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NeoGAF Creative Writing Challenge #183 - "Last Call"

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C

Cyan

Banned
Theme - "Last Call"

Word Limit: 2400

Submission Deadline: Friday, Feb 26th by 11:59 PM Pacific.

Voting begins Saturday, Feb 27th, and goes until Monday, Feb 29th at 11:59 PM Pacific.

Grace Periods: Each of the above deadlines will be followed by a 6-hour grace period. Submissions made after the end of the grace period will be ineligible, and votes cast after the end of the grace period will not be counted. Remember that these are grace periods, not extensions of the deadline--you should still submit your work or cast your vote by the deadline set above.

Optional Secondary Objective: Peak-end rule

There's a concept in cognitive science called the peak-end rule. It's a psychological heuristic where what we tend to remember about an experience are how we felt at the peaks--the most intense moments--and the end. Try to take advantage of this by finding the most intense moment of your story and strengthening it further, and by nailing the ending to leave your reader feeling satisfied (/sad/angry/whatever emotion you're going for and want them to remember).

Submission Guidelines:

- One entry per poster.
- All submissions must be written during the time of the challenge.
- Using the topic as the title of your piece is discouraged.
- Keep to the word count!

Voting Guidelines:

- Three votes per voter. Please denote in your voting your 1st (3 pts), 2nd (2 pts), and 3rd (1 pt) place votes.
- Please read all submissions before voting.
- You must vote in order to be eligible to win the challenge.
- When voting ends, the winner gets a collective pat on the back, and starts the new challenge.

NeoGAF Creative Writing Challenge FAQ
Previous Challenge Threads and Themes
 
C

Cyan

Banned
I think the peak-end rule goes some way to explaining why well-executed twist endings can be so effective--if it's been set up properly, you are left with a feeling of "whoa" which then becomes your strongest memory of the story.

I would like to suggest that people try going a different direction here, though. :)
 
R

Red

Member
I have plenty of stories that meet the peak-end rule, but few that satisfy "last call." Years of workshopping badly written student shorts about friends in bars has ruined that for me.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
One of my most important goals for any given story, second to commenting on the human condition, is to create a lasting impression.

Most of my stories have long term goals. I think I do this even when I think it will fail in the short term.

I like the idea of making a reader pause for thought. As in putting the book down, and thinking about the sentence they have just read.

For those reasons, peak-end rule could prove a very useful tool for me. Cheers Cyan.
 
C

Cyan

Banned
Ashes said:
One of my most important goals for any given story, second to commenting on the human condition, is to create a lasting impression.

Most of my stories have long term goals. I think I do this even when I think it will fail in the short term.

I like the idea of making a reader pause for thought. As in putting the book down, and thinking about the sentence they have just read.
Click to expand...

This is sort of random, but I still remember your story about a Muslim family and genetically modified trees that glow. I don't even really remember the plot, just that it was a cool intersection of bits of scifi and family dynamics and that I really loved it.
 
R

Red

Member
au9BPMz.jpg
 
T

Tangent

Member
Congrats, Cyan!!! You're certainly on a roll! And I like how you used a cognitive science term! And thanks for your advice on how to send out submissions. And, Flowers, thanks for your advice as well. Man, art can be frustrating!
But fun.

Ashes said:
hmm. Feels like a good name for a podcast.
Click to expand...
Yes!!! Are you a podcast junkie, too?!

Ashes said:
I like the idea of making a reader pause for thought. As in putting the book down, and thinking about the sentence they have just read.
Click to expand...
Me too. That's the best thing ever. I love it when I'm reading a novel and love a certain sentence. And then I reread the sentence. Then I put the book down and think about the sentence once more before continuing.

Cyan said:
This is sort of random, but I still remember your story about a Muslim family and genetically modified trees that glow. I don't even really remember the plot, just that it was a cool intersection of bits of scifi and family dynamics and that I really loved it.
Click to expand...
Ditto!

Dandy Crocodile said:
Maybe I'll actually be able to submit something this week instead of picking at two or three okay ideas then not writing anything at all.
Click to expand...
We're twins!

AnathemicOne said:
I never engaged in writing before, atleast not in a serious way. Might try this out and see how it goes.
Click to expand...
Woo!
 
