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[TanookiTom]

Well, Japan is an incredibly racist country with a very naive view of a lot of ethnic groups. While you can make the case that it's really not their fault because the country is so homogenous, the fact remains. (Also, they are so homogenous by their own volition, not some inviolable law of nature.)

In a nutshell, yes: I would definitely recommend making a conscious choice to be open to dating people outside your race, but as you said it's a fine line. Just as someone wouldn't like to hear that you are unlikely to date them because of their race, no one wants to get to the 3rd date and find out you're sticking around because you've never been with an Asian person before either. I think in being in new areas, though, your tastes naturally evolve.

Ok, maybe we're starting to mix some things here (and it's also my fault). I think living in a homogenous society, such as Japan's for example, is not an excuse for being racist, Because we live in a globalized world and Japanese have access to all the information necessary to not be racist (I don't wanna focus on Japanese here exclusively, it's obviously the same for all countries).

BUT I think you have very little control when it comes to what you are attracted to. So yes, saying "people of this or that ethnicity are ugly/stupid/rapists/whatever" is definitely racist - I think we don't even have to discuss this.

Saying you are not attracted to a certain ethnicity because you discovered that you are not attracted to certain physical traits. I just think this can't outright be called racism. Sure when we're talking about saying that all people of X ethnicity look like this or that, then I can see the relation to racism.

And I find dating people you don't find attractive in order of hoping to finding them attractive one day to be very unrealistic and improbable.

You're assuming that dating within ones own race is the natural default and that people need to learn to be attracted to people different than them, when that too can have societal origin.

No, this is yet another assumption you are making. All I am saying is that in homogenous societies, this is just the likely case. If you don't even meet people from other ethnicities, you can't date them (or even feel attracted to them IRL).

Surely this is different in countries like the U.S. where many ethnicities live together in many places. I would never say that dating people of your same ethnicity is the natural default in such areas of the world.

In the example of Japanese society: it's very homogeneous indeed, but there is also a culture of looking down at dating foreigners that is pervasive. Many people will ingrain this growing up and will find foreigners unattractive later on.

I made some comments on that above.

 

[Ratrat]

Pretty sure you'll see more of it as women become more competitive in the market. Heck, german women do it with beachboyz

Well, one can only hope.

 

[M3d10n]

BUT I think you have very little control when it comes to what you are attracted to. So yes, saying "people of this or that ethnicity are ugly/stupid/rapists/whatever" is definitely racist - I think we don't even have to discuss this.

Saying you are not attracted to a certain ethnicity because you discovered that you are not attracted to certain physical traits. I just think this can't outright be called racism. Sure when we're talking about saying that all people of X ethnicity look like this or that, then I can see the relation to racism.

I think the problem is that you have a narrow definition of racism where it must be a conscious decision and see claims of racist influences in the development of attraction as accusations of maliciousness against the individuals.

The lack of attraction towards other races by itself is not malicious. Its origin is.

It's nice to think of racism as a thing you can easily recognize as evil, like stealing or lying, and thus as something easy to avoid doing to be a good person. But more primal functions like attraction are ugly reminders of the racism around us, and inside us.

I wouldn't advise you to force yourself to date races you're not attracted to, that could end up in disaster. That boat has sailed. The thing to strive for is to look into the origins of that lack of attraction and work to change them so future generations don't go down the same path.

 

[Rooth]

Some people in this thread seem to be conflating what they themselves prefer in a partner with what society prefers in a partner. There's two levels of discussion going on here and they overlap. If a girl wants to only date white guys then we can say that's her preference. But why do OKCupid women statistically favor white men? How do we interpret the numbers if not racism? Is it biological? Do humans in general just favor the look of white men? Or is it cultural? A response to a life of media depicting one race in favor over others.

There's posters who argue and say that they're white and actually prefer black women. Or they prefer fat women over skinny ones. On an individual level your preferences might be outliers but there's a reason why the majority of black athletes end up with white girls. There's a reason why a white / Asian coupling tends to be Asian women and white men.

I think the other problem with these discussions is that people don't have a good understanding of how to interpret racism, like it's some binary value. I've always felt it's more accurate to see it as a spectrum, subjective as it might be. Asking your bilingual Mexican friend to translate some Spanish? Not racist at all. Also, stop wasting his time and use Google. Making a small penis joke with your Asian guy friend? That's just a little racist. We're still cool. Excluding an entire race from your dating? A bit more racist. You're still a good person but maybe look into that. Shooting up a church filled with black people? You're Hitler.

