OP, are you male?
Most adult males don't have friends.
OP, are you male?
Most adult males don't have friends.
That's a very strange thing to say. It gets harder once you hit your 30s and everyone is married with kids but it's not impossible if both people are committed to the friendship.
It's weird how so many of these types of threads include some vague reference to something that happened between OP and a girl friend with a partner.
Of course, it's just catching up to me that all the friends I had a year ago, now ignore me and don't want to invest anything into me.
I feel the same way. My best friend has moved out of town, and the two friends I still have around here never want to do anything and never call me. And I've been unable to make any new friends at school for some reason.
It sucks being lonely.
I've even had the exact same scenario you describe where friends are having a board game night and I'm not invited.
No it's not, but it is hard and harder when you balance family and a full time job. Then everyone has to be inclusive... Your wife needs to get along with your friends wife and vice versa...etc.
Not necessarily. It is perhaps even healthy to have aspects of your life which are 100% 'independent' from your family; quiet moments for you and your friends, on a weekend every now and then. And it may be good for your wife to have the same. Some people live by this idea, and find it helps them appreciate their family even more.
:
So yeah, I invaded her privacy when she wanted to be alone, because I was worried about her. I'm not proud of it in hindsight, but I didn't do anything to her. Worst part to her is probably that I didn't say I was sorry for months because I was so stupid and thought "well we were both pretty drunk".
Yeah, making you feel bad for the tub story sounds like a shitty move. From the way you told the story, you were trying to look out for her, and now you get painted as a creep.
I think what is making it weird is that people have been making a big deal about it.
I think if you just blew it off like it was nothing then that awkwardness wouldnt have started
Well here's the thing, this girl and her boyfriend are sort of the center of our group. So when she started branching out and moving away from me (which I don't blame her for) I started getting less and less invitations. No one else really cares if I'm there, so it's not the awkwardness.
Well here's the thing, this girl and her boyfriend are sort of the center of our group. So when she started branching out and moving away from me (which I don't blame her for) I started getting less and less invitations. No one else really cares if I'm there, so it's not the awkwardness.
No OP!!!!! fuck that unless your not telling us something.
There's some parts of the story I haven't told. I think it's better to come clean than to go around the bush.
The full story:
We were at the party, both she and her boyfriend got ridiculously drunk. He hit the floor in the kitchen and started sleeping, she went into the bathroom. After a while I heard running water. People came and went and wanted to use the bathroom, but it was locked. After 15 minutes or so, people started talking, complaining they couldn't use the bathroom. This lock was a standard one where you can unlock it from the outside just using your nail or a coin for an example. So I open the door, I see in the periphery of my vision she is naked, lying down in the tub with the water running. I quickly pull the curtain so I don't see, then I reach in, turn off the water and drop a towel over her. This is when a friend of hers opens the door, I don't want to involve anyone else and make them see her like this, so I say it's fine and close the door. I start talking to her, asking if she needs water or anything, she's just mumbling. This is when the other girl opens the door again. In my drunken stupor I get frustrated with trying to "protect" this girl, so I say it's all fine, close the door and lock it.
After 40 seconds or so, I realize how horrible this looks. I unlock the door and get out and tell this other girl she needs help.
That was it. Nothing happened, but the entire event made her feel incredibly unsafe with me, it also made her remember much more painful memories.
I still feel disgusted with myself. I'm sorry I didn't tell the entirety of the story from the start.
okay this is totally different story. wow.
There's some parts of the story I haven't told. I think it's better to come clean than to go around the bush.
The full story:
We were at the party, both she and her boyfriend got ridiculously drunk. He hit the floor in the kitchen and started sleeping, she went into the bathroom. After a while I heard running water. People came and went and wanted to use the bathroom, but it was locked. After 15 minutes or so, people started talking, complaining they couldn't use the bathroom. This lock was a standard one where you can unlock it from the outside just using your nail or a coin for an example. So I open the door, I see in the periphery of my vision she is naked, lying down in the tub with the water running. I quickly pull the curtain so I don't see, then I reach in, turn off the water and drop a towel over her. This is when a friend of hers opens the door, I don't want to involve anyone else and make them see her like this, so I say it's fine and close the door. I start talking to her, asking if she needs water or anything, she's just mumbling. This is when the other girl opens the door again. In my drunken stupor I get frustrated with trying to "protect" this girl, so I say it's all fine, close the door and lock it.
After 40 seconds or so, I realize how horrible this looks. I unlock the door and get out and tell this other girl she needs help.
That was it. Nothing happened, but the entire event made her feel incredibly unsafe with me, it also made her remember much more painful memories.
I still feel disgusted with myself. I'm sorry I didn't tell the entirety of the story from the start.
There's some parts of the story I haven't told. I think it's better to come clean than to go around the bush.
The full story:
We were at the party, both she and her boyfriend got ridiculously drunk. He hit the floor in the kitchen and started sleeping, she went into the bathroom. After a while I heard running water. People came and went and wanted to use the bathroom, but it was locked. After 15 minutes or so, people started talking, complaining they couldn't use the bathroom. This lock was a standard one where you can unlock it from the outside just using your nail or a coin for an example. So I open the door, I see in the periphery of my vision she is naked, lying down in the tub with the water running. I quickly pull the curtain so I don't see, then I reach in, turn off the water and drop a towel over her. This is when a friend of hers opens the door, I don't want to involve anyone else and make them see her like this, so I say it's fine and close the door. I start talking to her, asking if she needs water or anything, she's just mumbling. This is when the other girl opens the door again. In my drunken stupor I get frustrated with trying to "protect" this girl, so I say it's all fine, close the door and lock it.
After 40 seconds or so, I realize how horrible this looks. I unlock the door and get out and tell this other girl she needs help.
That was it. Nothing happened, but the entire event made her feel incredibly unsafe with me, it also made her remember much more painful memories.
I still feel disgusted with myself. I'm sorry I didn't tell the entirety of the story from the start.
Have you tried bringing it up with her at any point? And are you absolutely sure it isn't you who've been distant and that's what made things the way they are?
You're not alone on if you're posting on NeoGAF.
Yeahhhhh. so you locked yourself in with her? Why didn't you get her friend involved? Because you didn't want the friend to see her like this? WTF? people do dumb shit when they get drunk like pass out in random spots.
I once passed out in a friend's parents bathroom without my pants, which when the mom came home the next morning threw them out because I guess she was angry at me. I had to drive home in my boxers.
We've talked about it several times, the most recent time I reiterated how sorry I was and how I will never blame her for wanting to exclude me, how I will never be able to understand what she went through. She said it was okay and that she still didn't want to lose me as a friend. I told her to tell me if she wants me to back off or stay out. Then she started branching out and I started getting left out.
Don't blame her on anyone else. Writing about it makes me realize being alone is maybe the best thing right now.
OP, did you at least try to make the "I was worried she'd drown" argument?
The plug wasn't in, so she couldn't have drowned, but I didn't know that just hearing the water running.
Any decent bathtub will fill up even without the plug in as long as the water flow is sufficient enough.
Being alone isn't so bad
It's actually great IMO
Except in a friendship you actually care.Agreed. Friendships require time and commitment and pretending you care about what goes on in their lives.
Well, guess I'm a hero. :S
Well, guess I'm a hero. :S