Enter The 36 Chambers
Member
So when is OP gonna admit to having "feelings" for B and that's actually the motivation to get involved in someone else's relationship?
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2 friends in a relationship together. One is cheating on the other. What do you do?
- Thread starter ZombiePlatypus
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Messofanego
Banned
Why aren't you picking the more innocent party in all of this, B? Pick a side or don't bother at all, and have this be on your conscience forever.
Zeouterlimits
Member
Tell A you love them, you really value your friendship but can't stand this.
If they still do not tell B then they are hurting both B and you (which really they already are), so tell B.
Honesty is the only way forward.
If they still do not tell B then they are hurting both B and you (which really they already are), so tell B.
Honesty is the only way forward.
SlipperyFishes
Banned
They are cheating on your friend though. If someone was cheating on you and friend A kept it secret how would you feel?
Their significant other is also your friend do you not care about their well being?
Yeah, my "friend" did this to me too. Right before I left for the Army he also called my family and told them he hoped I died in Iraq.
He's a homeless drug addict now. He probably blames me for that too.
Enter The 36 Chambers
Member
If this was the other way around, and OPs actual friend, A, was being cheated on by B (the friend he met through A) then he should definitely tell his friend.
OPs loyalty should lie with A either way. They've been friends longer.
God damn I would hate to be friends with some of you. Sell your friends out to do the right thing by HIS girl? Thats fucked up.
lightskintwin
Banned
You have to pick where your loyalties lie, typically it's with the friend you've known longer.
Fucking this. What type of social circles are some of ya'll actually in?
Messofanego
Banned
Are you ok with cheating? I'm not understanding the sympathy for A. Cheating is shitty, no matter if someone is your best buddy since you were born. If I was doing something wrong, it would get out in the open sooner or later. Why shoot the messenger (OP) by calling him a shitty friend instead of trying to fix what the current problem is, which is A's relationship?
The advice of "stay out of it, not your business" was completely broken when OP was informed of it and now it's on his conscience. That's why he/she made a thread about it, questioning what to do.
I don't think it's selfish at all. This is perfectly reasonable. Someone is doing something problematic and not being honest about it. You have to challenge them, and if it's still going on and they're not committing to it, you should take action.
Boy Wander
Member
OP has been involuntarily involved by his or her friend leaving them feeling uncomfortable and complicit. A is a shitty friend in that regard.
I would basically tell A that I couldn't be complicit any longer and that we can hook up again once A has manned up and ended it with B.
Personally I feel time is a terrible way to value a friendship. People change and not ways for the better.
Ones where going behind people backs and breaking the deep running trust that is built up by being in a relationship with someone, just so someone can do the selfish act of getting their jimmies off with someone else, very much morally reprehensible.
What? It became his place once he knew about the cheating and got involved by A. Just tell B, you'll be fine without friends who use you for their own lies and intrigues.
Enter The 36 Chambers
Member
Me personally Im not okay with cheating. I have never cheated or been cheated on (to the best of my knowledge).
To me this isn't an issue of sympathy for A. O would tell A he's being an asshole but that's it. My obligation and loyalty is to my friend and not his girlfriend whom I've know a shorter time, and met through my friend.
Clearly Gaf has different views on this, as expected, would make for a boring forum if we didn't. But for me, my loyalties are with my friend and bit his girlfriend. Regardless of whether he's an asshole whose cheating or not.
It's not about Brocode or any of that shit. But having people you can trust is essential in life. And me going tatting on my boy to his girl kills all trust between us.
I may not agree with that he is doing but I'd stand by my friend.
lightskintwin
Banned
It's on you. If we're talking about between 2 guy friends, and you're wanting to tell his girl then that's some hating ass shit.
Blackpanther25
Member
Stay out of it. Tell your friend A that you feel uncomfortable with assisting and tell A to keep you out of it.
Edit: are your friends married?
Edit: are your friends married?
This is some stupid ass bro code shit that you should have grown out of by High School. I'd hate being a friend with you who let's me get by doing some dumb shit because we've known each other longer. You must surround yourself with some fake friends if that is the mentality.
Just be honest about it. Don't get involved because it's just going to be problems for you that have nothing to do with you.
Enter The 36 Chambers
Member
God damn some of yall are brutal. Friend wakes a mistake, may as well throw him to the wolves huh.
This thread is just making me appreciate my friends more. I know I can trust my people, even if I'm doing something shitty. We've all done shitty things, your friends are supposed to be the people you can count on.
Im not saying I want hi 5s if I'm cheating on my girl, and I wouldn't get that. Id hear that im being an asshole, and rightfully so.
But i know for damn sure none of my friends are gonna go behind my back to tattle on me and score points with my girl.
