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YakiSOBA · Nov 13, 2006

GAF, what's your opinion on asking out friends to become... 'more than friends' ?

On one hand, if you really like this person and you take the chance... things could work out and you'd be happy.

On the other hand, if you ask this friend out and they say no... things (usually, not always) get weird between you two and thus you jeopardize the friendship (which is still important to have..)

And in the middle: if you don't ever try anything, but still hang out with this friend as usual... you're heart and feelings will eat out at you from the inside... and you'll end up going crazy from all the emotions you've built up.

Widfara · Nov 13, 2006

I am in the same position and it just drives my ****ing my mind up the wall

Ill Saint · Nov 13, 2006

What's the big deal? If she says no, then you should both have the maturity not to be 'weird' about it afterwards, and continue to be friends. Follow your feelings!

Zilch · Nov 13, 2006

I guess it all depends on how creepy and self-pitying you get when she says "no".

sky · Nov 13, 2006

"Sex... to save the friendship."

Ill Saint said:
What's the big deal? If she says no, then you should both have the maturity not to be 'weird' about it afterwards, and continue to be friends. Follow your feelings!

Sure, but feelings have a nasty way of disobeying logic :lol...

Tchu-Espresso · Nov 13, 2006

It really depends on how good friends you are. If you are really close, and you REALLY like her keep in mind that there is NO WAY in hell you're ever going to be able to look at her the same if she turns you down. This will eventually kill the friendship in an indirect way.

Maturity doesnt factor into this because you are always going to be reminded of your feelings and how they were hurt when you look at her.

pjberri · Nov 13, 2006

Ill Saint said:
What's the big deal? If she says no, then you should both have the maturity not to be 'weird' about it afterwards, and continue to be friends. Follow your feelings!

This is correct.

Tchu-Espresso · Nov 13, 2006

pjberri said:
This is correct.

Trust me this is not correct if you are really into someone.

All of a sudden your tendency to go out on a whim to do anything for her will disappear and problems will just slowly trickle in.

How many of you have actually been in this situation?

YakiSOBA · Nov 13, 2006

I don't know.. it's really a tough call...

I see her at least 3 times a week at badminton, and during the clubs "training" sessions on weekends, it's basically just me and her because no one else shows up (she's the organizer, so she has to go to coach/give drills/etc).

Arg...

Lost Fragment · Nov 13, 2006

It's sort of a crapshoot I think.

I was in the same situation recently. I kinda started having feelings for a really good friend of mine, even though she has a boyfriend. Yes...all the bundled up emotions started eating away at me from the inside, so I told her one night, even though I knew that it wouldn't ever happen and I wouldn't endavor to make that happen since her boyfriend is a pretty good friend of mine as well.

It didn't fix things entirely, but it felt good to get the things I was feeling out. Sometimes there's a *little* weirdness, but it's nothing that's really changed the friendship any. I don't think that just asking her out would be a big issue if you guys are close enough, but on the other hand, if you guys have a fairly lengthy relationship and it doesn't work out, the friendship is going to suffer, most likely, if there's still any friendship at all.

I'd say go for it. Your situation is different from what mine was because I knew that it wasn't going to happen, but you should give it a go since some of the best relationships spawn from good friendships.

Jewbacca · Nov 13, 2006

The bears are winning... so go for it.

negitoro7 · Nov 13, 2006

I've been there and done that.

She eventually stopped talking to me altogether and didn't even invite me to her wedding.

YakiSOBA · Nov 13, 2006

A part of me wants to take the chance SO bad... but I have no clue what she'd say...

And it kills me, she's always in my head... if I don't do anything it just gets worse

AlphaSnake · Nov 13, 2006

It's pointless to remain friends. Ask her out.

If you remain friends, you become jealous of her boyfriends and what she does with them - etc. All she does right now is string you along and use you as a comfort pillow.

If you ask her out and she says no, then you know where her feelings stand. Do you want to be the comfort pillow bitch? I sure hope not. Cut your losses if she says no, it'll save you a great deal of heartache.

Triumph · Nov 13, 2006

AlphaSnake said:
It's pointless to remain friends. Ask her out.

