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Sexual Preferences and Racism

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RELAYER

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Apr 12, 2010
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It's an absurd complaint. Choosing who you have sex with is an inherently discriminatory process.
 

MGrant

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I don't think anyone thinks there is a problem with not being attracted to most people of a certain race; attraction is an involuntary thing. But taking the time to post "no blacks" or something similar on your dating profile, as opposed to simply not dating people you aren't attracted to, requires a certain racial motive that is more than simply expressing a preference.
 

BreezyLimbo

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I don't think anyone thinks there is a problem with not being attracted to most people of a certain race; attraction is an involuntary thing. But taking the time to post "no blacks" or something similar on your dating profile, as opposed to simply not dating people you aren't attracted to, requires a certain racial motive that is more than simply expressing a preference.

Yeah, posting a little 'warning' of 'no blacks/asians/whatever' is odd, since they can easily just ignore messages from people they're not interested in.
 

Bizazedo

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Nov 13, 2010
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It's an absurd complaint. Choosing who you have sex with is an inherently discriminatory process.

Kind of, but not really.

Like, I can say I am attracted more to lighter skinned women than I am darker skinned. That's a preference. I've met dark skinned women whom I have been attracted to, though, and I think the point is the blanket "No X" that is the issue.

As to the discriminatory part...hell, I'm in a wheelchair with a muscle disease, I am fucked (in the bad way), so yes, I understand that part.
 

kswiston

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Mar 25, 2005
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Internet dating wasn't as big a thing the last time I was single, but what's the point of listing no blacks/white/asians/whatever in a dating profile? You are not forced to respond to someone's message, and based on those response percentages, a lot of people of every race (men especially) are used to not being responded to.
 

botty

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Jan 18, 2012
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why do you care?
I only know like 2 gay guys that actively avoid going for white men. The rest seem to have this inherent desire to be, and I quote, "A Jewish doctor's wife."
 

oneils

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I wonder if similar studies have been made of people who prefer sexual relations with people of another race. Porn sites tend to label these as fetishes (I.e. Yellow or jungle fever). The depiction by the porn site itself is racist, but what about the people who actually have these preferences? It is a little confusing.

I am a white straight male who has only ever had relations with white women. But I am definitely attracted to women of colour.

Interesting article. I'm just not sure I have anything insightful to add.
 

freeofgreed

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Mar 7, 2013
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You wrote that on your PHONE??

Yeah this is the real story. I am just happy if I don't have typos while using my phone.

There's "I know my own preferences/tendencies in attraction, I tend to go for X but am open to Y should the right person come along". That's not a problem.

Then there's "I don't date X, full stop." That's a problem.

yup. Exactly my thoughts.

"No Nickelback fans."

Are you Portuguese?
 

Llyranor

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May 17, 2006
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A preference is fine, you're attracted to who you're attracted to. It's when you have to outright yell it out as though it were something to be proud of.

'no blacks' as in 'don't even bother if you're black, you won't be worth a response' sounds bad. I guess in the same way as 'no fatties' or 'no shorties' is. It's fine to have those preferences too, but the proud demonstration of it just kind of shows your true colors.
 

BeesEight

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Aug 22, 2011
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Interesting article. I remember having this argument a long time ago. I've always felt that this sort of broad exclusionary "preference" was just thinly veiled racism. Glad to have some research to back it up.

But, seriously, it should be pretty obvious. How someone can broad strokes an entire range of people with such an empty statement as "I don't like Blacks/Asians" is just absurd. List any sort of ethnicity and you can probably attach model to the end of it, throw it up in Google images and get a tsunami of pictures of gorgeous people. It's always been a good indicator on online sites though for people who to steer the hell away from.

It's doubly confusing to me that this is prevalent amongst LGBT circles. I mean, we're already working with such a low dating pool, why cut yourself off at the knees for no reason?
 

Pau

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May 3, 2010
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There's so much diversity in physical traits within races that I can't really wrap my mind around being sure that you aren't attracted to anyone of that race.
 