 

[Usobuko]

Pretty sure you'll see more of it as women become more competitive in the market. Heck, german women do it with beachboyz

It's gender plus race.

It's lopsided compare to say old asian women having that kind of creepy fascination on young white/black boys.

 

[Bright Side of Life]

Oh, please. You not acknowledging that the women act EXACTLY THE SAME WAY towards white men makes me think you have some kind of agenda. I mean, they're even worse in some regards from what I've personally seen first-hand/

You sound bitter, to be honest. It's not ideal behavior but you can't just trash one side of the equation without admitting that it's often reinforced by the other.

Yeaaaah...no.

Not in just race, but freaking the same race different gender (Asia):

In Japan men and women are most def NOT equal even by American standards. There a woman literally at times is viewed as no more than vagina and tits. One of my girl friends who lives there, biracial (Brit/Japanese), works as LGBTQIA comic book artist, gets shit for writing realistic lesbian stories with strong females. There are subways only for women because guys keep peeving on them by groping and taking underwear pics, hell there are even PSA not to do that. A woman there half the time must choose between being a mom or having a career because there's very few co that allow maternity leave.

China: one kid, one family population culling seems fine until there's 1:5 ratio of girls to guys because some parents kill a female baby since there, males tend to inherit assets, carry on family name (dumb, your kids carry your bloodline regardless of gender), just overall more desirable because bullshit traditions

India: occasional twisted logic that women can be viewed as property and rape is OK because she sullied the family name by being lesbian or worse her brother committed infidelity but she has to be punished because bullshit reasoning we gotta "protect" her honor.

Yeah regardless of gender, race, whatever, most people are inherently stereotyping dicks/vaginas. It's not just a matter of "Oh well she was asking for it because she dresses so slutty" or "I only date guys taller than me", double standards what have you, one instances or multiple instances, it's how it affects you. Also if all you see about a race/country is Hollywood movies or anime or whatever, yeah you might think that's the norm because you don't know any better (unless research like friggin books and not youtube videos of xyz) That's like saying based on my first run in with a person named "Darlene" who basically used me as gopher to do her bidding because as a financially poor, single mom as family, ostracized 8 year old I who was starved for attention, all Darlenes are now evil.

TL;DR--Which would a woman rather pick: someone who is kind, the same race, but very conservative and believes women should not work and should just be wives/moms or someone who is kind, different race, but will be supportive whatever decision she makes regarding her career and whether or not have kids now versus later.

 

[TanookiTom]

I think the problem is that you have a narrow definition of racism where it must be a conscious decision and see claims of racist influences in the development of attraction as accusations of maliciousness against the individuals.

The lack of attraction towards other races by itself is not malicious. Its origin is.

This is a contradiction in my eyes.

And while I don't agree with the fact that I have a narrow definition of racism, it definitely ultimately boils down to how we define racism.

It's nice to think of racism as a thing you can easily recognize as evil, like stealing or lying, and thus as something easy to avoid doing to be a good person. But more primal functions like attraction are ugly reminders of the racism around us, and inside us.

Agreed. I think if you consider every person a racist who carries some racist/stereotypical POVs of some kind inside - if even only subconsciously - I think we are gonna have a lot of racists on our hands. And as many other have pointed out in this thread it's not only about racism, but about superficiality and discrimination in general regarding the physical appearance of a person.

I wouldn't advise you to force yourself to date races you're not attracted to, that could end up in disaster. That boat has sailed. The thing to strive for is to look into the origins of that lack of attraction and work to change them so future generations don't go down the same path.

I don't think it would end up in a disaster, but would rather just not work out probably. But I do not think the boat has sailed. Trends, celebrities, exposure etc. - they all continue to affect us as adults. And that is most likely a good thing.

The bottom line after a long discussion: I think you can't call everybody who writes "no xxx" in their dating profile a racist. I think the person is an asshole and it's extremely superficial. But it doesn't necessarily mean that this person fulfills a broader definition of being a racist.

 

[SentientStone]

First you need to understand the reasons for this racial preference. It is more about class than race. Western society has written most of the popular culture up until now. American media, everything is linked to that. I am an Asian man by the way, the one hindered the most. I however understand and live my live with my head up and with moral supremacy in my self motivating narrative. lol

 

[Carcetti]

So this might be just one facet of how racism affects people's lives, but it's still probably one of the ones you're gonna want to leave alone for a pretty simple reason:

Nobody can affect this without fixing the attitudes and preferences that cause it because otherwise you'd just be forcing people to have sex people they don't want to have sex with, and that's certifiably insane. On the other hand, if the racial attitudes get fixed, it'll pretty much fix itself. Dredging too deep into this is just gonna bring up bad blood and sour things even further.

