and everyone, have been working overtime. I'm salaried and by the end of my run I ended up working about 3 weeks straight, most 12+ hour days. Lots of people have been volunteering to work weeks at a time. I've been really lucky to have these folks.
So I'm sitting there. Looking at this fucking schedule and, GAF, we were just so fucked. My girlfriend and kids were upset at me for never being home. Often I'd go in at 3 or 4 am, come home to make the kids dinner, and work until 7pm. Employees were getting burnt the fuck out. It was a horrible abortion of a shit show, but I felt I needed to be there down in the shit with them. How could I expect from them what I wasn't willing to give?
Anyways, I just broke down in front of my team. They all understood. Just me and all these middle-aged women I've worked alongside for so many years. There was hugging all around. It was a really great moment and I think it helped us to gel as a team. It wasn't like ugly crying or none of that shit. I kept it a stoic as I could. I was honored and amazed at how comforting and human about it they all were.
Fuck it, guys. Holding on to everything will kill you. Sometimes you're just in such fucked, extreme circumstances you can't help but let it wash over you. I didn't feel less of a man. I guess I expected to, since I tried to keep it under wraps and hide it, but it was a really cathartic experience.
So I'm sitting there. Looking at this fucking schedule and, GAF, we were just so fucked. My girlfriend and kids were upset at me for never being home. Often I'd go in at 3 or 4 am, come home to make the kids dinner, and work until 7pm. Employees were getting burnt the fuck out. It was a horrible abortion of a shit show, but I felt I needed to be there down in the shit with them. How could I expect from them what I wasn't willing to give?
Anyways, I just broke down in front of my team. They all understood. Just me and all these middle-aged women I've worked alongside for so many years. There was hugging all around. It was a really great moment and I think it helped us to gel as a team. It wasn't like ugly crying or none of that shit. I kept it a stoic as I could. I was honored and amazed at how comforting and human about it they all were.
Fuck it, guys. Holding on to everything will kill you. Sometimes you're just in such fucked, extreme circumstances you can't help but let it wash over you. I didn't feel less of a man. I guess I expected to, since I tried to keep it under wraps and hide it, but it was a really cathartic experience.
Puck Beaverton
Banned
It's 60/40
Oh don't get me wrong I appreciate the sentiment and can see your point. I just feel that while it can help some it can also cause others to make things worse or increase other bad emotions down the line.
I struggle myself, I have a tonne of serious and stressful things going on in my life this year that are basically out of my control and no real sign for solutions for most of them other than waiting them out but one or two that have the potential to continue and make things worse.
I try to keep myself busy with games, TV, film, spending time with my wife but with how everything is going it's so God damn tiring trying to not let things get on top of me. The thing that really helps is the colour greenbut I gotta cut that down due to money.
Things hopefully should be OK but sometimes it just helps to give in to the emotion and let some of that anxiety go with a good cry.
I hope everything will be better for you pretty soon, things happen, you can't always do something about them but remember that, after the rain, comes the rainbow...
Women are a big part of the problem too.
Lol.
Slightly off-topic though, I've been trying to learn how to let myself cry more when I need it. Any tips?
I'm sorry but I just can't take some people within this topic seriously when some of it reads like blaming solely women for the problems at hand/denying toxic masculinity even exists unless women can be blamed/displays of toxic masculinity in action with claims of crying being weak but aggression being the right path, etc. etc. etc.
Men should be able to cry. Straight up.
Dirtyshubb
Member
Thanks, it's easily been the worst year so far but hopefully things will get better by next year.
Morrigan Stark
Arrogant Smirk
Women can certainly contribute to toxic masculinity, strict gender roles and other regressive nonsense, but to imply they are more to blame than men for toxic masculinity when you have posts like these in this thread...
I guess the question is: are these posters men or women? I wonder.
Prettttty much.
Puck Beaverton
Banned
right music and alcohol
put on some elliott smith, drink some whiskey, and we're having a party hombre
I don't remember reading that Women are more to blame than Men but they have a part of responsibility in that "toxic masculinity" you're talking about for sure.
God Dayumm
Banned
Morrigan Stark
Arrogant Smirk
... You do realize this thing isn't about men literally crying, right?
You do know that that image is in relation to a joke about how butthurt some dudes get over feminism and other progressive issues?
Literally the person I quoted above claimed as much. And I've seen some posters say crying is for the weak/accomplishes nothing....that reads as toxic masculinity to me.
Sorry for double post.
BKatastrophe
Member
Last time I cried was when I had a massive mental breakdown from life stress about two years ago.
For like a day.
So it doesn't happen often, but when it does...whoa shit.
Otherwise I might tear up at the occasional film/tv episode/comic.
For like a day.
So it doesn't happen often, but when it does...whoa shit.
Otherwise I might tear up at the occasional film/tv episode/comic.
Yup apologize, I thought the dude that was saying he saw Women mocking crying guys was the 60/40 dude...
A woman will not respect you as a man if you cry in front of her, unless she is your wife, mother or sister etc.
You are lying to yourself if you think this isn't true, its biological. Why would she want to have sex with a weak man who can't even handle himself or his own problems? How is he going to protect her and her potential children?
You are lying to yourself if you think this isn't true, its biological. Why would she want to have sex with a weak man who can't even handle himself or his own problems? How is he going to protect her and her potential children?
A woman will not respect you as a man if you cry in front of her, unless she is your wife, mother or sister etc.
You are lying to yourself if you think this isn't true, its biological. Why would she want to have sex with a weak man who can't even handle himself or his own problems? How is he going to protect her and her potential children?
Edit: post for a new page
You are lying to yourself if you think this isn't true, its biological. Why would she want to have sex with a weak man who can't even handle himself or his own problems? How is he going to protect her and her potential children?
Edit: post for a new page