If you remain friends, you become jealous of her boyfriends and what she does with them - etc. All she does right now is string you along and use you as a comfort pillow.

If you ask her out and she says no, then you know where her feelings stand. Do you want to be the comfort pillow bitch? I sure hope not. Cut your losses if she says no, it'll save you a great deal of heartache.

Alpha is HARD.

Tchu-Espresso · Nov 13, 2006

YakiSOBA said:
A part of me wants to take the chance SO bad... but I have no clue what she'd say...

And it kills me, she's always in my head... if I don't do anything it just gets worse

Kill all contact with her for a few weeks.

Reassess the situation after that.

YakiSOBA · Nov 13, 2006

AlphaSnake said:
It's pointless to remain friends. Ask her out.

If you remain friends, you become jealous of her boyfriends and what she does with them - etc. All she does right now is string you along and use you as a comfort pillow.

If you ask her out and she says no, then you know where her feelings stand. Do you want to be the comfort pillow bitch? I sure hope not. Cut your losses if she says no, it'll save you a great deal of heartache.

This makes 9999x sense to me... it's pure heartache when I just sit around and hang out with her doing nothing, and then I always think worst case scenario when she's talking to another guy... ugh, and I'm not even the jealous type!

It's just the friendship, she's really cool and if I lose that then things would suck ass =(

GSG Flash · Nov 13, 2006

AlphaSnake said:
It's pointless to remain friends. Ask her out.

If you remain friends, you become jealous of her boyfriends and what she does with them - etc. All she does right now is string you along and use you as a comfort pillow.

If you ask her out and she says no, then you know where her feelings stand. Do you want to be the comfort pillow bitch? I sure hope not. Cut your losses if she says no, it'll save you a great deal of heartache.

Wow, tough love but true, if you ask her out now and she says no, it'll just be a short term emotional pain rather than a long term one if you don't, because chances are, if you're rejected, those feeling for her will go away.

Tchu-Espresso · Nov 13, 2006

AlphaSnake said:
It's pointless to remain friends. Ask her out.

If you remain friends, you become jealous of her boyfriends and what she does with them - etc. All she does right now is string you along and use you as a comfort pillow.

If you ask her out and she says no, then you know where her feelings stand. Do you want to be the comfort pillow bitch? I sure hope not. Cut your losses if she says no, it'll save you a great deal of heartache.

Thats true, except that a good deal of heartache is going to come regardless of what action you take.

YakiSOBA · Nov 13, 2006

GSG Flash said:
Wow, tough love but true, if you ask her out now and she says no, it'll just be a short term emotional pain rather than a long term one if you don't, because chances are, if you're rejected, those feeling for her will go away.

But... the friendship!!

ToxicAdam · Nov 13, 2006

I would explain to her the physiology of man. Explain to her how your hormones get you all wound up when you are around her. You want to still remain friends, but she will need to give you hand jobs each time before you hang out. Seems like a fair compromise.

Triumph · Nov 13, 2006

The Black Brad Pitt said:
Thats true, except that a good deal of heartache is going to come regardless of what action you take.

It doesn't matter if you're Alpha, though. He's HARD.

Tchu-Espresso · Nov 13, 2006

YakiSOBA said:
But... the friendship!!

Im telling you now. If you ask her out and get rejected you aint gonna be friends for much longer, atleast anywhere near to the extent you are now.

Mark my words.

Your friendship is ****ed if she rejects you. Its ****ed if you string along for the ride.

Its ****ed.

woodchuck · Nov 13, 2006

AlphaSnake said:
It's pointless to remain friends. Ask her out.

If you remain friends, you become jealous of her boyfriends and what she does with them - etc. All she does right now is string you along and use you as a comfort pillow.

If you ask her out and she says no, then you know where her feelings stand. Do you want to be the comfort pillow bitch? I sure hope not. Cut your losses if she says no, it'll save you a great deal of heartache.

that sounds sensible in theory, but what if the girl hangs out with the same friends as you?

GSG Flash · Nov 13, 2006

YakiSOBA said:
But... the friendship!!

