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I've become completely alone
- Thread starter Fudgepuppy
- Start date
- Status
That's a very strange thing to say. It gets harder once you hit your 30s and everyone is married with kids but it's not impossible if both people are committed to the friendship.
Lashley
Why does he wear the mask!?
lol what?
No it's not, but it is hard and harder when you balance family and a full time job. Then everyone has to be inclusive... Your wife needs to get along with your friends wife and vice versa...etc.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
It's weird how so many of these types of threads include some vague reference to something that happened between OP and a girl friend with a partner.
Fudgepuppy
Banned
Look a couple of posts up.
I'm kind of like you, OP. The more time I spend around people I begin to notice you can't always count on them to treat you right. Worst of all, they can't always count on you to treat them right either.
We're human, we all fuck up, we're not perfect, which means when we do fuck up, we can hurt ourselves or those around us. That's why I've began to distance myself from others. If no one is around me, I won't get hurt. If I'm not around anyone, I can't hurt them in return. When I do fuck up, I mostly only hurt myself.
I can't even count on myself, let alone other people.
But that's just me. I hope you keep making new friends, OP. You don't have to be lonely. You can always still host those parties.
We're human, we all fuck up, we're not perfect, which means when we do fuck up, we can hurt ourselves or those around us. That's why I've began to distance myself from others. If no one is around me, I won't get hurt. If I'm not around anyone, I can't hurt them in return. When I do fuck up, I mostly only hurt myself.
I can't even count on myself, let alone other people.
But that's just me. I hope you keep making new friends, OP. You don't have to be lonely. You can always still host those parties.
ZackieChan
Member
Just seeing the thumbnail and knowing what that is, I'm now as uncomfortable as OP's former best friend. Thanks!
Northeastmonk
Gold Member
I feel the same way sometimes. I had lots of girlfriends, friends, people who I could call, and now I have no one to talk to. No one to say anything to. Inside I know we fight for the future. Maybe not today, but someday it'll get better. Time has taught me that all things change.
I could have swore it was just yesterday that I was jumping up and down about a game release or going out with someone. Life has a weird way of making us forget the good and the bad. You just have to be strong enough to see a new day.
I could have swore it was just yesterday that I was jumping up and down about a game release or going out with someone. Life has a weird way of making us forget the good and the bad. You just have to be strong enough to see a new day.
pixelation
Member
I'm always alone, by choice... i wish i could change that but i just can't seem to stop pushing people away.
Makes me wonder if everyone who says that they're "alone" are just being dramatic and, in reality, they just mean that their social lives are different than they were used to before.
I feel the same way. My best friend has moved out of town, and the two friends I still have around here never want to do anything and never call me. And I've been unable to make any new friends at school for some reason.
It sucks being lonely.
I've even had the exact same scenario you describe where friends are having a board game night and I'm not invited.
It sucks being lonely.
I've even had the exact same scenario you describe where friends are having a board game night and I'm not invited.
Sounds to me like you haven't found the right "friend type".
When you were around these friends, were you completely relaxed and didn't feel the need to be anything other than yourself?
I'm asking because I had a circle of people as a young adult that I occasionally hung out with but never really felt like I belonged there - kinda "that guy that is here too". More tolerated than really included, disposable.
These days I have friends that I mostly meet 1:1. Occasionally those people can form a smaller group, but really it's all about spending time with them as a duo that I prefer. It took me a while to figure out what kind of people really respond to me and who doesn't.
Oh, and don't ever try like you need to impress people. Friendships should form naturally, and sometimes it just doesn't work out. Like sexual relationships, really.
Man, that really sucks. So you're still in school? For me things got better during the last semesters of uni, after somehow messing up the beginning half of university trying to bond with people that weren't the right fit for me.
As a teenager I felt alone a lot as well, not technically, but I wasn't really satisfied with the people that were technically friends.
When you were around these friends, were you completely relaxed and didn't feel the need to be anything other than yourself?
I'm asking because I had a circle of people as a young adult that I occasionally hung out with but never really felt like I belonged there - kinda "that guy that is here too". More tolerated than really included, disposable.
