MWS Natural
Member
Great post. Glad to see this finally being brought to light as it has been a proud GAF speaking point for many years.
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Sexual Preferences and Racism
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tkscz
Member
Again, when they bring up race, is it physical attributes, or is it stereotyped personalities? Only the later is really racist, the former is unrelated to race, and is more on physical looks. Not everyone will be attracted to darker or lighter skin, that cannot be helped. They aren't racist for it, no more than I am body-shaming skinny women for not being attracted to them. That's just how attraction works. If you're not attracted to my dark skin, that's just fine. It's not ok when you make assumptions about who I am based on my skin color.
Astral Dog
Member
True its not really about personality, but more about attraction, that way everybody can be an asshole. If you say no asians/blacks because you dont like being áround them, thats clearly a bigger issue
You point doesn't make sense, as you're conflating hypothetical situations with reality.
If I stated on my dating profile "no women over 40", it rules out women over 40. Period. The fact that at one point in time, women who are now >40 were young is hypothetical to the reality that as of today, they older.
If I stated "no fat chicks", the reality is I'm excluding anyone overweight. Doesn't matter if they were thin before, or might be be thin in the future.
If I stated "no Americans", I wouldn't care about the hypothetical situation were a US national moves overseas and changes their citizenship.
If I stated "no tall women", it doesn't matter that someone tall now might have had a late stage growth spurt. If they're tall when they see my statement, the exclusion applies to them.
Putting any clear rules/exclusion that your potential partners have to conform to is the same. Whether it's limiting them by age, race, weight, religion, nationality, height, it's all the same.
tearsintherain
Member
In the gay dating world, does dick type come into the game? Talking about circumcised vs uncut. I'm uncut and in college I had an embarrassing situation where a girl never had seen one and was grossed out, that did not help my fragile sexual ego in any way.
I have to imagine in the gay world its an even bigger deal, would that fall into some sort of discrimination or not?
I have to imagine in the gay world its an even bigger deal, would that fall into some sort of discrimination or not?
Red Liquorice
Member
I think people should have a little more tact when writing these personal profiles. OK, you prefer to date your own race or a particular race, but writing that is tacky and classless. If you're looking to date how can you rule out an entire race? So, yes it is racist. Or maybe weeding out the tacky, classless people is a good thing?
I think this just depends on where you are - Here in the UK I'd expect to pull a guys pants down and find an uncut cock, if it was cut I'd think "oh ok" but I wouldn't be freaked out, it's just like an 80-20% situation, the majority are going to be uncut. I get the sense in the US uncut is a bit of a fetish for a lot of gay men because it's a bit rarer, but I doubt you'd get the same 'gross out' reaction as that girl - which is really just ignorance and lack of exposure. You should've acted grossed out at her big floppy labia or clitoral hood and gave her a taste of her own medicine.
Do people really think people are excluding based on looks alone? I'm pretty sure It's often due to the stereotype attached to certain looks
I'm pretty sure it's significantly about looks.
CrushDance
Banned
THis thing has always been bullshit since day 1 for one simple reason, and I'll speak on it with the perspective of a black male. We are conditioned to hell and back to view white people as "attractive" default, and specifically blonde white women. It is an inescapable part of growing up in a western society, drowned in western games, movies, books, comics, etc. Whereby all the hero's are attractive and white. You look in movies and it's strapping white men getting all the women, of every sort Asian men...they don't even play main role. Black men are never portrayed as upstanding "hero's" or deeper than the most basic stereotypes in most cases, black women fare far worse and are all "angry" or straight up sexual deviants. The core of this is the same issue that has been around for 5000 years and was never dealt with. Black masculinity is interesting yet scary and black femininity is depraved and wild.