Archaix

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Jun 6, 2004
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I was all ready to disagree with whatever was coming based on the preamble in the OP. Mostly because I think these preferences are generally based on exposure and while it stands to reason that those raised in relative racial isolation would also have more racist tendencies, it doesn't necessarily mean it is based in racism or exclusive to racists. But then I get like half a sentence in to the article. Everything I said applies to a general preference, but I can't think of any way to describe it other than racist if you're excluding people outright because of their race.
 

Hellwarden

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I do remember reading a study regarding interracial relationships in adolescence. It was a bit of an older study, done in 2006. So maybe things have improved by now.

They found that young couples were less likely to tell their parents, and friends about their relationship.

I've never been in an interracial relationship, so I don't know the challenges that come with it, but I imagine that you probably do get questions and looks at the very least.
 

Volimar

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freeofgreed

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I'm not sure why it's bad for people to have preferences, it's perfectly normal behaviour and like others have said, we cannot help who we are attracted to.

Telling people who they can and cannot have sex with would be much worse and would be no better than arranged marriages which completely go against our concept of free will.

Did you read the OP. This isn't about have preferences it's about outright excluding people because of their race.

TBH I think the difference is between thinking it and saying it.

To me that makes all the difference in the world.

Preferences stated as absolutes are the problem, not so much the preferences themselves. Usually preferences framed in the negative are worse. Ex: "I prefer athletic women" vs. "no fatties."

I definitlty agree. Even if you somehow find 99% of a race unattractive, actually stating this on your profile could possibily prevent that 1% that you do find attractive from ever contacting you.
 

Beefy

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As others have said in this thread. I don't how some one can say "I don't like (insert race here)". How the hell do you know that you aren't attracted to any black/white/Asian/mixed etc in the world? People that can simply rule out a person because of their skin colour are indeed racist. That doesn't mean people that have a preference are the same.
 

IdreamofHIME

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It's really nuts how some porn stars wont go with black actors because it devalues them in the industry. There's no bottom to the porn barrel.
 

LiveFromKyoto

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Certain features of sexual attraction are socially defined. But by and large, sexual attraction is not a conscious, intellectual proposition. The notion that you can debate another person into becoming attracted to certain physical characteristics based on your ethical preconceptions is doomed to failure.

And I don't see why anyone should. The notion that a person is obligated to offer their life body and heart up to another individual because others feel like you should average things out demographically is wrongheaded.

If someone has attraction blinders based entirely on racial prejudice then fine, they should deal with that and see what happens. But working backwards from preference to ethical propositions is a wrong turn.
 

Sanjuro

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Nov 19, 2004
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As others have said in this thread. I don't how some one can say "I don't like (insert race here)". How the hell do you know that you aren't attracted to any black/white/Asian/mixed etc in the world? People that can simply rule out a person because of their skin colour are indeed racist. That doesn't mean people that have a preference are the same.

People are fluid human beings. Even if someone directly says that, is that personal also mentally thinking that if a situation approaches?
 

theignoramus

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Jun 7, 2009
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If you do not allow people to have their preferences, that is exactly what it is doing.
False equivalence. The topic being discussed isnt a racial evaluation of people's chosen sex partners and subsequent moral judgement on it..... who youve dated/fucked is your own business.
Whats being scrutinized is why person X would refuse to entertain even the possibility of a sexual encounter with "Asians" or "blacks" or whatever. Thats the fundamental point of contention here. Not "I prefer blondes"

The statement "I prefer redheads" doesnt necessarily have to include the corollary "blacks need not apply"
 

Volimar

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How desireable do you have to think you are to think that saying something like "no blacks" would slide for anyone but fellow racists? I mean, if I came across that on a profile, I'd just assume they were racist regardless of their excuse and go on to the next one.
 

Mimosa97

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I have a cousin who always says how he would never date black women because they look like men (sic...).
We were watching Game of thrones one day and he just kept saying how Misandei was super hot. I told him she was black and that I thought he didn't like black women. His answer : " Yeah but she looks white so it doesn't count " smh ...

tl,dr : I have a racist cousin.
 