 

[MWS Natural]

Im aware of all that what I was getting at is the perception these girls have that they will lose a significant number of fans for fucking black or asian performers is false.

Proof that it's not still that way? I've never heard or read anything that would lead me to think anything had changed in that regard.

 

[wildfire]

It's an absurd complaint. Choosing who you have sex with is an inherently discriminatory process.

It's not that absurd if you think about it.

Yes sexual attraction is an exclusionary process but those exclusions aren't absolute. That's why the way some people approach dating is racist.

For example I'm really into hair. I like red hair a lot more than blonde. But on average I would be more willing to date someone who is blonde because I find red haired people to more commonly have physical attributes that I find less attractive.

Regardless there are conditions where I would date someone who has blonde or red hair but I don't make any assumptions that I will never date a blonde or red haired person because of my preferences.

If I started to make assumptions that I'll never find someone with one physical feature attractive that would make me a simple minded bigot.

 

[intheinbetween]

for me it isn't racism, but sexual attraction, the wider the better for you to get laid, more chances

 

[Bright Side of Life]

Im aware of all that what I was getting at is the perception these girls have that they will lose a significant number of fans for fucking black or asian performers is false.

No, in Japan, otaku devotion is borderline stalker levels at times. Let's say Hatsune Miku not even dates but is very chummy with a fellow performer (any race/gender/orientation) and it can be the most platonic, out of generic shoujo manga pure relationship. The crazy ones are gonna flip because in their mind, "Hatusune-chan belongs to us all, she loves all her fans, she can't belong to one person" I mean bar me throwing shade on Japan last couple posts even if it's OK GO lead singer Damian Kulash, all around nice guy but after a rough set he's gonna be exhausted and maybe irate, cue in "Damian-sempai why won't you notice me" fangirl, she tries to get in his personal space, rebuffs her, she becomes "Sempaiiii, why are you acting like this, you're suppose to be nice"

It's delusions pretty much. An artist's primary goal is to entertain, everything else like fandom control, or outspoken fans, what have you is secondary at best. I have a small following on Tumblr for my webcomic. Most fans understand comics is not my job although I would like to be one day as I work full time as a debt collector. As of late haven't updated due to stress, artist's block, and more recently Repetitive Stress Injury. Most people understand, some are idiots who respond, "Oh just quit your job and focus on your art" Yeah no dawg I would be homeless in six month or something even with 10k in the bank. They unfollow because I'm upfront about the issue, I don't care.

 

[Ratrat]

Ask a Japanese woman who'd she rather date: a conservative nice Japanese guy who'll still treat her like a baby machine or any other race/ethnic group who will support her decision on family/career/both. Hopefully she picks the obvious choice

Weird post.
Anyway, according to this thread the other ethnicity wants her for those traits instilled by her inferior backwards Asian culture so the question would be pretty difficult. Ultimately, the one where language and culture isn't a barrier would be the easier choice.

 

[jmood88]

First you need to understand the reasons for this racial preference. It is more about class than race. Western society has written most of the popular culture up until now. American media, everything is linked to that. I am an Asian man by the way, the one hindered the most. I however understand and live my live with my head up and with moral supremacy in my self motivating narrative. lol

I have no idea why people keep sticking with this "it's class, not race" thing for so many topics but there's nothing showing that that is the case. African American culture is popular worldwide yet that hasn't eliminated racism against black people.

So this might be just one facet of how racism affects people's lives, but it's still probably one of the ones you're gonna want to leave alone for a pretty simple reason:

Nobody can affect this without fixing the attitudes and preferences that cause it because otherwise you'd just be forcing people to have sex people they don't want to have sex with, and that's certifiably insane. On the other hand, if the racial attitudes get fixed, it'll pretty much fix itself. Dredging too deep into this is just gonna bring up bad blood and sour things even further.

I also have no idea why addressing racial issues always leads to posts like this where people talk about things being forced upon others. Where is anyone forcing people to date anyone else? People will twist themselves in knots to avoid being called racist but when we show how deep racism goes, it will hopefully lead to those people stop getting so defensive and actually looking at how they may begin understanding how parts of their own attitudes were influenced by things they didn't even notice.

 

[Bright Side of Life]

Weird post.
Anyway, according to this thread the other ethnicity wants her for those traits instilled by her inferior backwards Asian culture so the question would be pretty difficult. Ultimately, the one where language and culture isn't a barrier would be the easier choice.