You are going to have people in this thread arguing up and down about preferences and whatnot till they're blue in the face. And you know what? That's never going to change. But when you've lived it time and time again, seen the same bullshit time and again, you will know that their is a definite hierarchy to this. And what's even more hilarious, the cherry on top; is that a white person, will do BETTER in 99% of the world in finding a partner, than any other ethnic groupings, especially darker ones. That, is not a coincidence. And it is a friggin insult and a sign of sheer absurdity for some to claim with a straight face that "perhaps white people are just more attractive". Without for a second thinking about all the centuries of white supremacy.
You are going to have people in this thread arguing up and down about preferences and whatnot till they're blue in the face. And you know what? That's never going to change. But when you've lived it time and time again, seen the same bullshit time and again, you will know that their is a definite hierarchy to this. And what's even more hilarious, the cherry on top; is that a white person, will do BETTER in 99% of the world in finding a partner, than any other ethnic groupings, especially darker ones. That, is not a coincidence. And it is a friggin insult and a sign of sheer absurdity for some to claim with a straight face that "perhaps white people are just more attractive". Without for a second thinking about all the centuries of white supremacy.
^ I was thinking this too. But, unfairly, i dont think it's all there is to it. That chart someone posted in the first page, middle eastern men ( real popular in the media ) seem to to be doing well. Do we have Aladin to thank for that?
I dont know if there's a universal underlying racism to sexual preference. Probably.
And gender is not the same as race. But...
I dont have an issue with people saying no men or no women on their profiles. Not everyone has to be bi or write that theyd prefer no men if really they dont want any, even if there is maybe one that would suit them.
Just because you're attracted to women doesn't necessarily mean all women.
People are racist to some degree. Most people. Sexual attraction is deeply rooted. They may not connect the two, probably don't.
Sort of sounds like im okay or at ease with sexual racism specifically. I mean what can you do other than combat racism generally.
With the race vs gender thing, you'd imagine it'd be less clear cut (there can be more attraction they suppress - reasonably big assumption but I reckon so, even if it's because of society and culture more than anything, though I dunno) and so people should be encouraged to write preferred instead of excluding. I can understand that.
I dont know if there's a universal underlying racism to sexual preference. Probably.
And gender is not the same as race. But...
I dont have an issue with people saying no men or no women on their profiles. Not everyone has to be bi or write that theyd prefer no men if really they dont want any, even if there is maybe one that would suit them.
Just because you're attracted to women doesn't necessarily mean all women.
People are racist to some degree. Most people. Sexual attraction is deeply rooted. They may not connect the two, probably don't.
Sort of sounds like im okay or at ease with sexual racism specifically. I mean what can you do other than combat racism generally.
With the race vs gender thing, you'd imagine it'd be less clear cut (there can be more attraction they suppress - reasonably big assumption but I reckon so, even if it's because of society and culture more than anything, though I dunno) and so people should be encouraged to write preferred instead of excluding. I can understand that.
freeofgreed
Member
Your missing my point. Race is an immutable status it can't be changed, age, education, hell even if a person has kids or not is something that can be changed. I'll give you height but my point is that a lot of what you two have listed are more circumstances rather than attributes. Weight can be changed, and so can nationality. Race cannot be changed. If you weren't attracted to mothers over 40 who were American, I could show you a photo of someone who fit all those criteria but it'd have absolutely 0 barring on whether or not you were attracted to her based on just that photo. Conversely if you said you didn't like black girls, I could show you a photo of a black girl and what you saw in that photo would have a barring on if you found her attractive or not.
SolidChamp
Banned
Living abroad in Asia these past 8 years, I've seen first-hand what racial preferences do to people. The sexual objectification and preferential treatment of a person, based on race, is a disgusting practice that reduces people to objects who are there solely to fulfill an exotic fantasy.
Just last month a middle-aged Australian guy told me, over coffee "Yeah, I've got the yellow fever, mate."
He had no qualms about saying it like that; seemingly oblivious to the fact that he sounded like a disgusting, racist pig.
I can't get too deep into discussion on the subject due to an extreme level of cynicism, but I'm happy to answer questions about some of the more topical observations I've made while living in South Korea and now here in Taiwan.
