Count Dookkake
Member
I don't get why you even need to state racial preferences. Just respond to the people you want to.
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Sexual Preferences and Racism
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Monocle
Member
Just like gender preferences are sexist.
User 73706
Banned
You know this example is discussed in the article, right?
hm...maybe...maybe they are. maybe they are.
I prefer women who act like women. No tomboys please.
BreezyLimbo
Banned
Cow Mengde
Banned
I'm Chinese and I don't date Chinese women
that doesn't speak English because I can't speak Chinese well enough to express myself properly. I also talk a lot, watch movies, and read a lot about science. The latter is especially hard to talk about if I had a partner who asked me what I was reading. It feels like there's a gulf between us and we can't share with each other the things we enjoy. This means I also won't date women of other ethnicities if they don't speak English. I don't know how other people do it, but I can't. To me, communication with my partner is very important. I think it partly from watching my own parents. They are a disaster couple. Pride is the only thing keeping this family together. Oh, they understand each other fine, they just aren't willing to open up to each other and it over. A lot of their shitty petty arguements can be solved if they would talk. I find it really weird and creepy when people tell me I should teach her. It sounds more like I crafting a person instead. Here's a girlfriend, some assembly required, batteries not included.
Not a fetish, a preference... just like preferring some races over others.
That said, I couldn't care less personally. To me, two people meet, not "a white and a black" or something.
neogaffer1
Banned
This is how I am. I'm an Indian guy, and I'm into girls of any race except for African American girls. It's not that I wouldn't get interested or date an African American girl, I just find I'm more easily sexually aroused by girls of other races. I would hope that doesn't make me racist, as I'm really someone who doesn't harbor that type of hate outside of the above. I even took a test in my AP Psych class back in high school that tested race preference based off of word association and the like and I ended up with a moderate trust preference for African Americans.
edit: also not really into Indian girls, for instance, but I feel that's more because of my parents and their focus on the most arcane of Indian traditions that put me off of Indian culture altogether and seeing Indian girls just reminds me of what I hate about that culture.
As someone who likes all the shades, this is how I feel.
Beelzebufo
Banned
I don't base my preference on that, it's just something I've noticed. The people I'm attracted to tend to have a lot of things in common.
And_Gignac
Member
A hot guy is a hot guy no matter the race. Prejudices are not preferences.
Agreed. It's really weird.
17 Seconds
Banned
exactly. such a pointless argument.
Beelzebufo
Banned
And what makes a person hot is completely definable?
17 Seconds
Banned
well, "hot" is a matter of opinion, so no.
Monocle
Member
It's mentioned, not discussed. I won't defend people whose "preferences" lead them to state that black people or women are disgusting and they want nothing to do with any of them, ever, but the comparison holds just fine when we're talking about general inclinations toward certain traits.
Like, if I like athletic men, that doesn't necessarily mean I despise twinks because they remind me of those awful creatures with vaginas.
I'm pretty sure people get off satisfaction from displaying the preference. I've seen it here on GAF: people announcing with pride that they aren't into black women or something similar, and then going out of their way to defend the "preference."
And in my head I fucking KNOW if Halle berry, Naomi Campbell, Rihanna, Beyoncé, or any member of the wide assortment of beautiful black women actually approached them they'd drop their pants in a second.
Because that's the deal with preferences. You have them... Until you don't.
weemadarthur
Member
As a child, I thought the most attractive humans were the ones close to me, ethnically. People of other backgrounds looked "funny" in a way. Maybe this came from thinking my mom was the prettiest mom in the world, if you know what I mean.
When i spent more time around people of different ethnicities, I got "used" to the look. Subtle differences in cheekbone height, nose length and width, lip size, etc. stopped seeming like they missed the ideal, and were just a different base instead. Only after familiarity could I abstractly say, these people are attractive (aesthetically, not necessarily sexually - still young here).
As an adult, with lots of exposure to multiple ethnicities and cultures, I find I see individual humans as attractive or not, but not so much a whole ethnic group. It's possible that insularity is responsible for a good chunk of bias. I've consciously attempted to expand my experience, but many people don't do that at all.
When i spent more time around people of different ethnicities, I got "used" to the look. Subtle differences in cheekbone height, nose length and width, lip size, etc. stopped seeming like they missed the ideal, and were just a different base instead. Only after familiarity could I abstractly say, these people are attractive (aesthetically, not necessarily sexually - still young here).
As an adult, with lots of exposure to multiple ethnicities and cultures, I find I see individual humans as attractive or not, but not so much a whole ethnic group. It's possible that insularity is responsible for a good chunk of bias. I've consciously attempted to expand my experience, but many people don't do that at all.
ScatheZombie
Member
This is my feeling on it as well.
Especially since this can be extended to other preferences that you could just as easily label as a whole plethora of -ists.