Maybe should of worded it differently but the last statement was more about given a choice, which would a woman pick: someone who is kind, the same race, but very conservative and believes women should not work and should just be wives/moms or someone who is kind, different race, but will be supportive whatever decision she makes regarding her career and whether or not have kids now versus later. Obviously language barrier would not be an issue here nor is the prospective mate wooing her based on race.

Will edit so it's a bit more clear

 

[Miles X]

Saying no blacks ect on your profile ect is racist imo, you don't need to go out of your way to unintentionally (perhaps) offend like that.

I agree that most who put that are probably racist just because they are.

But not being attracted to black people is not racist, we like what we like ...

still I think there is someone out their of every sex and creed we can potentially fall in love with.

 

[Carcetti]

I also have no idea why addressing racial issues always leads to posts like this where people talk about things being forced upon others. Where is anyone forcing people to date anyone else? People will twist themselves in knots to avoid being called racist but when we show how deep racism goes, it will hopefully lead to those people stop getting so defensive and actually looking at how they may begin understanding how parts of their own attitudes were influenced by things they didn't even notice.

Not all the racial issues lead to the same conversations. This is not the first time I've seen this one crop up on GAF or somewhere else, and it always leads to a conversation that's more hostile than average, not in the least because people's sexual identities are incredibly tense subjects. People will invariably feel they're being harassed or insulted, it's inevitable. Of course, people could just grow up as humans and realize their attitudes are hurting themselves as well as others but let's get real here, it's not going to happen when it comes to this particular issue. Or why do you think OP is 80% instructions on how not to fly off the handle.

 

[jmood88]

Not all the racial issues lead to the same conversations. This is not the first time I've seen this one crop up on GAF or somewhere else, and it always leads to a conversation that's more hostile than average, not in the least because people's sexual identities are incredibly tense subjects. People will invariably feel they're being harassed or insulted, it's inevitable. Of course, people could just grow up as humans and realize their attitudes are hurting themselves as well as others but let's get real here, it's not going to happen when it comes to this particular issue.

If you really think that the same arguments don't happen, then you haven't been paying attention.

 

[Carcetti]

If you really think that the same arguments don't happen, then you haven't been paying attention.

Well, if you believe race and sex combined is not a more inflammatory topic than something like race and music, we'll have to agree to disagree.

 

[jmood88]

Well, if you believe race and sex combined is not a more inflammatory topic than something like race and music, we'll have to agree to disagree.

I didn't say it wasn't, I said the same arguments crop up in these topics all the time, which is why I have started to avoid posting in most threads about them.

 

[Damerman]

“Sexual racism… is closely associated with generic racist attitudes, which challenges the idea of racial attraction as solely a matter of personal preference.”

This is from personal experience, but i can very much attest to this. As i grew to notice and rid myself of my racist tendencies...sexual attraction that i had only for one race grew into sexual attraction to all races.

I notice the opposite with family members. I have a cousin who is infatuated with asian women... and whats worse is that he is in a very awkward state of denial yet he goes out of his way to only frequent asian people. It's at a point where it seems unhealthy. His obsession with them makes him awkward around them and it affects the way he acts around family and non-asians.

You like to diversify your investment portfolio, why can't you diversify you sexual preferences?

 

[Damerman]

It's an absurd complaint. Choosing who you have sex with is an inherently discriminatory process.

you're discriminatory in what way? ...racial...discrimination... ohhhh...

if you don't want to fuck someone with acne... fine.

if you don't want to fuck an obese person, fine.

if you don't want to fuck someone too tall or too short or too skinny or too sickly looking, fine, there are plenty of other categories where you can make discrimination that are fair game. I think most of those are related to picking the optimal mate.

doing it via race though makes no sense... because any race can have that alpha type that is the optimal mate.

 

[SentientStone]

I have no idea why people keep sticking with this "it's class, not race" thing for so many topics but there's nothing showing that that is the case. African American culture is popular worldwide yet that hasn't eliminated racism against black people.


I also have no idea why addressing racial issues always leads to posts like this where people talk about things being forced upon others. Where is anyone forcing people to date anyone else? People will twist themselves in knots to avoid being called racist but when we show how deep racism goes, it will hopefully lead to those people stop getting so defensive and actually looking at how they may begin understanding how parts of their own attitudes were influenced by things they didn't even notice.

