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The NeoGAF Poetry Corner - Challenge #24: Space, Above & Beyond

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B

British Monsoon

Member
The NeoGAF Poetry Corner - Challenge #24: Space, Above & Beyond

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Theme: Space, Above & Beyond

Interpret this theme however you wish, whether your piece is set far among the stars or beneath them.

Secondary Objective: Prose Poetry

Prose poetry is, as the name suggests, poetry written in prose instead of using verse but retaining the traditional qualities of poetry (rhyme, rhythm, assonance, consonance, repetition, imagery, allegory, etc). It can either be written as a paragraph of text or you can impose a limit on the number of characters per line, but the challenge is to create a fluid piece that remains distinctly poetic despite not being written in verse.

Poetry thread Rules version 1.2:
1. This thread is not merely for winning or losing, but for critiquing and improving your own craft.
2. This poetry thread 'contest' will end on a Friday, and voting will last until Sunday at midnight. You cannot win unless you vote. Although you don't have to submit a piece to vote.
3. The winner must then provide the next challenge theme for the following two week period. Some weeks like during E3, this may not be possible, so we will have an interim one week period until normality is resumed. As a general rule, we like to keep this on the alternate week to the Creative Writing Thread.
4. There are no word count limits, make it as long or as short as you want.
5. Optional secondary objectives are not mandatory, you can include them or not.
6. Further addition to rule five: you can also try the secondary objective as a secondary piece. Just make sure you label it as such.
7. Vote for your favourite poems. Voters should award first, second and third places to their favourite three poems. Don't vote for the same author twice. And watch out for pieces that are labeled ineligible - comments on these pieces labelled as such are welcome but you just can't vote for them. Incidentally, feel free to vote even if you haven't submitted a piece - the more the merrier :)
8. During the count, First place is allocated three points. Second place is allocated two points. And third place is allocated one point.
9. In the event of a tie, the tally will be counted again with first place being allocated three and half points. If it isn't resolved then, it will be up to the OP (most likely the previous winner) to decide to how to go about things.
10. Winner gets a round of applause and will have the records stating it as such. After which Rule 3 is in effect and we start a new thread.

Submission Deadline: (PST)

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Voting Deadline: (PST)

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---

The NeoGAF Poetry Society: Previous Challenges:

Poetry Challenge #01: Reflection
Poetry Challenge #02: Making the Blind See (+ 5W poems)
Poetry Challenge #03: Interior (+ Incorporate a song or album title)
Poetry Challenge #04: History (+ Dream Song poems)
Poetry Challenge #05: A View From Afar or Within (+ Clerihew poems)
Poetry Challenge #06: The Surreal and the Fantastical (+ Haikus)
Poetry Challenge #07: Expectations versus Reality (+ Ode)
Poetry Challenge #08: Mirror's Edge (+ Rhymes)
Poetry Challenge #09: Look on the Bright Side (+ poem must end with _________________ as it's last line)
Poetry Challenge #10: Obsolete (+ Ink)
Poetry Challenge #11: Pride (+ Kanye West)
Poetry Challenge #12: Passing By (+ Allegory)
Poetry Challenge #13: Take this Society (+ Ballards)
Poetry Challenge #14: The Dark (+ Add Zombies to taste)
Poetry Challenge #15: The Great Winter (+ Elegy)
Poetry Challenge #16: What Nature Reclaims (+ Lay)
Poetry Challenge #17: Storm Clouds Rising (+ First Person)
Poetry Challenge #18: The Phoenix (+ Enjambment)
Poetry Challenge #19: Psychopomps (+ Assonance)
Poetry Challenge #20: Death in the Family (+ Limericks)
Poetry Challenge #21: A Night on the Town (+ Didactic Poems)
Poetry Challenge #22: A Letter to the World (+ Inside Outside Poetry)
Poetry Challenge #23: The Blues
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
The NeoGAF Poetry Society: Alumni's Archive

 
I

iavi

Member
First inclination is to write something about tripping on drugs, but thats a little nah, so I dunno...
 
I

iavi

Member
Entry with Ego.