It'll feel weird for a long time, but you can still keep that friendship. And if you do ask her out, don't make such a big deal out of it, just ask her casual, and if she rejects, then just play it cool, that way it won't be as weird because she won't think it was such a big deal (I hope, I wouldn't know since I'm not a girl and girls can think crazy thoughts)

evil solrac v3.0 · Nov 13, 2006

YakiSOBA said:
This makes 9999x sense to me... it's pure heartache when I just sit around and hang out with her doing nothing, and then I always think worst case scenario when she's talking to another guy... ugh, and I'm not even the jealous type!

It's just the friendship, she's really cool and if I lose that then things would suck ass =(

you're not really her friend. you just found a girl with similar interests as you and someone you enjoy spending time (and possibly money) with. ask her out. not on a real date at first, just a "cup of coffee" type thing and then FHUTA. or take things slow and get to know her and then see if she is truly into you. if not, oh well. or FHUTA... and please record for the rest of us for later hillarity.

infinityjinx · Nov 13, 2006

who asks people out on dates anymore?

its not so common for a reason i think...

imo, the way u should go about this is to introduce yourself as someone who could potentially be more than a friend. put the idea in her head without a big high-pressure date situation. invite her out to a bar/party or whatever with you and some mutual friends, have a drink and flirt a little. if it goes ok and she consents to another night out, you'll know you at least have a chance in hell, and if she starts flirting back seriously, then you know you're doing well. a hug, a kiss, a movie next weekend just the two of you...boom, you're dating. how easy was that?!

much less awkward than the ol' 'do you like me circle yes or no' scenario. theres no reason for you to have to ask outright if she likes you; you should be able to create a situation where you can drop a flirtatious hint and then her feelings for you will become a bit more clear. if it becomes obvious she's not into you, you can pull back gracefully, because its not like you explicitly announced your undying love for her or anything. hope that made sense. g'luck.

ForzaItalia · Nov 13, 2006

Well this is why I never have females as "just" friends but here goes...

You had better be able to handle rejection and prepared to hear the classic and dreaded:

"But, I see you as just a friend....and nothing more. You're a sweet guy!"

(this is usually followed by a peck on the cheek and a half-hearted hug as you feel your balls sneak up into your abdomen)

Now, would you want to be "the friend" that has to listen to her gushing about or getting boned by guy A, B, C or D?

Chances are slim that she might want to take it beyond you two being "just" friends but don't bet on it....

Also remember that whatever she decides....your relationship/friendship will NEVER be the same...

Oldschoolgamer · Nov 13, 2006

The Black Brad Pitt said:
Im telling you now. If you ask her out and get rejected you aint gonna be friends for much longer, atleast anywhere near to the extent you are now.

Mark my words.

Your friendship is ****ed if she rejects you. Its ****ed if you string along for the ride.

Its ****ed.

Sadly this is true. I've been to this place, and it is not a happy one. You should just go ahead and brace yourself for the outcome. Ask anyway. Hopefully you get the girl, but....he is right on this one.

Koshiba · Nov 13, 2006

Personally I've always liked being friends with a guy first before letting it develop into something more. Gives me the time to get to know them and building up a friendship first can help a relationship alot. I'm still friends with most of my ex-BFs because friendship is very important to me and I see no reason why just because things didn't work out romantically, that the friendship you had has to be destroyed. I'd say, go ahead and ask her out.

YakiSOBA · Nov 13, 2006

infinityjinx said:
who asks people out on dates anymore?

its not so common for a reason i think...

imo, the way u should go about this is to introduce yourself as someone who could potentially be more than a friend. put the idea in her head without a big high-pressure date situation. invite her out to a bar/party or whatever with you and some mutual friends, have a drink and flirt a little. if it goes ok and she consents to another night out, you'll know you at least have a chance in hell, and if she starts flirting back seriously, then you know you're doing well. a hug, a kiss, a movie next weekend just the two of you...boom, you're dating. how easy was that?!

much less awkward than the ol' 'do you like me circle yes or no' scenario. theres no reason for you to have to ask outright if she likes you; you should be able to create a situation where you can drop a flirtatious hint and then her feelings for you will become a bit more clear. if it becomes obvious she's not into you, you can pull back gracefully, because its not like you explicitly announced your undying love for her or anything. hope that made sense. g'luck.

