Saiyan-Rox
Member
Least we're not alone mate! where did you find such a group? I'm in the UK I don't think there is anything like that in my area well that I know of anyway.
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Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
- Thread starter Bagels
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Least we're not alone mate! where did you find such a group? I'm in the UK I don't think there is anything like that in my area well that I know of anyway.
Finally saw a doctor, at the urging of my therapist, about my depression and anxiety. Was given an evaluation and put on Celexa and was given a Klonopin prescription too. I had a long talk with the doctor about how my depression manifests itself and he said this would be the best way.
I'm scared of the Klonopin, I've abused benzos in the past. Never to the point of addiction but I have used them recreationally. So far I've been good with them. Have only had to take one once because I was having some anxiety induced insomnia. School term just started and I've been freaking out.
I'm hoping the Celexa has a positive impact. I was perscribed it once before but at the time I was drinking heavily and abusing drugs on the regular. I couldn't tell if they did anything at all and stopped taking them after a month. It was a bad time. Now though I'm clean and am in a much better mindset to take this challenge on. I don't know if it's a placebo effect or what but I've been taking them for a week and I swear I already feel a bit sharper and more motivated.
I have an appointment with a psychiatrist for this Friday to discuss medication more. I'm hopeful that between all these things I can start feeling better. I don't even remember who I am at this point. My sense of self is non-existent. Lets see how this goes.
I'm scared of the Klonopin, I've abused benzos in the past. Never to the point of addiction but I have used them recreationally. So far I've been good with them. Have only had to take one once because I was having some anxiety induced insomnia. School term just started and I've been freaking out.
I'm hoping the Celexa has a positive impact. I was perscribed it once before but at the time I was drinking heavily and abusing drugs on the regular. I couldn't tell if they did anything at all and stopped taking them after a month. It was a bad time. Now though I'm clean and am in a much better mindset to take this challenge on. I don't know if it's a placebo effect or what but I've been taking them for a week and I swear I already feel a bit sharper and more motivated.
I have an appointment with a psychiatrist for this Friday to discuss medication more. I'm hopeful that between all these things I can start feeling better. I don't even remember who I am at this point. My sense of self is non-existent. Lets see how this goes.
Good luck man, I'm rooting for ya. Just relax till friday, take things one step at a time.
Thanks man. Gonna do my best with this.
My therapist says I have MDD, idk if that's true because there are some days that I don't have depressive episodes, and other days, like today and yesterday and the day before that... that I feel like absolute shit for the entire day.
Evil_Silver
Banned
Everyday, I feel an overwhelming sadness. A feeling that something bad will happen. An event that will push me over the edge.
kingwingin
Member
For the last few years I've felt like garbage and I've spent most of my nights wishing for death in my sleep. I've gained a lot of weight, about 100 pounds over the last few years and a few times I would successfully lose 20 or so before relapsing to food.
Whenever I lost a bit of weight I would feel amazing and unstoppable, I was a completely different person and I never knew why. Thought maybe my brain fixed itself and gave me the energy to stick to a diet.
Last week I started eating well and im experiencing that increase in energy and my anxiety is non existent. But it wasn't until I stumbled Upon ketosis and realized what I was experiencing.
I'm not saying this works for everyone. but if you are overweight or even eat a lot of garbage food and have anxiety and depression, try it out.
Whenever I lost a bit of weight I would feel amazing and unstoppable, I was a completely different person and I never knew why. Thought maybe my brain fixed itself and gave me the energy to stick to a diet.
Last week I started eating well and im experiencing that increase in energy and my anxiety is non existent. But it wasn't until I stumbled Upon ketosis and realized what I was experiencing.
I'm not saying this works for everyone. but if you are overweight or even eat a lot of garbage food and have anxiety and depression, try it out.
Hope you have a better experience with Celexa than me bud. It's supposed to be the one with the least side effects but of all the ones I've tried it's actually been BY FAR the worst. Good luck man.
Octopus has no friends
Neo Member
Ive been looking up support groups around my area online but Im going to talk to my doctor first see if she can recommend a therapist or support group around where I am hopefully I can find something and meet people and make friends.
DonEscobar
Member
I have to turn myself in tomorrow for a 210 day commitment... my wife is terribly devastated, and my son is only 4 years old. it's hard to sleep without my wife. I fall into this nervous breakdown/depression/anxiety state when I'm in there...