If I do not date women over 40, am I ageist?
If I only date women at roughly my income and education level, is that classist?
If I do not date women who already have children, am I misopedist?
Like, you can take this in so many ridiculous directions.
The question I have is, with each person, how much of those preferences are rooted in the culture and media they grew up with? In the west I don't think we can deny people grow up surrounded by media that generally holds up Eurocentric beauty standards. People are taught that is what's beautiful, if only implicitly, vastly more often than they are shown alternatives.
Then you have the idea of what a "black" or "latino" person even is and the variety within those subgroups that tends to get ignored when people say they aren't attracted to the "look" of a certain race. Every race has a shitload of "looks" to it.
Then you have the idea of what a "black" or "latino" person even is and the variety within those subgroups that tends to get ignored when people say they aren't attracted to the "look" of a certain race. Every race has a shitload of "looks" to it.
And_Gignac
Member
Having preferences is fine. But a preference is not an exclusion of everything else. Is just a slight preferential inclination.
That's different from an "opinion" that completely disregards whole sections of humanity just because they belong to a certain group with facial and skin tone aesthetics that are barely different from all other races. Since such differences are not so fundamental, you could say the exclusion comes from
Somewhere else. And that place is prejudice, imo.
MWS Natural
Member
Porn Performers Agree: The Porn Industry Is Racist
http://jezebel.com/5993788/porn-performers-agree-the-porn-industry-is-racist
But surely you can see the difference between holding your own personal opinions and openly disparaging a member of a different group with "no blacks" or something on your dating profile.
Imagine people wrote "blacks are not desirable" on their dating profiles, and you were black. Then imagine you noticed it on a considerable percentage of the profiles that you were interested in. That's what it's like. Yeah you can explain and justify the motivations for putting that on a profile, but at the end of the day, all people are going to see is "blacks are not desirable."
Wolfe
Member
Yeah I couldn't tell exactly how you were framing that so I tried to leave my post open to being about anyone, apologies if I seemed to be targeting you or anything.
Beelzebufo
Banned
No, you're just confusing hot with what you think is hot, and that's racism. They should finally get around and publish the empirical hotness scale so we can do away with predjudice.
It's fine! It's a hard thing to express, and this is a really difficult topic 😁
Monocle
Member
The important thing to realize is we're all bad people.
Chie Satonaka
Member
And then...
This is why I always look sideways when people say generally goofy stuff like, "I'm not attracted to (insert race here), and then try to hide behind "it's just preference!"
I will say there are a handful of people here on GAF in these threads who have at least come clean and said, "I'm not attracted to dark skin", but at that point, when does skin become "dark"? There are very light skinned blacks and latinos. There are very dark skinned blacks and latinos.
It doesn't make sense to me. I'm not willing to say it's flat out racism, and conditioning plays a HUGE part in that, but it's still sketchy and really borderline when I see people defending this position.
Beelzebufo
Banned
My preferences boil down to two points.
1) There isn't a single ethnic group where I don't have sexual attraction to some women. There are hot women in all races.
2) For actual relationships, cultural factors will limit who I have important common ground with. These factor would cover things like family, religion, politics, language and so on. This would rule out many groups as likely suitable partners.
I married, so this is all hypothetical. There is nothing racist about limiting your dating selection to people you think will be well suited to you. If you're just looking to fuck, then that's another matter. But it's still a push to use blanket terms like racism for something as personal as sexual preference.
1) There isn't a single ethnic group where I don't have sexual attraction to some women. There are hot women in all races.
2) For actual relationships, cultural factors will limit who I have important common ground with. These factor would cover things like family, religion, politics, language and so on. This would rule out many groups as likely suitable partners.
I married, so this is all hypothetical. There is nothing racist about limiting your dating selection to people you think will be well suited to you. If you're just looking to fuck, then that's another matter. But it's still a push to use blanket terms like racism for something as personal as sexual preference.
Spladam
Member
Because he's making God kill all those kittens right?
ScatheZombie
Member
On the contrary, I think if your personal opinion is 'openly disparaging' you should be forced to share it. That shit is way better out in the open.
Like, in your example, having 'no blacks' on a profile doesn't hurt me as a black man. I know people are racist. And they've done the hard work of identifying which ones are secretly hiding it behind courteous smiles. That shit would be a godsend.
Like, what does NOT having 'no blacks' solve? Are those people suddenly not racist? Of course not. The only difference is now I have to find out later than see labeled on their profile and move on to the next one.
EDIT: I don't actually think that's actually racist.
Because I think it's insane to say that you're a racist unless you are willing to fuck a (different) minority.
And because actual racists have no problem fucking minorities.