That is the thing, look at where Black people stood for a long time in history.
Then separate African Americans from Africans, there is a distinction. There is class associated with difference races, where Whites are the top-dogs due to history. Not just class, but also media narrative that shapes our global cultural identity. What is deemed as attractive and not attractive, some is based in class, some in instinct, some in what media conditions us into believing, some in groupthink. It is a complex issue with many variables.

 

[Pusherman]

I don't understand the people who keep saying 'a preference is a preference, can't help what you like'. I mean, imagine if, when you were still a child, your family moved to another country. A country with a very homogeneous population, like South Korea or Bangladesh or Nigeria, whatever. Does anyone honestly think they would just be shit out of luck dating-wise? Like, you would have to pull a Tarzan and just wait for a person of your preferred race to come along in order to date? That seems absolutely ridiculous. It is far more likely that you'd have a very typical childhood and very typical teenage years, with crushes and relationships and everything else.

It is possible to prefer, again largely because of cultural reasons, a certain hair color, build, height, skin color, etc but the diversity within different racial groups is so huge that it is absolutely impossible to not be attracted to a specific race in its entirety or even to not be attracted to 'almost' all people of that race, without it being because of racism.

 

[Vicetrailia]

Falling in love is a choice. Having attraction preferences includes choice made in context of learned behaviors and more. Being racist is a choice. But until you understand everything that's affecting your choices, how could you possibly know? The need to be right outweighs the truth.

 

[Moff]

I don't understand the people who keep saying 'a preference is a preference, can't help what you like'. I mean, imagine if, when you were still a child, your family moved to another country. A country with a very homogeneous population, like South Korea or Bangladesh or Nigeria, whatever. Does anyone honestly think they would just be shit out of luck dating-wise? Like, you would have to pull a Tarzan and just wait for a person of your preferred race to come along in order to date? That seems absolutely ridiculous.

I don't see how that contradicts each other.
just because your preference is obviously based on cultural and social experiences doesn't mean it's wrong that you can't help what you like.

 

[Aske]

There are two different issues here.

The first is sexual preference, which is what it is. This preference is part of a broader social trend which is best addressed as such, rather than by trying to shame individuals into opening their minds, hearts, and pants to people to whom they're not attracted.

The second issue is tact, decorum; how one presents oneself to the world. I wouldn't write "no fat chicks" on a dating profile, and would be unimpressed with anyone who did; not because of their preference, but because it's a needlessly crass and exclusionary way to present that preference. The way people frame their aesthetic preferences when discussing them, the rigidity of the lines they draw in the sand, the level of disgust they seem to feel when approached by someone they consider unattractive...these are all indicative of personality types and traits.

"No blacks or Asians" should be viewed not as an unacceptable sexual preference, but as tactless and needlessly mean-spirited statement.

Broader social issues related to how we perceive different groups of humans influence and inform our sexual preferences. The issue of racially discriminatory sexual attraction is a symptom of a broader problem, not the fault of individuals. Choosing to be tactless about one's sexual preferences, however, is a matter of character.

 

[gutter_trash]

I like attractive girls from all races or ethnicity. If she is, she is hot because you know it.

There, when it comes to preferences, I think that dating various girls of different races and ethnicity helps build your likes and dislikes.

When I say ethnicity it is because there are cultural differences that are wide even within the same race.

but you won't know it unless you go out there and date different people.

If you always date the same race/culture/ethnicity, then you will never be able to make an opinion about dating different races because you never gave it a chance

 

[User 73706]

That is the thing, look at where Black people stood for a long time in history.
Then separate African Americans from Africans, there is a distinction. There is class associated with difference races, where Whites are the top-dogs due to history. Not just class, but also media narrative that shapes our global cultural identity. What is deemed as attractive and not attractive, some is based in class, some in instinct, some in what media conditions us into believing, some in groupthink. It is a complex issue with many variables.

I really don't think this plays as big a part as people make it out to be considering a child could be raised / adopted by a family that's a completely different race and have their sexual preferences shaped by their upbringing rather than automatically being attracted to people of their own race.

 

[Cow Mengde]

"No blacks or Asians" should be viewed not as an unacceptable sexual preference, but as tactless and needlessly mean-spirited statement.

I'm not saying it's right, but in a way, I prefer that these people let you know ahead of time so you know what awful people they are, rather than have it kept hidden. You wouldn't waste your time with someone when you know outright they're shitty people.

 

[Pusherman]

I don't see how that contradicts each other.
just because your preference is obviously based on cultural and social experiences doesn't mean it's wrong that you can't help what you like.