I agree with this, and she came out with my friends and I to play badminton at a different club last week, and came out for dinner with us last night. After that we all went to a kegger, but it was filled with our regular badminton friends... so all 3 times so far, it's been kinda like a safe thing (badminton = her hobby, dinner = she was hungry as were we, kegger = she has tons of friends there).

GSG Flash · Nov 13, 2006

Koshiba said:
Personally I've always liked being friends with a guy first before letting it develop into something more. Gives me the time to get to know them and building up a friendship first can help a relationship alot. I'm still friends with most of my ex-BFs because friendship is very important to me and I see no reason why just because things didn't work out romantically, that the friendship you had has to be destroyed. I'd say, go ahead and ask her out.

This is true, I think only guys blow up this whole situation whereas for a girl it's not so bad. Kind of a similar situation, but I asked this girl out to the prom but she was already going with someone else and I didn't know that, so I felt really embarrassed and thought I would never speak with her again, but it was her who initiated the first conversation after that awkward moment, and we're still friends.

Tchu-Espresso · Nov 13, 2006

Dude i forgot to mention the one thing that can make it all better once you put yourself out there after all the months of mentally and emotionally beating yourself up.

This is a fail-safe option that should only be used as a last resort after you have exhausted all other possibilities to make everything right.

You ready for it?

infinityjinx · Nov 13, 2006

just flirt it up, dude! fortune favors the brave! maybe she totally would dig you if you put it in her head that you're supercool boyfriend material. i say make a physical move before the frighteningly confrontational 'do u like me?'

try this: before u guys part ways after a night of fun give her a hug n a superquick kiss on the lips. yes. do it. if shes totally skieved just play it off like ur a little drunk n u missed her cheek="whoops! missed ur cheek! hav a good nite!" if anything, she'll probably be flattered and think its cute, and then start thinking about what it would have been like to realllly kiss you.

Fatghost · Nov 13, 2006

Just ask her, put it on the table.

You don't lose anything.

However, if she shoots you down, don't pine after her, find a new girl really quick.

evil solrac v3.0 · Nov 13, 2006

YakiSOBA said:
I agree with this, and she came out with my friends and I to play badminton at a different club last week, and came out for dinner with us last night. After that we all went to a kegger, but it was filled with our regular badminton friends... so all 3 times so far, it's been kinda like a safe thing (badminton = her hobby, dinner = she was hungry as were we, kegger = she has tons of friends there).

so ask her out on a movie as a friend thing and then.... uh.... wait, i had this worked out in my head. uh... you know... just follow this advice.

who asks people out on dates anymore?

its not so common for a reason i think...

imo, the way u should go about this is to introduce yourself as someone who could potentially be more than a friend. put the idea in her head without a big high-pressure date situation. invite her out to a bar/party or whatever with you and some mutual friends, have a drink and flirt a little. if it goes ok and she consents to another night out, you'll know you at least have a chance in hell, and if she starts flirting back seriously, then you know you're doing well. a hug, a kiss, a movie next weekend just the two of you...boom, you're dating. how easy was that?!

much less awkward than the ol' 'do you like me circle yes or no' scenario. theres no reason for you to have to ask outright if she likes you; you should be able to create a situation where you can drop a flirtatious hint and then her feelings for you will become a bit more clear. if it becomes obvious she's not into you, you can pull back gracefully, because its not like you explicitly announced your undying love for her or anything. hope that made sense. g'luck.

YakiSOBA · Nov 13, 2006

ugh...

im leaning towards just going for it, because if i don't and just "stay" as friends, it'd still kill me on the inside and i'd always be thinking about it when we're hanging out.

my next question was going to be "is there a safe way to find out // ask her", because as someone said earlier... no one does that "do you wanna go out on a date with me??" thing no more...

but it seems the answer is to be cautiously flirtatious?

ForzaItalia · Nov 13, 2006

Fatghost said:
However, if she shoots you down, don't pine after her, find a new girl really quick.