Fun Observation: 85-90% of the white males I HAVE PERSONALLY MET in Asia date Asian women, and it's rarely because the women are "the larger demographic, more fish in the sea, etc." It's because most of them, by their own admission, have racist, stereotypical views of how Asian women can satisfy their needs.
Having a preference, one way or the other, is just wrong, in my opinion. It suggests that you're not with someone because they appeal to you as a social and emotional being; they appeal to you because of their exotic beauty and can fulfill a fantasy role.
Also, here's a fantastic read on the subject of the "Asian Fetish":
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blo...otic-beauty-part-ii-the-case-the-asian-fetish
Just last month a middle-aged Australian guy told me, over coffee "Yeah, I've got the yellow fever, mate."
He had no qualms about saying it like that; seemingly oblivious to the fact that he sounded like a disgusting, racist pig.
I can't get too deep into discussion on the subject due to an extreme level of cynicism, but I'm happy to answer questions about some of the more topical observations I've made while living in South Korea and now here in Taiwan.
Fun Observation: 85-90% of the white males I HAVE PERSONALLY MET in Asia date Asian women, and it's rarely because the women are "the larger demographic, more fish in the sea, etc." It's because most of them, by their own admission, have racist, stereotypical views of how Asian women can satisfy their needs.
Having a preference, one way or the other, is just wrong, in my opinion. It suggests that you're not with someone because they appeal to you as a social and emotional being; they appeal to you because of their exotic beauty and can fulfill a fantasy role.
Also, here's a fantastic read on the subject of the "Asian Fetish":
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blo...otic-beauty-part-ii-the-case-the-asian-fetish
Sweet merciful father in heaven.
CrushDance
Banned
This conversation should be relatively easy for the sole fact that there are a good amount of black women who will straight up say "I don't date black guys", but you will rarely if ever hear white women say that shit out loud. It is so brazen and dismissive that it reeks of hierarchy and social rankings, one based on race. A lot of black people, both male and female, see being with a white partner as an "upgrade" or "progress". So think of the implications when white people turn around and say they don't want black people as partners. What does it take, for one group to fight within themselves for another? And every time this topic comes up, people say "well, people like to date within their own social groups". Okay, fine. Then why do minorities reach out so much to whites?
That's still not a situation that has any bearing on the reality of my dating preference. If I had hard rule around age and children, the fact i couldn't tell someone's exact age and parental status in a photo doesn't mean I'd date them. Exclusions still apply.
pitcairn55
Member
I have found myself unable to form coherent on-topic thoughts since the appearance of that gif in the thread.
ManUnkindH
Member
Of course is racist!!!
Also, african women are the most beautiful in the world!! And I'm
Also, african women are the most beautiful in the world!! And I'm
white as fuck
tkscz
Member
I so strongly disagree with both statements and I'm black.
freeofgreed
Member
Well I'm not talking about dating preferences. This thread has largely been focused on physical attraction in regards to race, so age and children don't really factor into that all that well. The point I was making when I responded to the original poster was that all of the things he listed don't have an impact on sexual attraction the way race does.
Attitudes towards skin color are often due to our culture. If you are raised your whole life to see constant imagery of good attractive white peoples and you don't have the same kind of feedback for other skin colors, it is natural to have a detached attitude to it.
Eh, I've seen people who have dated a myriad of races, but have preferences that also exclude a large number of people. For example, I knew someone who only preferred light skin black people, Indians etc. For him, he really loved multi-racial people.
I still don't feel it's necessarily racist. I mean you can't force attraction. Even it's subconscious. Saying it's white standards of beauty, I don't know. I mean certain ethnic groups have championed light skin for millennia as a sign of beauty (Indians, Chinese). For some, things like naturally straight hair is a huge qualifier. I know people who are not white who absolutely hate curly hair. A Fijian friend of mine makes his GF use a hair straightener all the time. He said he never knew she was naturally curly for a long time. Some people I know dislike really pale skin or freckles, the more albino/ginger stereotype.