.. any self-relaxing mechanisms I can practice to try and not focus on time and fall into a depression?
.. any self-relaxing mechanisms I can practice to try and not focus on time and fall into a depression?
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
Lexapro/celexa (lexapro is basically the active ingredient, celexa is both active and non active; higher dose) has worked for me. No foul side effects as of yet, except a bit higher cholesterol.
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
Good luck to you. Sadly, I don't know. Try I guess meditation and mindfulness.
I can identify with having a great life and still feeling depressed/anxious. For me, I have extensive family history of depression through both parents. I need a medication to counteract a genetic problem. The therapy and things I have come to need only work once the underlying biology is fixed up a bit.
Not everyone is like that. And even people who need meds need the right meds. You'd need more time to see if venlafaxine works for you. But if you still get no benefit in a few more weeks, they might switch your med. Before that, you might want to ask about talk therapy. If your issues seem to all stem from this medical issue, talk therapy may be enormously helpful.
Wolf Dawgz
Member
Does anyone else feel like their depression has come out of nowhere?
Usually in my teen years, my depression was more like a cycle. I'd get more depressed in the winter months, and I assumed maybe it was seasonal. IN 2014 though, I felt pretty great for the most part.
Now I've been depressed even though it's springtime, where I usually have more energy and motivation. I've been skipping the odd class lately(not good), and today I've skipped all of them(bad).
I can't pinpoint why I would be depressed though. I wanted to go to two of my classes, and was interested in the topics, but I feel tired in my head. I feel like my body is heavy, and it's hard to concentrate. I decided to skip this one class so that I have time to do an assignment for tomorrow, and study for a test.
Now I'm going to make sure I don't mess this up, maybe this'll get the ball rolling!
Edit:
I ended up doing some burpees in my room, with shadow boxing. Then I went to the pool to go in the steam sauna. I feel a bit better now. Maybe I'll keep up this routine. Now to finally do my homework and study with a clear head.
Usually in my teen years, my depression was more like a cycle. I'd get more depressed in the winter months, and I assumed maybe it was seasonal. IN 2014 though, I felt pretty great for the most part.
Now I've been depressed even though it's springtime, where I usually have more energy and motivation. I've been skipping the odd class lately(not good), and today I've skipped all of them(bad).
I can't pinpoint why I would be depressed though. I wanted to go to two of my classes, and was interested in the topics, but I feel tired in my head. I feel like my body is heavy, and it's hard to concentrate. I decided to skip this one class so that I have time to do an assignment for tomorrow, and study for a test.
Now I'm going to make sure I don't mess this up, maybe this'll get the ball rolling!
Edit:
I ended up doing some burpees in my room, with shadow boxing. Then I went to the pool to go in the steam sauna. I feel a bit better now. Maybe I'll keep up this routine. Now to finally do my homework and study with a clear head.
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
Someone who I held as a close friend unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm devastated.
I'm devastated.
do you know why he/she did that or was it out of no where?
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
I don't know why. I just liked a new pic then bam.
pixelation
Member
People are specially weird on FB, once I was deleted by a friend because... get this... I posted stuff in English (granted, I'm Mexican but still... that's still a dumb ass reason to delete a friend but whatever...)
T
Transhuman
Unconfirmed Member
Rrrr?
pixelation
Member
Eh... I don't understand, dude with the long curly hair... lol
T
Transhuman
Unconfirmed Member
Was it that he was mad you left for England, or did he just really hate England? England?!
I don't know if I should write it here, as there's people with much more serious problems than me, but... I don't know if I could write it somewhere else.
Today's my first birthday since I moved to another city, and... It may be a stupid reason to be so sad, but no one remembered it except for my SO and some classmate. People who I considered to be at least my pals ignored me all the day. Person I've been friends with for about 10 years keeps silent. I didn't receive call from the home. I don't even have enough money to buy myself a small cake. I feel so devastated and worthless, I just want to spend the rest of the day crying in the bed. I wish I could just fall asleep and wake up someone else... I guess I'll go cry myself to sleep now
Today's my first birthday since I moved to another city, and... It may be a stupid reason to be so sad, but no one remembered it except for my SO and some classmate. People who I considered to be at least my pals ignored me all the day. Person I've been friends with for about 10 years keeps silent. I didn't receive call from the home. I don't even have enough money to buy myself a small cake. I feel so devastated and worthless, I just want to spend the rest of the day crying in the bed. I wish I could just fall asleep and wake up someone else... I guess I'll go cry myself to sleep now
Appreciate it man. I stepped up my dose from half a pill to a full one on Tuesday and felt a little nauseous after taking it yesterday. Then this morning I was extremely tired when I got up for school even though I got a full night of sleep. Going to ask the psychiatrist about this stuff tomorrow, I'm hoping it's just my body getting used to the medication and not indicative of some larger problem that'll continue.