These days I have friends that I mostly meet 1:1. Occasionally those people can form a smaller group, but really it's all about spending time with them as a duo that I prefer. It took me a while to figure out what kind of people really respond to me and who doesn't.
Oh, and don't ever try like you need to impress people. Friendships should form naturally, and sometimes it just doesn't work out. Like sexual relationships, really.
Man, that really sucks. So you're still in school? For me things got better during the last semesters of uni, after somehow messing up the beginning half of university trying to bond with people that weren't the right fit for me.
As a teenager I felt alone a lot as well, not technically, but I wasn't really satisfied with the people that were technically friends.
Not necessarily. It is perhaps even healthy to have aspects of your life which are 100% 'independent' from your family; quiet moments for you and your friends, on a weekend every now and then. And it may be good for your wife to have the same. Some people live by this idea, and find it helps them appreciate their family even more.
For sure. My GF and I each have our own friends - we all generally like the others friends and often socialize together, but it's still very clear who is whose friend.
I felt like this for a week or so when I first went to college and didn't know anyone and was 4 hours away from home. The friends I made weren't constants yet and I got left out of stuff every once and a while. Just text them and ask if you can come to game night (people aren't perfect and they just might have forgotten or figured you didn't want to come over). If that doesn't work well fuck em they aren't your friends anyway. You should try and get that job then befriend some co-workers or customers that come to game nights. Whatever you do don't fall into a lull of loneliness and end up staying at home all day because you feel like no one wants to hang out with you.
So you saved her life and saw her nude in the process. As a lifeguard I wouldn't give a fuck what soever (if your telling the truth) you did something good OP. If she holds this against you whatever man don't feel bad
So you saved her life and saw her nude in the process. As a lifeguard I wouldn't give a fuck what soever (if your telling the truth) you did something good OP. If she holds this against you whatever man don't feel bad
I think what is making it weird is that people have been making a big deal about it.
I think if you just blew it off like it was nothing then that awkwardness wouldnt have started
Fudgepuppy
Banned
Well here's the thing, this girl and her boyfriend are sort of the center of our group. So when she started branching out and moving away from me (which I don't blame her for) I started getting less and less invitations. No one else really cares if I'm there, so it's not the awkwardness.
No OP!!!!! fuck that unless your not telling us something.
This is why I dislike group dynamics.
Fudgepuppy
Banned
There's some parts of the story I haven't told. I think it's better to come clean than to go around the bush.
The full story:
We were at the party, both she and her boyfriend got ridiculously drunk. He hit the floor in the kitchen and started sleeping, she went into the bathroom. After a while I heard running water. People came and went and wanted to use the bathroom, but it was locked. After 15 minutes or so, people started talking, complaining they couldn't use the bathroom. This lock was a standard one where you can unlock it from the outside just using your nail or a coin for an example. So I open the door, I see in the periphery of my vision she is naked, lying down in the tub with the water running. I quickly pull the curtain so I don't see, then I reach in, turn off the water and drop a towel over her. This is when a friend of hers opens the door, I don't want to involve anyone else and make them see her like this, so I say it's fine and close the door. I start talking to her, asking if she needs water or anything, she's just mumbling. This is when the other girl opens the door again. In my drunken stupor I get frustrated with trying to "protect" this girl, so I say it's all fine, close the door and lock it.
After 40 seconds or so, I realize how horrible this looks. I unlock the door and get out and tell this other girl she needs help.
That was it. Nothing happened, but the entire event made her feel incredibly unsafe with me, it also made her remember much more painful memories.
I still feel disgusted with myself. I'm sorry I didn't tell the entirety of the story from the start.
Keysersoze
Banned
okay this is totally different story. wow.
Fudgepuppy
Banned
Hearing people telling me what I did wasn't so bad, felt wrong knowing I left out these details.
Fuck.
BreezyLimbo
Banned
Should've let her boyfriend/her friends in. I dunno if her friends were male or female, but if they kept trying to come in and you kept denying them...yeah that'd be a bit fishy and I don't blame her for feeling unsafe around you.
Yeahhhhh. so you locked yourself in with her? Why didn't you get her friend involved? Because you didn't want the friend to see her like this? WTF? people do dumb shit when they get drunk like pass out in random spots.