But if it is culturally and socially based it can change, right? Being open to different races and exposing yourself to others could help you overcome your ingrained preferences. Also, you kinda ignored the second thing I wrote about diversity within specific races. Do you agree that rejecting an entire race can only be fueled by racism and is not founded in 'preferences'?

 

[genjiZERO]

I've dated someone from every major ethnic group (except surprisingly Hispanic) and every major world religion. I definitely do have my preferences, but I find they fall along lines of being culturally comfortable. Simply, some girls are easier to kick it to because of cultural expectations. But it's been great - you really get a good understanding of what different cultures value and how they interact with the world.

 

[kaioshade]

Reading things like this are enlightening and depressing at the same time.

I am mixed, but unfortunately am on the "wrong" side of the skin color spectrum. I used to remember asking my mom and grandmother why i dont have "nice, light" skin like theirs, and both of them not knowing what to say to me. Going to schools with a very low black population (under 2%) just made things worse.

I used to curse my dark skin growing up (still do to this day sometimes), and it really screwed me up confidence wise. Being overweight didnt help either (fixing that, dropped 30 pounds since the beginning of this year).

But reading how black men are essentially on the bottom of the totem pole when it comes to desirability just brings back all of those feelings of inadequacy and self hatred. And i wonder how people can willingly inflict those kinds of feelings on another.

 

[Nastrodamous]

Reading things like this are enlightening and depressing at the same time.

I am mixed, but unfortunately am on the "wrong" side of the skin color spectrum. I used to remember asking my mom and grandmother why i dont have "nice, light" skin like theirs, and both of them not knowing what to say to me. Going to schools with a very low black population (under 2%) just made things worse.

I used to curse my dark skin growing up (still do to this day sometimes), and it really screwed me up confidence wise. Being overweight didnt help either (fixing that, dropped 30 pounds since the beginning of this year).

But reading how black men are essentially on the bottom of the totem pole when it comes to desirability just brings back all of those feelings of inadequacy and self hatred. And i wonder how people can willingly inflict those kinds of feelings on another.

Get off the internet and approach in real life but you aren't going to get shit if you don't accept yourself. Also if you are feeling inadequate that is solely a you problem.

 

[User 73706]

I think people are also approaching this the wrong way when it comes to changing mindsets. It's being treated like this ITT:

"I'm just not attracted to Filipinas."
*evidence showing racist sexual preferences are racist*
*reader acknowledges evidence*
"Oh no that's not right. Racism is racism but me segregating people is just preference."
*"why don't you try and change that?"*
"What, you want me to go and fuck some people I'm not attracted to? See, this is why this doesn't make sense." (or simply "This isn't right because I don't want to change or even consider my behavior's effect on other people.")

When in reality it should be more like:

"I'm just not attracted to Filipinas."
*evidence showing racist sexual preferences are racist*
*reader synthesizes evidence*
"I get what you're saying, and I know racism can be any number of small things, but even then how do I have any control over my preferences?"
*"Educate yourself."*
*Reader cultures themselves by familiarizing concepts and cultures that are new or obtuse to them. The entire point is that change comes about by the desire to keep an open mind, stay progressive and be a good person, and not by acting like the only way to understand what you don't like is by fucking it*
"What I meant to say was I just haven't been attracted to any Filipinas I've met before, but I'm not ruling them out of the equation completely."

tl;dr people who don't want to acknowledge "preferences" may be racy will continue to deflect, e.g. "oh so I'm supposed to be screwing people I hate?" as opposed to, y'know, exploring some unknowns informatively rather than sexually

 

[Kreed]

tl;dr people who don't want to acknowledge "preferences" may be racy will continue to deflect, e.g. "oh so I'm supposed to be screwing people I hate?" as opposed to, y'know, exploring some unknowns informatively rather than sexually

Because no one wants to be/call themselves racist even if their actions fit the "definition" of racist, whether you go from one extreme like the founding members of the KKK denying racism/defending their actions as just or the other lesser extreme of typing "I don't date Indians" in a Ashley Madison profile. People will continue to have more of a problem with the label and the social implications to admitting they fit under the label than doing the actions that fit the labeling.

 

[TanookiTom]

"What, you want me to go and fuck some people I'm not attracted to? See, this is why this doesn't make sense." (or simply "This isn't right because I don't want to change or even consider my behavior's effect on other people.")

[vs.]

"What I meant to say was I just haven't been attracted to any Filipinas I've met before, but I'm not ruling them out of the equation completely."

So you're saying the difference between being racist and not being racist boils down to not ruling out the possibility of finding a person from a certain ethnicity attractive in the future?