Yeah, it's the finality of the statement that makes it racist, I feel. As in 'it doesn't matter how amazing your other qualities/traits are, don't waste my time if you're black', or 'I'd rather date the ugliest white guy than you'. Only a racist deals in absolutes.
lostinblue
Banned
If given chance I'd usually go for tall dark skin girls (as in factory super tanned) at all times. African though usually are not my type not due to skin color but other features but I've seen my share of specimen I'd mary on the spot. I also have this thing for redhair girls but blonde hair doesn't do it for me albeit I can go for those too, not due to their hair of course.
Hell, last week I saw this indian mixed with black magic girl, she was utterly perfect, and the contrast of her white teeth just made her a goddess in my eyes. But... Her features, like nose, teeth, etc were not african it was like an european color swap.
I think we're all hypocrites to a fault there though, if I had been in a relationship with a "classic look" black girl before I'd probably identify more with them for instance, which is why people have types - they're often self-made prophecies, you already liked it but then you get involved it's all you know or at least what you prefer. You always prefer what you sought after in the first place. Kinda like Bjork at first isn't cute (we'll now she's old) but after a while it grew into you. It was a mix of personality, self esteem and exotic traces.
Paraphrasing though, on tinder and stuff when I swipe left too fast for an african girl I can feel bad for it. I mean I know it's because she's not my type and I usually look at them enough but I feel I won't even give them a chance sometimes. My mind is made up kind of event.
Which is why to counter when in doubt I always say swipe yes with african girls (as with othersI wouldn't) just to balance things out. Fully intending to chat and see if we get along if we match up, but... I think the advent of me actually inviting them out is lower, again because they might not be 100% my type. Anyway it's pretty fucked up.
Hell, last week I saw this indian mixed with black magic girl, she was utterly perfect, and the contrast of her white teeth just made her a goddess in my eyes. But... Her features, like nose, teeth, etc were not african it was like an european color swap.
I think we're all hypocrites to a fault there though, if I had been in a relationship with a "classic look" black girl before I'd probably identify more with them for instance, which is why people have types - they're often self-made prophecies, you already liked it but then you get involved it's all you know or at least what you prefer. You always prefer what you sought after in the first place. Kinda like Bjork at first isn't cute (we'll now she's old) but after a while it grew into you. It was a mix of personality, self esteem and exotic traces.
Paraphrasing though, on tinder and stuff when I swipe left too fast for an african girl I can feel bad for it. I mean I know it's because she's not my type and I usually look at them enough but I feel I won't even give them a chance sometimes. My mind is made up kind of event.
Which is why to counter when in doubt I always say swipe yes with african girls (as with othersI wouldn't) just to balance things out. Fully intending to chat and see if we get along if we match up, but... I think the advent of me actually inviting them out is lower, again because they might not be 100% my type. Anyway it's pretty fucked up.
If it is racism, then women are the most racist to Asian men. The issue is that racism can be disguised with this. Cloaked if you will. It could be attraction preferences. But that can also be troublesome, as a lot of women stereotype asian as unmasculine which is racism. It could be a hatred sort of racism. It could be environmentally driven, if their family and friends don't approve. My ex was Korean, was attracted to black men but her mom wouldn't allow it, actually didn't like that I was white but more accepted it, and had Korean preference. Any hard rule "No ___" is probably one of those issues.
OniBarubary
Banned
I learned a new word today.
Onion_Relish
Member
I haven't yet found an ethnicity that I wouldn't stick it into. I'd say most sane people would probably qualify that within certain ethnic groups there are certain features that are predominant phenotypes of said group that they aren't wild about but it's normally a mix of things that makes us attracted to people, hard to attribute it to racism.
User 479360
Banned
I'm attracted to some women from all races, but I do find that I have a strong preference for those of my ethnicity (caucasian). It's just the way I am, and I don't see it as inherent racism.
Personality is most important to me, though, and I wouldn't turn down a date offer or an invite out for coffee from someone just because of their skin colour.
Personality is most important to me, though, and I wouldn't turn down a date offer or an invite out for coffee from someone just because of their skin colour.
tkscz
Member
Well, here is where my issue lies, what do they mean by black people? Do they mean it to suggest black stereotypes? (deep urban/ghetto personalities) or do they have no attraction to darker skin? If it's the latter, then i don't see it as racist anymore than my preferences are body-shaming. If you are not attracted to darker skin, then that's that, can't be helped and shouldn't be told to you have to be attracted to it. However, if they are using it as a form of stereotyping, that's racist. Anyone can have that type of personality, and while you don't have to like it, you shouldn't stereotype it on a specific race. I can't stand the ghetto woman personality, but I know for a fact that it's not a personality that only black women have.
Well then there is no racism there unless you're using their skin color as a way to judge their personality.
entremet
Member
Correct.
I also don't know why do I want to try bargain with someone regarding attraction. If they don't like my type, race, whatever, I don't want to be with them.
I'm not gonna grovel at their feet so they can accept me.