Brings me back to my belief that OP is out for his friends girl and thinks be telling on his friend, she'll see what a nice guy he is and run away with him. I cant see any other reason to get involved here.
SlipperyFishes
Banned
Because friend A seems like an asshole?
lightskintwin
Banned
And yet I have a circle of close friends that I know I can trust and are loyal, and vice versa. Even my women friends who some of them cheated on their significant other and they told me, because they trust me and know I would never betray their trust like that.
ZombiePlatypus
Member
Messofanego
Banned
If your friendship breaks over cheating, it's not much of a strong friendship at all. These kind of situations are the tests of true friends. If A doesn't fix the relationship or is honest with B by himself, OP is in his/her rights to inform B. If A can understand where OP is coming from if he decides to be honest with B and doesn't break the friendship, then that's true friendship.
I've had long-time friendships break. No matter the amount of time, when it comes to real shit, and your friendship can't make it through that, it's pretty clear who are the true friends and who were just there as long-time convenient acquaintances.
Enter The 36 Chambers
Member
Not sure what you mean by this?
Call it whatever the hell you want. Bro code and all that is bullshit. I've been through things that my friends have stood by me on. Even when I was wrong.
Fake friends not a chance. I've had fake friends over the years, my experiences have taught me who I can count on when the chips are down.
You can dismiss my opinion as "Bro code, grow up" bullshit if you want. Bottom line is OP is being a punk getting involved. He's not in the relationship.
I can just as easily dismiss your points as "white Knighting simp shit you should've grown out of". Doesn't exactly achieve anything though does it.
Fair enough. Either way my opinion is to stay out. Unless your friend has done some serious shit to you outside this that makes you question your friendship. But me personally, I don't think you should get any way involved.
Even B should be able to respect your choice to stay out of it.
The sex of the friends doesn't come into it. But i would want friend A to come clean. And if they are irresponsible enough not to do so. Yes I would tell friend B as their relationship is a farce and obviously friend A is a piece of shit. I'm not going to facilitate that kind of behaviour.
lightskintwin
Banned
LOL The test of true friendship is keeping your mouth closed and staying out of it. Anything outside of that is a betrayal of trust.
I guess it all depends on how much A's actions don't sit right with you. I wouldn't tell B, but I'd definitely tell A that they're being a shit. Since A wants to end the relationship is say it's important that they end it themselves, and I'm not sure it's your right to take that away from them, despite how shitty A is being.
Blackpanther25
Member
I'm sorry dude but I disagree. The friendship would not break cause of cheating . It will break because of trust. Friend A trusts OP enough to let OP know that he is cheating.
Edit: cheating
lightskintwin
Banned
Why do you want friend A to come clean? Why do you care so much about it? What does his cheating have to do with you. Why do you care if other people's relationships are a farce? Why is friend A a piece of Shit? Because he's cheating in a relationship? What does that have to do with whether he's actually a good friend to you?
Definitely agree - although there is a grey area about meddling with people's affairs. That is problematic. IMO something should only be said when a situation is getting damagingly extreme.
In OPs case, telling Friend A to be honest and take action is a good first step. If it keeps going on and it's clear the situation is going to get fucking messy, it can help to step in.
Yes, value a friendship over someone having their life changed over an STD they didn't even know was coming.
The fuck.
Actions don't happen in a vacuum.
Enter The 36 Chambers
Member
To be fair, B should be a better judge of character. OP is not to blame here in any regard, not that B necessarily is either.
TangerineCloud
Banned
Ayyyyy lmao.
Though even if you were jerking off to a Hey-Arnold-esque bubblegum statue of A's partner and making sacrifices to some fucking rain god to get them pregnant, you still wouldn't be in the wrong for wanting to tell them.
Victim blaming, okay. "They shouldn't have dated a cheater, then!" is some sociopathic shit.
Friends can be made again. Being HIV-positive isn't reversible.
So we're on to blaming someone for being cheated on? Real classy.
A involved OP by asking OP to lie and cover for his shitty behavior which involves another friend. That's not a good friend. A good friend would never make you choose. A needs to man up and end it with the poor girl or leave OP out of it.
lightskintwin
Banned
If I listened to some of ya'll advice in here, do ya'll not know how many happy and healthy marriages, relationships, and families I would destroy. Not to mention the friendships I've built over the decades.
Enter The 36 Chambers
Member
Victim blaming makes as much sense as blaming the OP or thinking the OP is responsible for what his boy is doing.
I dont think either B or OP is responsible.
But B potentially catching HIV has absolutely nothing to do with OP and is just flat out ridiculous to even suggest.