M

Mike M

Nick N
I've long since given up the notion of writing anything profound. I'm just not the literary type, and I'm okay with that.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
Mike M said:
I've long since given up the notion of writing anything profound. I'm just not the literary type, and I'm okay with that.
Click to expand...

Why does it have to be profound?
Unless, I'm mistaken you're human. So you ought to know how humans behave. :p
It is as easy as putting two characters in a room, pointing the camera at them, and watching them react.
 
F

FlowersisBritish

fleurs n'est pas britannique
I've been thinking about how to go with this, and I might go horror. Secondary kinda works well with that. So I guess forewarning for those that don't like to be scared. Side note, everyone seems to be talking a lot about the secondary, and so little of that primary.
 
R

Red

Member
Peak end doesn't sing to me as much as last call. It's more a natural part of the climax of a story, which should be heightened regardless of any external objective. Conflict is primary, the apex of that conflict is the top of the mountain from which you view the domain of story. Peak end doesn't seem to urge more than to pay special attention to your conflict and climactic action, which should get the most attention anyway.

I have a few ideas I might shake on Thursday, see if they dance. Last call really opens up once you move past the insidious memory of drunks caterwauling Semisonic.
 
M

MilkBeard

Member
Crunched said:
Peak end doesn't sing to me as much as last call. It's more a natural part of the climax of a story, which should be heightened regardless of any external objective. Conflict is primary, the apex of that conflict is the top of the mountain from which you view the domain of story. Peak end doesn't seem to urge more than to pay special attention to your conflict and climactic action, which should get the most attention anyway.

I have a few ideas I might shake on Thursday, see if they dance. Last call really opens up once you move past the insidious memory of drunks caterwauling Semisonic.
Click to expand...

yeah, if you think about it in a general sense, 'last call' can mean a lot of different things.

And if someone writes a joke story about Semisonic, I would definitely not be mad.
 
F

felon

Neo Member
Made an account just to try my hand at writing via these challenges. Let's see if I've waited these long months merely to shame myself.
 
S

Sethista

Member
I like to write personal stories, but this one I'll be a god and write a world. .

this has the potential to go horribly, but hey, when in rome....

anchorman reference
 
A

Ashes

Banned
Crunched said:
Peak end doesn't seem to urge more than to pay special attention to your conflict and climactic action, which should get the most attention anyway.
Click to expand...

Is this something you actively do? As in consciously focus most of your attention on these two peaks?

In hindsight, I personally treat my stories like an artist treats a painting, I go wherever my eye takes me.*

Which I now think can be improved on to help meet what I want from my stories.

*For example, last week, I wrote approximately 5 drafts (not whole obviously); I'd say 5 out of 5 drafts, my focus was on revising paragraphs to better enable my characters to say what they want whilst also highlighting their inner goals. My narrator for example wanted subconsciously to show that she can write well, so there are plenty of flourishes in the prose in amongst a consistent verbal tick where she is 'speaking' quite candidly as if to a friend rather than as an invisible writer directing the play. This week or next I think I will try fit in a draft session specifically for those two peaks.
 
R

Red

Member
Character impels the reader, and conflict impels character. Plot is the struggle of your protagonist to overcome conflict, and the climax is where they make or break, so it must inherently be dramatic. I think it's dramatic no matter how grand the struggle is.

Character and conflict are the two main driving forces of story. They are hard to separate... Conflict can be its own character, and character its own conflict.

In short and flash fiction, conflict can be subdued. I've read some great stories that are mere slices of life, as if the narrator is observing a world they aren't acting in. In nearly all cases, however, there remains an actor in that sphere of observation, and the story is really about him, and the narrator is simply the channel by which the information about his struggles comes to us (and these types of distant stories can play at intertwining some essence or spirit of the main character with the removed narrator).

I am with you a lot of the time, in that I have an idea of character and an idea of conflict, maybe a loose ending or line I want to work toward, and I write them into bad situations, and I am cruel to them, but sympathetic, to see if they end up breaking under that pressure or if they can withstand it and grow. I don't outline, and I never hold my original ideas sacred (very often characters do not want to live in the world I envisioned at the start). I write in the shadow of character, as she leads me.

It's during revision that more things start to become clear... Theme, motif, subtleties in motivation. But typically the first draft will have a strong conflict and climactic conflict resolution, or I will feel I have failed.