Sanjuro

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False equivalence. The topic being discussed isnt a racial evaluation of people's chosen sex partners and subsequent moral judgement on it..... who youve dated/fucked is your own business.
Whats being scrutinized is why person X would refuse to entertain even the possibility of a sexual encounter with "Asians" or "blacks" or whatever. Thats the fundamental point of contention here. Not "I prefer blondes"

Not completely. You also can have individuals who might only like blacks of a certain aesthetic, which could be perceived as racist as well.
 

Condom

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Aug 26, 2013
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I can only speak for myself that I have never understood preferring to date your own race instead of just all.
 

Ryne

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This topic reminds me of all those backpage escort services that flat out say that same things. "No blacks please", "no asians", etc.

But I wouldn't know anything about that though.
 

User 73706

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I was all ready to disagree with whatever was coming based on the preamble in the OP. Mostly because I think these preferences are generally based on exposure and while it stands to reason that those raised in relative racial isolation would also have more racist tendencies, it doesn't necessarily mean it is based in racism or exclusive to racists. But then I get like half a sentence in to the article. Everything I said applies to a general preference, but I can't think of any way to describe it other than racist if you're excluding people outright because of their race.

Hahaha, this was precisely the point of structuring the OP the way I did. Makes it pretty clear who's looking to actually have a discussion and who's just stopping by to let us know that all the evidence in the article is bunk because "trying to control muh sex life."
 

TimeEffect

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If people say "I dont date Indians, blacks" or whatever, they are definitely talking about a specific kind of black or Indian

Right?

They wouldnt mind a more euro-beauty type. Is that racist? Are there cultural considerations that go into this?
 

Undead

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Feb 8, 2009
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Did you read the OP. This isn't about have preferences it's about outright excluding people because of their race.


Yes and like I said, I don't see the problem with it. it is their life after all and they should be allowed to say who they do and do not want without anyone trying to force their beliefs/opinions upon them.

People have their preferences and many times it's not something they can control, people are expecting a preference to be explainable and many times it just isn't.
I'm not saying a lot of people aren't racist by their wording but just because someone has a preference it doesn't make them a racist by default.
 

ReiGun

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Aug 10, 2008
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It's really nuts how some porn stars wont go with black actors because it devalues them in the industry. There's no bottom to the porn barrel.

Wasn't there a list of things that lowered a porn star's "stock" and interracial was right below getting pissed on or something? I know I saw a list like that but I can't remember where.
 

Beelzebufo

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Jan 31, 2014
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I don't think I'm gay, but I know I definitely think stuff like this. I guess it's kinda terrible, but it goes back to the whole idea that everyone has prejudices and you need to be aware of them to overcome them. I'm just not particularly interested in dating a person I instinctively am not as atttracted to.

But I guess saying it out loud is kinda dickish.

If people say "I dont date Indians, blacks" or whatever, they are definitely talking about a specific kind of black or Indian

Right?

They wouldnt mind a more euro-beauty type. Is that racist? Are there cultural considerations that go into this?
I think so. That's why you usually see lighter-skinned people as love interests in movies and stuff for the most part as well. It's definitely a cultural brain thing.
 

jmood88

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Jan 7, 2009
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I'm not sure why it's bad for people to have preferences, it's perfectly normal behaviour and like others have said, we cannot help who we are attracted to.

Telling people who they can and cannot have sex with would be much worse and would be no better than arranged marriages which completely go against our concept of free will.
No one is telling anyone who to have sex with, this study is simply showing a link between stated "preferences" and racist attitudes.
 

theignoramus

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Wasn't there a list of things that lowered a porn star's "stock" and interracial was right below getting pissed on or something? I know I saw a list like that but I can't remember where.

That the perception, the reality says something different. Lisa Ann is almost a household name and shes fucked every shade of penis under the sun.
I imagine that may have been true in like the 80s, 90s and early 2000s though. But not anymore, lol.
 