Trying to quantify it in some way, I mean I guess at some level, saying you'd NEVER date any black people can be ignorant and racist, but what if they say I don't feel attracted to dark skin.
I still don't feel it's necessarily racist. I mean you can't force attraction. Even it's subconscious. Saying it's white standards of beauty, I don't know. I mean certain ethnic groups have championed light skin for millennia as a sign of beauty (Indians, Chinese). For some, things like naturally straight hair is a huge qualifier. I know people who are not white who absolutely hate curly hair. A Fijian friend of mine makes his GF use a hair straightener all the time. He said he never knew she was naturally curly for a long time. Some people I know dislike really pale skin or freckles, the more albino/ginger stereotype.
Trying to quantify it in some way, I mean I guess at some level, saying you'd NEVER date any black people can be ignorant and racist, but what if they say I don't feel attracted to dark skin.
tkscz
Member
That can be apart of it, but as you get older, things can change. If what we are shown as beauty is true, then I shouldn't have the love for fat women that I have.
When talking about society, it is most useful to talk about the common case. There are always going to be multiple factors that play a role, but some factors are more impactful than others. I think it is fair to say that an attraction specifically to fat people is not a common trait. While the reasons someone may feel that way are unique, that case study doesn't do a whole lot to explain the common case.
Except people are somewhat influenced by others and if they see it's common to exclude certain groups, some will lean more to the side of repressing feelings, possibly due to racism.
So really writing 'preferred' doesn't help, best to do what most do and pretend/ keep it out of sight.
Doomshroom
Member
Is my wife racist? She is asian and she and her friends always avoid the sun because they dont want a tan and want to look as pale as possible. Anyway she never dated a blackguy because she dont think black/dark skin looks nice.
She has alot of asian, white and a few black friends and she dosent think any bad of any of them, she just wont date one.
So is she racist?
She has alot of asian, white and a few black friends and she dosent think any bad of any of them, she just wont date one.
So is she racist?
I've always thought my race is the least desirable among other races for many reasons. After reading this article I'm surprised and so interested to know more about it and why this is so.
Shuggananas
Banned
I'd say she's faithful ?
I'd say she has unhealthy attitudes about skin color.
Yes she is. Sorry.
theignoramus
Member
Im aware of all that what I was getting at is the perception these girls have that they will lose a significant number of fans for fucking black or asian performers is false.
I don't think it has to be be racism for everyone who has strong feelings.
People recognise the similarities that exist in races in general, and they may have a much stronger preference to something else based on aesthetics alone.
Some features look better than others to some people, and there may be more people who agree than don't. Is it because of media? Maybe a little, maybe a lot.
I agree it can easily be though. I dont want to use examples. But to explain it - if their generalisations are accurate* and they have strong feelings about them, I think there is a reasonable chance that's not racist.
The preference isn't necessarily racism, but the reasons behind those preference still might be, just deeper.
*I imagine often they aren't, some thinking of worse case examples of things they find unattractive but more common in certain races to represent that race, possibly from media influence or just how we think about other different groups.
People recognise the similarities that exist in races in general, and they may have a much stronger preference to something else based on aesthetics alone.
Some features look better than others to some people, and there may be more people who agree than don't. Is it because of media? Maybe a little, maybe a lot.
I agree it can easily be though. I dont want to use examples. But to explain it - if their generalisations are accurate* and they have strong feelings about them, I think there is a reasonable chance that's not racist.
The preference isn't necessarily racism, but the reasons behind those preference still might be, just deeper.
*I imagine often they aren't, some thinking of worse case examples of things they find unattractive but more common in certain races to represent that race, possibly from media influence or just how we think about other different groups.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Those OKC stats make for grim reading, but I'm a little surprised by how high the ME male reply rate. Figured it would be much lower.
Isn't it just like consumerism in general?
Some people prefer to Apple phones to Android phones. Some people are Sony fans and others are Nintendo fans. Even though there's many that play all consoles, there are still one console fanboys.