Sometimes the climax, for me, isn't a dramatic act on the part of the character, but a dramatic metaphor to the reader. It's the place where, after pulling the strings together, they finally meet into a bundle and will not come apart. At least, that's the intent.

Your last entry had a dramatic climax, whether or not you intended it to. The scene where the friend explains "true love" is where your story peaks, where the main character is given an opportunity to learn something. It hits that peak about as well as anything.

I don't think any first draft should exist solely in service of riding that Aristotlean roller coaster of plot. You shouldn't worry much about the mechanics of a piece until after the bulk of it is on the page... You're creating the wood block first, right? Then you can whittle it down to whatever you imagine is inside.

There is a Susan Neville essay, "Where's Iago?" that influenced the way I feel about conflict. The best writing teacher I ever had was the author Josh Weil, who always kept pushing us to that idea of an "Iago force." I wish I could find an interview with him, about that.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
#Liked.

I am aware within my own progress, that I have moved from being an architect, to a more, 'pantser' style in the last five years but I am still more planner 'instinctively.' Does that make sense? Regardless, I definitely relate to 'discovering the story'. :)

Edit: as to my last story, point taken. Might return to using Mary A Evans again in the future. I like her voice.


*goes off to Google essays + interviews *
 
C

Cyan

Banned
Crunched said:
There is a Susan Neville essay, "Where's Iago?" that influenced the way I feel about conflict. The best writing teacher I ever had was the author Josh Weil, who always kept pushing us to that idea of an "Iago force." I wish I could find an interview with him, about that.
Click to expand...

Is this available somewhere online, or is the only place to read it that Bringing the Devil to his Knees book?
 
R

Red

Member
Cyan said:
Is this available somewhere online, or is the only place to read it that Bringing the Devil to his Knees book?
Click to expand...
I think it's only in Bringing the Devil to His Knees :(

I was looking to link it when I wrote the earlier post but could not find it.

I found an excerpt online but work is filtering it as "illegal or questionable," so I'm not going to supply it here. I don't think it was the full essay, anyway.

While looking I did find this blog, which has many great recommendations. It's more lit-oriented, but I think the suggestions here will benefit any writer.
 
A

Axelhortsemchi

Member
Mike M said:
While you were all jabbing, I already wrote my story.

You're all gonna get so many spaceships.
Click to expand...
Damn, I don't even have an idea for this one yet and you've already got spaceships everywhere.

I'll, uh, keep trying to think profound. When I get an idea, it'll be so profound, like at least five profounds. Or not.
 
R

Red

Member
Cyan said:
This is neogaf, sir. Only top-shelf literature, please. Leave your spaceship on a leash outside the door.
Click to expand...

One thing that bugs me in a lot of essay by writers of literature is a disdain or condescension toward genre. I stick mostly to lit in what I read and write, but I don't think of it as somehow better than genre stories. I think they can and should inform each other, and both are made better by appropriating strengths of the other.
 
M

Mike M

Nick N
Crunched said:
One thing that bugs me in a lot of essay by writers of literature is a disdain or condescension toward genre. I stick mostly to lit in what I read and write, but I don't think of it as somehow better than genre stories. I think they can and should inform each other, and both are made better by appropriating strengths of the other.
Click to expand...
"Mine captain! The Glorbath armada has come within range of our laser torpedo array, what are thy orders?"

"Verily! Acquire a targeting solution and unleash a volley of righteous vengeance!"

"Oh captain, I have Alzheimer's or some shit, and only remember that this story is about us when some bird symbolizing our lost childhood innocence flies by!"

"THERE ARE NO BIRDS IN SPACE!"

-Fin
 
C

Cyan

Banned
felon said:
Made an account just to try my hand at writing via these challenges. Let's see if I've waited these long months merely to shame myself.
Click to expand...

Wow, you're not kidding. First post and everything! Welcome to the writing challenges. :)

Crunched said:
One thing that bugs me in a lot of essay by writers of literature is a disdain or condescension toward genre. I stick mostly to lit in what I read and write, but I don't think of it as somehow better than genre stories. I think they can and should inform each other, and both are made better by appropriating strengths of the other.
Click to expand...

Oh sure. We're all trying to improve here, and I think even those of us who write mostly scifi/fantasy have plenty to learn from more literary approaches. Whether that be character depth, general craft, theme, exploring the human condition, etc. And vice versa I assume, though that's less of a problem for me.