And by extension if we carry this over to the actual behavior in online dating: Instead of writing "No xxx" because in the past we didn't find "xxx people" attractive, we should just remain open.

If I understood you correctly, I can get behind all that. But I still think there is no definite point at which something becomes racist. For example: If you filter out a certain ethnicity on a dating platform, have you already committed a racist act? Does this already make you a racist?

This is one problem I have with the OP. I understand that these question cannot be solved in this discussion on an online forum, but you rule out a broader discussion that has understandably popped up anyways.

 

[SolidChamp]

Oh, please. You not acknowledging that the women act EXACTLY THE SAME WAY towards white men makes me think you have some kind of agenda. I mean, they're even worse in some regards from what I've personally seen first-hand/

You sound bitter, to be honest. It's not ideal behavior but you can't just trash one side of the equation without admitting that it's often reinforced by the other.

Bitter? What, exactly, do you presume to know about me?

I'll keep my cynicism towards the creepy douche bags I've met over the past 8 years, and take their lecherous words and behaviour at face value, thank you very much.

Meanwhile, you're entitled to read some of those articles I linked to, provided they aren't the hot button issue that they seem to be for you.

 

[kaioshade]

Get off the internet and approach in real life but you aren't going to get shit if you don't accept yourself. Also if you are feeling inadequate that is solely a you problem.

I am working on my own issues, even said as much before. dropping weight and bettering myself.

However it is hard to combat feelings of inadequacy when you are told - both on and offline that your skin color is undesirable.

 

[Lod7]

Would people on these sites actually be referring to the culture that the race is majorly a part of?

I am a south pacific islander that grew up in Canada but I do not want to date someone who's cultural background strictly follows the culture of a south pacific islander.

Most people on dating sites may receive more invitation for dates then a regular human being and going out with everyone to actually observe each individuals cultural upbringing and the values they follow is time consuming.

I feel that instead of wasting time they just associate their cultural preferences with a race.

Religion also go hand in hand with culture you may not be a pious follower of your religion but the morals and values of religion can bleed into the cultural aspects of country.

TL;DR most people who say "no insert-race" may just be referring to the cultural aspects usually associated with that race.

PS not trying to state religion = culture here I am just stating that a lot of values and morals can come from religion, so it needed to be mentioned.

 

[Izuna]

"I'm not racist, I've dated black guys."

--

Really though, the point is that "no xyz" is not sympathetic, but people who say they have a preference, or more importantly, don't even state their appearance, are no more racist.

I think that makes my prior posts have more clarity.

 

[Kreed]

Would people on these sites actually be referring to the culture that the race is majorly a part of?

I am a south pacific islander that grew up in Canada but I do not want to date someone who's cultural background strictly follows the culture of a south pacific islander.

Most people on dating sites may receive more invitation for dates then a regular human being and going out with everyone to actually observe each individuals cultural upbringing and the values they follow is time consuming.

I feel that instead of wasting time they just associate their cultural preferences with a race.

Religion also go hand in hand with culture you may not be a pious follower of your religion but the morals and values of religion can bleed into the cultural aspects of country.

TL;DR most people who say "no insert-race" may just be referring to the cultural aspects usually associated with that race.

PS not trying to state religion = culture here I am just stating that a lot of values and morals can come from religion, so it needed to be mentioned.

Like in the example with the man known as Eric in the OP, most of these "I don't date x" messages are referring to physical characteristics that they think fit everyone in an ethnic group. It's the perfect example what many of us on GAF have been trying to address in topics regarding this attitude towards dating/not dating an entire ethnic group and it's many flaws due to ethnic groups being so diverse. Because Eric didn't fit/have the physical characteristics these daters who put "No Asians" in their profile think of when they think of "Asian", he would get messages from them anyway with them making statements like "You seem white". At the very least, these people should "think" more carefully when they put something like this in an online dating profile, but someone who puts that kind of statement in a profile/says something like this to someone isn't thinking too clearly anyway.

 

[ppor]

I see it more a "symptom" of racial biases in society than anything else.

If all the hotties in the Avengers and Twilight are portrayed by white people, that will influence the sexual identities and preferences of teenage viewers that are coming of age at the time.

The only real way to combat this is more media exposure of all races.

 

[Dabanton]

Saying no blacks ect on your profile ect is racist imo, you don't need to go out of your way to unintentionally (perhaps) offend like that.

I agree that most who put that are probably racist just because they are.

But not being attracted to black people is not racist, we like what we like ...

still I think there is someone out their of every sex and creed we can potentially fall in love with.