Cagey

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Jul 28, 2011
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Not completely. You also can have individuals who might only like blacks of a certain aesthetic, which could be perceived as racist as well.

If people say "I dont date Indians, blacks" or whatever, they are definitely talking about a specific kind of black or Indian

Right?

They wouldnt mind a more euro-beauty type. Is that racist? Are there cultural considerations that go into this?
I've always assumed there's an additional helping of classism on top of this particular strain of racist mentality, given the person is likely associating certain aesthetics of racial/ethnic groups with lower socioeconomic status. Just an assumption or a hunch on my part, though.
 

User 73706

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Yes and like I said, I don't see the problem with it. it is their life after all and they should be allowed to say who they do and do not want without anyone trying to force their beliefs/opinions upon them.

People have their preferences and many times it's not something they can control, people are expecting a preference to be explainable and many times it just isn't.
I'm not saying a lot of people aren't racist by their wording but just because someone has a preference it doesn't make them a racist by default.

Okay, counterpoint: is there a problem with businesses excluding people of certain races from being eligible to receive their goods and/or services because that's purely unexplainable, ingrained preference on part of the business owners?
 

Hellwarden

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So question, might be a bit uncomfortable, but why do you think some forms of interracial romance have been accepted more than others?

For example, I think while the couples probably have to go through some serious barriers, black men and white women are not seen as taboo in some parts of the country. However, I feel like white men and black women are still seen largely as taboo. (Perhaps due the terrible history of what white slave owners did to female slaves.)

On the other hand, I've seen white men date asian women with success and acceptance.

Bear in mind, these are just my personal experiences. They reflect only my limited social perception.
 

Lulubop

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I'm a white Latino and I do pretty well on online dating. My name is Luis tho, and I do wonder how many matches I'd get if it was spelt Louis on Tinder. Maybe a fun experiment
 

Volimar

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For example, I think while the couples probably have to go through some serious barriers, black men and white women are not seen as taboo in some parts of the country. However, I feel like white men and black women are still seen largely as taboo. (Perhaps due the terrible history of what white slave owners did to female slaves.)

I feel like the opposite is true. Black men with white women get a lot more dirty looks, etc.
 

freeofgreed

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This topic reminds me of all those backpage escort services that flat out say that same things. "No blacks please", "no asians", etc.

But I wouldn't know anything about that though.



Yes and like I said, I don't see the problem with it. it is their life after all and they should be allowed to say who they do and do not want without anyone trying to force their beliefs/opinions upon them.

People have their preferences and many times it's not something they can control, people are expecting a preference to be explainable and many times it just isn't.
I'm not saying a lot of people aren't racist by their wording but just because someone has a preference it doesn't make them a racist by default.

This topic has nothing to do with preferences though. It's completely fine to have preferences no one is arguing or trying to shame you for that. The issue is when people just outright exclude races because that can no longer just be categorized as a "preference".
 

AbsolutBro

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Okay, counterpoint: is there a problem with businesses excluding people of certain races from being eligible to receive their goods and/or services because that's purely unexplainable, ingrained preference on part of the business owners?

I mean, I get what you mean, but businesses are regulated by laws, including anti-discrimination laws. Dating isn't.
 

Hellwarden

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I feel like the opposite is true. Black men with white women get a lot more dirty looks, etc.

That's entirely possible. I personally see many white women dating black men, and they seem happy, and I never run into people who badmouth them.

However, as a white male, if they're going through them, I probably can't fully comprehend the little microagressions they might have to go through day after day.
 

BreezyLimbo

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Okay, counterpoint: is there a problem with businesses excluding people of certain races from being eligible to receive their goods and/or services because that's purely unexplainable, ingrained preference on part of the business owners?

That's a false equivalence. A business usually operates publically, and as such they are privy to anti-discrimination laws that will lead to punishment for such prejudice. Like the bakery and the gay couple that has been a popular story this past year.

There is no law for a person saying 'Nah I ain't gonna date them.'
 
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