I like to think I'm picking things up from you and Ashes. Maybe very slowly. And from my own small experiments with including literary elements.

I don't think everyone needs to be doing it all the time. We're all going to be focusing on different things at different times as we build our skills and our craft.

And, uh. I don't necessarily endorse everything my character said about litfic, a few challenges ago. :p

Mike M said:
"Mine captain! The Glorbath armada has come within range of our laser torpedo array, what are thy orders?"

"Verily! Acquire a targeting solution and unleash a volley of righteous vengeance!"

"Oh captain, I have Alzheimer's or some shit, and only remember that this story is about us when some bird symbolizing our lost childhood innocence flies by!"

"THERE ARE NO BIRDS IN SPACE!"

-Fin
Click to expand...

Whoa that's deep.
 
R

Red

Member
Mike M said:
"Mine captain! The Glorbath armada has come within range of our laser torpedo array, what are thy orders?"

"Verily! Acquire a targeting solution and unleash a volley of righteous vengeance!"

"Oh captain, I have Alzheimer's or some shit, and only remember that this story is about us when some bird symbolizing our lost childhood innocence flies by!"

"THERE ARE NO BIRDS IN SPACE!"

-Fin
Click to expand...
Probably wouldn't end on dialogue.

The Glorbath army grew ever darker against the halo of the star M'tharkis, eely blackness against the waning light. The captain gazed into the Glorbath abyss; it threatened his will with a resolve much its own, the hum of engines like wordless Glorbath chants on M'go-Bayo (the captain remembered the crooked smiles of the Glorbathlings; the way their jewelry glinted on their wings, by the firelight; the warmth of their hands and the hope of peace) reverberating through the thin atmosphere of icy Nphthaplo. Cold reached outwards, to ever-darkening skies. Quantum bolts rattled the shields of the Pretension, and the shields spritzed out.

"I dare say, Hans," said the captain. "Thou hast done it now."

The ship groaned its last, the captain watched the stars explode finally to light, the cracking of glass throughout the cockpit, the gasp of the vacuum of space, and, finally, his gunner twirling, naked, in the dark."
Click to expand...
 
M

mu cephei

Member
Mike M said:
"Mine captain! The Glorbath armada has come within range of our laser torpedo array, what are thy orders?"

"Verily! Acquire a targeting solution and unleash a volley of righteous vengeance!"

"Oh captain, I have Alzheimer's or some shit, and only remember that this story is about us when some bird symbolizing our lost childhood innocence flies by!"

"THERE ARE NO BIRDS IN SPACE!"

-Fin
Click to expand...

lol
Totally works.

Crunched said:
Probably wouldn't end on dialogue.
The Glorbath army grew ever darker against the halo of the star M'tharkis, eely blackness against the waning light. The captain gazed into the Glorbath abyss; it threatened his will with a resolve much its own, the hum of engines like wordless Glorbath chants reverberating through the thin atmosphere of icy Nphthaplo. Cold reached outwards, to ever-darkening skies. Quantum bolts rattled the shields of the Pretension, and the shields spritzed out.

"You've done it now, Hans," said the captain.

The ship groaned its last, the captain watched the stars explode finally to light, the cracking of glass throughout the cockpit, the gasp of the vacuum of space, and, finally, his gunner twirling, naked, in the dark."
Click to expand...
Click to expand...

Needs a few more 'verily's.

Anyway, profound + scifi = totally cool. Christopher Priest and Adam Roberts come to mind (I think Roberts' latest book is about Kant... )
 
R

Red

Member
Sci fi frequently seeks higher meaning. It's an examination of culture and belief. This has been true at least since Mary Shelley.

I don't know if proffered profunditity is an admirable goal. Probably it is a way to crippled yourself before you ever start writing. I think of Ayn Rand when I hear writers say they want to write to get a big message across, how her books appeal mostly to inexperienced readers and iconoclasts. If you want to speak to humanity, you've got to let go of the big picture and embrace human flaws and limitations. You have to let go of attempts at profound vision and to think small, think personal, because that's what matters the most. That's what hits closest to the heart of a reader.
 
C

Cyan

Banned
Mike M said:
I seek lasers.
Click to expand...

The laser refracted, split apart. Once, twice. Just like the captain's parents. Just like his family.

"Captain? The Glorbath armada?"