The vastness: unachieved, a plain that he always believed he was from; born believing that he was a soul away from home, sent on a pilgrimage to furnish his already furthered appreciations; a soul sent on to become--effectively make something out of what he felt he was already: A star--now path-confused--stuck wading through the forest of Thinkers: Lost. A mind fleeting, his path shrouded by a head hopelessly inflated, but a path that he just knew would be found--whatever the cost.
Because, “By no means, am I the same as them,” he thought to himself, shooting past the remains of those unable to handle, the forest damp having devoured them, their remnants covered in moss. “I am the emperor of my existence, the one to rule over all that has never been done. I will make it home. I was not one born to remain lost.”
 
W

Ward

Member
Puffy Chicken Pickle Chips

It's puffy, fluffy, scruffy and bloated.

Glen goaded the group to go for it. To try the invention that defied convention, that could very well could cause contention at merely a mention.
We boast about our burgers boys, this chicken could create calamity in our credulous consumers.
It's purely a proficiency problem. How to pop the plump meaty treat from the tweety bird?

Can't chicken up the beef brew, else you get bicken cheef, chef.
Grab it, grind it, mix it up right. Season it, salt it, set it up so.
Now the name game, bites, bits, chips, hits. Chicken, chewy, Huey, Lewis? No you muppet, the morsel shall be called nugget.

So, in came that fat cat from the top spot. Masticating many a morsel, Nodding neatly, nestling the nugget.

He didn't play coy, planing stating, "I like it, boy!"
The boy wasn't brash, asked for no cash. Just the job, he said. I'll carry on.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
Why believe in hope?


Why believe in hope,
At the end of it all?

When space, time, continuum,
Come together for a brawl.

When the heart shudders,
 the knees crumble,
And the souls fall,

When the skies tumble,
 the winds run away,
And gravity starts to crawl.

Why at the end of it all
Do we believe in hope?

Is it purely because,
Without it,
We couldn't cope?

Or can it be,
To higher sentiments,
 our cynicisms go elope.

Why at the death of it all
Do we believe in the goodness 
Of hope?
 
A

AnkitT

Member
It all begins with the concept of space. Laced with a sense of time and place, studies made case and sleeves containing the ace of spades. Matter of fact, let me rephrase. Its a story of chance, we just happen to exist. Just like a problem nagging your noggin in some or the other place. So who do we praise for the overhead space? Is the being above a boon or malaise? Do we stand on our own or on the shoulders of greats? Perhaps that is going far off the trace. We are not a falling angel, but a rising ape.


(The last line is verbatim lifted from a recent speech of Sir Terry Pratchett that I saw)
 
V

Vinci

Danish
Miri said:
Entry with Ego.

The vastness: unachieved, a plain that he always believed he was from; born believing that he was a soul away from home, sent on a pilgrimage to furnish his already furthered appreciations; a soul sent on to become--effectively make something out of what he felt that he was already: A star--now path-confused--stuck wading through the forest of Thinkers: Lost. A mind fleeting, his path shrouded by a head hopelessly inflated, but a path that he just knew would be found--whatever the cost.
Because, “By no means, am I the same as them,” he thought to himself, shooting past the remains of those unable to handle, the forest damp having devoured them, their remnants covered in moss. “I am the emperor of my existence, the one to rule over all that has never been done. I will make it home. I was not one born to remain lost.”
Click to expand...

That's pretty awesome. Nicely done.
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
Carousel

The final vestiges of the sun's rays disappear below the horizon. Shadows envelop the land and the darkening black canvas of the evening sky begins to illuminate under the glare of countless stars, their light now ancient by the time it reaches human eyes. From this lonely perspective we sit amid the chaos that unfurls across the night, like a carnival worker sitting at the centre of his carousel. We watch as the lights stream by, from dusk till dawn, drawn forth by the carousel horses. Brightly painted celestial beasts that move at incomprehensible speed, lathered and half-mad as they charge through the night, pulling the heavens in their wake. Thus, the stars reel across the sky, matched only by our own imperceptible speed. Alone and unaware we sit, amid our bright and colourful carousel, little more than a mote of dust amid the cold, oil black depth of space.