Similarly its the same thing with football teams. A lot of people don't change football teams. It's just what you like and its hard to support other teams with a good reason. People get brought up and they've set their ideals when they're young. I guess people can change over time, but its a slow process and people on these dating sites tend to be younger.
Some people prefer to Apple phones to Android phones. Some people are Sony fans and others are Nintendo fans. Even though there's many that play all consoles, there are still one console fanboys.
Similarly its the same thing with football teams. A lot of people don't change football teams. It's just what you like and its hard to support other teams with a good reason. People get brought up and they've set their ideals when they're young. I guess people can change over time, but its a slow process and people on these dating sites tend to be younger.
Chie Satonaka
Member
"Black skin doesn't look nice."
Every time I think I can be surprised...
Every time I think I can be surprised...
theignoramus
Member
I don't disagree with your point but there is definitely a small yet vocal minority of white women who proudly claim they will only date/sleep with black men. And it's almost always a specific type of black man these women want from personality to muscle definition.
waxer
Member
I'll date anyone but still have a preferred body shape and facial features and general shape that I like. If these features are more prevalent in any race I'm more likely to search there first. But if a person of any race messaged me I'm not going to discount them based off that.
I wonder if not being able to see mental images or not factors into my liking of certain features.
I guest when I was online dating I more profiled based off what others thought of me. All new Zealand girls cut contact with me when they found out I co owned business with my mother. So I stopped wasting time on them and looked at more accepting cultures.
I wonder if not being able to see mental images or not factors into my liking of certain features.
I guest when I was online dating I more profiled based off what others thought of me. All new Zealand girls cut contact with me when they found out I co owned business with my mother. So I stopped wasting time on them and looked at more accepting cultures.
Miles Quaritch
Member
The result of generations of social conditioning to see black as bad.
OrangeGrayBlue
Member
If attraction really comes down to traits that are considered to signify good genes such as symmetrical features, height, healthy skin, healthy teeth, proper hygiene, etc and then someone says people of a certain race are unattractive... yeah, that's obviously racist. It says that to have a child that is 50% of x ethnicity would be less ideal than having a child of y ethnicity, just as having a child with one leg longer than another (or some other physical "imperfection") would be. In my mind, viewing certain skin tones as some sort of physical flaw is way more insulting than stereotyping someone's personality by race, although both are surely factors in regard to dating.
tkscz
Member
I understand that, but from my perspective, I don't think it's fair to consider someone racist because they don't find a skin color attractive. Even in a society the focuses on lighter skin colors, I don't feel it's right to tell someone that they are a bad person if they don't find a skin tone attractive. IMHO, they aren't racist and it is just a preference if they find lighter or darker skin attractive and only becomes racist when they make assumptions about that person based on their race. If they put "No black guys/girls" on their profile because (s)he assumes all black people behave a specific way, then it's being racist. If they say it because they just are not attracted to darker skin tones, oh well, that's there preference and that's ok.
Are they seeing it as a flaw, or just not attracted to it. If they see it as a flaw, I can agree with you, but it's possible to just not be attracted to a skin tone, without seeing it as a flaw.
Miles Quaritch
Member
One of the many things I hate about the gay community is the fact that a lot of nonwhite gay men complain in articles and videos about dating discrimination however those same guys only want white guys and no one else. They themselves discriminate against non white guys. You would not believe the amount of gay ads by Asian guys who only want white guys.
Boozeroony
Member
Man, I think I'm a racist... 
I am rarely attracted by black or Asian women. I am very attracted by women from the Middle East, though.
Is it bad to be racist, but not display it apart from your sexual preferences?
I am rarely attracted by black or Asian women. I am very attracted by women from the Middle East, though.
Is it bad to be racist, but not display it apart from your sexual preferences?
J
Jpop
Unconfirmed Member
It would be more accurate to say that Caucasian people are more likely to be using online dating.
Man, I think I'm a racist...
I am rarely attracted by black or Asian women. I am very attracted by women from the Middle East, though.
Is it bad to be racist, but not display it apart from your sexual preferences?
I think you're good.
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