"Forsooth," said the captain. He was thinking about his childhood sweetheart. Summer days out on the farm, gentle slanting golden light and supple red lips. "Get thee to a targeting solution."

The gunner blinked at him in confusion.

Right. Alzheimer's. "Verily, just go ahead and--" A white dove flapped past the sensor array, confusing the torpedo countermeasures. "Wait wha--"
 
M

mu cephei

Member
Crunched said:
Sci fi frequently seeks higher meaning. It's an examination of culture and belief. This has been true at least since Mary Shelley.

I don't know if proffered profunditity is an admirable goal. Probably it is a way to crippled yourself before you ever start writing. I think of Ayn Rand when I hear writers say they want to write to get a big message across, how her books appeal mostly to inexperienced readers and iconoclasts. If you want to speak to humanity, you've got to let go of the big picture and embrace human flaws and limitations. You have to let go of attempts at profound vision and to think small, think personal, because that's what matters the most. That's what hits closest to the heart of a reader.
Click to expand...

Oh, I seek lasers too.

I did recently read a thing about how criticising pretentiousness (and here I would equate 'proffered profundity' with pretentiousness) can be a form of anti intellectualism, and that aiming for a goal higher than your talent can reach should not be seen as a bad thing. I don't know that I agree it's anti intellectual, but it made me think, as I've generally lived in fear of being thought pretentious.

Cyan said:
The laser refracted, split apart. Once, twice. Just like the captain's parents. Just like his family.

"Captain? The Glorbath armada?"

"Forsooth," said the captain. He was thinking about his childhood sweetheart. Summer days out on the farm, gentle slanting golden light and supple red lips. "Get thee to a targeting solution."

The gunner blinked at him in confusion.

Right. Alzheimer's. "Verily, just go ahead and--" A white dove flapped past the sensor array, confusing the torpedo countermeasures. "Wait wha--"
Click to expand...

Quantum bolts just aren't as effective as they used to be.
 
M

MilkBeard

Member
felon said:
Made an account just to try my hand at writing via these challenges. Let's see if I've waited these long months merely to shame myself.
Click to expand...

Welcome! It's cool to have more folks to talk to in this thread. It can get buried easily, I barely noticed the writing challenge threads in the several years that I've had an account here.
 
R

Red

Member
mu cephei said:
Oh, I seek lasers too.

I did recently read a thing about how criticising pretentiousness (and here I would equate 'proffered profundity' with pretentiousness) can be a form of anti intellectualism, and that aiming for a goal higher than your talent can reach should not be seen as a bad thing. I don't know that I agree it's anti intellectual, but it made me think, as I've generally lived in fear of being thought pretentious.
Click to expand...
Don't fear criticism. There are worse things than being called pretentious. Push against your boundaries. Experiment. Embrace fear in writing. Few emotions are better for heightening your sensitivity, and getting at the heart of things. Especially with short stories, where novelty can shine, especially in settings like this, where there is no risk involved in your submissions. Let yourself play.
 
S

Sober

Member
Pretentiousness IMO is in the eye of the beholder. Might just not be someone's thing.

Purple prose on the other hand, boy, do I have a lot of negative things to say about people who use purple prose. Or basically people that vomit out a thesaurus.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
mu cephei said:
Oh, I seek lasers too.

I did recently read a thing about how criticising pretentiousness (and here I would equate 'proffered profundity' with pretentiousness) can be a form of anti intellectualism, and that aiming for a goal higher than your talent can reach should not be seen as a bad thing. I don't know that I agree it's anti intellectual, but it made me think, as I've generally lived in fear of being thought pretentious.
Click to expand...

You over-think things.* Intelligence is sexy. Personally, I like that people are complicated creatures. The thing to be is to be yourself. If not than be the best version of yourself. Not a lowly shadow nor a hyper-idealised version.

And anti-intellectualism isn't fair a critique to charge someone with when taking the wider context into consideration. For example, the so called genre writers rallying against literary fiction, Mike M and Cyan, especially in a recent topic, ahem, tend to use far bigger words, or rarer words, in any typical challenge, than the so called literary writers, Crunched and I. Mike especially has a huge dictionary inside that head of his.

And anyhow these are all paper arguments, the four above all vote for each other and everyone else; and interchange doing so on a consistent basis. A good story is a good story.
 
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