I see nothing wrong with saying on a profile 'my preference is for caucasian men.' Saying no blacks or Asians is crass and presumptuous, that those men are going to be contacting you anyway because they're that good looking.

It's also interesting that it's the kind of language women use on places like Stormfront , when they describe how every black men looks at them like Hungry sex wolves.

 

[User 73706]

So you're saying the difference between being racist and not being racist boils down to not ruling out the possibility of finding a person from a certain ethnicity attractive in the future?

And by extension if we carry this over to the actual behavior in online dating: Instead of writing "No xxx" because in the past we didn't find "xxx people" attractive, we should just remain open.

If I understood you correctly, I can get behind all that. But I still think there is no definite point at which something becomes racist. For example: If you filter out a certain ethnicity on a dating platform, have you already committed a racist act? Does this already make you a racist?

This is one problem I have with the OP. I understand that these question cannot be solved in this discussion on an online forum, but you rule out a broader discussion that has understandably popped up anyways.

Regarding the first part of your post: yeah, you understood me correctly. Regarding identifying racism: that's the whole point of these discussions. Racism is more of a spectrum than a single label / identifier, and if you want to get technical just about any racially-motivated stance is racist, though within the confines of identity politics, sexual preference is a little easier to tackle considering it's plainly evident where the racial element of the equation begins and ends. From there, it's a matter of discussing effective ways to combat lines of thinking that can potentially harm various groups based on their backgrounds and circumstances.

The problem is that most people are so opposed to examining even the smallest situations as being potentially racist that it's extremely difficult to have a real conversation about it that doesn't regress into strawmen, deflections, feeling personally attacked and complaining that people who want to talk about it are the real racists, etc.

 

[jmizzal]

I think it's natural to be more attracted to some races than others, but outright saying that you're not attracted to a given race at all is really just ignorant (in the purest sense). There's no way you could possibly predict that you're not going to be attracted to any black people, for instance, just like it's impossible to predict that you're not going to be attracted to any men / women (regardless of what you think your sexual orientation might be). Some people just don't want to make the effort of checking whether they can find someone that defies their bias.

Yea this female on OKC viewed my profile, she was cute and all so I went to view her's and I was surprised when I seen it say no blacks lol, so why are you looking at a black guys profile if you dont want any black guys to message you.

 

[Llyranor]

I see nothing wrong with saying on a profile 'my preference is for caucasian men.' Saying no blacks or Asians is crass and presumptuous, that those men are going to be contacting you anyway because they're that good looking.

It's also interesting that it's the kind of language women use on places like Stormfront , when they describe how every black men looks at them like Hungry sex wolves.

So, a good rule of thumb is: if it's good enough for Stormfront, don't put it on your dating profile.

Yea this female on OKC viewed my profile, she was cute and all so I went to view her's and I was surprised when I seen it say no blacks lol, so why are you looking at a black guys profile if you dont want any black guys to message you.

'Wow, he's cute. Oh crap, he's black, didn't notice! Abort abort!'

Yeah, I don't know

 

[G.ZZZ]

How could u not like? That's not racism, that's being asexual or some shit.

 

[KibblesBits]

I think people are also approaching this the wrong way when it comes to changing mindsets. It's being treated like this ITT:

"I'm just not attracted to Filipinas."
*evidence showing racist sexual preferences are racist*
*reader acknowledges evidence*
"Oh no that's not right. Racism is racism but me segregating people is just preference."
*"why don't you try and change that?"*
"What, you want me to go and fuck some people I'm not attracted to? See, this is why this doesn't make sense." (or simply "This isn't right because I don't want to change or even consider my behavior's effect on other people.")

When in reality it should be more like:

"I'm just not attracted to Filipinas."
*evidence showing racist sexual preferences are racist*
*reader synthesizes evidence*
"I get what you're saying, and I know racism can be any number of small things, but even then how do I have any control over my preferences?"
*"Educate yourself."*
*Reader cultures themselves by familiarizing concepts and cultures that are new or obtuse to them. The entire point is that change comes about by the desire to keep an open mind, stay progressive and be a good person, and not by acting like the only way to understand what you don't like is by fucking it*
"What I meant to say was I just haven't been attracted to any Filipinas I've met before, but I'm not ruling them out of the equation completely."

tl;dr people who don't want to acknowledge "preferences" may be racy will continue to deflect, e.g. "oh so I'm supposed to be screwing people I hate?" as opposed to, y'know, exploring some unknowns informatively rather than sexually

This should be quoted on every damn page. Also, people are doing exactly what you asked not to do in the OP. LOL.