Generally guys like him tend to fall head over heels with these girls because they have limited experience with women in general, hence making it virtually impossible to "find a new girl really quick"...

GSG Flash · Nov 13, 2006

infinityjinx said:
just flirt it up, dude! fortune favors the brave! maybe she totally would dig you if you put it in her head that you're supercool boyfriend material. i say make a physical move before the frighteningly confrontational 'do u like me?'

try this: before u guys part ways after a night of fun give her a hug n a superquick kiss on the lips. yes. do it. if shes totally skieved just play it off like ur a little drunk n u missed her cheek="whoops! missed ur cheek! hav a good nite!" if anything, she'll probably be flattered and think its cute, and then start thinking about what it would have been like to realllly kiss you.

Wow, best advice of the thread (Im serious), and from a junior as well

evil solrac v3.0 · Nov 13, 2006

infinityjinx said:
just flirt it up, dude! fortune favors the brave! maybe she totally would dig you if you put it in her head that you're supercool boyfriend material. i say make a physical move before the frighteningly confrontational 'do u like me?'

try this: before u guys part ways after a night of fun give her a hug n a superquick kiss on the lips. yes. do it. if shes totally skieved just play it off like ur a little drunk n u missed her cheek="whoops! missed ur cheek! hav a good nite!" if anything, she'll probably be flattered and think its cute, and then start thinking about what it would have been like to realllly kiss you.

or grab a boob, playfully at first and then squeeze and make believe you are looking for your misplaced house keys. " squeeze the charmin" and all that... or FHUTA. playfully at first....

YakiSOBA · Nov 13, 2006

ForzaItalia said:
Generally guys like him tend to fall head over heels with these girls because they have limited experience with women in general, hence making it virtually impossible to "find a new girl really quick"...

i couldn't be sadder to say QFT here

RevenantKioku · Nov 13, 2006

ForzaItalia said:
Generally guys like him tend to fall head over heels with these girls because they have limited experience with women in general, hence making it virtually impossible to "find a new girl really quick"...

Nothing stops you from changing.

Triumph · Nov 13, 2006

ForzaItalia said:
Generally guys like him tend to fall head over heels with these girls because they have limited experience with women in general, hence making it virtually impossible to "find a new girl really quick"...

That's why you gotta take him to a sex party after this fails spectacularly.

Just kidding about the failure part. But if it does, you have to take him to a sex party. F'realz.

etiolate · Nov 13, 2006

1. I've never heard bad news bears in reference to dating

2. It depends on the history of your friendship and the potential of the relationship.

ForzaItalia · Nov 13, 2006

RevenantKioku said:
Nothing stops you from changing.

No, I never meant that as a slam to the OP. People have to realize that for some guys it's not as easy as "just get another girl real quick"....Plus I'm sure the OP would appreciate and respect straight up honesty rather than sugarcoating it....

infinityjinx · Nov 13, 2006

i still say go for the quick kiss. be playful about it. then, the ball is in her court. she'll know that u think shes cute n maybe u have a crush on her. and that alone might make her think about you as more than the badminton friend. if it goes no where, keep your eyes open - plenty of fish n all that.

Fatghost · Nov 13, 2006

ForzaItalia said:
Generally guys like him tend to fall head over heels with these girls because they have limited experience with women in general, hence making it virtually impossible to "find a new girl really quick"...

Dude's gotta learn at some point.

GSG Flash · Nov 13, 2006

You can always try putting your name and her name in the love calculator and if it's a good match, you can show it to her

http://www.lovecalculator.com/

RevenantKioku · Nov 13, 2006

ForzaItalia said:
No, I never meant that as a slam to the OP. People have to realize that for some guys it's not as easy as "just get another girl real quick"....Plus I'm sure the OP would appreciate and respect straight up honesty rather than sugarcoating it....

Eh, it just came off as a slam. I can relate to the OP, because I used to be that way, but I'm getting much better about it. Not all of us can just wink at a chick and get a blowjob. ;_;

FiRez · Nov 13, 2006

I say that go for it
is better to fear regret than rejection

if she says no, just don't act weird or take it personal

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