I've been coming to peace with things. It's not in me to live past the hope of another seeing me as I am now.
I suppose I've become narcisstic in the hopes of attraction and I am ashamed of that, and I imagine myself a victim and I love the pity I hope someone will give me, and I will try to turn up my face and not ask for it, as if I never wanted it, as if I was strong, were someone to ever receive me. The only bridge I have now is pity and I want to forget the past.
I'm going to a concert soon to see my favorite band perform my favorite album.
At times I feel so excited to be young and I cry late at night as I think of killing myself. I just can't imagine life being taken from me, as it has been; I want control of myself.
The importance of what I have is leaving me, every effort I've made is beginning to feel weightless. I'm trying to adopt the smile of a saint.
I know my vices weren't anything, just natural and concerning the place.
In criticizing myself I made the mistake of feeling smart while others loved, and I overlooked that I was always alone and not making a place where I could be understood.
I still can't communicate as I never could, so what have I done other than lose myself completely?
It's still beautiful here, even though I suffered to be I saw how beautiful everything was somehow inside me and I was happy.
I miss how everything was, seeing friends, looking for golfballs with my father, hiking the local mountain, and walks with my dog.
Love probably wasn't good enough, I just wondered, I didn't want anything else. I thought too much of myself and so I killed myself, I'm too tired to know.
I suppose I've become narcisstic in the hopes of attraction and I am ashamed of that, and I imagine myself a victim and I love the pity I hope someone will give me, and I will try to turn up my face and not ask for it, as if I never wanted it, as if I was strong, were someone to ever receive me. The only bridge I have now is pity and I want to forget the past.
I'm going to a concert soon to see my favorite band perform my favorite album.
At times I feel so excited to be young and I cry late at night as I think of killing myself. I just can't imagine life being taken from me, as it has been; I want control of myself.
The importance of what I have is leaving me, every effort I've made is beginning to feel weightless. I'm trying to adopt the smile of a saint.
I know my vices weren't anything, just natural and concerning the place.
In criticizing myself I made the mistake of feeling smart while others loved, and I overlooked that I was always alone and not making a place where I could be understood.
I still can't communicate as I never could, so what have I done other than lose myself completely?
It's still beautiful here, even though I suffered to be I saw how beautiful everything was somehow inside me and I was happy.
I miss how everything was, seeing friends, looking for golfballs with my father, hiking the local mountain, and walks with my dog.
Love probably wasn't good enough, I just wondered, I didn't want anything else. I thought too much of myself and so I killed myself, I'm too tired to know.
T
Transhuman
Unconfirmed Member
Not at all. I've felt this, and when people actually have cared, all I wanted to do was shrink away from them. Depression is going to find a way out, and birthdays are awful for it.
pixelation
Member
lol man... I like you, your posts are legit something...
wow. I don't use facebook at all but that sounds extreme. People act like this normally!?
I guess they do. Facebook makes people weird. I started using twitter a lot within the past year and that is already as violently dramatic as one might expect. I'm getting people angrily messaging me about shit they believe I did over ten years ago now. People are tireless in their obsession with drama
That's really weird Fish.
When something that irrational happens just know it wasn't your fault. They did the weird thing, you were just hanging out.
Do you have a way to contact? I'd send a message asking what happened.
When something that irrational happens just know it wasn't your fault. They did the weird thing, you were just hanging out.
Do you have a way to contact? I'd send a message asking what happened.
I'm a little distressed by this given the thread that was just posted (and quickly locked). I assume the fact that it was locked means that there's a mod aware of it, but if not... does anyone have a means of checking Evil_Silver?
(And, as an aside, I would have PMed a mod, but it appears that the 'view current active users' bit only displays me. A bug?)