Hey, if you want to jump through hoops to rationalize what you call it. Go for it. Putting a time limit on friendship is some dumb ass shit. You can have shitty friends you've known for 10 years and great friends you've know for 4 years.
And for the record, I did agree with you with not saying shit to B. Your reasoning is whack. If a friend is fucking up, you tell them. Otherwise, you are one of those fake ass friends your whining about. Not because I knew them longer.
What's annoying:
Telling a friend that Paul took the last beer out of the fridge.
What's breaking trust/snitching:
Telling Paul that your friend dislikes Paul's sister and that's why he cancelled going to Paul's party, he wasn't sick at all!
What's being a stand up person:
Valuing someone's bodily health and safety over "bro code"
OP now actively has the information and has been told specifically by "friend" to help cover it up by keeping B occupied while they go fuck someone else. Involvement is already happening.
Telling a friend that Paul took the last beer out of the fridge.
What's breaking trust/snitching:
Telling Paul that your friend dislikes Paul's sister and that's why he cancelled going to Paul's party, he wasn't sick at all!
What's being a stand up person:
Valuing someone's bodily health and safety over "bro code"
OP now actively has the information and has been told specifically by "friend" to help cover it up by keeping B occupied while they go fuck someone else. Involvement is already happening.
lightskintwin
Banned
It's up to OP to let his friend know he doesn't want to be involved in covering for him like he should've at the beginning if was uncomfortable with it. .
LOL @ giving your friend an ultimatum about breaking up with his girl that you're not in a relationship in. Hilarious.
DerZuhälter
Member
This is what you do. All the time. Every time. Try to be invisible.
Relationships build on lies aren't happy or healthy.
Christ some of the people in this thread are awful people and terrible friends.
As for OP, I think you should tell B. If you're supposed to be friends with both then there's no reason why they shouldn't know. You can ask A to do it first and that you can be there when it happens(I mean A already wants to end things so they should just end it with that) but if he refuses you'll tell B because they're your friend too.
As for OP, I think you should tell B. If you're supposed to be friends with both then there's no reason why they shouldn't know. You can ask A to do it first and that you can be there when it happens(I mean A already wants to end things so they should just end it with that) but if he refuses you'll tell B because they're your friend too.
Hyperactivity
Banned
You knowing is bad enough, but A making you cover for him basically throws you into the situation.
Set a deadline for A to come clean, pressure him hard on that. If he didn't want you to get involved, dude shouldn't be leaving you alone with B to go hangout with the person he's cheating with, because he was the damn one to make you get involved. He doesn't get to have his cake and eat it here.
If A keeps fucking around, I really don't know. Maybe just avoid the two for a while, or be colder to A, anything so that when the time bomb blows you're not so entangled in it anymore. Give B a small amount of warning. That, or just come clean to B, or threaten to do so to A.
Set a deadline for A to come clean, pressure him hard on that. If he didn't want you to get involved, dude shouldn't be leaving you alone with B to go hangout with the person he's cheating with, because he was the damn one to make you get involved. He doesn't get to have his cake and eat it here.
If A keeps fucking around, I really don't know. Maybe just avoid the two for a while, or be colder to A, anything so that when the time bomb blows you're not so entangled in it anymore. Give B a small amount of warning. That, or just come clean to B, or threaten to do so to A.
-ImaginaryInsider
Member
I'm 34, I have "lifelong friendships" that I've had since I was 5. Drug and alcohol addiction, divorces, bankruptcy, severe health and mental issues, death, I've been through it and been there for them all day and all night.
My friend's wives and girlfriends are also my friends, they get the same benefits and absolutely deserve them.
It took awhile, but I set healthy boundaries with my friends, they know I will be there for them, even if they cheat or get cheated on, but that I also won't help either them or their significant other lie and cheat.
A friend not having the stones to end a relationship, potentially giving their significant other an STD, while willingly choosing to put me in the middle of it and expecting me to lie for them is a shitty friendship.
Yep, I "ratted out" a few friends for cheating and even alcohol addiction when the situation got crazy and demanded it, but after the dust settles, I've kept most of those same friends without compromising myself or my other friendships.
lightskintwin
Banned
There's more to relationships than cheating though.
"Who cares if B wants kids later in life, contracts an STD that sterilizes them but goes untreated because they thought they were in an exclusive relationship, MY FRIENDSHIP TALLY MIGHT GO DOWN BY ONE!
I can't do that, they might close my Twitter if they see my counter go down!"
I can't do that, they might close my Twitter if they see my counter go down!"
That's for the person who was cheatef on to decide.
Why exactly do you and the person cheating get to make that call? It's up to the person who was cheated on to decide if they want to continue the relationship.
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