I once passed out in a friend's parents bathroom without my pants, which when the mom came home the next morning threw them out because I guess she was angry at me. I had to drive home in my boxers.
You really shouldn't feel bad, ultimately you were looking out for a friend. I feel as if you feeling disgusted with yourself is just a way for you to rationalise the situation you're currently in. You know you were only trying to help, but since you can't cope with the fact that you've drifted apart you kind of think you're disgusting for briefly seeing her nude in the tub. That's my two cents. Don't feel bad OP.
Have you tried bringing it up with her at any point? And are you absolutely sure it isn't you who've been distant and that's what made things the way they are?
I'm mainly asking that because I've been in the same situation where I've felt as if people have been avoiding me, but as I later realised it was me. I said "No" one too many times and people just stopped asking me because I wasn't gonna say yes to do things regardless.
Edit: I mean locking yourself in with her will look bad, and probably is kinda weird too. You were drunk though, people are stupid as fuck when drunk, but yeah. I really feel like you owe it to yourself and your friend to talk it out, get her view on things and maybe you can both understand your actions during and reactions to the event.
Have you tried bringing it up with her at any point? And are you absolutely sure it isn't you who've been distant and that's what made things the way they are?
I'm mainly asking that because I've been in the same situation where I've felt as if people have been avoiding me, but as I later realised it was me. I said "No" one too many times and people just stopped asking me because I wasn't gonna say yes to do things regardless.
Edit: I mean locking yourself in with her will look bad, and probably is kinda weird too. You were drunk though, people are stupid as fuck when drunk, but yeah. I really feel like you owe it to yourself and your friend to talk it out, get her view on things and maybe you can both understand your actions during and reactions to the event.
NerdEyeBlind
Member
You're not alone on if you're posting on NeoGAF.
I have no personal contact outside of my direct family and the people I work with. I feel like I'm alone most of the time. I feel fine about it.
I have no personal contact outside of my direct family and the people I work with. I feel like I'm alone most of the time. I feel fine about it.
Ok I understand the awkwardness now but if you honestly didn't do anything don't feel bad. Shit happens man it was a weird situation but your heart was in the right place. Do what I said earlier and see how it plays out. How did she respond to your first apology?
Fudgepuppy
Banned
We've talked about it several times, the most recent time I reiterated how sorry I was and how I will never blame her for wanting to exclude me, how I will never be able to understand what she went through. She said it was okay and that she still didn't want to lose me as a friend. I told her to tell me if she wants me to back off or stay out. Then she started branching out and I started getting left out.
I've tried getting in contact, going for coffee or something, but she's always busy or doesn't answer. I once told her to call me that week if she wanted to, but she didn't. Since then I've backed off, she's more at peace without me as it seems.
Don't blame her on anyone else. Writing about it makes me realize being alone is maybe the best thing right now.
And to clarify the OP, I don't mentally say "fuck you" to her, but mostly the people around her and everyone else I've grown up with that's never invested any energy into my well-being. I always give and give, and people get used to it.
Jack Remington
Banned
OP saved a drunk girl from drowning and lost all his friends over it.
These people are dumbasses, OP.
She absolutely could have passed out and drowned there if she was hammered.
These people are dumbasses, OP.
She absolutely could have passed out and drowned there if she was hammered.
John Kowalski
Banned
...Scatter...
Banned
Relationships with friends must be nurtured like relationships with a significant other. Sometimes I'm willing to put in the effort, and some relationships I've let go. People grow apart and outside of maybe a few close friends, most are generally just seasons in your life. Then again I'm married so I've got a built in bff and she demands most of my attention along with my 4 year old.
tearsintherain
Member
If your apt/house and lifestyle can support it get a dog, you will never feel lonely.
...Scatter...
Banned
Agree. Ooof. This goes back to the whole giant debate we had a few weeks back about plutonic relationships and their efficacy. You certainly came off like a creeper here O.P. Always send a girl to handle another girl in the nude.
Jack Remington
Banned
OP, did you at least try to make the "I was worried she'd drown" argument?