Not feeling this one - I should have written it when I posted the challenge, as the inspiration faded as the week wore on. Oh well. Here's what it would have looked like as a traditional poem, but I prefer the prose poem version;

The final vestiges of the sun's rays
vanish below the horizon.
Shadows envelop the land
and the darkening black canvas
of the night sky illuminates
under the glare of countless stars.
From this loney perspective we sit,
in the centre of a carousel
as the lights stream on ever by,
from dusk to dawn, dawn till dusk,
drawn forth by the carousel horses.
Brightly painted celestial beasts
moving at incomprhensible speed,
lathered and half-mad
as they charge across the sky,
pulling the heavens in their wake.
 
A

AnkitT

Member
1. Miri
2. Bootaaay
3. Ashes1396

HM.Ward (Dude, yours was awesome, but I just couldn't see its overlap with the theme.)

Mine seems a bit too rough and incoherent on reading it now. D'oh!
 
A

Ashes

Banned
1. Bootaaay - Excellent prose with elegant and also vivid discriptions, similies and metaphors, topping it off with ample depth. Very well done.
2. AnkitT - Excellent rythym, almost perfect ryhme, very clear, concise. Very good.
3. Miri - Very well written, though it's ambiguity made it suffer, nonetheless thought provoking and well formed. Good stuff.

hm. Ward. Liked the piece, and appreciated it more, after the creative writing thread. ;)
 
I

iavi

Member
Great showings all around, I really had to think about my choices here.

1. Bootaaay - Carousel - Incredibly strong in image and point, I do however feel that both could have been better portrayed in fewer words.

2. Ankit - Happenstance - Imagery wasn't as strong, but the voice throughout your piece was impeccable, and your point was well made. With a bit of cleaning this could have taken the top spot.

3. Ashes - Why do we believe in hope? - Your point was thought-provoking, and portrayed with incredible amounts of clarity, but the actual piece felt a bit rushed--Lacking in creativity. Weaving this into a scene of sorts, rather than the almost preacher-ish nature that it took, would have done you much better.

- And Ward, yours... doesn't fit the theme. It was fun to read though.


Vinci said:
That's pretty awesome. Nicely done.
Click to expand...

Ayy, thanks! It means a lot. I felt that I had a pretty strong concept on my hands, and I'm more than glad to see that you guys felt the same.
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
1. Miri - I thoroughly enjoyed this piece, I felt there was a subtle rhyme that ran throughout and it ended very strongly.

2. Ashes - perfect in format and I loved the use of repetition and the way you mixed up the repeating sentences, although some of the language came across as a bit of an awkward necessity of the rhyming structure.

3. Ankit - excellent rhyming as usual and you convey the message well.

HM; Ward - good structure and rhyme, it was a fun read.

Damn, I just noticed I used 'amid' 3 times in my entry, limited vocabulary ftl :[
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
Results

1. Miri - Entry With Ego - 10 points (3)
2. Bootaaay - Carousel - 10 points (2)
3. AnkitT - Happenstance - 6 points
4. Ashes1396 - Why Believe in Hope? - 4 points

Congratulations to Miri who won with a great entry earning 10 points and 3 first place votes. Also, thank you to everyone who entered and voted :)

Here's the updated thread template; http://tinypaste.com/92cfd

And the Alumni Archive template; http://tinypaste.com/abb83
 
A

Ashes

Banned
I see. Perhaps on this one occasion, we should give it another day; only through merit of poetry, and the fact that he/she actually voted.

If 24 hours from now, the poetry thread winner seat remains open; than I think you being the op, and the joint winner, should take the reigns of the new thread.

Hope you come back to us Miri.
 
I

iavi

Member
Haha, Ashes, my man; that post of your was so mind-numbingly formal, I actually laughed a bit.

Anyways, sorry bout that guys. And thanks for all the congrats! Life's been a bit crazy, so I try to avoid things like GAF and Facebook, in the name of focus.

I'll have the new one up in a few.
 
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