That sucks man. I've had that feeling where someone I thought was a friend actually disliked me, never fun.
On the topic of facebook, not a fan of the platform. It weirds me out and I just haven't logged on recently. Feels too "show offy"
Saiyan-Rox
Member
Starting to get worse over the past week or so. no one has replied to me or has messaged/rang me in 7 days I go to work see how much of a stupid moron I am - come home to nothing and rinse and repeat *sigh*
Guys/Girls at work know how boring and stupid I am and treat me like im nothing even when looking at me I get this sense I know whats wrong.
Normally I wouldn't give a shit but with the way i'm feeling atm and being alone with nothing to pick me up it's all getting to me. I use technology as a coping mechanism too so I buy shit I don't even need or will use just to get my mind off things.
Guys/Girls at work know how boring and stupid I am and treat me like im nothing even when looking at me I get this sense I know whats wrong.
Normally I wouldn't give a shit but with the way i'm feeling atm and being alone with nothing to pick me up it's all getting to me. I use technology as a coping mechanism too so I buy shit I don't even need or will use just to get my mind off things.
Cizeta-Moroder
Banned
That anguish of knowing you're going to get disowned by parents and kicked out of university any day now. I might even be looking forward to it, I need that fucking closure.
Happy birthday! You're not worthless!
Fudgepuppy
Banned
I just called a suicide hotline, there were three people in front of me, suddenly I felt so selfish for calling.
I also felt helpless knowing there are others right now, waiting in line for help.
I just had a breakdown while doing the dishes, threw the brush at the wall and then slumped down next to the fridge bawling my eyes out.
I'm calling a therapist on monday.
I also felt helpless knowing there are others right now, waiting in line for help.
I just had a breakdown while doing the dishes, threw the brush at the wall and then slumped down next to the fridge bawling my eyes out.
I'm calling a therapist on monday.
crowphoenix
Banned
You're not alone, and needing help isn't selfish. It's human.
Are you feeling any better?
You ok? That last line has me worried.
Fudgepuppy
Banned
Yeah, been feeling alone, and clogged up for a couple of weeks, then the plans for the evening fell through and I just lost it.
Most of my issues aren't issues when you take them in context, but the problem is my self-image and mind which exaggerates things.
Never thought I'd write something in this thread. Or rather, never thought I'd actually hit the "Submit Reply" button. But the last few days have been worse than usual.
A bit of a backstory: When I started university some eight years ago, I felt pretty okay. I've never been an extrovert or an outgoing person, but I thought, hey, it's a new city, all-new people, maybe I can start something here. Because from school, I have one single friend. Elementary school, that is. Afterwards, no one. University changed that, I soon had a couple of friends. I was pretty happy. I even met a girl that was (at first) more interest in me than I was in her. (Which, now as I look back, actually happened once before in school, but it took me until a few years ago to realise what was actually going on. I thought I was at the end of a really cruel joke.)
But anyway, back to uni. After getting my bachelor's, pretty much everyone left for other cities. Oh, and my girlfriend left me too. At that time, it was very much out of the blue for me. And three days before Christmas. Yes. Via an instant message. The worst part? I perfectly understood why she did it in that way at that time.
The beginning of my master's, I was pretty devastated. Ruined my first semester's grades. But I also met my best friend at that time, so that's something. After a while, I even got over my ex-gf. But I think I started to really sink into depression at that time. Which is weird, really. Because I've done much more travelling and general nice stuff after my girlfriend left me than during that time. Which may be why she left me, but what do I know.
The thing is there has always been a point during my vacations where I felt really, really lonely. I always thought "Well, I can't do all my travel with my best friend, he's got a girlfriend to be with. So let's do this on my own, I mean, I know how to travel alone!", and that was very much true for the most part. But somehow, each vacation destination succeeded in showing me that I wasn't only alone, I was lonely. Oh, so lonely.
The worst situation like this was in a science museum, funnily enough. I tried some of the experiments you could do there until I got to one that said "You need two people to do this experiment". It's pretty stupid, because obviously I could've just asked one of the other visitors or just not do that stupid experiment, but I honestly stared at that sign for about a minute. That day was ruined. "Yeah, you thought you could do all the things normal people do as couples or groups alone? Hah! Think again", or so I thought I was told by life itself.