Mighty Chin
Banned
OP I suggest have a face to face conversation with your former friends and talking it out. Be a man and own up to your shit. If they don't respond well then it's over and time to move on.
Don't get in that rutt man it's not good for you. You seem to have a chance at a social outlet that you enjoy(that new job if you get it) take it and make some new friends if the old ones don't work out.
Fudgepuppy
Banned
From what I've gathered, most people in the group either don't know of the incident or don't think I did anything wrong. Even the girl who tried to enter the bathroom, told me a couple of weeks later how nice it was of me when I had my own party and helped her take care of another girl we're all friends with.
Most people in the group are like friends in that you hang out at gatherings, but not much else. But because the girl and her boyfriend are the center, I'm not invited to the gatherings anymore.
Trojita
Rapid Response Threadmaker
Any decent bathtub will fill up even without the plug in as long as the water flow is sufficient enough.
Fudgepuppy
Banned
Well, guess I'm a hero. :S
The Artisan
Member
i'm sorry to hear you feel that way, I really am. I hate being alone in every sense of the word.
very much like ellie...i'm afraid of ending up/being by myself.
very much like ellie...i'm afraid of ending up/being by myself.
BlitzerRadic
Member
Agreed. Friendships require time and commitment and pretending you care about what goes on in their lives.
Always-honest
Banned
The "who would go to your funeral?" question is a good one imo.
Except in a friendship you actually care.
...Scatter...
Banned
Once you realized you fucked up your only choice here was to double down on that shit hard. Get mad at her for damn near drowning herself in your tub and mad at her b/f for not taking care of her. LOL If they felt a little bad about themselves that may distract them from the other more awkward angle.
Trojita
Rapid Response Threadmaker
Yeah, you are. You are having the exact opposite reaction you should be having. If anything she should be thankful you helped her. If she feels troubled by it, that's her own problem, it's better than ending up dead.
I'd rather have someone like you around that will actually help someone in need than someone who is just going to stand there.
Hope that gives you a confidence boost OP.
Understand that what you did was in the best of intentions. You sound like a very considerate person, and even though your friend may have not liked your gesture of help, don't let it eat away at your character. Don't stop being who you are because of the situation you willingly put yourself in when you didn't even have to bother with it in the first place.
You, I, and many are going to be lonely from time to time and if that's what it takes to rid yourself from whatever conflict in a relationship, then let it be.
Like you have, I have been cut out of my little group of friends. I have been forgotten. It wasn't exactly your case of not being invited. I was invited to hang out last Thursday by one of my close friends and when Thursday came around, he didn't even contact me. We can't sit and dwell on being left out. If someone forgets you, leave it at that. My friend and I have known each other since middle school, but if he doesn't feel like following up on his offer to hang out, then so be it. If they're tired of me, then so be it. I've been finished with trying to stay relevant in other people's lives if I'm forgotten when I'm not immediately present.
We all want to feel wanted by another's social group or friends, but sometimes it's best to cut it off if you aren't receiving the same amount of effort you put into the relationship.
It's okay to be alone for a little bit, and it seems that you are picking up the pieces and getting things back together fairly easily.
Continue being yourself and I'm sure the people who truly appreciate you will come along.
You, I, and many are going to be lonely from time to time and if that's what it takes to rid yourself from whatever conflict in a relationship, then let it be.
Like you have, I have been cut out of my little group of friends. I have been forgotten. It wasn't exactly your case of not being invited. I was invited to hang out last Thursday by one of my close friends and when Thursday came around, he didn't even contact me. We can't sit and dwell on being left out. If someone forgets you, leave it at that. My friend and I have known each other since middle school, but if he doesn't feel like following up on his offer to hang out, then so be it. If they're tired of me, then so be it. I've been finished with trying to stay relevant in other people's lives if I'm forgotten when I'm not immediately present.
We all want to feel wanted by another's social group or friends, but sometimes it's best to cut it off if you aren't receiving the same amount of effort you put into the relationship.
It's okay to be alone for a little bit, and it seems that you are picking up the pieces and getting things back together fairly easily.
Continue being yourself and I'm sure the people who truly appreciate you will come along.
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