Simple as that. So no I don't care for others racial preferences. I can't control that.
chronic_archaic
Member
I often have this issue with friends discussing the topic.
I'm more aroused by white guys and girls. I can't help that. I'm not racist, I just find myself more attracted to that specific color. It's like if I got shit for putting "no skinny guys" in my profile because I like bears/chub. Does that make me prejudice against... skinny people? No, it fucking doesn't.
I'm more aroused by white guys and girls. I can't help that. I'm not racist, I just find myself more attracted to that specific color. It's like if I got shit for putting "no skinny guys" in my profile because I like bears/chub. Does that make me prejudice against... skinny people? No, it fucking doesn't.
Jaffaboy
Member
Couldn't be closer to how I feel. I'm open to date anyone of any ethnicity, but for me there's more a barrier when it comes to culture and mentality. Living in Japan over the last six months has deflated my interest considerably in Japanese women. Not on an individual basis or physical basis, but a cultural one. I don't want to be with someone who can't be themselves, or can't express their feelings easily. This was one of the fundamental reasons my last relationship broke down with a Korean girl because she couldn't communicate her feelings, and I feel that dating a Japanese girl this would be a problem even more so. I'd love for a Japanese girl to prove me wrong, but I haven't met one thus far that hasn't made it apparent that they have the ability to open up. Not just with dating, but people in general.
On the flipside, I don't see myself with an English girl. I know some great girls in England, but the majority of people there don't sit well with me, and it's a reason I was so happy to leave. Again, I'd love to meet a girl who can prove me wrong when I go back home next year, but I find the majority of people in the UK so stand-offish, awkward, and insecure. I'm embittered by it because I'm one of them, and I'm fed up of being uncomfortable in myself which I've realised has been partly because of my cultural background. As people, I've found Americans and Canadians much easier to get along with than my homelanders, though I think that's also because everyone I meet abroad is an expat with a more open mind than people who prefer to stay in their home country forever.
I can't imagine having a sexual racial preference but maybe that comes with being mixed race. I think the relative ubiquity of racial preferences in modern dating has a lot to do with how it works. Sure, when I watch porn or when I have to 'rank' women just by their pictures I also have a certain type, though that type has nothing to do with race. However, when you fall for an actual woman, when you are in love with an other person you have met or at least spoken to, don't you tend to think of that person as exceptionally beautiful? Even if they don't match your typical preferences. Sadly, online dating and dating apps work similarly to porn. You're basically combing through pictures like you would thumbnails on a porn site.
I mean, if you were to ask me what my type is I'd have to say women that are light skinned or tanned, preferably with curly dark hair. Basically a female version of myself. I have, however, been attracted to all kinds of women from very pale to very dark, blondes, redheads and brunettes. Thick and thin. Busty and flat chested. And in all of those cases, even the features that were the opposite of my preferences seemed perfect. I've been lucky to visit multiple countries across the globe and in all of those countries I've seen very attractive local women. I can't belief anyone could travel to Ghana, Japan, Brazil or Norway and not see at least one local person they'd find attractive.
I mean, if you were to ask me what my type is I'd have to say women that are light skinned or tanned, preferably with curly dark hair. Basically a female version of myself. I have, however, been attracted to all kinds of women from very pale to very dark, blondes, redheads and brunettes. Thick and thin. Busty and flat chested. And in all of those cases, even the features that were the opposite of my preferences seemed perfect. I've been lucky to visit multiple countries across the globe and in all of those countries I've seen very attractive local women. I can't belief anyone could travel to Ghana, Japan, Brazil or Norway and not see at least one local person they'd find attractive.
PdotMichael
Banned
Nothing wrong with having a beauty ideal. If I would make a list with the 100 most beautiful women I think there is easily a pattern to see.
But excluding people just based on the skin color is hard to describe it as anything else than racism.
But excluding people just based on the skin color is hard to describe it as anything else than racism.
freeofgreed
Member
All of those are false equivalencies tho. None of them completely factor out a partner the way race does. If you said I don't date indian women, then that means that at no point in time would you ever date her. If you said you don't date women over 40, well you still could've dated that same women had you met a few years ago. If you don't date woman without degrees well anyone can theoretically get a degree, if you say you don't date women with children, well what about before she had children? In all those instances there were situations were you would've been able to date them, the same doesn't apply to race.
Astral Dog
Member
Its unfortunate, but these sexual preferentes are, after all, preferences and are present on all cycles of society, influenced by social, cultural and personal factors
Something like "no blacks/asians" its toó much imo. But you wanna be with somebody that puts that much value on your race?
Another stupid online dating thing. But these things are going to stay the same
Something like "no blacks/asians" its toó much imo. But you wanna be with somebody that puts that much value on your race?
Another stupid online dating thing. But these things are going to stay the same
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