That would be bad enough, but then, as I was in the midst of my PhD (which I still procrastinate through and hate myself for it), my professor told me he would switch universities; that was always a possibility, and honestly, besides having to talk to my best friends via technology instead of in person, I thought things weren't so bad. The city is nicer, the landscape is nicer, and the fucking people at university are much closer to my own mindset than at the old university.
I switched universities at the beginning of this month, and I thought, "wow, I'm gonna make really good friends here!" I even found a girl working there who's pretty cute and potentially much closer to me than my ex-gf ever was. I say potentially, because that's exactly the crux. I haven't had a meaningful conversation with any of my new colleagues, including that girl. I talked to her once when me and my colleagues (from the old university) were introducing themselves to each other, so that's why I know that basic information. I don't even know if she's interested. If she isn't, that's really not the most frustrating part. The most frustrating part is that I don't fucking know.
I don't know anyone here. And I try. At least I think I try until my "old" colleagues tell me how they socialised with my new colleagues. And I think "How the fuck do you do that?" I don't say it, mind you, and I still don't know how much they know about my situation or how much they suspect. I do let out hints here and there, but I don't know if they (can) catch them.
It really doesn't help that procrastination has finally kept up to me, so that work isn't really that great as well.
Oh well. I'm going to have dinner with my old colleagues in a few minutes. One of them invited me, and I honestly would've asked them if they want to if he wouldn't have. Which I've never done before. I don't even know if I will tell them what I wrote here. But I think it'll help this way or the other. Let's see.
As a last notice: No, I've never been suicidal and I'm not starting to be right now. Just really frustrated and depressed that even under "ideal" conditions, I somehow manage to fuck up everything. Not really a great feeling to have.
A bit of a backstory: When I started university some eight years ago, I felt pretty okay. I've never been an extrovert or an outgoing person, but I thought, hey, it's a new city, all-new people, maybe I can start something here. Because from school, I have one single friend. Elementary school, that is. Afterwards, no one. University changed that, I soon had a couple of friends. I was pretty happy. I even met a girl that was (at first) more interest in me than I was in her. (Which, now as I look back, actually happened once before in school, but it took me until a few years ago to realise what was actually going on. I thought I was at the end of a really cruel joke.)
But anyway, back to uni. After getting my bachelor's, pretty much everyone left for other cities. Oh, and my girlfriend left me too. At that time, it was very much out of the blue for me. And three days before Christmas. Yes. Via an instant message. The worst part? I perfectly understood why she did it in that way at that time.
The beginning of my master's, I was pretty devastated. Ruined my first semester's grades. But I also met my best friend at that time, so that's something. After a while, I even got over my ex-gf. But I think I started to really sink into depression at that time. Which is weird, really. Because I've done much more travelling and general nice stuff after my girlfriend left me than during that time. Which may be why she left me, but what do I know.
The thing is there has always been a point during my vacations where I felt really, really lonely. I always thought "Well, I can't do all my travel with my best friend, he's got a girlfriend to be with. So let's do this on my own, I mean, I know how to travel alone!", and that was very much true for the most part. But somehow, each vacation destination succeeded in showing me that I wasn't only alone, I was lonely. Oh, so lonely.
The worst situation like this was in a science museum, funnily enough. I tried some of the experiments you could do there until I got to one that said "You need two people to do this experiment". It's pretty stupid, because obviously I could've just asked one of the other visitors or just not do that stupid experiment, but I honestly stared at that sign for about a minute. That day was ruined. "Yeah, you thought you could do all the things normal people do as couples or groups alone? Hah! Think again", or so I thought I was told by life itself.
That would be bad enough, but then, as I was in the midst of my PhD (which I still procrastinate through and hate myself for it), my professor told me he would switch universities; that was always a possibility, and honestly, besides having to talk to my best friends via technology instead of in person, I thought things weren't so bad. The city is nicer, the landscape is nicer, and the fucking people at university are much closer to my own mindset than at the old university.
I switched universities at the beginning of this month, and I thought, "wow, I'm gonna make really good friends here!" I even found a girl working there who's pretty cute and potentially much closer to me than my ex-gf ever was. I say potentially, because that's exactly the crux. I haven't had a meaningful conversation with any of my new colleagues, including that girl. I talked to her once when me and my colleagues (from the old university) were introducing themselves to each other, so that's why I know that basic information. I don't even know if she's interested. If she isn't, that's really not the most frustrating part. The most frustrating part is that I don't fucking know.
I don't know anyone here. And I try. At least I think I try until my "old" colleagues tell me how they socialised with my new colleagues. And I think "How the fuck do you do that?" I don't say it, mind you, and I still don't know how much they know about my situation or how much they suspect. I do let out hints here and there, but I don't know if they (can) catch them.
It really doesn't help that procrastination has finally kept up to me, so that work isn't really that great as well.
Oh well. I'm going to have dinner with my old colleagues in a few minutes. One of them invited me, and I honestly would've asked them if they want to if he wouldn't have. Which I've never done before. I don't even know if I will tell them what I wrote here. But I think it'll help this way or the other. Let's see.
As a last notice: No, I've never been suicidal and I'm not starting to be right now. Just really frustrated and depressed that even under "ideal" conditions, I somehow manage to fuck up everything. Not really a great feeling to have.
MisterLuffy
Member
My life is so boring. All I do is browse on the internet.
Went to my psychiatry appointment. Didn't start out well, I was feeling overwhelmed about having such an "official" appointment in regards to my mental health. Ended up having a mild panic attack. Nothing too debilitating but it definitely happened. Told the psychiatrist as soon as she came to get me and she was super nice about it, got me some water and just let me calm down for a bit.
We talked for quite a while about a bunch of stuff. Childhood, symptoms, past drug abuse, etc. It was a good talk and she was super knowledgeable and supportive. Ended up disagreeing with the Celexa I was prescribed, said that based on my history it wouldn't end up doing anything since the dosage was so low. So now I'm on Zoloft. 25mg a day for five days then 50mg a day for five days, and finally the normal dose of 100mg a day after that. Also got Ativan for when I get severe panic attacks and something called Gabapentin for more everyday anxiety treatment. She was very concerned about my anxiety problems.
I'm nervous about all these meds. All the building up and weening off I have to do. It feels overwhelming. I just hope it helps.
We talked for quite a while about a bunch of stuff. Childhood, symptoms, past drug abuse, etc. It was a good talk and she was super knowledgeable and supportive. Ended up disagreeing with the Celexa I was prescribed, said that based on my history it wouldn't end up doing anything since the dosage was so low. So now I'm on Zoloft. 25mg a day for five days then 50mg a day for five days, and finally the normal dose of 100mg a day after that. Also got Ativan for when I get severe panic attacks and something called Gabapentin for more everyday anxiety treatment. She was very concerned about my anxiety problems.
I'm nervous about all these meds. All the building up and weening off I have to do. It feels overwhelming. I just hope it helps.
I have the same problem. I almost never read books, watch movies or even play new games because I'm mindlessly browsing the internet. I'll try to stop, but then start again. It feels like such a stupid problem to have...
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
I hate having to lose a friend like . I find yell another to see that everthing is good he's also o Gaf.
Just feel very lonely and unwanted right now.
Just feel very lonely and unwanted right now.
Fuck that person, dude. I know how much it hurts. I had someone who I thought I was pretty close to stop talking to me just a few months ago (and as you know, he's just one of many over the years). But ultimately, we have a lot to give and if other people can't see that, it's their loss.
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
Its my fault. I'm a wreck.
MisterLuffy
Member
I get bored on the internet. yet I still browse even though I have other things I should be doing. I hate laziness because it makes me feel like it's holding me back in doing things like reading a book, study more on programming, playing games, walking outside, finding a job...especially finding a job, etc. I feel like I've wasted so much of my life. Also, being a dead weight sucks.
sineclamor
Member
Withdrawing really bad from alcohol again. I have some beer coming, so I can get through it. I just have no shame, no pride. I'm going to post this embarrassing shit and come back and look at it everyday until I change.
I can definitely relate to all of this. Just got to force yourself to do something else, preferably to leave the house.
Now that I'm posting here, does anyone here have really shitty memory? I mean of your childhood and such. Whenever someone tells a story of when they were a kid, it strikes me that I don't really have any such stories because I can't remember many details. I also forget the names of people very easily. I'm afraid this might be because I've fried my brain with a lack of exercise, negative thoughts etc. Also because I hardly ever feel like I'm "in the moment", instead I'm thinking of something else, usually negative. I don't feel present so I don't form memories. Idk.
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